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Etiquette

Inviting bosses and coworkers

What is the etiquette on inviting bosses and coworkers?
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Re: Inviting bosses and coworkers

  • phiraphira
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
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    Invite them if you want to. Don't invite them if you don't want to. You don't have to invite all of your coworkers, and if you invite coworkers, you don't have to invite your boss, etc.

    It's definitely something to be a little careful of, though. I've worked in environments where if I invited a few people from work, but not everyone, my work life would have gotten much worse, and I've worked in environments where my boss would have expected an invitation. So it really depends on the dynamic.

    It's usually a good idea to err towards not inviting people from work unless you're really close, or you're having, like, a 350 person wedding and inviting everyone you know.
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  • I'm inviting my full time team coworkers (3 people, all single). I asked the PT woman for her address and she refused, sooooo, there goes that. I think if you have it in your capability it would be nice to invite your immediate team or group. If not, just the people you are close to. Nobody "deserves" to be there.
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  • I'm inviting co workers who I'm friends with outside of work. They are my friends that I just happened to meet at work. I'm not inviting my boss, but he specifically told me he hates weddings (this was a couple years ago, prior to my engagement) and didn't even want to go to his own. I felt that gave me an out.

  • If you are going to invite people from work, please don't invite them without their SOs and assume they can just hang out together. That's what my boss is doing (actually, she's inviting her entire guest list to her wedding without SOs unless they're married), and it's really hurtful because it makes me feel like I'm just an audience member to her grand affair, not someone she actually cares about.

    If you do this, you will either have bitter co-workers who will talk about you behind your back, or you will put people in a very awkward position of having to decline without any idea how to tell you the reason if you ask why.
  • This is the etiquette on inviting ANYONE to your wedding:

    1.  You invite whomever you want to invite.  No one has a right to an invitation, unless they are paying for your wedding.

    2.  Your invitations MUST include the wives/husbands/fiancees/ significant others of your guests.  Whenever possible, you should include both names on the invitation.

    That's all.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948
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    Aside from what the PPs have mentioned, if you are not inviting everyone in the office/department, minimize wedding talk around the workplace.  I would advise limiting invitations to those with whom you socialize outside of the workplace, together with their SOs.  But if that leaves a small number of people out, I'd consider inviting those people, again together with their SOs, as well.

    Office invitations can result in some delicate situations, so be careful.
  • I am struggling with this right now. I have several coworkers that I consider good friends that I would like to invite, but then I feel like I have to invite everybody and I just can't. I like all of my coworkers, but certainly can't afford to invite them all to my relatively moderate budget wedding. 

    I have decided not to invite any coworkers, even the ones I consider friends. It was easier to rule out the entire coworker category, rather than only pick the ones I like best as that could be hurtful to some.
  • CMGragain said:
    This is the etiquette on inviting ANYONE to your wedding:

    1.  You invite whomever you want to invite.  No one has a right to an invitation, unless they are paying for your wedding.

    2.  Your invitations MUST include the wives/husbands/fiancees/ significant others of your guests.  Whenever possible, you should include both names on the invitation.

    That's all.
    While this is COMPLETELY TRUE, one can't help but ignore this other truth: 
    phira said:
    Invite them if you want to. Don't invite them if you don't want to. You don't have to invite all of your coworkers, and if you invite coworkers, you don't have to invite your boss, etc.

    It's definitely something to be a little careful of, though. I've worked in environments where if I invited a few people from work, but not everyone, my work life would have gotten much worse, and I've worked in environments where my boss would have expected an invitation. So it really depends on the dynamic.

    It's usually a good idea to err towards not inviting people from work unless you're really close, or you're having, like, a 350 person wedding and inviting everyone you know.
    There is etiquette, and there is practicality. Etiquette-wise, your obligations are as simple as @CMGragain stated. However, I think these sorts of questions are usually motivated more out of fear of repercussions (for which rules of etiquette are often ignored) in your work-place, and that may be a very real concern depending on your work environment.

    It is hard to advise people on this because every workplace is different. I'm really struggling with this myself, I'd have to say coworker invites are my hardest decision by far. It was complicated recently by a coworker casually asking about my wedding, and that leading to me booking her nephew for my hair and makeup... I wasn't planning on inviting the coworker, but now I feel like I should.

    Anyway, my strategy so far is to try and think of "circles." I have worked in several different departments and branches, so I'm connected to several different circles of coworkers. I'm trying to decide which circles to invite, right now. I hope this strategy works. I do have one coworker that I'm close to that is in a "circle" that I wasn't planning on inviting, but everyone knows how famously we get along, and I'm wondering if I just invite her if everyone else will just give it a pass. I think they might. It's sort of a gamble.

    I wish everyone just played strictly by etiquette, it would make life so much easier. Alas, personal politics are a nasty reality in the workplace. Sorry if this wasn't very helpful... maybe something I said will give you an angle. Best of luck.
  • antotoantoto
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    As PP said, just be careful.  It depends on your work environment.  I knew that if I invited one coworker and not the others it would get weird, so I just didn't invite any because I wasn't SUPER close to them anyways.  Invite people you need to.  Don't invite people you don't need/want.
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  • I'm a teacher, so initially I intended to only invite people from my department and my 2 bridesmaids who are in different departments so the lines would be very clear and nobody's feelings would get hurt. But then I realized there were people I socialized with outside of work who I really wanted to invite. So I invited them. 

    I agree about the dynamics. You don't want to have a small office and invite like 4 out of 5 people, but if there is a disparity between the number of people you work with and the people you socialize with, there's nothing wrong with inviting only those you socialize with. 


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  • kla728kla728
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
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    This post was really helpful as the coworker invites issue is something I'm trying to figure out too.  When I started at my agency, I was in a cohort program for entry level employees.  I'm inviting some, but not all, of those people -- the ones I still hangout with outside of work.  But I don't think I'm inviting anyone from my current office because I'll only have been there about a year when we mail invites and I don't hangout with any of them outside of work at this point.  I'm a bit concerned about it because I know one girl in the office got married last year and she invited several people from our office, but she is on a team and has been in the office for a long time.  My job is kind of a stand alone so there isn't a logical set of people I would invite based on being on the same team anyway. 
  • I have one of my coworkers as a bridesmaid and will be inviting one of my supervisors that I am close to and that is it. I guess it depends on the dynamic of your work relationships. Another great idea is to hold a stag and doe - some people are against raising money for a wedding, but its a good way to include them in a part of your wedding if they won't be there on the day of.
  • tminard7 said:
    I have one of my coworkers as a bridesmaid and will be inviting one of my supervisors that I am close to and that is it. I guess it depends on the dynamic of your work relationships. Another great idea is to hold a stag and doe - some people are against raising money for a wedding, but its a good way to include them in a part of your wedding if they won't be there on the day of.
    This is NOT a great idea, for the following reasons:

    1. You should not be having a wedding that you need to raise money for. Don't make adult decisions that you cannot afford.

    2. Including people in pre-wedding activities without inviting them to the actual wedding is a way of saying "I'll let you come party with me, but you can't come to my wedding."

    2. Inviting people to give you money towards a wedding that they aren't invited to is the biggest way to say "Fuck you!" to your guests. I'm being serious.
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  • netskyblue2netskyblue2
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
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    edited March 28
    All the coworker weddings I've been invited to, I was emailed or pulled aside privately to ask my home address, and told I'd be getting an invite in the mail, but that not everyone was getting one, and asked not to discuss it at work.

    Edit: I guess there was one wedding where the bride had an open invitation to the whole office, posted an invite in the breakroom, and asked anybody who would like to attend to RSVP by XXX date.  I wasn't that close to her and did not attend.

  • tminard7 said:
    I have one of my coworkers as a bridesmaid and will be inviting one of my supervisors that I am close to and that is it. I guess it depends on the dynamic of your work relationships. Another great idea is to hold a stag and doe - some people are against raising money for a wedding, but its a good way to include them in a part of your wedding if they won't be there on the day of.
    This is a HORRIBLE idea.  You should NOT be having a wedding that is above your financial means just as @JellyBean52513 said.

    netskyblue2 said:
    All the coworker weddings I've been invited to, I was emailed or pulled aside privately to ask my home address, and told I'd be getting an invite in the mail, but that not everyone was getting one, and asked not to discuss it at work.

    Edit: I guess there was one wedding where the bride had an open invitation to the whole office, posted an invite in the breakroom, and asked anybody who would like to attend to RSVP by XXX date.  I wasn't that close to her and did not attend.

    My office is small enough that I speak with everyone at least once a day, but large enough that it may just be a "hi" as we are passing in the hallway.
    I'm inviting a couple coworkers that I hang out with outside of work.
    The supervisors one is difficult tho, which is why I asked the initial question.
    I've known 3 other women in the office to have weddings since I've been there.
    One did like your edit @netskyblue2, she sent out an email to the whole office with the date, time, and location, no RSVP needed, just show up.  I did not go.
    The other two had invitations with RSVPs.
    I asked them what they did and it really helped a lot.  They invited coworkers that they have friendships with outside of work and as for supervisors they only invited the ones that they work with closely and got a long with.

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  • megs&davemegs&dave
    First Comment
    member
    edited April 15
  • I am struggling with this right now. I have several coworkers that I consider good friends that I would like to invite, but then I feel like I have to invite everybody and I just can't. I like all of my coworkers, but certainly can't afford to invite them all to my relatively moderate budget wedding. 

    I have decided not to invite any coworkers, even the ones I consider friends. It was easier to rule out the entire coworker category, rather than only pick the ones I like best as that could be hurtful to some.
    Same here.  I work as part of a fairly close-knit team, but there are around 15 of us.  While I'm closer with some and less so with others, after a lot of thought I decided there's no clear cut division I can make; it would have to be all or none, so I'm choosing none.
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  • I invited my boss and 5 of my six co-workers; the one who wasn't invited will have only been working there about 2 months and I have never spent time with her outside of our work shifts (not even coffee on a break). I also invited their husbands and children. We have a really small group of preschool teachers, and even though my boss has been driving me BSC lately, I like her as a person outside of work.

    That being said, out of the 20 invites that went to this group, only 9 people will be attending. I invited all my co-workers to my shower, as well-I've been to their baby showers/kids' birthday parties-but didn't invite my boss.

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  • AddieCake said:
    I'm a teacher, so initially I intended to only invite people from my department and my 2 bridesmaids who are in different departments so the lines would be very clear and nobody's feelings would get hurt. But then I realized there were people I socialized with outside of work who I really wanted to invite. So I invited them. 

    I agree about the dynamics. You don't want to have a small office and invite like 4 out of 5 people, but if there is a disparity between the number of people you work with and the people you socialize with, there's nothing wrong with inviting only those you socialize with. 


    This!  If anyone would like an example of how NOT to handle inviting/not inviting coworkers.  Read on.  Although not a wedding, I worked at an office a few years ago where one of my coworkers had a huge Superbowl party at her friend's bar, which was closed for the event.  Not even hosted, so no extra costs.  Just providing a cool location.  She invited EVERYONE, including their SOs, except for three people.  And that was out of an office with about 15 employees.

    Me and a good friend/coworker were 2 of the 3 people who were not invited.  It was VERY hurtful to both of us.  It had us wondering and second guessing why we weren't invited, when it seemed like we got along with her just fine.  We found out, many months later, that she didn't invite us because her BFF (another coworker) didn't want us invited.  I guess she was jealous/worried of Superbowl coworker becoming friendlier with us and stealing her thunder.  Wow, whatever.  You would never guess these were women in their mid 20s, early 30s.

    Oh!  And of course the party was all anyone at the office was talking about for a few days before that weekend.  Then on the Monday after, we got to hear ALL about the awesome, fun party we "missed".  With pictures posted on people's office walls and everything.  Lovely (sarcasm). 

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