Wedding Reception Forum

Gap between ceremony ending & cocktail hour/reception beginning

2

Re: Gap between ceremony ending & cocktail hour/reception beginning

  • I have attended weddings where the ceremony is early in the afternoon and the reception is later. This happens often with catholic ceremonies, so many people of other denominations may not understand why this happens. Parishes often have mass on Saturday evenings so they must be finished with wedding ceremonies by a specific time. And I completely understand why you want your reception to be at dinner time. I don't think it is a big deal! I have in the past used that time to run home to let the dog out, relax, etc. Or, have gone to a bar to get a drink and talk to the other guests. You may want to reserve a room at a bar and order some light snacks, and tell guests that they may enjoy a drink and some food in the interim. It's really not as bad as many brides are posting on this site! I've never minded much, and if your guests do have a conflict, they can simply attend the reception only. If anyone complains, It should be easy to explain that the church cannot have mass at a later time. 

    My fiance and I are having our mass at a school chapel - not a normal parish - to avoid this. They don't have evening masses, so we have free reign of the church at whatever time we want! You should look into a church in your area like this.

    However, we are still having one hour in between the mass and the reception to allow time for our receiving line and transportation to the reception hall. I feel it would be unfair to NOT have a slight gap, so that people can enjoy the full hour of cocktails when they arrive at the reception venue...if we didn't have a gap, people would be "late" to the cocktail hour after waiting int he receiving line and we didn't want that. Good luck!

  • button62 said:
    I have attended weddings where the ceremony is early in the afternoon and the reception is later. This happens often with catholic ceremonies, so many people of other denominations may not understand why this happens. Parishes often have mass on Saturday evenings so they must be finished with wedding ceremonies by a specific time. And I completely understand why you want your reception to be at dinner time. I don't think it is a big deal! I have in the past used that time to run home to let the dog out, relax, etc. Or, have gone to a bar to get a drink and talk to the other guests. You may want to reserve a room at a bar and order some light snacks, and tell guests that they may enjoy a drink and some food in the interim. It's really not as bad as many brides are posting on this site! I've never minded much, and if your guests do have a conflict, they can simply attend the reception only. If anyone complains, It should be easy to explain that the church cannot have mass at a later time. 

    My fiance and I are having our mass at a school chapel - not a normal parish - to avoid this. They don't have evening masses, so we have free reign of the church at whatever time we want! You should look into a church in your area like this.

    However, we are still having one hour in between the mass and the reception to allow time for our receiving line and transportation to the reception hall. I feel it would be unfair to NOT have a slight gap, so that people can enjoy the full hour of cocktails when they arrive at the reception venue...if we didn't have a gap, people would be "late" to the cocktail hour after waiting int he receiving line and we didn't want that. Good luck!
    Just want to say that I am Catholic and think gaps are fucking rude.  Period.  I do not need time to go home and freshen up.  I sat through a ceremony, I did not go play in a soccer game.  Also, I use the time at cocktail hour to speak and meet up with friends so I really don't need a gap to help me do this.  

    As for having a gap so that people can enjoy the cocktail hour and not be late, well it really isn't a gap because you are accounting for the receiving line and drive time as to when the cocktail hour should start.  FYI, the cocktail hour should start when the first guest arrives NOT when the receiving line is complete.  And get stuck in the receiving line?  What kind of receiving line are you doing?  It does not take that long to get through one because you aren't having full fledged conversations, just a quick hi and congrats.

    Finally, just because you don't mind a gap doesn't mean that others feel the same.  I hate them and I would be pissed about it if I were invited to your wedding.  I would feel like you didn't give a shit about my time.

  • I'm Catholic as is DH and we refused to have a gap. Consequently we had a 2 PM ceremony and the reception started at 4 (long-winded priest plus receiving line plus 20 minute drive meant no gap).

    We went to a wedding 5 months before ours with a long gap and we stayed with family in our dressy clothing waiting until it was OK to get to the reception. It was OK but a waste of an afternoon.
  • The other thing to remember is that you cannot control what your guests do when they are not under your care. I remember a specific wedding in my early 20's where the mass was from 1:00 - 2:00 and cocktails were at 5:00. All of our friends got together at one person's home and we stopped in at the liquor store beforehand and started drinking. We drank so much, we missed the cocktail hour and showed up totally "Smashed". No one thought to eat anything beforehand. By the time we ate we had gone about 5 hours without eating. We started a food fight at the dinner and were completely unrully. I wouldn't do this today, but you have to be able to make sure that people aren't left to their own devices. Another wedding I went to had an hour and a half gap, and we ended up going to a nearby casino and had so much fun, that we again showed up late. Unfortunately, this is what I remember the most about those weddings: not the bride and groom and how beautiful it was. It is your day! Don't let it be ruined by unhappy or "overly happy" guests.
  • The last wedding I went to had a 4 hour gap. Flights were ridiculously expensive so FI stayed home. I was alone and in a city I didn't know so I thought I'd take a nap during the long gap (sleep-deprived from a red eye flight, lousy weather, and nothing better to do). I used the hotel block and no one mentioned that we didn't get in/out privileges on parking. I was already ticked that parking wasn't included but then I got stuck paying 2 $24 parking payments because I went back during the gap.

    I was furious.

    *Normally, I'd look at the cost of parking in situations like this but parking was included when booking through the hotel's website. It just didn't get covered with the block.

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  • lc07 said:
    scribe95 said:
    Also, I have never, ever changed in between a ceremony and a reception? Why would your mom expect people to do this? I don't understand. 
    I am not a fan of the gap but to answer your question, in my experience I've seen people attend the day-time church ceremony in fashion that was more conservative and non-flashy and then go home or back to the hotel and change into black-tie like attire - ie: glitzy formal evening gowns for women. 

    Now, if the ceremony just started later in the evening it would be appropriate to wear the evening clothing to the ceremony, assuming modesty was taken into account.
    I think it's popular in Ohio? I've been to a few weddings of extended family members where their family always has two dresses. Still, you don't *need* a gap to do that.
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  • My family is Catholic, and every wedding except for mine and my brother's has had a gap. The gap is anywhere from 2-6 hours (usually 6), and two things happen Every. Single. Time:

    1) People skip the ceremony and show up for the reception. This is most common among people who have to travel for the wedding. The bigger the gap, the fewer people at the ceremony.

    2) People go to the ceremony (usually the locals), hang out at a family member's house during the gap and bitch about how gaps are sooooo boring, and then go to the reception with screaming kids in tow because said kids have been forced to wear dress clothes all day, which means no playing, which means hyper kids at reception.

    Gaps are stupid, especially since they are entirely preventable.
  • I have a 1 hour gap between the end of my ceremony and the start of my cocktail hour and here is how I personally justify it:

    -Takes 20-30 minutes to drive between locations in good weather (my wedding is in January)
    -After my guests arrive and check their coats they will instantly receive a cup of hot cider to help themselves warm up. 
    -Guests that do not want to drive to the venue can drive to the hotel they are staying at and drop off their car and a shuttle will take them there and home later in the evening. Less people needed then to be designated drivers.

    So with good weather there is the potential that some guests may arrive 30 minutes early, but at least they'll have a hot beverage and can explore the venue until the bar opens. Who knows- they may actually notice the cake before its cut ;) 


  • rwright3 said:
    I have a 1 hour gap between the end of my ceremony and the start of my cocktail hour and here is how I personally justify it:

    -Takes 20-30 minutes to drive between locations in good weather (my wedding is in January)
    -After my guests arrive and check their coats they will instantly receive a cup of hot cider to help themselves warm up. 
    -Guests that do not want to drive to the venue can drive to the hotel they are staying at and drop off their car and a shuttle will take them there and home later in the evening. Less people needed then to be designated drivers.

    So with good weather there is the potential that some guests may arrive 30 minutes early, but at least they'll have a hot beverage and can explore the venue until the bar opens. Who knows- they may actually notice the cake before its cut ;) 


    I am about as anti-gap as a person can get, but this doesn't sound horrible to me. Not ideal, but not horrible. They will have somewhere to go and a hot drink, and the venue will host them. I don't think it's a big deal that the bar won't be open if people arrive early, but can you arrange to have a little finger food available?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • First of all...It is your day and please do not let people tell you to change your wedding date to make it convient for other people. If that date is special to you all then DO NOT CHANGE IT. Second, I have been to wedding before with a gap and though it was kind of boring I went the reception that night and had a ball. From what I can tell they had pretty much everyone show up for the reception. . Third, I read a comment earlier stating that how the invites look should tell how formal the wedding is. Maybe it is where I am from but from looking at the details of an invite (like the details not the words) I would not be able to tell if they wanted to come in normal wedding attire or formal. I feel like if you want them to wear a specific thing then put it on the invite. If it doesnt state otherwise I usually show up in the normal wedding attire. Do not let to many of these people get you down about it. I would suggest moving the reception time up if possible just there isnt such a gap but please remember this is your day. These people are here to celebrate you and your fiance.
  • OMG MobKaz needs to settle down. Sounds like someone got burned by a gap wedding in the past! I'm Catholic too, and as an attendee at other Catholic weddings, I can tell you- a gap is fine. Don't worry too much about it. Some things are just out of your control, and the Catholic Church's timing is one of them. Your guests are there to celebrate you and your day, and won't freak out about having some time to spare. Also, I disagree- it is perfectly fine to identify your dress code or attire on the invitation. If you don't people will be uncomfortable and will certainly call you inquiring.
  • First of all...It is your day and please do not let people tell you to change your wedding date to make it convient for other people. If that date is special to you all then DO NOT CHANGE IT. Second, I have been to wedding before with a gap and though it was kind of boring I went the reception that night and had a ball. From what I can tell they had pretty much everyone show up for the reception. . Third, I read a comment earlier stating that how the invites look should tell how formal the wedding is. Maybe it is where I am from but from looking at the details of an invite (like the details not the words) I would not be able to tell if they wanted to come in normal wedding attire or formal. I feel like if you want them to wear a specific thing then put it on the invite. If it doesnt state otherwise I usually show up in the normal wedding attire. Do not let to many of these people get you down about it. I would suggest moving the reception time up if possible just there isnt such a gap but please remember this is your day. These people are here to celebrate you and your fiance.
    The bolded is rude.  It is not acceptable to "remember this is your day.  These people are here to celebrate you and your fiance" at their expense.  If you send them away after the ceremony for who knows how long, don't be surprised if you show up at the reception to find that everyone decided to stay away and not bother to "celebrate you and your fiance" because you couldn't bother to treat them right.  If you want your wedding to just be "your day" then don't invite anyone.  That's the only way you can do whatever you want on "your day" without being rude to your guests if you do.

    And no, my panties are smooth and straight.
  • OMG MobKaz needs to settle down. Sounds like someone got burned by a gap wedding in the past! I'm Catholic too, and as an attendee at other Catholic weddings, I can tell you- a gap is fine. Don't worry too much about it. Some things are just out of your control, and the Catholic Church's timing is one of them. Your guests are there to celebrate you and your day, and won't freak out about having some time to spare. Also, I disagree- it is perfectly fine to identify your dress code or attire on the invitation. If you don't people will be uncomfortable and will certainly call you inquiring.
    This is bullshit.  Of course it's within your control!  You just plan a reception that starts earlier.  Duh!  Oh wait, lemme guess, an earlier reception doesn't fit your "vision" for "your day"??
  • You wanna be rude, be rude. You're the one that has to deal with the consequences of treating your guests poorly. But don't come on here spouting bad advice. The people invited to your wedding are your rarest and dearest - THEY'RE the ones who ought to be treated like royalty.

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    OMG MobKaz needs to settle down. Sounds like someone got burned by a gap wedding in the past! I'm Catholic too, and as an attendee at other Catholic weddings, I can tell you- a gap is fine. Don't worry too much about it. Some things are just out of your control, and the Catholic Church's timing is one of them. Your guests are there to celebrate you and your day, and won't freak out about having some time to spare. Also, I disagree- it is perfectly fine to identify your dress code or attire on the invitation. If you don't people will be uncomfortable and will certainly call you inquiring.
    You could not be farther from the truth, or good advice. 

    I have never been burned by a gap.  Do not speak for Catholics or the Catholic church.  You cannot speak for the guests of every bride and groom.  Arrogant much?  A bride is in complete control of the CHOICES she makes.  If she chooses to have a gap, it is NOT a Catholic "thing" nor the fault of the church.  It is all on the couple planning their event. 

    I'll settle down when people who have absolutely NO clue stop offering asinine advice and ridiculous suggestions. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    edited June 2014
    Ditto Maggie- all I see when someone says "it is my day" is this:
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  • How many times does this have to be posted? Perhaps no one reads anything before they post.

    "I'm having a gap because it's my special day" "no its rude, stop it" "but I'm special and my friends and family are nicer than yours and understand" "seriously, that's not true, stop it" "you guys are bullies" stomp stomp stomp... over to Wedding Wire where everyone "supports" each other (and their terrible ideas of etiquette)

  • miannamianna member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    First piece of advice: trash all these Negative Nancy comments. It is common for catholic weddings to have a gap as most churches hold Saturday evening mass. It is common. Additionally, the nastiness in these responses stops my heart. It is entirely appropriate to indicate that the event is black tie, white tie, etc. Take etiquette from a complete stranger with grammatical errors with a huge shake of salt. You may get complaints, but trust me, after reading this thread, the complaints will be minor compared to the rudeness from ladies who don't know you but have a lot of opinions for you. I am faced with the same dilemma. We haven't set a date yet, but my church won't go any later than 3pm but the reception venue I'm in love with won't let us in until 7pm. I'm worried that people will go to the bar and get drunk/not show up or go home/not show up. So, I am considering renting a few mini-coaches and offering guests the option on the RSVP to take a guided 90 minute tour of historic cites in the city. I am also considering just including a list of interesting things to do in the city. I feel for you. Stay strong. Those that love you will be there and those that posted such hateful comments on here will not. Best wishes to you!
  • mianna said:
    First piece of advice: trash all these Negative Nancy comments. It is common for catholic weddings to have a gap as most churches hold Saturday evening mass. It is common. Additionally, the nastiness in these responses stops my heart. It is entirely appropriate to indicate that the event is black tie, white tie, etc. Take etiquette from a complete stranger with grammatical errors with a huge shake of salt. You may get complaints, but trust me, after reading this thread, the complaints will be minor compared to the rudeness from ladies who don't know you but have a lot of opinions for you. I am faced with the same dilemma. We haven't set a date yet, but my church won't go any later than 3pm but the reception venue I'm in love with won't let us in until 7pm. I'm worried that people will go to the bar and get drunk/not show up or go home/not show up. So, I am considering renting a few mini-coaches and offering guests the option on the RSVP to take a guided 90 minute tour of historic cites in the city. I am also considering just including a list of interesting things to do in the city. I feel for you. Stay strong. Those that love you will be there and those that posted such hateful comments on here will not. Best wishes to you!
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    I can't imagine any guest complaining about not having to wait around for four hours because you can't prioritize them over a venue. 

    I waited less time in the line to get into St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican City, WITHOUT A RESERVATION, than these people would be waiting to get into whatever the hell reception hall you picked out. Please, I implore you, go to your church and pray for sense.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  •  
     
    So, I am considering renting a few mini-coaches and offering guests the option on the RSVP to take a guided 90 minute tour of historic cites in the city. I am also considering just including a list of interesting things to do in the city.

    You really should consider selecting a venue that will allow you to start your reception earlier. 
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mianna said:
    First piece of advice: trash all these Negative Nancy comments. It is common for catholic weddings to have a gap as most churches hold Saturday evening mass. It is common. Additionally, the nastiness in these responses stops my heart. It is entirely appropriate to indicate that the event is black tie, white tie, etc. Take etiquette from a complete stranger with grammatical errors with a huge shake of salt. You may get complaints, but trust me, after reading this thread, the complaints will be minor compared to the rudeness from ladies who don't know you but have a lot of opinions for you. I am faced with the same dilemma. We haven't set a date yet, but my church won't go any later than 3pm but the reception venue I'm in love with won't let us in until 7pm. I'm worried that people will go to the bar and get drunk/not show up or go home/not show up. So, I am considering renting a few mini-coaches and offering guests the option on the RSVP to take a guided 90 minute tour of historic cites in the city. I am also considering just including a list of interesting things to do in the city. I feel for you. Stay strong. Those that love you will be there and those that posted such hateful comments on here will not. Best wishes to you!
    Excellent advice.  I suggest everyone start with this post.  @mianna, you have much to learn. 
  • I didn't realize that possible grammar mistakes equaled poor etiquette advice.  Huh.

  • I can't stand how people equate "its common" with "its not rude". There are plenty of common, and yet still rude, things in this world! Swearing and flipping off strangers in traffic. Spitting on the sidewalk. Not cleaning of the toilet seat when you leave a mess. Just a few things that come to mind. All are common. All are rude. Same as a gap. You don't want to have the wedding-equivalent of a splattered toilet seat, do you? 
  • mianna said:
    First piece of advice: trash all these Negative Nancy comments. It is common for catholic weddings to have a gap as most churches hold Saturday evening mass. It is common. Additionally, the nastiness in these responses stops my heart. It is entirely appropriate to indicate that the event is black tie, white tie, etc. Take etiquette from a complete stranger with grammatical errors with a huge shake of salt. You may get complaints, but trust me, after reading this thread, the complaints will be minor compared to the rudeness from ladies who don't know you but have a lot of opinions for you. I am faced with the same dilemma. We haven't set a date yet, but my church won't go any later than 3pm but the reception venue I'm in love with won't let us in until 7pm. I'm worried that people will go to the bar and get drunk/not show up or go home/not show up. So, I am considering renting a few mini-coaches and offering guests the option on the RSVP to take a guided 90 minute tour of historic cites in the city. I am also considering just including a list of interesting things to do in the city. I feel for you. Stay strong. Those that love you will be there and those that posted such hateful comments on here will not. Best wishes to you!
    Obviously the dream venue ranks higher than treating your friends and family right.   

    Newsflash: No one wants to kill time on any kind of tour when they're dressed and made up for a wedding.  You're fooling yourself if you think otherwise and if your friends and family tell you they're ok with it, it's because they don't want to hurt your feelings.
  • Most people will tell you gaps are rude but I have been a guest at weddings with a gap and ya know what, I'm an adult, I found ways to entertain myself for a few hours. While I am not endorsing gaps however, I do think adults are fully capable of figuring out how to keep themselves occupied. Go to the mall, walk around a park, see a movie - not rocket science.
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  • Most people will tell you gaps are rude but I have been a guest at weddings with a gap and ya know what, I'm an adult, I found ways to entertain myself for a few hours. While I am not endorsing gaps however, I do think adults are fully capable of figuring out how to keep themselves occupied. Go to the mall, walk around a park, see a movie - not rocket science.
    No ma'am. If plan to go to the mall, I dress for the mall. Same goes for a movie, a walk around the park, etc. If I put on spanx, a nice dress, and try to make my face/hair look like they belong on a human for an event, it better not have a gap. 

    I'm completely capable of entertaining myself, but the whole point is that I didn't fly/drive all the way out to wherefuckinever to fuck off at the local mall in my fancy clothes.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • beethery said:
    Most people will tell you gaps are rude but I have been a guest at weddings with a gap and ya know what, I'm an adult, I found ways to entertain myself for a few hours. While I am not endorsing gaps however, I do think adults are fully capable of figuring out how to keep themselves occupied. Go to the mall, walk around a park, see a movie - not rocket science.
    No ma'am. If plan to go to the mall, I dress for the mall. Same goes for a movie, a walk around the park, etc. If I put on spanx, a nice dress, and try to make my face/hair look like they belong on a human for an event, it better not have a gap. 

    I'm completely capable of entertaining myself, but the whole point is that I didn't fly/drive all the way out to wherefuckinever to fuck off at the local mall in my fancy clothes.
    This.  As a host, don't waste my time.  I'll go see a movie when I want to, not because I'm forced to kill time because you couldn't plan your day right.  And no way I'm walking around a mall or park in a cocktail dress and heels.  That's ridiculous.

    It's sad that people value their vision of a night time reception higher than than their guests' time.
  • I don't know, I just think people get too angry sometimes. I've been @ weddings out of state with gaps and I never minded.
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