Nieces and Nephew in Bridal Party

Michele1114

I have asked both of our sisters to be in the bridal party. I have two nieces ages 10 and 7 and a nephew age 9. My fiance has two nieces ages 16 and 13. We gave it a lot of thought and decided that having all of them is too many and unnecessary and if we can't have all we would have none. We already have 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen so to add another 5 seemed excessive. My future SIL has mentioned to my fiance that her girls are disappointed and assumed they would be in the bridal party. Neither my fiance or I have ever given them any indication that they would be in the bridal party at all. I'm really surprised that something was said about it because she has always said "it's your wedding, do what's right for the two of you." So what's the point in even mentioning the disappointment? I feel bad about it but I'm not going to change my mind. I just hate that it's awkward now. I've scoured the boards before posting and see that many people feel that handing out programs or performing small tasks are a waste of time and possibly offensive. Do you think that would be the case for the teenagers too? I could possibly have one do a reading (but really wanted to reserve that for some of our adult family/friends) and maybe my sister's kids (younger ones) could bring up the gifts. The teenagers could hand out the bubbles and programs. Are these things appropriate? Any other ideas?

HisGirlFriday13

Michele1114 said:

I have asked both of our sisters to be in the bridal party. I have two nieces ages 10 and 7 and a nephew age 9. My fiance has two nieces ages 16 and 13. We gave it a lot of thought and decided that having all of them is too many and unnecessary and if we can't have all we would have none. We already have 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen so to add another 5 seemed excessive. My future SIL has mentioned to my fiance that her girls are disappointed and assumed they would be in the bridal party. Neither my fiance or I have ever given them any indication that they would be in the bridal party at all. I'm really surprised that something was said about it because she has always said "it's your wedding, do what's right for the two of you." So what's the point in even mentioning the disappointment? I feel bad about it but I'm not going to change my mind. I just hate that it's awkward now. I've scoured the boards before posting and see that many people feel that handing out programs or performing small tasks are a waste of time and possibly offensive. Do you think that would be the case for the teenagers too? I could possibly have one do a reading (but really wanted to reserve that for some of our adult family/friends) and maybe my sister's kids (younger ones) could bring up the gifts. The teenagers could hand out the bubbles and programs. Are these things appropriate? Any other ideas?

First bold: This is passive-aggressive and it's bullshit. She's trying to guilt-trip you and your FI into putting the girls in the wedding, and don't fall for it.

Second bold: Yes.

Don't have any of them do a reading -- then you're running into the same problem you wanted to avoid. You initially chose to exclude all of them rather than involving some but not others, and that's fine. Continue that trend and ask the people you initially wanted to be readers to be readers.

Bringing up the gifts is a totally acceptable thing for them to do, but again -- how will the ones who aren't included feel?

Don't have them hand out programmes or bubbles. Don't make up tasks for them to do. Just let them be guests -- that's really enough of an honour.

Michele1114

Thank you for your quick response.  I agree.  It was passive aggressive.  :-(  Who usually hands out the programs and the bubbles (or whatever is allowed)?  I wasn't actually making up any new tasks just thought this would have to be done by someone and seems age appropriate.  Since they are kids I thought it could possibly make them feel like they are participating.  However, if they were adults I would agree completely.  I know that for myself I rather just be a guest and take it all in. :-)

KatWAG

Michele1114 said:

Thank you for your quick response.  I agree.  It was passive aggressive.  :-(  Who usually hands out the programs and the bubbles (or whatever is allowed)?  I wasn't actually making up any new tasks just thought this would have to be done by someone and seems age appropriate.  Since they are kids I thought it could possibly make them feel like they are participating.  However, if they were adults I would agree completely.  I know that for myself I rather just be a guest and take it all in. :-)

You dont need anyone to pass out programs. Just put them in a basket. If someone wants one, they will pick it up.

HisGirlFriday13

If you put programmes and bubbles in a basket, people will know to pick them up. People are smart enough to figure that out.

At our wedding, my 2.5-year-old nephew DID hand out the bubbles, but he did so of his own volition, because I had promised him that he could have all the extra bubbles, so he was very excited to see how many would be left over. (Also because, at age 2.5, he's really into 'being helpful' and this was, in his opinion, 'helpful.')

Jen4948

Michele1114 said:

I have asked both of our sisters to be in the bridal party. I have two nieces ages 10 and 7 and a nephew age 9. My fiance has two nieces ages 16 and 13. We gave it a lot of thought and decided that having all of them is too many and unnecessary and if we can't have all we would have none. We already have 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen so to add another 5 seemed excessive. My future SIL has mentioned to my fiance that her girls are disappointed and assumed they would be in the bridal party. Neither my fiance or I have ever given them any indication that they would be in the bridal party at all. I'm really surprised that something was said about it because she has always said "it's your wedding, do what's right for the two of you." So what's the point in even mentioning the disappointment? I feel bad about it but I'm not going to change my mind. I just hate that it's awkward now. I've scoured the boards before posting and see that many people feel that handing out programs or performing small tasks are a waste of time and possibly offensive. Do you think that would be the case for the teenagers too? I could possibly have one do a reading (but really wanted to reserve that for some of our adult family/friends) and maybe my sister's kids (younger ones) could bring up the gifts. The teenagers could hand out the bubbles and programs. Are these things appropriate? Any other ideas?

Don't ask the teenagers to hand out anything.  That's one task no one of any age appreciates at a wedding.  Just put the bubbles and programs on a table and people will pick them up.

As for their involvement, they made an inappropriate assumption that you were going to ask them to be in your wedding.  Your FSIL never should have spoken to your FI about it.  Any embarrassment she feels is the consequence of her inappropriate assumption.

Michele1114

Okay, point taken.  Thank you!