How much should a bridesmaid spend on wedding gift?

luv_weddings

My husband and I are standing up in his sister's wedding. Between my dress, his tux, bachelorette party, shower, hair, etc., we will be spending a significant amount of money on this event. The bride and groom requested that we buy them a gas grill with side burners...is it just me or does this seem a little wrong? Especially considering that for our wedding, my SIL bought us a picture frame. Thoughts? Anyone know of any gas grills on clearance???

KatieD212

They should NOT suggest what you should buy them, you have spent enough money on everything, they should be happy you were able to afford the wedding!

My FI, Myself, and our 3 year old son stood up in a friends wedding this summer, and spent well over $1000 on everything for their wedding....they told us they really didnt want us to buy them a gift because they knew we dropped a few $ already.  But we really wanted to get them something personal.  I ordered a large granite stone with their lastname engraved in it for about $60, and they loved it. 

If they really want a grill, they can buy one themselves.  If you still want to get them a gift, get them something they can have and remember you got it for them, and you dont need to spend $200 on a gift after all of that!

preciosa4

It is NOT appropriate under any circumstances, for a couple to request a specific gift.  There are registries for convenience, but the decision of which gift to buy, or any gift at all, is up to the guest.  This was over the line.  (Unless the conversation was, "What do you guys need?"  "Well, we really could use a grill..."

The answer as far as you are concerned is that 1) Yes, you should give some sort of gift, regardless of your own attire.  (That's part of being in a wedding party, I'm afraid.)  2) The cost should be what your personal budget allows.  If you are really strapped for cash, then inexpensive but thoughtful is nice.  You can often get LOVELY items in stores for not that much money.  (A lovely frame, a pretty bowl or platter, a Christmas or home decorative item...   Or maybe something less expensive from their registry?)

Being in the wedding party does NOT obligate you to give a bigger/better gift than anyone else, and like anyone else, do what you can afford and what feels right to you.  And if they mention it in any sort of ungrateful way, I would simply say that finances are what they are and that you did the best you could within the confines of your budget.

goetzr19

Wow.  That is not right for them to request a grill.  If you had asked them what they would want, I wouldn't see a problem with them simply mentioning that they are saving for a grill, but there is no way they should say that's what you should get them.  Get them what you want, and what you financially feel comfortable with.  If they have a problem with it, they can deal with it!

ehathewa

It was rude of them to request a gift (unless you asked what they wanted). 

An appropriate gift is something that you can afford and are happy to give the couple.  When I buy a wedding gift I have an idea of how much I'd like to spend (usually around $100) and then I look at their registry.  If I find something I really like, know the couple is excited about, etc and it is near my price point then I buy it. 

browneyedbride7

I think it was completely rude of them to request for you to buy them a certain gift.

I just stood up in a wedding a couple of weeks ago.  I spent about $150 for the bachelorette party (hotel, gag gifts, food, drinks at the bar), I went halvsies on a bridal sweats outfit that (my half was $55), I went halvsies on the bridal shower gift ($55), and FH and I bought $100 worth of items off the Crate & Barrel gift registry.  Plus I paid for the bridesmaids dress, my shoes, and my hair.  All that almost totals $550.  I don't think it's reasonable to ask much more from someone standing up in your wedding.

Babseedoodle27

I agree, it was untasteful and rude for them to request a specific gift from you, after everything you have already contributed to their wedding. However, being close family, there was no reason for them to not be candid about what they want, big or small.

Weddings are costly, and being a part of a wedding party doesn't change that. Generally, etiquette states for the spending of money on a gift, you double whatever you spent on the first gift for the second gift, and so on. for example, if you spend $20 on an engagement gift, then you would spend $40 on a shower gift, and $80 on the wedding gift. (budgets aside, of course) 

When I stood up for my best friend at her wedding a few years ago, I ended up spending over $800 before her special day was over, and I was one of 8 bridesmaids.

I thought the convenience of a wedding registry was to include items of all different price points to work with everyone's budget. With that in mind, I don't see why she would specifically go to you and request an expensive gift. Yes, you should still give them a wedding gift- one that fits into your budget. Maybe talk with a few other people in the bridal party about splitting the cost of the grill to make it less expensive. Or, go with something more sentimental and less expensive, like an egraved spatula, or maybe some grill accessories and seasonings in a nice basket. 

Are you sure she didn't express that she is hoping to receive a grill in all of the gifts, not specifically from you? I know how easy it is to take things out of context sometimes. If you asked them what they wanted and they said they wanted the grill, that doesn't mean that you have to go get it for them. Good luck!