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Am I Being Ridiculous?

ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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So you ladies have always been honest and I love it so I'm here asking if I'm just being a total nut.

I checked our registries just to see if anything was being discontinued, as I have been doing since before the bridal shower.  I noticed that on one of our registries, something had been purchased and I can only assume its a wedding gift.  On the STD's, we included our wedding website.  I took the registry info off the wedding website because quite frankly, if people are going to get us gifts, I'd rather cash, as would most people.

Well I explained to FI what I did and he flipped saying to put it back on because some people just don't feel comfortable giving cash and then we could end up with some random gift that we don't want.

Am I being a total nut in wanting to take off the registry info so that we can receive cash if guests want to give us a gift?
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Re: Am I Being Ridiculous?

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario
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    If people want to get you a boxed gift they are free to.  You are still registered, so they can ask you where you are registered or just Google your name and it should show up.  
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  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    @doeydo good point.  I think I'm just being a nut.  With the wedding being just a few days away, every little thing is stressing me out LOL.
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  • People will give what they are comfortable with regardless of if you're registry info is on your website
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    I flat out refuse to give cash for showers.  Weddings I mostly give cash.     Others I know flat out refuse to give cash at either.  Still others give cash to both with no issue.  Different strokes for different folks.

    So yes, IMO you are being ridiculous.






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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
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    I don't give cash period. So, I'd appreciate the registry links. I would probably google you if you didn't have the links there, but I'm not sure how many other people would think to do that. I'd put them back up. People who like to give cash will still give it, but you could end up with some white elephants if people can't find the registry.
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  • phiraphira Bahstin
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    I'm confused. You've had a registry since before your bridal shower, which has already happened. If you didn't want a registry, why did you have one in the first place? If you were okay having a registry, why did you take it down now?

    I'm really genuinely confused, this isn't snark.
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  • I am also confused, but I also think you're being ridiculous.

    If you honest-to-God didn't want anything, you shouldn't have registered and shouldn't have had a shower. The point of a shower is to give gifts -- 'shower' the couple with presents.

    But since you have created a registry and you were OK with people buying things off it for the shower, then IMHO, yes, you should put the information back in your website.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    I'm confused, too. 

    I nearly always give $$ for a wedding gift and a boxed gift if I'm invited to the shower. It's easy for me and who doesn't like $$? But there are people who are uncomfortable about giving cash. They will buy a gift whether you have a registry or not. Why take the information off your website? You're fi is right.
                
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
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    Count me confused too. You noticed that something was purchased off the registry that you selected. Why have a registry and shower if you didn't want those items?
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    I am going to guess that the registry was created exclusively for the wedding shower.  Now that all pre-wedding parties have passed, and the wedding is days away, OP would prefer only cash gifts for the wedding.  It sounds as if she feels that if the registry disappears, guests will be more inclined to gift cash for the wedding.  

    The problem is that if the wedding is just days away, those that wanted to gift a tangible item have already made their purchase.  
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    edited March 2014
    mobkaz said:
    I am going to guess that the registry was created exclusively for the wedding shower.  Now that all pre-wedding parties have passed, and the wedding is days away, OP would prefer only cash gifts for the wedding.  It sounds as if she feels that if the registry disappears, guests will be more inclined to gift cash for the wedding.  

    The problem is that if the wedding is just days away, those that wanted to gift a tangible item have already made their purchase.  
    OP - If this is the case, you will need to remove it from more than just the wedding website.....you would need to completely delete your registry.  We had a registry for the shower.  The registry was never announced anywhere else.  We didn't have a wedding website.  Yet a couple of guests (who were not invited to the shower) still managed to have the smarts to google and find our registry and gave us a gift at the wedding.

    IMO though, if someone is going to find your registry to buy you a gift, they are probably a boxed gift giving type person and will still get you a boxed gift, just not one that you picked out if they don't see a registry!  I'd keep it up there.  Most of our gifts at the wedding were still cash because that's what people in my area tend to give.
  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas
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    I am only keeping my registries linked to my website up until my shower. Then I am hiding that link. After that, anyone may ask where I am registered, and I will respond with where, if they want to buy a gift.

    So, I don't see a problem with what you've done. Before websites, people had to ask you anyway where you registered.

    I think your FI is being a little ridiculous freaking out that people won't know what to do for your wedding - yes they will - they will give cash gifts or they will ask where you are registered to buy a boxed gift. Or they won't give a gift at all.It's up to them.

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  • While boxed gifts at weddings are super uncommon here yes you're being a nut. Be grateful for whatever people get you.
     
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  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    Sorry for the confusion ladies.  The registry was created for the shower.  I come from a family where its boxed gifts for pre-wedding events and cash for the wedding.  Its the norm for us so I was taken aback when I saw that something was purchased because in my head I was like "wait, the shower was two months ago."  So I became nosy and checked the thank you manager and it was from a family friend of his parents.  And I was just taken aback again because like I said, its the norm for my family to I've cash.  I've never actually been to a wedding where boxed gifts were sitting on a table.

    I took the registry info off of the website because I figured then people would realize that we wanted cash gifts for the wedding, if they want to give a gift that is.  But then FI freaked saying that if people want to give a boxed gift, he would rather it be off the registry than something we don't want or need because apparently his family and family friends don't like giving cash.

    I know I'm probably just being a nut but I also want to worry about carrying gifts on the shuttle to the hotel LOL.

    I probably should have explained all this in the first place.  
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    edited March 2014
    Sorry for the confusion ladies.  The registry was created for the shower.  I come from a family where its boxed gifts for pre-wedding events and cash for the wedding.  Its the norm for us so I was taken aback when I saw that something was purchased because in my head I was like "wait, the shower was two months ago."  So I became nosy and checked the thank you manager and it was from a family friend of his parents.  And I was just taken aback again because like I said, its the norm for my family to I've cash.  I've never actually been to a wedding where boxed gifts were sitting on a table.

    I took the registry info off of the website because I figured then people would realize that we wanted cash gifts for the wedding, if they want to give a gift that is.  But then FI freaked saying that if people want to give a boxed gift, he would rather it be off the registry than something we don't want or need because apparently his family and family friends don't like giving cash.

    I know I'm probably just being a nut but I also want to worry about carrying gifts on the shuttle to the hotel LOL.

    I probably should have explained all this in the first place.  
    It's norm for cash gifts for wedding by me too (NJ).  That said, we had about 5 or 6 boxed gifts (most from our registry, so things we wanted and could use!) and the rest was cash.  Don't worry about it.  

    If someone bought you a gift from their registry, they probably would've done so whether you had a registry viewable or not.  At least with a registry, you are more likely to get something you actually need and like!
  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    I definitely don't want to come off as ungrateful.  I do think I had a dramatic reaction to it.  I think the stress of everything is finally causing me to break LOL.  But I do appreciate everyone being honest.  I've learned so much from these boards and I will forever be grateful for that.  
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  • phiraphira Bahstin
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    Okay, I get it now. Honestly, I'd just leave the durn thing up since you're getting married in less than a week and people who want to get you a boxed gift probably have already.
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  • My social circle does not gift cash gifts for weddings. Period. End of story. No.Cash.Gifts.

    So if you take down your registry, I will buy you something else. I will not give you cash.

    I'm with your FI -- some people will give physical gifts and you're better off having them come from your registry.

    And I echo @lyndausvi in thinking you're coming off as ungrateful, even though I don't think you mean to.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
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    Around here, a lot of people (but not all) believe that giving cash gifts for weddings is gauche. They just won't do it. They'd give nothing before they give cash. If this is the case, the registry would work in your favor.
  • phiraphira Bahstin
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    I never give cash, and neither does my partner (although we'd also have already purchased a gift off the registries in advance so we'd have lots of options).
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  • We usually give cash for weddings in my area and a box gift for the shower. I still wish there was a polite way to tell people to bring nothing though.
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