• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Chit Chat

Thoughts on promise rings

2

Re: Thoughts on promise rings

  • They're lame.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker

     

    GoldenPenguin
  • phiraphira
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    Purity rings, and the culture they're spawned from, can DIAF.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    mbross3KeptInStitcheschibiyuijessiray
  • What do you mean by their culture? I know about purity rings as far as what they are, but not where they originate or what you refer to.
  • phiraphira
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    Purity rings stem from purity culture: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=purity+culture
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • Thanks for that passive-aggressive link. I had googled purity rings. Didn't know they went with a culture. I thought it was just a symbol for church kids to show they wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. Many of my friends had purity rings when I was in the youth group. I never thought of it as a big deal.
  • When I was in the jewelry business, my boss called them "motel rings".  The jewelry industry is in bed with the wedding industry.  They keep inventing new ways to make you think that you need something.  Anniversary rings, "yesterday-today-tomorrow" pendants, heart shaped anything, are just examples of this.
  • Thanks for that passive-aggressive link. I had googled purity rings. Didn't know they went with a culture. I thought it was just a symbol for church kids to show they wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. Many of my friends had purity rings when I was in the youth group. I never thought of it as a big deal.
    Hahaha "Let me Google that for you" is indeed passive aggressive but I love it.  There have been so many times I wanted to send that to someone.

    I'm with @phira.  That whole culture is very damaging and actively harmful as far as I'm concerned.  It emphasizes that a woman's value is sexual and once she's no longer a virgin, she's used up.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    mbross3chibiyui
  • I get it now that I see there is more to it. I just thought we were talking about the ring this whole time. Many girls in my former youth group wore purity rings. When phira mentioned the culture, I just thought she meant the kids who wear the rings, so I googled "purity rings," and couldn't figure out what needed to die in a fire.
  • CMGragain said:
    When I was in the jewelry business, my boss called them "motel rings".  The jewelry industry is in bed with the wedding industry.  They keep inventing new ways to make you think that you need something.  Anniversary rings, "yesterday-today-tomorrow" pendants, heart shaped anything, are just examples of this.

    I think I have a today-yesterday-tomorrow necklace, but I didn't know what that meant. It was an old necklace my mom didn't want, and she gave it to me when I was around 10. It's not worth much. I just wanted a necklace when I was a kid, so she gave it to me.
  • phiraphira
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Name Dropper
    member
    Honestly, you wanted to know what purity culture was, and I didn't feel like launching into an explanation when you could have googled it. I'm not offended that you didn't google it, but I didn't feel like explaining.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    HisGirlFriday13mbross3
  • I find purity rings creepy.     


    Disclaimer - the first time I heard of them was when a father and his daughter had a special dinner on the beach with just the 2 of them down at the resort I worked at in St Thomas.  The dad presented the ring to the daughter at the dinner.   It was... IDK.... odd to me.   
    image
  • That situation is creepy. I first heard of them when some kids in the youth group decided to buy purity rings to represent not having sex. I didn't think that was bad. I didn't realize how seriously some people take it. I thought choosing to wait for sex or not wait was the extent of it. Turns out, there's a whole creepy "women belong to their dad, then their husbands" thing I didn't know about for some groups.
  • I think promise rings are for high schoolers.  My ex's daughter got one from her boyfriend, and he pooh-poohed it as just a silly thing - well, they ended up running off and getting married, lol.  
  • I technically got one from my current FI, six years ago, in high school. It was just a pretty ring that had my birthstone, he bought it for our one year dating anniversary and didn't know what to call it. He just wanted to buy me jewelry and knew I already had a necklace I always wore (my grandma who had passed away left me a necklace). So he called it a promise ring because that is what the jewelry store called it.  It wasn't really a promise of anything.

    I think they are silly. My "friend" just got one (posted it on facebook) and it looks like an engagement ring.  She is pregnant and got it from the baby-daddy, everyone started asking when the wedding was and I just felt so embarrassed for her (because of the comments). I saw it and thought "damn, we aren't in high school anymore"

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • Like muffin, I received a right hand ring from my now DH about 2 years into our relationship. We felt that his children (just heading into the teenage years at that time) might not deal well with dad becoming engaged and I agreed. Even though DH and ex had been divorced for awhile, the kids did not deal well with it because their mom also had some sort of mid life crisis at the time (part of reason she left DH). So the ring was a thoughtful present that I knew would later lead into an engagement when the time was right for the family. So, maybe not a promise ring per se, but it was DH's way of showing that we were moving forward during a time where we had chosen to keep the status quo.

    I forgot to add that my ring, which is a diamond eternity band, is now my wedding band. I realize that pretty much everyone on here is mocking the idea. However, the sentiment behind it, at least in my situation, had nothing to do with trying to decide if my DH liked me. It was a gift to "thank" me for standing by him as he tried to see his family through a rough patch following his divorce and for being grateful that I was willing to wait for him while he raised his kids.
    image




    lyndausviHisGirlFriday13pinkshorts27
  • I don't really judge them for highschoolers or couples going off to college... I mean, to each their own, whatever.

    But I do judge them for older people.  I was talking to this couple (probably in their 40s), and the woman said her ring was a "promise ring", and then her boyfriend walked up and said it was a "shut the hell up ring".  

    Ugh.

    image
    chibiyui
  • Like muffin, I received a right hand ring from my now DH about 2 years into our relationship. We felt that his children (just heading into the teenage years at that time) might not deal well with dad becoming engaged and I agreed. Even though DH and ex had been divorced for awhile, the kids did not deal well with it because their mom also had some sort of mid life crisis at the time (part of reason she left DH). So the ring was a thoughtful present that I knew would later lead into an engagement when the time was right for the family. So, maybe not a promise ring per se, but it was DH's way of showing that we were moving forward during a time where we had chosen to keep the status quo.
    I forgot to add that my ring, which is a diamond eternity band, is now my wedding band. I realize that pretty much everyone on here is mocking the idea. However, the sentiment behind it, at least in my situation, had nothing to do with trying to decide if my DH liked me. It was a gift to "thank" me for standing by him as he tried to see his family through a rough patch following his divorce and for being grateful that I was willing to wait for him while he raised his kids.
    I think the difference is the sentiment. Your now-DH wasn't giving you that ring to keep you on the line while he figured out whether he wanted you in his life forever. He gave you that ring to symbolise the commitment you two had made to each other that far, and the commitment you were both looking forward to making in the future.

    It's one thing if there are extenuating circumstances preventing an engagement (such as your now-DH's family situation). I don't think anyone would judge that.

    But I hard-core judged my friend who was 42 (her BF/FI/whatever) was 53 when he gave her a 'promise ring' to 'symbolise their togetherness' after five years of dating. Dude, you're both old enough to either get engaged and married or just break up. But after five years of dating, at that age, you should know what the hell you're doing.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Jells2dot0lyndausvichibiyuiKeptInStitches
  • monkeysip said:

    I don't really judge them for highschoolers or couples going off to college... I mean, to each their own, whatever.


    But I do judge them for older people.  I was talking to this couple (probably in their 40s), and the woman said her ring was a "promise ring", and then her boyfriend walked up and said it was a "shut the hell up ring".  

    Ugh.

    My dad gave his gf a "shut the hell up" ring! He claims it was an e-ring as well, but given they have been engaged since 2002 and they are still not married, I am thinking he just got tired of her bitching.
    image




    HisGirlFriday13chibiyui
  • Purity rings are at best a joke.

    1 - I am sure not property. Tell me that, I laugh in your face. Tell my Dad that, you better start running. Tell FI that, you will get a lecture.

    2 - Why the frack am I to remain "pure", but males can run around? Given as the sheeple typically find females must dress in shapeless sacks to not pervert a males mind with lust, but that requirement isn't the other way, wouldn't logic say I can remain "pure" without a warning flag or reminder, and the male needs the warning flag and reminder.

    3 - Very nice, you aren't having premarital relations. But given as you refuse to act even remotely Christian, I'm pretty dang sure you aren't pure of mind and heart. It doesn't matter how I'm behaving as long as it's not illegal as I'm not loudly broadcasting my radical religious views on those who don't agree. But shrieking your views, then yelling at a random girl to "shake dat ass some more" and catcalling is going to be in direct conflict with each other. dctalk had the biggest cause of atheism right.
    chibiyui
  • @allononeday

    Purity rings don't have to mean that or come with the negative stereotype.

    H and I sort of had purity rings in highschool--we bought those "true love waits" rings.  We BOTH wore them because we don't see any difference between male and female sexual morality.  It meant nothing about property or that I belonged to my dad or something creepy like that.

    And we did wait to have sex until marriage, and *tried* to live out our faith in all ways, although obviously we're sinners just like everyone else.  No one's perfect.
    image
    Lizzieyounce
  • Eh DH and I got each other rings when we were in college. We didn't call them "promise" rings, but at that point we knew we wanted to be together but were far too young to get married. It was a personal statement to each other. 

    To each their own. 




    lkristenj
  • monkeysip said:
    @allononeday

    Purity rings don't have to mean that or come with the negative stereotype.

    H and I sort of had purity rings in highschool--we bought those "true love waits" rings.  We BOTH wore them because we don't see any difference between male and female sexual morality.  It meant nothing about property or that I belonged to my dad or something creepy like that.

    And we did wait to have sex until marriage, and *tried* to live out our faith in all ways, although obviously we're sinners just like everyone else.  No one's perfect.
    I never had a purity ring, but I knew lots of kids from church that did. Pretty much all of them saw them like you described here. Males and females had them and no one ever said anything about property. And I never saw or heard anyone shoving their ring in anyone's face or even talking about it. I always thought they were a personal reminder of your decision to wait, not a declaration to the world that you were waiting.

    As for promise rings, I don't really see the point in it but to each their own. My brother got his GF a ring that people probably think is a promise ring (they are young) but really he just wanted to get her something nice. But even if he did present it as a promise ring, I'd rather he get her a promise ring than them get engaged or married at 18.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    LilySlim - (DA9L)

  • My cousins both wore purity rings. To each their own. But what I found awkward was the part of one of their wedding ceremonies where my uncle went to the altar, cousin's new hubby asked permission and proceeded to remove said ring. He then gave it back to my uncle- I guess as a sign that he was now permitted to have relations with my cousin?

    It was all very strange. 
    image
  • Here, the visible purity rings are exactly like I described. Worn by misogynist, stuck up, holier than tho, dangerously conservative, pseudo Christians who demand to force their immoral views on everyone.

    Thus, it's impossible for me to respect the rings, ideas or culture. The visible ones for obvious reasons. The not visible ones for letting the vile ones broadcast their hate and fear without sticking up for your own beliefs and potentially acceptable morals. Stand up against the fear and hate, thus the inappropriate actions, or I'm going to have no reason to think the rings are worn for any good reason.

    Obviously, I'm far from the only one who sees the idea used in a dangerous and immoral fashion. So, the problems aren't just me, or limited area. I'm just perfectly willing to say it.

    Plus, the following after the property rings here is equally disgusting, immoral and dangerous. Quiverfull frequently runs along, which is reducing a woman to a broodmare with no outside worth. If you're willing to kill yourself to have 20,000 & 1 children, it's not only socially dangerous, it's physically dangerous. Then, at least here, To Train Up A Child is beloved. Sorry, but that is nothing but a manual on how pseudo Christians should physically and mentally abuse and neglect their children, even those under 12 months old.

    Are all purity ring wearers the monsters I've seen? Hopefully not. But, it's what I see.
    mbross3chibiyuiKeptInStitchesRebeccaB88
  • Here, the visible purity rings are exactly like I described. Worn by misogynist, stuck up, holier than tho, dangerously conservative, pseudo Christians who demand to force their immoral views on everyone. Thus, it's impossible for me to respect the rings, ideas or culture. The visible ones for obvious reasons. The not visible ones for letting the vile ones broadcast their hate and fear without sticking up for your own beliefs and potentially acceptable morals. Stand up against the fear and hate, thus the inappropriate actions, or I'm going to have no reason to think the rings are worn for any good reason. Obviously, I'm far from the only one who sees the idea used in a dangerous and immoral fashion. So, the problems aren't just me, or limited area. I'm just perfectly willing to say it. Plus, the following after the property rings here is equally disgusting, immoral and dangerous. Quiverfull frequently runs along, which is reducing a woman to a broodmare with no outside worth. If you're willing to kill yourself to have 20,000 & 1 children, it's not only socially dangerous, it's physically dangerous. Then, at least here, To Train Up A Child is beloved. Sorry, but that is nothing but a manual on how pseudo Christians should physically and mentally abuse and neglect their children, even those under 12 months old. Are all purity ring wearers the monsters I've seen? Hopefully not. But, it's what I see.

    It's one thing to not like the things you described. Men treating women like property is terrible, as is the "holier than thou" attitude you mentioned. You are over-generalizing a lot, though. Not every purity ring wearer is that way. Your attitude about it is not much better than what you say you hate.
  • These were big back in the 80's when I was in high school.  Didn't get the point then, and I don't get it now.  

    I never had one, I just wore my boyfriend's class ring.  


  • I had a purity ring in high school. My youth group had them and it was expected of me to wear it. And honestly, at that point in my faith I was not mature or strong enough to understand that some things can be questioned without necessarily denying God. I know better now, having done tons of research on Biblical history and culture. And I took that ring off in college.
2
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards