Who do I have to invite to my wedding: a guide

Jen4948

Since she's a minor, you are not required to invite her boyfriend.

Simply Fated

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

As Jen said, you don't have to invite him because she's a minor.

Your reason is very.... Well, it sucks. I get that you think it won't last because of their age, but he probably won't be the only ex in your pictures. You're inviting 300+ people, right? Yeah, he'll be one of many "randoms" in ten years. Or maybe they'll get married and die together and other, currently married couples, will be divorced. Ya never know. So when you consider your reasons, just take into account that relationships can be unpredictable.

DaisyMaeMommy

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

You do not have to invite her boyfriend because she's a minor.

However... Your reasons for not wanting to invite him are rude. Who cares if they split up and he's in your pictures? People split up, it happens. It's not your place to judge their relationship.

ride0rdie

Thank you for this sticky!

itslizzyC

DaisyMaeMommy said:

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

You do not have to invite her boyfriend because she's a minor.

However... Your reasons for not wanting to invite him are rude. Who cares if they split up and he's in your pictures? People split up, it happens. It's not your place to judge their relationship.

I'm sorry I didn't think it was rude to not invite a minor's boyfriend that I don't know when I don't have the space to invite some friends and even extended family. Do you invite every teenagers boyfriend of one month?

Sugargirl1019

itslizzyC said:

DaisyMaeMommy said:

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

You do not have to invite her boyfriend because she's a minor.

However... Your reasons for not wanting to invite him are rude. Who cares if they split up and he's in your pictures? People split up, it happens. It's not your place to judge their relationship.

I'm sorry I didn't think it was rude to not invite a minor's boyfriend that I don't know when I don't have the space to invite some friends and even extended family. Do you invite every teenagers boyfriend of one month?


---------------------------------------
I think you missed what they said. You do not have to invite your BMs boyfriend because they are minors.

Your thoughts about judging the length of their relationship is what is rude and what everyone is commenting about.

If BM was 28 and new boyfriend was same age, it is proper etiquette to invite him because you cannot judge their relationship. They might get married or they might be a flavor of the month. But do not judge.

Etiquette is about making your guests feel comfortable. And making this guest comfortable would be inviting her current romantic interest.

pinkshorts27

Sugargirl1019 said:

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

You do not have to invite her boyfriend because she's a minor.

However... Your reasons for not wanting to invite him are rude. Who cares if they split up and he's in your pictures? People split up, it happens. It's not your place to judge their relationship.

I'm sorry I didn't think it was rude to not invite a minor's boyfriend that I don't know when I don't have the space to invite some friends and even extended family. Do you invite every teenagers boyfriend of one month?

--------------------------------------- I think you missed what they said. You do not have to invite your BMs boyfriend because they are minors. Your thoughts about judging the length of their relationship is what is rude and what everyone is commenting about. If BM was 28 and new boyfriend was same age, it is proper etiquette to invite him because you cannot judge their relationship. They might get married or they might be a flavor of the month. But do not judge. Etiquette is about making your guests feel comfortable. And making this guest comfortable would be inviting her current romantic interest.

And everyone thought FI was BF of the month when I was 16. We are now getting married almost 8 years after we starting dating! I hate hearing judgments on people's relationships. 

NYCBruin

itslizzyC said:

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

You do not have to invite her boyfriend because she's a minor.

However... Your reasons for not wanting to invite him are rude. Who cares if they split up and he's in your pictures? People split up, it happens. It's not your place to judge their relationship.

I'm sorry I didn't think it was rude to not invite a minor's boyfriend that I don't know when I don't have the space to invite some friends and even extended family. Do you invite every teenagers boyfriend of one month?

She said you don't have to invite him, but that your reasoning is unfair.  Don't invite him because they are minors.  Don't not invite him because you think they are going to break up.  Who knows, they could be married in ten years and a couple that has been married for five years at the time of your wedding could be divorced.  It's not your place to judge their relationship.  You can not judge their relationship and not invite him at the same time.

itslizzyC

Alright I understand. She doesn't get a plus one because she's a minor. Plus her parents and grandparents don't want him to attend because she is too young to be bringing a date to a a wedding. I do wish them the best but I don't have the space to invite him.  I hope you all didn't judge your teenage guest's relationships by not inviting their boyfriends- that would be unfortunate. 

crunchymamaof2

itslizzyC said:

Alright I understand. She doesn't get a plus one because she's a minor. Plus her parents and grandparents don't want him to attend because she is too young to be bringing a date to a a wedding. I do wish them the best but I don't have the space to invite him.  I hope you all didn't judge your teenage guest's relationships by not inviting their boyfriends- that would be unfortunate. 

I love how the ladies on here told you that you were fine to not invite him and you respond with such attitude. They are flat out telling you he doesn't need an invite solely because they're minors. But they're also saying that if this bridesmaid was 25 and had a bf of 1 month that he WOULD need to be invited. All they're doing is pointing out that it's rude to judge their relationship ("I don't want some rando in MY pictures! *stamps foot*" is what your post comes off as). So chill out.

itslizzyC

Well I felt like I got immediately judged and faced with an attitude and accused of being judgmentalby complete strangers.  Maybe I misinterpreted the tone or maybe there was attitude and judgement towards me, but that's the beauty of the internet- a screen to hide behind and not having to deal with people face-to-face. 

crunchymamaof2 said:

itslizzyC said:

Alright I understand. She doesn't get a plus one because she's a minor. Plus her parents and grandparents don't want him to attend because she is too young to be bringing a date to a a wedding. I do wish them the best but I don't have the space to invite him.  I hope you all didn't judge your teenage guest's relationships by not inviting their boyfriends- that would be unfortunate. 

I love how the ladies on here told you that you were fine to not invite him and you respond with such attitude. They are flat out telling you he doesn't need an invite solely because they're minors. But they're also saying that if this bridesmaid was 25 and had a bf of 1 month that he WOULD need to be invited. All they're doing is pointing out that it's rude to judge their relationship ("I don't want some rando in MY pictures! *stamps foot*" is what your post comes off as). So chill out.

And that's the FARTHEST thing from me and my personality. I hardly anticipated the reaction I would get when I typed that.  I was just rambling on and while yes that might be a very small concern it is not the main concern.  Mostly the concern was that I didn't have the budget or space  for another person when I was sacrificing friends and family but would "have to" invite a minor's boyfriend. So I get it- it's OKAY not to invite him since he's a teenager but not to judge their relationship.

So can we all stop acting like middle schoolers and leave the drama and accusations behind? That'd be great! Have a nice night y'all!

Viczaesar

itslizzyC said:

Well I felt like I got immediately judged and faced with an attitude and accused of being judgmentalby complete strangers.  Maybe I misinterpreted the tone or maybe there was attitude and judgement towards me, but that's the beauty of the internet- a screen to hide behind and not having to deal with people face-to-face. 

crunchymamaof2 said:

itslizzyC said:

Alright I understand. She doesn't get a plus one because she's a minor. Plus her parents and grandparents don't want him to attend because she is too young to be bringing a date to a a wedding. I do wish them the best but I don't have the space to invite him.  I hope you all didn't judge your teenage guest's relationships by not inviting their boyfriends- that would be unfortunate. 

I love how the ladies on here told you that you were fine to not invite him and you respond with such attitude. They are flat out telling you he doesn't need an invite solely because they're minors. But they're also saying that if this bridesmaid was 25 and had a bf of 1 month that he WOULD need to be invited. All they're doing is pointing out that it's rude to judge their relationship ("I don't want some rando in MY pictures! *stamps foot*" is what your post comes off as). So chill out.

And that's the FARTHEST thing from me and my personality. I hardly anticipated the reaction I would get when I typed that.  I was just rambling on and while yes that might be a very small concern it is not the main concern.  Mostly the concern was that I didn't have the budget or space  for another person when I was sacrificing friends and family but would "have to" invite a minor's boyfriend. So I get it- it's OKAY not to invite him since he's a teenager but not to judge their relationship.

So can we all stop acting like middle schoolers and leave the drama and accusations behind? That'd be great! Have a nice night y'all!

Honey, you're the only one here acting like a middle schooler.

AddieCake

itslizzyC said:

Well I felt like I got immediately judged 

\

Well, if you don't want to invite this kid b/c you don't want to have some random guy in your wedding pics, as you stated in your OP, I AM judging you. Sorry, not sorry.

I never should have let my dad's wife in our wedding pics. They are getting divorced now after only a few years of marriage, and I will never see that woman again. Damn that rando for ruining my wedding pics!

KGold80

itslizzyC said:

Well I felt like I got immediately judged and faced with an attitude and accused of being judgmentalby complete strangers.  Maybe I misinterpreted the tone or maybe there was attitude and judgement towards me, but that's the beauty of the internet- a screen to hide behind and not having to deal with people face-to-face. 

crunchymamaof2 said:

itslizzyC said:

Alright I understand. She doesn't get a plus one because she's a minor. Plus her parents and grandparents don't want him to attend because she is too young to be bringing a date to a a wedding. I do wish them the best but I don't have the space to invite him.  I hope you all didn't judge your teenage guest's relationships by not inviting their boyfriends- that would be unfortunate. 

I love how the ladies on here told you that you were fine to not invite him and you respond with such attitude. They are flat out telling you he doesn't need an invite solely because they're minors. But they're also saying that if this bridesmaid was 25 and had a bf of 1 month that he WOULD need to be invited. All they're doing is pointing out that it's rude to judge their relationship ("I don't want some rando in MY pictures! *stamps foot*" is what your post comes off as). So chill out.

And that's the FARTHEST thing from me and my personality. I hardly anticipated the reaction I would get when I typed that.  I was just rambling on and while yes that might be a very small concern it is not the main concern.  Mostly the concern was that I didn't have the budget or space  for another person when I was sacrificing friends and family but would "have to" invite a minor's boyfriend. So I get it- it's OKAY not to invite him since he's a teenager but not to judge their relationship.

So can we all stop acting like middle schoolers and leave the drama and accusations behind? That'd be great! Have a nice night y'all!

The "oh noes! There could be a random in our pictures!" Was the first reason you gave for not wanting this kid at your wedding. Thus, it signals to outsiders that it is the biggest reason. The fact that the girl's parents thought it inappropriate was almost listed as an afterthought. That right there would be reason not to invite him. The girl is a minor and if they said not to invite him you shouldn't. Period.

If the girl wasn't a minor and the reason you wouldn't want her SO there was because you could have a random in your wedding pictures if the relationship didn't last, well...that's pretty shitty and you'd deserve to be judged for that.

ride0rdie

I have a guest list question regarding circles.

I have some 2nd cousins on my must-have list. I have all of their family (siblings and parents) on the list also.

Is this a big enough circle, or do I need to include ALL my second cousins?

itslizzyC

Glad I learned when judgement is okay. As I stated in my last post it's not the main reason. But I can clearly see that people can't see past that. My mistake I would have never thought it would have come off that way or people would jump on my back for it.

Our guidelines for plus ones were if they had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend for about a year or engaged or married. Single friend were invited with other groups of singles and if they randomly start dating someone 2 months before the wedding sadly we won't have space for them.

And I understand that things happens and every so often people do get divorced and I can't change that even though it is unfortunate and hate to see that happen. I would just like for people whom I am close with now to be at the wedding and sadly this doesn't include a minors boyfriend. Especially since certain college friends and extended family won't receive an invite. But I can only repeat that so much.

APDSS22

itslizzyC said:

Glad I learned when judgement is okay. As I stated in my last post it's not the main reason. But I can clearly see that people can't see past that. My mistake I would have never thought it would have come off that way or people would jump on my back for it. Our guidelines for plus ones were if they had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend for about a year or engaged or married. Single friend were invited with other groups of singles and if they randomly start dating someone 2 months before the wedding sadly we won't have space for them. And I understand that things happens and every so often people do get divorced and I can't change that even though it is unfortunate and hate to see that happen. I would just like for people whom I am close with now to be at the wedding and sadly this doesn't include a minors boyfriend. Especially since certain college friends and extended family won't receive an invite. But I can only repeat that so much.

But it's not a plus one if they're in a relationship, they're then significant others.  Considering some people meet and get married within a year, that timeline is very randomly selected.  I was serious with my now husband within a month of starting to date (we weren't engaged until almost 4 years after that).  It's understandable to not have room for new significant others once the invitations go out but it is irresponsible to not plan for them when creating the guest list and to purposely exclude someone because they aren't serious enough for you based on some random timeline is inconsiderate.

JCbride2015

itslizzyC said:

Glad I learned when judgement is okay. As I stated in my last post it's not the main reason. But I can clearly see that people can't see past that. My mistake I would have never thought it would have come off that way or people would jump on my back for it. Our guidelines for plus ones were if they had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend for about a year or engaged or married. Single friend were invited with other groups of singles and if they randomly start dating someone 2 months before the wedding sadly we won't have space for them. And I understand that things happens and every so often people do get divorced and I can't change that even though it is unfortunate and hate to see that happen. I would just like for people whom I am close with now to be at the wedding and sadly this doesn't include a minors boyfriend. Especially since certain college friends and extended family won't receive an invite. But I can only repeat that so much.

Nope, this isn't okay.  This is rude.  Once someone considers that they have an SO, and publicly represent themselves as in a relationship, they must be invited as a social unit with their SO.  Part of responsible planning and budgeting is that you leave a cushion if a single guest gets an SO.  The cutoff date for who has an SO is the date that invitations go out.  If someone is truly single when they are invited, and starts dating someone after invitations are out, in that case it's okay not to add the SO onto the previously single invite.  That's it.  That's the only polite SO cutoff.

Am I judging you?  Well, I don't think you're automatically a bad person.  But I think you're being rude to your friends if you don't invite their new SO.

AddieCake

Ditto JC. I don't think you are a bad person. I do judge people who don't include SOs or who take it upon themselves to determine the seriousness of anyone's relationship, though. That's why I think it is important to give yourself wiggle room, both with space and budget, for these kind of things.

itslizzyC

JCbride2015 said:

itslizzyC said:

Glad I learned when judgement is okay. As I stated in my last post it's not the main reason. But I can clearly see that people can't see past that. My mistake I would have never thought it would have come off that way or people would jump on my back for it.

Our guidelines for plus ones were if they had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend for about a year or engaged or married. Single friend were invited with other groups of singles and if they randomly start dating someone 2 months before the wedding sadly we won't have space for them.

And I understand that things happens and every so often people do get divorced and I can't change that even though it is unfortunate and hate to see that happen. I would just like for people whom I am close with now to be at the wedding and sadly this doesn't include a minors boyfriend. Especially since certain college friends and extended family won't receive an invite. But I can only repeat that so much.

Nope, this isn't okay.  This is rude.  Once someone considers that they have an SO, and publicly represent themselves as in a relationship, they must be invited as a social unit with their SO.  Part of responsible planning and budgeting is that you leave a cushion if a single guest gets an SO.  The cutoff date for who has an SO is the date that invitations go out.  If someone is truly single when they are invited, and starts dating someone after invitations are out, in that case it's okay not to add the SO onto the previously single invite.  That's it.  That's the only polite SO cutoff.

Am I judging you?  Well, I don't think you're automatically a bad person.  But I think you're being rude to your friends if you don't invite their new SO.

Well thankfully we only had one exception to that rule-my cousin and decided to invite him because it'd be rude not to. All of my FI's single friends are still single and I don't really have any single friends. Our invitations have gone out as of my OP. Which was what caused the freak out. I'm not trying to argue whether it's right or wrong. But at this point (just over 60 days) I simply can't add anyone else

LadyMillil

itslizzyC said:

itslizzyC said:

Glad I learned when judgement is okay. As I stated in my last post it's not the main reason. But I can clearly see that people can't see past that. My mistake I would have never thought it would have come off that way or people would jump on my back for it. Our guidelines for plus ones were if they had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend for about a year or engaged or married. Single friend were invited with other groups of singles and if they randomly start dating someone 2 months before the wedding sadly we won't have space for them. And I understand that things happens and every so often people do get divorced and I can't change that even though it is unfortunate and hate to see that happen. I would just like for people whom I am close with now to be at the wedding and sadly this doesn't include a minors boyfriend. Especially since certain college friends and extended family won't receive an invite. But I can only repeat that so much.

Nope, this isn't okay.  This is rude.  Once someone considers that they have an SO, and publicly represent themselves as in a relationship, they must be invited as a social unit with their SO.  Part of responsible planning and budgeting is that you leave a cushion if a single guest gets an SO.  The cutoff date for who has an SO is the date that invitations go out.  If someone is truly single when they are invited, and starts dating someone after invitations are out, in that case it's okay not to add the SO onto the previously single invite.  That's it.  That's the only polite SO cutoff.

Am I judging you?  Well, I don't think you're automatically a bad person.  But I think you're being rude to your friends if you don't invite their new SO.

Well thankfully we only had one exception to that rule-my cousin and decided to invite him because it'd be rude not to. All of my FI's single friends are still single and I don't really have any single friends. Our invitations have gone out as of my OP. Which was what caused the freak out. I'm not trying to argue whether it's right or wrong. But at this point (just over 60 days) I simply can't add anyone else

Since invitations have gone out, if any of your single friends enter into a relationship now, it is not necessary to invite the new SO. However, if you have space open up because other guests decline, then it is a very nice gesture to invite the new SO. This isn't considered B listing because the SO wasn't in the picture when the invitations went out.

itslizzyC

@LadyMillil‌ Thanks! I always thought that would be a b list which is obvious etiquette no no!

ride0rdie

cunexttime said:

I have a guest list question regarding circles.

I have some 2nd cousins on my must-have list. I have all of their family (siblings and parents) on the list also.

Is this a big enough circle, or do I need to include ALL my second cousins?

I am a big AW and no one answered my question. So I'm quoting myself.

itslizzyC

@cunexttime‌ IMO if you included some second cousins you should extend the invite to all of them. You don't want them to be disappointed when they figure out you invited some but not others.

AddieCake

I think it depends on your family dynamic. We didn't invite anyone who isn't in our lives on a regular basis, regardless of where they fall on our family trees, and that included my husband's grandparents. 

ride0rdie

itslizzyC said:

@cunexttime‌ IMO if you included some second cousins you should extend the invite to all of them. You don't want them to be disappointed when they figure out you invited some but not others.

Ok so its not gift grabby to invite second cousins I haven't seen in 15 years?

huskypuppy14

cunexttime said:

cunexttime said:

I have a guest list question regarding circles.

I have some 2nd cousins on my must-have list. I have all of their family (siblings and parents) on the list also.

Is this a big enough circle, or do I need to include ALL my second cousins?

I am a big AW and no one answered my question. So I'm quoting myself.

You don't have to invite all your second cousins if you invite some. But only you know your family dynamics. It's not against etiquette though.

AddieCake

cunexttime said:

@cunexttime‌ IMO if you included some second cousins you should extend the invite to all of them. You don't want them to be disappointed when they figure out you invited some but not others.

Ok so its not gift grabby to invite second cousins I haven't seen in 15 years?

If I were your 2nd cousin who you hadn't seen in 15 years, I would assume you wanted my gift. I just don't get inviting people to your wedding you are not in regular contact with. 

itslizzyC

AddieCake said:

cunexttime said:

itslizzyC said:

@cunexttime‌ IMO if you included some second cousins you should extend the invite to all of them. You don't want them to be disappointed when they figure out you invited some but not others.

Ok so its not gift grabby to invite second cousins I haven't seen in 15 years?

If I were your 2nd cousin who you hadn't seen in 15 years, I would assume you wanted my gift. I just don't get inviting people to your wedding you are not in regular contact with. 

I agree. I wasn't aware of the family dynamic. I'm personally not inviting any second cousins since I'm not close with or haven't seen any of them in years. So if I invited one (which would only happen if my parents who are paying for everything and are still close with them and involved in each other's lives) I would ask them to invite all of them. So since I'm equally not close with all of them we didn't invite anyone but I'd have to invite them all if we invited one. I don't know if that makes any sense. Haha

But use your best judgement! If you're not close and they won't be offended-don't invite them!

kitsunegari89

itslizzyC said:

So one of my bridesmaids is 15 and just started dating this boy, and would like to invite him to the wedding.  My FI & I don't like the idea of this because 10 years from now we don't want to look at our pictures and see this random boy in our pictures. Is this incredibly rude? Plus it's just another person to add to our already huge guest list (300+).  My FMIL (her mom) doesn't think it's appropriate for him to attend either. What are your thoughts?

TBH, I met my husband when I was 17- a minor. Kids can be more serious about relationships than you think. If you're already inviting 300+ people, why not invite your bridesmaid's boyfriend? If they break up, he won't be the only ex in your photos. If that's the only reason holding you back, I would invite him. It would be different if it was a small, family affair with only 50 or so people. Ageism against teens is not cool. Their relationships are important to them and shouldn't be taken so lightly.