"Too Similar"

NowIamMrsKlein

Good Morning!

My little sister and I both started dating our significant others right around the same time, and both starting talking about marriage around the same time. She got engaged back in September and planned a July wedding. My SI and I were in the midst of moving to another city and decided to hold off on getting engaged to give her 'her moment'. 

We are now engaged and are planning our wedding for September 2015. (over a year after my sisters wedding).

Since getting engaged we've had several snarky comments about 'stealing thunder' and that if we weren't planning on getting married until next year, why couldn't we have waited to get engaged until AFTER the sisters wedding as not to take away from her moment. (Which was initially very hard for me as the older by 4 years, sister to have her baby sister get engaged before her and then have to wait 5 months to get engaged even though you've already got the ring picked out and bought)

My FI and i have managed to brush off the comments and not let the get to us, and my sister has been very understanding and supportive of us getting engaged. 

However now that we've started planning I am finding that my sister and I have very similar wedding tastes. My FI will come up with a great idea only to find out its almost exactly what my sister is doing.

Initially we thought to 'stick to our guns' and have everything we want since our wedding is a year later, but now even my easy going parents are commenting about how we should take the time we have to maybe come up with new ideas so that our weddings arent 'too similar'

I want to have the wedding of my dreams and do all the decorations and things that my FI and i want, but at the same time since we've already experienced snarky comments about our engagement I can already hear the 'oh did you just borrow this from your sisters wedding' and other similar comments. While i want the wedding I planned, i also want it to be MY wedding. Not remind people of someone elses.

Am I just being silly here thinking that it matters if our weddings have the same theme and decor? Or since I do have the time to come up with other ideas should I get back to the drawing board??

NOLABridesmaid

What décor ideas do you have that are the same?

NowIamMrsKlein

Came up with pretty much the exact same center piece idea, seating chart and cake table decor as well as head table set up and colours. It doesnt help that we're both getting married in our home town, so the venue will already be the same.

My FI and I decided that colour scheme isnt hard to change and that will still give it some personal flair, but he's pretty set upon the centerpieces and other items as we had talked about that kinda 'theme' very early on in our relationship when marriage was first being discussed,

VarunaTT

Honestly, your wedding is going to look like A LOT of other people's weddings, not just your sister's.  There's not much original out there.  Do what you want and stop worrying about it.  

tawillers

Your weddings are over a year apart.  Both of you need to knock off any snarkiness and quit worrying about the similarities.  JUST BE HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER.

It is ridiculous to name the seating chart and head table set up similarity as a worry.  You have the same families, so of course your seating charts are going to be similar.  And how many ways can you set up the head tables?

Also if you have the same venue, your receptions will be set up and run exactly like every other reception that place has had.

If someone asks you if you borrowed things from your sister's wedding, you either say 1) "yes, I did" if you did, or 2) "no, I didn't".  What's the BFD?  Are your friends and family petty dickheads who will make sure to say something?

NowIamMrsKlein

My sister and I have no snarkiness towards each other. Im super happy for her, and like i said i waited 5 months to get engaged after she did even though my fiance and I had already bought the rings. If was wasnt happy for her, I dont think I would have done that lol. believe me, I know that a lot of weddings look the same and mine will be similar to alot of strangers weddings but I don't think that it's wrong to want to have your wedding to be different and special from someone in your immediate family. but you're right,i guess i shouldnt worry.

tawillers

andreahafer said:

Good Morning!

My little sister and I both started dating our significant others right around the same time, and both starting talking about marriage around the same time. She got engaged back in September and planned a July wedding. My SI and I were in the midst of moving to another city and decided to hold off on getting engaged to give her 'her moment'. 

We are now engaged and are planning our wedding for September 2015. (over a year after my sisters wedding).

Since getting engaged we've had several snarky comments about 'stealing thunder' and that if we weren't planning on getting married until next year, why couldn't we have waited to get engaged until AFTER the sisters wedding as not to take away from her moment. (Which was initially very hard for me as the older by 4 years, sister to have her baby sister get engaged before her and then have to wait 5 months to get engaged even though you've already got the ring picked out and bought)

My FI and i have managed to brush off the comments and not let the get to us, and my sister has been very understanding and supportive of us getting engaged. 

However now that we've started planning I am finding that my sister and I have very similar wedding tastes. My FI will come up with a great idea only to find out its almost exactly what my sister is doing.

Initially we thought to 'stick to our guns' and have everything we want since our wedding is a year later, but now even my easy going parents are commenting about how we should take the time we have to maybe come up with new ideas so that our weddings arent 'too similar'

I want to have the wedding of my dreams and do all the decorations and things that my FI and i want, but at the same time since we've already experienced snarky comments about our engagement I can already hear the 'oh did you just borrow this from your sisters wedding' and other similar comments. While i want the wedding I planned, i also want it to be MY wedding. Not remind people of someone elses.

Am I just being silly here thinking that it matters if our weddings have the same theme and decor? Or since I do have the time to come up with other ideas should I get back to the drawing board??

So these snarky comments aren't coming from your sister?  Who are they from?

NOLABridesmaid

I think if you want the décor and theme to be different, then the only way is to change your décor and theme. Her wedding is always going to be before yours, so that's all you can do. Plus, you are a year out and ideas change once you get deeper in the planning phase, you know.

NowIamMrsKlein

Snarky comments from friends and family. Not towards each other.

"Oh, you couldn't just wait until your sister got married before getting engaged, could you?"

"How does your sister feel about you stealing the spotlight?"

"Who's Diamond is bigger?"

NOLABridesmaid

Who's Diamond is bigger?"

Are they 12? When do people learn that they don't have to share every thought in their head/

tawillers

NOLABridesmaid said:

Who's Diamond is bigger?"

Are they 12? When do people learn that they don't have to share every thought in their head/

Yeah, whoever is asking you that needs a junk punch.

I would challenge each of these questions, but that's me (and I have no one in my life that would talk to me this way).

"Oh, you couldn't just wait until your sister got married before getting engaged, could you?"  

"How does your sister feel about you stealing the spotlight?"

"Bless your heart. You think my sister and I are petty bitches who don't want each other to be happy.  How embarrassing for you."

HisGirlFriday13

I would ditto PPs in calling them out and then I would not invite them to the wedding.

LarraO2530

Oh geez.... totally understand the comments about "stealing thunder" and "you just had to *insert snarkyness here*" .. I am also 4 years older than my sister and got engaged 1 month after her, but the situation isn't great all the way around....She's just as snarky as the rest of the family... I have found advice from HisGirlFriday13 to be very helpful in taking a "woosahh" moment and just trying to let it roll off my back....although my situation requires much more drastic measures. You've already made accommodations by post-poning your engagement. I think if you and your sister are happy for each other and she isn't the one making all the fuss, go along with your plans. Like a lot of the posts say, weddings have a lot of similarities, it will be difficult to come up with too many differences especially if you're booking the same venue. Almost everyone in my family has gotten married at the exact same church and has done the same venue for reception, no one paid any mind to anything that may have been similar/the same, they all just had fun and focused on the couple.

Bubblegum5586

Having weddings 14 months apart is a VERY LONG TIME!! Me and my cousin had our weddings 6 weeks apart with some similarities and even 6 weeks is a long time! Her wedding was long over by the time mine came and they were very different in the end.

You have been very considerate for postponing your engagement and planning your wedding SO LONG after hers. Shame on those for making you feel bad about it!

I am curious though about decor and colors... are you doing the same colors? If so what are they (just curious?!)

One more thing.... I know you are coming up with ideas for your wedding now, but it is likely you will come up with more and different ideas as time passes!

VarunaTT

Watch out for bubblegum!  She's yo' sister!  

Bubblegum5586

VarunaTT said:

Watch out for bubblegum!  She's yo' sister!  

lol because I am asking for the colors? I am curious if they are both "blue", which can still be a wide range of color options! 

JasperandOpal

(1) ignore the comments from people because if it doesn't matter to you if the weddings are similar, who cares if it matter to them?

(2) if it does bother you then make some changes.  As others have mentioned, even if you want the same colors, choose a different shade.  All weddings look similar and unless you are both having an extreme theme (picture two doctor who themed weddings), no one will really notice. Also, there are really easy ways to make noticeable difference.  Pick a different main flower.  Even if your centerpieces are similar, include something different (I feel like 95% of centerpieces are super similar anyway).  Don't have a head table, have a sweetheart table.  Have a different cake design because then, even if the cake table is similar, the main focus of the table will be different.  

(3) if you are really tired of people talking about the wedding/engagement, refuse to talk about such stuff until after your sisters wedding.  "So what colors are you going with?" "Thank you for your interest but we have decided not to discuss our wedding until after SISTER's wedding."  You could even include a little "so we don't steal her spotlight/thunder/etc." if that is your style.   

I am getting married four months after my older sister.  She got engaged in Nov. 2012, I got engaged Dec. 2013.  My engagement/wedding has nothing to do with hers but if people want to see it that way, I can't sway them.  My sister is a lot more sensitive than I am so I had an initial fear that she would be upset if my wedding was too near hers.  Luckily she isn't upset but to alleviate any issues of jealousy etc., I am not talking about my wedding beyond simple notes with anyone until after her wedding.  I mean, what would people really need to know anyway?  

"Have you picked your colors/venue/dress?" "Yes, thank you." 

When it comes time for my wedding, will people compare it to my sister's? probably.  But guess what, they will also compare it to my brother's, and to every other wedding they have attended.  Will there be similarities? Absolutely.  I am not going to wear a neon green dress just so we don't both wear white and no one would expect me to.  We also have similar other choices and honestly, if I can borrow/reuse things from my sisters wedding, I probably will because I am cheap and love to reuse stuff.

bananasplit472001

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

Good Morning!

My little sister and I both started dating our significant others right around the same time, and both starting talking about marriage around the same time. She got engaged back in September and planned a July wedding. My SI and I were in the midst of moving to another city and decided to hold off on getting engaged to give her 'her moment'. 

We are now engaged and are planning our wedding for September 2015. (over a year after my sisters wedding).

Since getting engaged we've had several snarky comments about 'stealing thunder' and that if we weren't planning on getting married until next year, why couldn't we have waited to get engaged until AFTER the sisters wedding as not to take away from her moment. (Which was initially very hard for me as the older by 4 years, sister to have her baby sister get engaged before her and then have to wait 5 months to get engaged even though you've already got the ring picked out and bought)

My FI and i have managed to brush off the comments and not let the get to us, and my sister has been very understanding and supportive of us getting engaged. 

However now that we've started planning I am finding that my sister and I have very similar wedding tastes. My FI will come up with a great idea only to find out its almost exactly what my sister is doing.

Initially we thought to 'stick to our guns' and have everything we want since our wedding is a year later, but now even my easy going parents are commenting about how we should take the time we have to maybe come up with new ideas so that our weddings arent 'too similar'

I want to have the wedding of my dreams and do all the decorations and things that my FI and i want, but at the same time since we've already experienced snarky comments about our engagement I can already hear the 'oh did you just borrow this from your sisters wedding' and other similar comments. While i want the wedding I planned, i also want it to be MY wedding. Not remind people of someone elses.

Am I just being silly here thinking that it matters if our weddings have the same theme and decor? Or since I do have the time to come up with other ideas should I get back to the drawing board??

I am having this same problem right now.  My twin sister got engaged almost 2 years ago and will be married next month.  I got married an entire year after her and I got the comments that we should have waited until after their wedding to get engaged.  For the date of our engagement we would have been engaged for 2 years and waited over a year to marry after my sister's wedding. Were twins so the age issue does not apply here.  You should NEVER have to wait to have your moment just because someone else is having there's.  As long as it's not on the same day I don't see a problem.  I did not know when I was getting engaged I just told him to wait until after we both were financially stable (we already graduated college and had jobs).  My sister planned her engagement and even went as far to pick out her own ring.  She claims that her ring looks exactly like mine and my fiancé copied her.  So to make sure there were not any similarities I did the exact opposite of what she did (it is what I wanted any way).  She is having a destination wedding, we are having an at home wedding, she is doing non-religious and non-traditional, i'm doing an interfaith wedding with traditional elements, she had her giant princess dress and I plan to get a mermaid style gown.  Just do whatever you want don't let someone else jealousy stop you from having similar weddings,  People will always compare weddings so just do what makes you happu.

NowIamMrsKlein

Thanks everyone for all the comments.

My Fiance and I sat down the other night and discussed about how this was all making us feel and we decided the best approach was to just wait to do any 'design' planning until after her wedding. I never really thought about how my tastes or ideas may change over the course of planning, and as several people brought it up its definitely something to consider.

We figured we would get all the main things booked now (venue, photographer caterer etc) but not discuss anything with anyone until after my sisters wedding. If anyone asks we are just going to say that we have some planning done but are waiting until after my sisters wedding to really get into any detail. 

And then having seen the entire visual of her wedding, we will have the opportunity to 'tweak' our plans to make them more personal to us.

(perhaps add some more dorky elements as I know that she has nothing to do with anything remotely geeky and my FI and i are huge into lego, starwars, Doctor Who, etc)

Thanks everyone for the input!

jimandpam87

Think of it this way, with your sister's wedding being first, you can see all of your "ideas" in real life and see what does/doesn't work or look good.  I've had 2 cousins get married in the last 6 months, so of course the whole family is comparing everyone's weddings.  My wedding will be last in the line-up, so I've just gone to each wedding and taken good mental notes on what I definitely DON'T want to do. 

I'd also like to point out again that most people aren't going to remember the little details of your sister's wedding (i.e. the centerpieces).  They'll remember the food and maybe some overall experiences (music, venue, etc.). 

jimandpam87

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

Thanks everyone for all the comments.

My Fiance and I sat down the other night and discussed about how this was all making us feel and we decided the best approach was to just wait to do any 'design' planning until after her wedding. I never really thought about how my tastes or ideas may change over the course of planning, and as several people brought it up its definitely something to consider.

We figured we would get all the main things booked now (venue, photographer caterer etc) but not discuss anything with anyone until after my sisters wedding. If anyone asks we are just going to say that we have some planning done but are waiting until after my sisters wedding to really get into any detail. 

And then having seen the entire visual of her wedding, we will have the opportunity to 'tweak' our plans to make them more personal to us.

(perhaps add some more dorky elements as I know that she has nothing to do with anything remotely geeky and my FI and i are huge into lego, starwars, Doctor Who, etc)

Thanks everyone for the input!

Also, I love this idea!  My FI and I are similar, and he's displaying the Lego Death Star that I bought him on the groom's table

nightmagnolia

Why don't you guys combine your weddings, share costs and have a double wedding? People used to do this all the time. If your tastes are similar, and you and your sis get along, why not?