Wedding Party

How can I get her to go buy her dress!?

Ok, first mistake was asking on of my FI's friends to be in the wedding even though she and I haven't ever been very close. But she kept asking us what she was doing in the wedding, so to pacify her we made her a BM. They used to be really close and I have made several attempts to become great friends with her and not just people that talk when we are together. I try to call and text her about every other day (usually with no response). When she does respond its one word responses until one of us finally gives up and stops talking. We have made plans to hang out all the time and she always bails out on me. Her excuse the last 2 times? "I got day wasted and don't feel like hanging out." Ugh. Anyway, the real issue now is that all the other girls have their dresses, and the dress is a special occasion dress that will not be offered for much longer. The problem BM has yet to even go try the dress on. Last time my FI talked to her, she said she would go that weekend and see if she could do layaway because she couldn't afford it all at once (it was $70). The bridal shop has called me 3 times to see if/when she is coming in because they are not going to have that dress much longer. We have both offered to buy the dress for her, if she would just tell us a size or even go try it on so we would know. She has stopped responding to any of our attempts to talk to her. What do I do!?

Re: How can I get her to go buy her dress!?


  • Ok, first mistake was asking on of my FI's friends to be in the wedding even though she and I haven't ever been very close. But she kept asking us what she was doing in the wedding, so to pacify her we made her a BM. They used to be really close and I have made several attempts to become great friends with her and not just people that talk when we are together. I try to call and text her about every other day (usually with no response). When she does respond its one word responses until one of us finally gives up and stops talking. We have made plans to hang out all the time and she always bails out on me. Her excuse the last 2 times? "I got day wasted and don't feel like hanging out." Ugh. Anyway, the real issue now is that all the other girls have their dresses, and the dress is a special occasion dress that will not be offered for much longer. The problem BM has yet to even go try the dress on. Last time my FI talked to her, she said she would go that weekend and see if she could do layaway because she couldn't afford it all at once (it was $70). The bridal shop has called me 3 times to see if/when she is coming in because they are not going to have that dress much longer. We have both offered to buy the dress for her, if she would just tell us a size or even go try it on so we would know. She has stopped responding to any of our attempts to talk to her. What do I do!?
    It sounds like you're trying too hard to force a friendship.  Have you told her that the dress is limited edition and won't be offered much longer?  If so, then just leave it alone.  She'll either get it or she won't.  If she doesn't have the dress by the time the wedding rolls around then she's taken herself out of the wedding party.



  • Yea, I have told her that. So has my FI. I do feel like I'm trying to force a friendship, and it sucks, but when she does talk to my FI (which is not very often), she will make comments about how our group isn't as close as we used to be. I feel like we try, but she's not. Very frustrating!!
  • Yea, I have told her that. So has my FI. I do feel like I'm trying to force a friendship, and it sucks, but when she does talk to my FI (which is not very often), she will make comments about how our group isn't as close as we used to be. I feel like we try, but she's not. Very frustrating!!
    It sounds like the friendship is drifting. This happens, it's a part of life. Stop talking to her about the wedding, she knows her timeline for the dress, she can take care of it. Stop contacting her. If she wants to continue to be friends with your FI, she can make the effort. 
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    Anniversary
  • TBH, it sounds like she doesn't want to be a bm and is making excuses- your group isn't close, she can't afford the dress. Since you've given her the message from the bridal salon and even offered to pay for her dress, I'd just let this go. I would also stop calling her, at all, unless she initiates contact. 

    Some bridal salons won't order dresses until all measurements are in. If that's the case, tell the salon to order for the other bms.
                       
  • I'm having a similar issue except is it MY friend :-/  I paid for her dress already but she has made no effort to pay me back for it but she is constantly online buying things and taking trips to Epcot/Disney.  I've decided to do kind of like the other posters have said...I let it go.  If she doesn't pay for it then she will not be in the wedding and I will have a beautiful dress (If I ever lose a dress size!)  I can't MAKE her pay for it and neither can you.  With so many other things to worry about for the wedding, don't let this get your blood pressure up "Pick your battles" so to say.
  • tjones1224 this actually sounds like a good thing... you don't sound like you are very close to her or really want her in your WP and now she is taking herself out of the wedding party.
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    Anniversary
  • I guess your FI has to be a bit clear to her. If she is complaining him, he should be straight and clear that friendship is not drifting from your end and instead of pointing about she should do some efforts to keep the friendship fresh and firm. I have a bit similar case where my FI's friend used to point him for lack of attention from my side. she tried a lot to create differences between us and at a point she did but thanks to our families and my strong will she wasn't successful. However, your case is not exactly similar but it reminded me of that girl. Such people are really troublesome and it is better to stay away from them.

  • Well, on the bright side she did end up going to put her dress on layaway. I guess that is a step in the right direction, however we were supposed to hang out tonight and she waited until I got to the bar, by myself, to let me know that she changed her mind and was going out with a guy to a different place instead. It was really hard to bite my tongue but I didn't say anything.
  • I just want to say a friend in need is friend indeed.
  • I'm having the exact same issue, except its with my sister! I'm soo frustrated! Our wedding is June 7th and she STILL has yet to even get fitted much less purchase a dress! The store has run out of the color we need (fushia). My daughter is my other BM and she has yet to purchase her dress as well. Although, she already got fitted, she just needs to order her dress. She's going to purchase her dress this weekend.

    This is going to be offset if my sister doesn't get her butt in gear! My fiance has 2 groomsmen. It's going to be weird with only 1 BM!
  • Lisax4156 said:
    I'm having the exact same issue, except its with my sister! I'm soo frustrated! Our wedding is June 7th and she STILL has yet to even get fitted much less purchase a dress! The store has run out of the color we need (fushia). My daughter is my other BM and she has yet to purchase her dress as well. Although, she already got fitted, she just needs to order her dress. She's going to purchase her dress this weekend.

    This is going to be offset if my sister doesn't get her butt in gear! My fiance has 2 groomsmen. It's going to be weird with only 1 BM!
    First of all, I'd be sending them one last email that gives them a hard deadline and asks them to let you know if they cannot afford the dresses.

    Second of all, even sides DO NOT MATTER. No one will care. Do yourself a favor and stop worrying about that now.
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