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gillian Morris

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artbyallie

My Fiancé just proposed the idea of having a mock elopement, ceremony with just the 2 of us a photographer etc and then just telling everyone we are married but not legally getting married until later. I have accumulated some substantial debt between student loans and back taxes and our accountant advised us that under California law there is a possibility of a debt collector coming after your spouse for this. Thoughts?

Uh... what? No. Why would you even do that? If you're not going to get married yet, then don't pretend to. Faking an elopement is dumb. And I don't know about CA, but in some states if you live together and treat yourselves as married for a certain period of time, you become common-law spouses anyway.

6fsn

Save the money from the mock elopement to pay some debt.  I don't get why you need to pretend to be married.

schellzinator

OP - you will learn that is in the realm of what is called a PPD - or Pretty Princess Day. You should check out the Etiquette board and read the thread titled Legally married, now having a "real" wedding? Stop here first! (AKA, the PPD FAQ thread) You will find a wealth of information that will help you make the right decision on that thread.

Also - you will learn a lot from the regulars here! I got married in October of 2013 and relied heavily on the help I got on this site. The best recommendation that I have is to be open to the advice that is given.

6fsn

Oh and student loans are yours alone.  They will not come after your husband.  Back taxes are different.  If you file together I imagine they can take a refund though.

tawillers

Why do you want people to think you are married?

dharmabunny

tawillers said:

Why do you want people to think you are married?

This. Pretend married sounds ludicrous. Either own that you're not legally married for maintaining financial separation for whatever reason, or get married and accept that all individual debts will become "family" debt.

Legally or not, in practice, short of complete and total financial separation/independence from each other, your financial strain WILL impact the both of you. Whether both you and your FI both pay down your debts just so they are paid off faster, or you FI has to shoulder more basic expenses because you use your paycheck to pay down your debts (or your paycheck is getting garnished). And make no mistake how miserable a bill collector can make the both of you, regardless of marital status.

Or, I don't know, use the Princess photoshoot money for PAYING OFF YOUR DEBTS

emmyg65

Sounds like a real waste of money. If you want to spend the rest of your lives together but keep your debt separate, then ... just spend the rest of your lives together! Marriage doesn't automatically change the nature of your relationship, though it does change your legal rights and responsibilities. It might also change how others perceive you, but that's not your problem.

Also, each couple handles finances differently and you guys should do what works for you, but we felt that getting married made us a team, so we combined all our debt and most of our income. Because his debt affects me and vice versa. Have you and your boyfriend talked about how you plan to handle money, spending vs. saving, and long term financial goals?

zitiqueen

So like a bizarro PPD?

pinkcow13

Why the hell do you need to "pretend" that you're married? This is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Pay your damn debt, and don't waste the money on fake pictures and a pretend wedding. Then, get married when you can both afford it. It's not a hard concept.

shaylagirl

GAWDDAMNIT!!  I HATE DD's!!  If you don't have the ovaries to stand by your post, DON'T POST!!! 

Thank goodness someone QFP. 

Can we get some funny gifs in here now please?

artbyallie

@shaylagirl

FiancB

A DD is like:

Anywhoo I give 8 points for creativity since it's like a reverse PPD

shaylagirl

@artbyallie; I had to cover my mouth to keep from screeching with laughter over the tiger one!  I've never seen that one before, but it is a 100% WIN!!!

Seriously...what in the ever loving EFF?!  I only see one "Winning!!" in my comment box...but it posts twice?

You're so winning, you win TWICE!! 

artbyallie

Hey, you asked. I just delivered.

KittyKaty20

Well, they want the photos so they can make cute photo announcements; then they can send them out to everyone they know.

Then people will send them money.

larrygaga

I like it when people delete their posts because they don't like the answers they were given.