Help..Private ceremony party later invitations

spedteach1102

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

Maggie0829

I would send the invite for the party no more then 8 weeks prior.  That is pretty typical for any event.  As for the wording I would do something like the following...

Karenweil

and 

Karenweil's Husband

are happy to announce

their marriage

on Saturday, the nineteenth of July

Two thousand fourteen

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Please join us 

for a celebration

on Monday, the sixth of October

Two thousand fourteen

at X o'clock

Venue name

Venue address

Or if you decide to send wedding announcements following your wedding in July you could do this...

Karenweil

and

Karenweil's Husband

Invite you to celebrate their marriage

Monday, the sixth of October

Two thousand fourteen

at X o'clock

Venue name

Venue address

spedteach1102

Thank you Maggie, 

Can I send an  announcement of the wedding before we get married and on the announcement note that reception information will follow?  Or Save the Dates letting people know we're getting married in July but a invitation to the reception will be coming soon?  

manateehugger

Karenweil said:

Thank you Maggie, 

Can I send an  announcement of the wedding before we get married and on the announcement note that reception information will follow?  Or Save the Dates letting people know we're getting married in July but a invitation to the reception will be coming soon?  

Announcements go out after the wedding; it's rude to announce an event to someone who wont be invited to witness that event. Why should people save the date if they aren't invited, you know?

Just send out announcements a few days after your wedding and then send the party invitation like Maggie suggested. 

Is there a reason you don't want to host a reception after your private ceremony?

Maggie0829

Karenweil said:

Thank you Maggie, 

Can I send an  announcement of the wedding before we get married and on the announcement note that reception information will follow?  Or Save the Dates letting people know we're getting married in July but a invitation to the reception will be coming soon?  

I would have the marriage announcement ready to go in the mail the day after you get married.  I wouldn't send anything before because people could get confused that you are actually inviting them to the ceremony.

I guess you could make the marriage announcement sort of like a party STD.

You could say something like...

Karenweil

and Karenweil's Husband

were married in a private ceremony

Saturday, the nineteenth of July

Two thousand fourteen

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Please Save the Date

for a celebration of our marriage

Monday, the sixth of October

Two thousand fourteen

City, State

Formal invitation to follow

Of course you don't have to be so formal with your wording (you can have a bit more fun with this since it isn't an actual invite) but it is just an option.

CMGragain

You should mail wedding announcements as soon as you are married.  They are very simple, and contain no photos or details about the wedding other than date and place.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

You may not have a wedding reception unless it will be held on your wedding day.
You may have a party to celebrate your marriage any time.  The invitations are like any other party you give.  Since there is plenty of time between your ceremony and your party, I would send the invitations out after you are married,  Most parties do not have a 6 week lead time.
Do not try to turn this party into a wedding reception. It is NOT your wedding reception.  You gave that up when you decided to have a destination private ceremony.  NO WEDDING DRESS!  If you want formal invitations, this would be appropriate wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Alreadymarried
request the pleasure of your company
to celebrate their recent marriage
Date
time
Venue
Address
City, State


 

CMGragain

Karenweil said:

My fiancée & I will be married on July 19th in a private ceremony (just the two of us) in Gatlingburg. (10 hrs from home) We're having the party/reception/celebration on October 6th. I need help figuring out how to let people know we will be married in July (I think people would be upset if they found out after the fact) and when should I send invites for the party in October.  I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.  We will have pictures of the wedding for everyone to see.  How do I word invitations?  Do I send out all the information on one thing?  Can I send it before we get married? When should I send these invites out? 

I am sorry, but you should NOT wear your wedding dress!  That is for the day you are a bride.  You would look foolish wearing your wedding dress months after you are married.

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

You should mail wedding announcements as soon as you are married.  They are very simple, and contain no photos or details about the wedding other than date and place.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

You may not have a wedding reception unless it will be held on your wedding day.
You may have a party to celebrate your marriage any time.  The invitations are like any other party you give.  Since there is plenty of time between your ceremony and your party, I would send the invitations out after you are married,  Most parties do not have a 6 week lead time.
Do not try to turn this party into a wedding reception.  If you want formal invitations, this would be appropriate wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Alreadymarried
request the pleasure of your company
to celebrate their recent marriage
Date
time
Venue
Address
City, State


 

She specifically said that this party/reception/celebration (note how she used all three to describe it) will not have any of the traditional wedding aspects except for a cake and a dress.  So try not to jump to conclusions that she is trying to turn this into a wedding reception.

CMGragain

The dress is inappropriate.  I am not jumping to conclusions on this.

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

The dress is inappropriate.  I am not jumping to conclusions on this.

Yes you are.

From her post...

 I do not want any of the traditional wedding stuff with the exception of the cake and the dress.

And to get up in arms about the dress is ridiculous.  It is a dress.  She isn't hurting her guests or not hosting them properly because she has on a damn wedding dress.  Just because she wants to wear a pretty wedding dress doesn't mean that she is going to turn around and have a re-do wedding.

OP, wear the dress and have a fabulous party.

spedteach1102

I'm not having a reception I apologize for the word usage. This is a second marriage for the both of us and do not want a big lavish affair.  When I say I will wear my wedding dress I am not talking about a big traditional gown.  I'm choosing a simple ivory dress, more then likely a short dress.  I want to wear the same dress for both occasions because it's my party and I want to.   I just want to come back and have a party...to celebrate our two family's becoming one...eat, drink and merry. I had to chose a summer wedding and a October party because I'm a teacher and this is the best timing for me.   I do not want any typical wedding things...bouquet toss, father daughter dances, time out to take pictures.  I want to come together with all my friends and family and celebrate.  I live in Louisiana and we throw a party for everything.  

I just want to know can I send out information to friends and family letting them know that we Will be married on July 19 in a private ceremony and information about the celebration will be sent  soon

spedteach1102

Thank You, I like this idea and your wording.

CMGragain

Your plans sound fine.  I'm glad you aren't going to be wearing a big, pouffy ball gown!  Enjoy your party!

spedteach1102

Dear people who post on other people posts reprimanding people on etiquette and your opinions,  Please do so in a non judgmental way and try not to be so critical.  This is my first post and I'm a little disheartened by the harsh judgments on wording or choices I've made.  If you don't agree with something their is always a better way to state your opinion without making the other person feel like S##t for those choices.  Before assuming I want to wear a big gown and telling me NOT to wear my dress because I would look foolish ask for a little more information.  You could have easily said..... Typically wedding dresses are not worn at the post wedding ceremony or you may wear the same dress if its a casual dress.  As for me NOT turning it into a reception I'm not sure how to turn it into a reception if I'm not having the traditional wedding stuff.  I will have wedding pictures there so I hope that's not too reception like.  I did gain some good information from this post.. thank you Maggie0829

spedteach1102

I'm a private person and do not like to be the center of attention which is one reason why we're having a private ceremony.  The wedding will be in Gatlinburg and we live in Louisiana.  I guess it's a destination wedding and not an elopement because it's not a secret.  We were originally going to get married OCT 6 so we've already placed a deposit on the place and would lose it if we cancelled.  So we figured we would just throw a party that day.  I can't move t up August or September because it's the beginning of the school year and VERY hectic time.  At this time only a few close friends know we're doing this but I feel we need to let people know before the fact, especially family, because feeling will be hurt if they find out after the fact.  Should I just let word of mouth spread it instead of sending out something in the mail before the fact.  I know the traditional etiquette of it all but feel that the traditional stuff can't apply because I'm not having a traditional type of wedding.  Not sure if that makes since or not.  

spedteach1102

How do you reply directly under someones comment?  Do you copy and paste it?  I'm new to this site.

CrazyCatLady3

CMGragain said:

The dress is inappropriate.  I am not jumping to conclusions on this.

Eh.  As long as she's not re-enacting the ceremony, who cares if she wants to wear her dress?  Some people may actually want to see it.

CrazyCatLady3

Karenweil said:

How do you reply directly under someones comment?  Do you copy and paste it?  I'm new to this site.

You hit the "quote" button under that comment.

CrazyCatLady3

Karenweil said:

I'm a private person and do not like to be the center of attention which is one reason why we're having a private ceremony.  The wedding will be in Gatlinburg and we live in Louisiana.  I guess it's a destination wedding and not an elopement because it's not a secret.  We were originally going to get married OCT 6 so we've already placed a deposit on the place and would lose it if we cancelled.  So we figured we would just throw a party that day.  I can't move t up August or September because it's the beginning of the school year and VERY hectic time.  At this time only a few close friends know we're doing this but I feel we need to let people know before the fact, especially family, because feeling will be hurt if they find out after the fact.  Should I just let word of mouth spread it instead of sending out something in the mail before the fact.  I know the traditional etiquette of it all but feel that the traditional stuff can't apply because I'm not having a traditional type of wedding.  Not sure if that makes since or not.  

Don't send something before the fact; people will be confused about whether they are invited to the ceremony or not.  Just let it spread by word of mouth that you are having a private ceremony this summer and will be sending out invites for a separate celebration after the fact.

CMGragain

OP, you are new to The Knot.  You are very welcome, here, and we are happy to help you.  Please remember that we can only go by what you post.  You did post that you were planning to wear your wedding dress several months after your ceremony.  You did not give details. If you had, I would not have posted as I did.There is nothing wrong with your plans.
There have been hundreds of brides on The Knot who do plan a re-do reception, even a PPD (fake re-do wedding) and ask for help.  These ladies are often angry that most Knotties find their plans inappropriate.  I am glad to learn that you are not one of them, but, believe me, you are a refreshing exception!
The Knot is known for blunt honestly.  I will never intentionally try to hurt anyone, but I will tell the truth.  I am one of the long time Knottie regulars, and my best advice is usually about wording invitations, which is what you asked about.
I am sorry that you were unhappy with my response.

spedteach1102

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Karenweil said:

How do you reply directly under someones comment?  Do you copy and paste it?  I'm new to this site.

You hit the "quote" button under that comment.

spedteach1102

Thank you

spedteach1102

CrazyCatLady3 said:

Karenweil said:

I'm a private person and do not like to be the center of attention which is one reason why we're having a private ceremony.  The wedding will be in Gatlinburg and we live in Louisiana.  I guess it's a destination wedding and not an elopement because it's not a secret.  We were originally going to get married OCT 6 so we've already placed a deposit on the place and would lose it if we cancelled.  So we figured we would just throw a party that day.  I can't move t up August or September because it's the beginning of the school year and VERY hectic time.  At this time only a few close friends know we're doing this but I feel we need to let people know before the fact, especially family, because feeling will be hurt if they find out after the fact.  Should I just let word of mouth spread it instead of sending out something in the mail before the fact.  I know the traditional etiquette of it all but feel that the traditional stuff can't apply because I'm not having a traditional type of wedding.  Not sure if that makes since or not.  

Don't send something before the fact; people will be confused about whether they are invited to the ceremony or not.  Just let it spread by word of mouth that you are having a private ceremony this summer and will be sending out invites for a separate celebration after the fact.

Thank you...I think I will go ahead and do the word of mouth route & then send out the announcements.  I'll have them all done and arrange for someone to mail them on the 20th. 

Fairyjen1

    Put me in the camp of not caring if people want to wear their wedding dress for their AHR/celebration party. Personally, one of the best parts of a wedding is the dress and I would love to see it! 

   Especially since it's just the dress you wore for your wedding, not the typical poofy wedding dress. At least it doesn't sound like it from your description. I feel like it's a victim less crime since you aren't trying to re-enact your wedding. 

theartistformerlyknownas

I also truly don't care if you choose to wear your dress again, when there are no false pretenses about whether or not this is actually a wedding. A dress doesn't make a wedding. A person's wedding is no less legitimate if/when they choose not to wear a traditional wedding gown, so nobody can insist the opposite and claim that if you're wearing a wedding gown, you must be trying to reenact a wedding. Hell, wear your dress to Thanksgiving dinner. Wear it to take back the recycling for all I care. Nobody will get confused and think it's your wedding and try to throw presents at you.

huskypuppy14

There is nothing wrong with having cake and wearing your dress. Even if it were a poofy wedding dress, who cares. It's not against etiquette to wear an item of clothing you own to a party you are throwing. Like @lolo883 said, if you want to wear it to take out the trash, go for it. 

I think people get too caught up in cake cutting and dress wearing equal wedding. In my circle we have cake for everything, and the guest of honor usually cuts it. Does that make it a wedding, no.

CMGragain

@laurynm84 I think you will find that your opinion is in the minority here on The Knot.  The formal wedding gown is for the ceremony and wedding reception.  For someone to wear the traditional, pouffy, white wedding gown to a party several weeks after the wedding is just to close to a PPD for comfort.
The OP has explained that she is not wearing a traditional wedding gown, so this is not a problem for her.  I would hate for other brides to see your advise and embarrass themselves by dressing inappropriately for a celebration party.  They would be side-eyed for doing this.
Etiquette =/=personal opinion.  Miss Manners would be horrified.

Jen4948

laurynm84 said:

There is nothing wrong with having cake and wearing your dress. Even if it were a poofy wedding dress, who cares. It's not against etiquette to wear an item of clothing you own to a party you are throwing. Like @lolo883 said, if you want to wear it to take out the trash, go for it. 

I think people get too caught up in cake cutting and dress wearing equal wedding. In my circle we have cake for everything, and the guest of honor usually cuts it. Does that make it a wedding, no.

It's not appropriate to mislead guests into thinking they are at a wedding when they are not, and unfortunately, wedding gowns, cakes, and so on are symbols of weddings-not at-home celebrations.  Just as you wouldn't wear shorts and T-shirts to formal events, you don't wear wedding dresses to what is not a wedding.   Same thing with wedding cakes and so on.

Maggie0829

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

theartistformerlyknownas

Knotties say all the time "all you need to have a wedding is a partner, an officiant, and a marriage license." Not a gown. So if you don't need a gown to make a wedding, you don't need a lack of a gown for something to be not a wedding. That's just dumb. If people really feel confused then that's on them. I've seen prom and quinceañera dresses that rival the fanciest wedding gown but participants of those events are not confused or mislead. Heck, the girls in my future nephew's first communion dress wore white dresses and veils. Were they getting married? No.

And the cake thing... seriously? Nearly every party I've been to has had a cake, some of them tiered. Were those all weddings? PPDs maybe? No, it's a freakin' dessert. 

If vows are not recited and rings exchanged and pronouncements of matrimony made and licenses signed, it is not a wedding. There's no aisle, no altar, no first kiss, no throwing rice or flower petals. It's someone choosing to overdress for a barbecue because it holds personal meaning to her. End of story.

Jen4948

Maggie0829 said:

I really doubt a wedding dress and a tiered cake (these can be at many events not just weddings) would lead people to believe that they are at a wedding when a ceremony is not even taking place.

You may doubt that, but some people may get the idea that they're at a wedding reception when they're not.