Too early to think about puppies?

psychbabe314

So, on Friday, I lost one of my dogs. Tuesday, she went to another town (1 hour away) too stay with my siblings who have been taking my parents divorce a bit hard recently. So, they asked if they could have Amber (She stays with me 1-2 months, then them for 1-2 months typically) our Chocolate Lab. I was a little worried because (a) they were staying at my mom's friend's house and my mom recently moved to another state for work and (b) Amber does not really listen to the kids, only my mom and I. Long story short, she got out Friday morning, the kids chased her, and she got hit by a car going 80 in a 55 zone. She died within 15 minutes. I wasn't there and I feel terrible for it. I got the call while I was still asleep, jumped up and raced down there as soon as I got the call.

I don't think there would have been anything that a vet could have done. When I was taking her to the humane society to be cremated she left my back seat covered in blood.

Well, this event has made me realize something. It made me realize that by having a second dog, I am taking this better than I would have if I did not have my second dog, Cookie. It also made me realize that Cookie is getting old. She is 13 1/2, and the average age of a Shih-tzu is 13. I guess part of me is panicking. What happens when Cookie goes too and I don't have another dog around? I was a mess Friday and over the weekend. I couldn't even touch Amber's stuff until yesterday, and even then I only picked up a few bones to donate.

I kind of want a puppy. But logically, I can't do that right now. As I might be leaving for Japan next January, it would not be fare to ask my mom to take care of two dogs. I thought about fostering, but would that help with the pain?

I don't know ladies, any advice?

bethsmiles

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog! *hugs*

I don't think you should get a puppy just in the hope that it will help you cope with the possible loss of your current dog. I think it's too soon to make a decision about getting another dog right now. The pain from your loss is too fresh and you might not be thinking 100% clearly. Take a month or two and then re-evaluate how you are feeling and if getting a puppy is a good idea.

Pepperally

I'm so sorry for your loss...how terrible!! I would not get another dog if you may be leaving next year. I lost one dog and didn't think I'd have much time with the one as they were both older but my surviving dog will be 15 this year and there is very little wrong with her. Give yourself time to grieve. Also, it is kind of nice to just have one to worry about. Plus your surviving dog might be overwhelmed if you were to add a new dog right now. In short, give yourself some time before deciding on this.

psychbabe314

Ya, I guess so. I guess waiting would be fine. I had wanted a puppy before Amber had starting coming to my place because of the divorce. That allowed me to put wanting a puppy on the back burner.

Fostering is the other option I have looked at. dogs or cats? Cookie loves cats and one of the rescue organizations in town recently has been posting ads for foster families for kittens because "'tis the season"... I have experience with birthing... I use to foster dogs for 6 months, and Cookie loved the dogs that came through. She follows my Fiance's parents cat around like the are the most amazing things in the world. She use to adore my sister's cat also.

Dignity100

I'm so sorry for your loss!!!

As far as getting another dog, everybody grieves differently.  Sometimes bringing in a new pet helps - it takes your mind off things and takes away your focus.  You're situation is a difficult one.  Myself, I would probably want to get a new dog/puppy so that Cookie could help raise the puppy (it seems like it's SO much easier when you have one dog that is potty trained and trained to help teach the new pup the rules of the house).  I've had friends foster dogs for long periods of time (1+ years), heck one of my friends was fostering a cat and after a year they took the cat off the 'adoption' list - my friend was inquiring about the cats adoption perspectives and found that one out.  You don't need to make the decision TODAY, take your time and think about it.  Maybe talk to your mom and see what she says about fostering or adopting.

Just make sure you're ready for what ever you decide!!  I know when I brought Nessie home, I was not ready for another dog/puppy - my other dog was MISERABLE though, so I brought her home so he could have somebody... in the end it's worked out, but I had a hard time bonding with Nessie.  My dog, Denali, had passed at the end of November (2010 - she was also too young to leave this world, but cancer had other plans for her), Nessie moved in at the end of February (2011).  Loki is starting to get old for a giant breed, he's between 9-11 and I know when his time comes, I'll have to get Nessie a mate quickly as she doesn't handle being alone AT ALL and has no confidence... she's never been alone before, she grew up with 11 other puppies and then had 4+ adult newfies with her at all times as well as 4+ adult beagles - then she's had Loki ever since she's lived with me.

[Deleted User]

I'm so sorry about your puppy dog. Losing a pet is such a tough thing to go through. I still remember exactly how I felt when we lost our first dog back when I was in high school. We didn't wait too long to get another dog after that but it sounds like you have a lot coming up in the year and it would probably be wise to wait.

Just give the puppy dog you have right now lots of love and attention. She probably needs it too after losing her playmate.

labro

I'm so sorry on the loss of your puppy dog. Losing a beloved pet is never easy, even when it's their time, and it seems like it must be so much harder to lose them in such a tragic circumstance. I hope you're able to take a couple days for yourself and just grieve. My heart breaks for anyone when I hear they've lost a pet. I still remember how sad and hard it was when we had to put down our dog Brandi when I was 18.

As far as getting another dog goes, I think you should wait until you know more about your travel plans for the next year. Puppies (and sometimes rescues that are mature dogs) require a lot of extra time, discipline, and attention for a year or more. Foster care is a good idea, but keep in mind it can be just as hard to give up a dog or cat to a new family because you've become emotionally attached. You have to be prepared to say goodbye and move on. When my parents adopted their second dog the family we got her from said they didn't want to be a foster home again because it was just too hard to give up a dog they had fallen in love with (the rescue's policy was they couldn't adopt her since she was their first foster dog). However, I still think fostering is a great plan. So many animal rescues need volunteers who are willing to open up their homes and their hearts to animals in need.

Also I agree with @southernpeach89. Your other dog is probably grieving the loss of her buddy just as much as you are and she probably needs some extra TLC.

Swazzle

I'm so, so sorry to hear about your dog. I can't even imagine how devastated you must be. I agree with PP. I don't think you should rush into getting another puppy right now. Take some time to grieve. Puppies are a lot of work so take some time to think it through. Hugs.

psychbabe314

Thanks again everyone!

My roommate and I discussed fostering a little last night. I am focusing a lot on Cookie right now, and I can't tell if it bugs her or not :-) She might be getting over my need to focus on her *sigh* But, I brought her to my FMIL's house to play with my FMIL's cat and she was so happy. I guess maybe play dates are in order to keep her that way.

It is rough, because she has started throwing up again. I think it is anxiety related, because she did not do it when Amber was with us. Only when she was alone in the house. Has anyone ever used lavender spray to keep pets calm? I tried keeping the radio on and it didn't help. I also tried pulling out an old stuffed dog and setting a clock underneath it (trick for calming down puppies) and that didn't help.

minskat30

I'm so very sorry.  I can't even imagine loosing my fur baby. 

I did try a holistic calming spray for our dog once (he has seperation anxiety) but it didn't work to be honest.  A sound machine can help (he likes the sound of waves as well as the sound of a heartbeat (for the same reason some people use a ticking clock)).  Can you give her something that really, really smells like you (i.e., that you've sweated in)?  Sounds gross but so long as she won't eat the shirt, it might help too.

Dignity100

@minskat30 - There is a CD (well a series of CDs) called 'Through a dog's ear' - they are meant to help calm and soothe pets dealing with different anxiety issues.  You can download a few songs through iTunes if you wanted to try that. I find the music extremely calming to myself as well when I play it for my dogs.

[Deleted User]

I'm so sorry about your dog.  that is my worst nightmare. 

we used the ThunderShirt on our dog who had severe anxiety.  it worked so well, he doesn't need it at all anymore!  I'll put it on him when he goes to the vet or if we're under a tornado warning, but that's it.

cu97tiger

Oh Psych, I am so sorry to hear about your dog. We were in a similar situation to you in the summer of 2011. One of our dogs suddenly passed from cancer (from vet visit to putting him down was < 48 hours). I would have gone out and gotten another dog immediately, to have another friend for Toby (the surviving dog) and to just ease our broken hearts a little.

In hindsight, I'm glad we didn't. We had to put Toby down five weeks ago. His last nine months of life were rough... six rounds of chemo, swollen limbs, dehydration, increased anxiety. DH and I were sleeping in separate beds (one of us with Toby on a futon in the only room he would actually sleep in, one in our room). If we had had another dog, I can only imagine how much more difficult that time would have been. And while it's been tough coming home to an empty house, at the same time, we are taking this break as a time to spend time with each other and focus on our marriage, instead of the dogs. It sounds selfish, but it has been a welcome and necessary time for us. 

With so much in flux in your life right now, I'd hold off on adopting another pet, but I think a short-term foster is a great idea (I"ve tried to talk DH into that but he's not having it!

psychbabe314

Coco, I may try the thundershirt. I had never even heard about them before.

bride2b71614

@psychbabe314, first off, HUGS.  I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a furbaby is incredibly difficult, I agree with PPs, give yourself some time to grieve, and maybe consider fostering before getting another fur baby. 

HeyyMani

I'm so so sorry to hear about your dog. I understand ho you feel, my dog was recently killed by two dogs and I wasn't there to be with him so I feel your pain. I also have a second dog and can see why you might be anxious and think getting a new dog is a good idea. Do you think you'll be able to cope with a new dog right now though? If you genuinely feel like you have extra love to give and want a new dog, then you should do it. But if it's just out of fear of being dogless, i would wait. The new dog might bring up feelings so sadness or resentment and that's no way to start off a new friendship.