Groom wants to wear a NEON KNITTED BEANIE CAP, HELP!!

brittanyflather

My groom wants to wear a hideous neon yarn beanie cap DURING our wedding ceremony, photos, and reception. We're having a very formal and classic wedding, and as much as I love his bohemian-chic look at home, it simply doesn't have a place next to a tux.

I've tried reasoning with him ("Wear it during the reception, just not the ceremony and pictures!" and "Wear it during SOME pictures but I want some without it too," even.) and he refuses to budge an inch. He thinks the hat represents "who he is," and his deceased grandmother made it for him when he was a child. I have no idea how to get him to part with the horrible thing for our wedding day, and I need help! 

The women in the bridal party/family agree with me, the men agree with him. I tried to have his older sister (whom he really loves and respects) to mediate, but he got furious that I was bringing a third party into our "private discussion." I really feel like he is completely not even listening to me and is being unreasonable... Am I off-base here?

I'm all for him representing himself on the wedding day, but it's too expensive of an affair to ruin the delicate and classic atmosphere that we chose together, the photos, and theme with an old, dirty, lint-covered yarn hat. How do I get him to understand reason and compromise? 

dharmabunny

It's not a yarmulke, is it?

NOLABridesmaid

zitiqueen

brittanyflather said:

My groom wants to wear a hideous neon yarn beanie cap DURING our wedding ceremony, photos, and reception. We're having a very formal and classic wedding, and as much as I love his bohemian-chic look at home, it simply doesn't have a place next to a tux.

I've tried reasoning with him ("Wear it during the reception, just not the ceremony and pictures!" and "Wear it during SOME pictures but I want some without it too," even.) and he refuses to budge an inch. He thinks the hat represents "who he is," and his deceased grandmother made it for him when he was a child. I have no idea how to get him to part with the horrible thing for our wedding day, and I need help! 

The women in the bridal party/family agree with me, the men agree with him. I tried to have his older sister (whom he really loves and respects) to mediate, but he got furious that I was bringing a third party into our "private discussion." I really feel like he is completely not even listening to me and is being unreasonable... Am I off-base here?

I'm all for him representing himself on the wedding day, but it's too expensive of an affair to ruin the delicate and classic atmosphere that we chose together, the photos, and theme with an old, dirty, lint-covered yarn hat. How do I get him to understand reason and compromise? 

He's right.

Teddy917

I can understand him wanting to have a piece of his grandma with him. Maybe suggest to him that he keep it on the inside "candy pocket" that most suits have. If he insists on wearing it though, I don't think there's much that you can do. He gets to pick his attire and you get to pick yours. Someday it might even be funny.

ohannabelle

My take is that he's taking a very definite stand and making a point. Why, I wouldn't even attempt to guess, because I'm a stranger on the internet and don't know either of you. Maybe he feels out of control, or controlled, and feels the need to exert some kind control over the wedding situation. Maybe he really really wants to hear you say that you'd love him and marry him beanie or no, and that what makes him happy is a lot more important than your wedding pictures.
Edited to include: This is not about a hat. It is obviously about something much more important.

kmmssg

Yeah, I am wondering if he is using the hat to make a stand on something too.

Is your wedding taking place in a church?  I know of many churches who would forbid the beenie at the altar.

AddieCake

I am confused on why you would be having a "very formal" wedding if that's not at all who he is.

emmyg65

How involved has he been in decided how your wedding looks? I agree with others that this sounds like it's bigger than the hat. Also, stop discussing your relationship problems with people outside your relationship.

dharmabunny

AddieCake said:

I am confused on why you would be having a "very formal" wedding if that's not at all who he is.

I think the answer is the emphasis on the 'you' in the singular form

This does seem like a symbolic stand he's taking, I suggest you dig deeper, find out the issue. So if you want a beanie to be your Waterloo, go right ahead.

*Barbie*

does he wear it 100% of the time? I'd imagine that he would want to wash it before the big day, right? it would be too bad if it met with an unfortunate washing incident... 

really though, you're both being stupid. if you can't manage to compromise on a beanie, how do you expect to work through any other large issues that will arise during your marriage (job loss, death in the family, kids, money management, etc.)

also, he's absolutely right to be pissed at you bringing in a third party on this. it's nobody's business. 

doeydo

Clearly he wants to wear the hat.  Just "let" him wear it.  Make sure that the hat gets washed before the wedding if you are concerned about it being old and dirty.
Grooms in non-conventional hats:




Also, has he had input on planning this wedding?  On picking his own attire?

ReturnOfKuus

CaliMel11

So have you tried discussing it and compromising? I would not bring in 3rd party people because then he's just going to feel bullied.
Imagine if he knew what you were wearing that day and thought it was hideous and tried to convince everyone to gang up on you and change it? You wouldn't feel very happy about that I imagine.

It sounds like it has sentimental value, and that he also does not feel like his clothing that day represents "who he is". Can he get a different suit that he feels is more representative of how he would like to dress? Or even a different pants/dress shirt combination and then use the beanie as a pocket square during the ceremony? The issue isn't the beanie, it's that he obviously is not comfortable with how he's going to be dressed that day and the beanie is more like a security blanket.