Who to have as my bridesmaids?

beccaandmatthew

I am unsure who to use as my bridesmaids and Maid of Honour.

I don't really have close friends. I was thinking of....
(1) MOH...my older sister by two years, however we've always had a rocky relationship, she lives out of town, and I only see her once every few months.
(2) My fiance's sister (she lives in the U.S, so I haven't seen her in over a year)
(3) My close friend from high school (though we've only seen each other a couple times a year in the 4 years since)
(4) A childhood friend I haven't talked to much in 5 or 6 years, but she is the friend I've had for the longest

I took a year off after high school, went to university in a different city for 2 years then changed programs, and am at a new college now with new people and I just don't really have friends I'm close to.

The other option I was thinking of is:
(1 and 2) My mom and my sister as Matrons of Honour
(3) My fiance's sister
(4) My grandma (she's super bubbly and sweet!)

I'm very close to my family and my mom is my best friend. She, and my grandma, would do anything for me and I love them to death. I think I would want both my sister and mother as MOHs, though, as I feel my sister's feelings would be hurt if I chose my mom over her. A few others things I'm unsure about is how difficult it will be to find a wedding dress in a 3x size for my mom, I really want her to feel comfortable and not self-conscious if I were to ask her to be my MOH, but I'm not sure how that would make her feel? I know having your mother/grandmother as a bridesmaids isn't as traditional, and they are fairly traditional, do you think it's too out there to consider? And would it be awkward if I'm having my mom and grandma included in my bridesmaids if my fiance's groomsen are all guys his age he's been close to since childhood?

Just struggling with this a bit, and as I mentioned, I don't really have close girlfriends so some insight/help would be greatly appreciated!

chibiyui

Generally the recommended advice is whoever you would call to help you move a dead body at 3 a.m. is your MOH. You do not have to have as many BM's as your FI has GM's, so don't let that affect you. Only ask people you honestly want in the party. You also don't have to have a MOH, you can have just BM's, or even no one at all if you prefer. 

I would, personally, not ask my Mom to be in my bridal party. My mom and I are very close, but she is already in an honored position as my mother. And I know she would feel awkward standing up in front during the ceremony. 

One of my Bridal Party members I've only seen once or twice since graduating college. I couldn't imagine not having her in my bridal party. If we were a little closer distance wise, we'd probably hang out every week. 

larrygaga

You don't have to have anyone! If you really don't know right off the top of your head, then maybe you don't need any. 

jneen101

If you have to force yourself to think of someone and/or ask the internet who to pick, it's probably better to just not have a bridal party!

beccaandmatthew

I'm not forcing myself... I'm excited to have bridesmaids! I just didn't know if it's better to choose my close family (mum and grandma) who I hang out with all the time and who would do anything for me, or some girlfriends who have been a part of my life but whom I'm not as close to at this point of time.

You could've at least given my question some thought instead of just telling me not to have any bridesmaids at all... I'm not "forcing myself" to do anything. As stated, this is something I'm looking forward to, I'm just not blessed with a lot of good close girl friends and was hoping for some help thinking this through.

beccaandmatthew

"Generally the recommended advice is whoever you would call to help you move a dead body at 3 a.m. is your MOH. You do not have to have as many BM's as your FI has GM's, so don't let that affect you. Only ask people you honestly want in the party. You also don't have to have a MOH, you can have just BM's, or even no one at all if you prefer. 

I would, personally, not ask my Mom to be in my bridal party. My mom and I are very close, but she is already in an honored position as my mother. And I know she would feel awkward standing up in front during the ceremony. 

One of my Bridal Party members I've only seen once or twice since graduating college. I couldn't imagine not having her in my bridal party. If we were a little closer distance wise, we'd probably hang out every week."

Thanks, chibiyui  I do still talk to my girl friends who are further away when either of us are still in the area and I really value their friendship, and I imagine if we were in the same town we'd try to spend a lot more time together. I guess another worry I have is what they'll think if I ask them, if they'll wonder why I didn't choose someone else who I'm closer to (as I know they have a number of girlfriends they're closer to than me), but I guess I shouldn't worry about them. That was kind of encouraging to think about/read what you said about one of your bridal party members, so thank you

On a side note... Is there some kind of other positions I can have for my mom and/or grandmother in the wedding ceremony? 

Thanks so much again for your help chibiyui!

manateehugger

I'm incredibly close with my mom (and was with my grandmother before she passed away), but I could not imagine asking her to be a bridesmaid. I think she'd be a little embarrassed, and would much rather sit in the front in the honored Mother of the Bride position. That said, I don't know you and your mom, so you could always run the idea by her to get her thoughts. 

I also personally would not ask people I don't keep up with (that doesn't mean physical visits though - I only see my best friends a couple times a year in person, but we text/facebook/etc. frequently). Those friends may find the asking very awkward, and you want the people who know you well up there. 

Also, you have no obligation to ask your fiance's sister. If you aren't close with her, I would NOT ask her. There is absolutely no obligation to have female relatives of the groom in the bride's bridal party. There's all sorts of potential for family drama and awkwardness there. If your FI doesn't wish to have her stand on his side, I'd ask her to be a reader instead. 

If you can't think of more than a couple women, have only one or two bridesmaids. Small bridal party or no bridal party are perfectly normal options. Don't stress and think you have to fill any gaps. 

Also, your bridal party doesn't have to be only women; if you got some close male friends, there's nothing wrong with asking them to be bridesmen.  

chibiyui

You could have your mother and grandmother do a reading, or the unity candle idea someone mentioned earlier would work. 

jneen101

beccaandmatthew said:

You could've at least given my question some thought instead of just telling me not to have any bridesmaids at all... I'm not "forcing myself" to do anything. As stated, this is something I'm looking forward to, I'm just not blessed with a lot of good close girl friends and was hoping for some help thinking this through.

I did give it some thought.  I thought to myself, "here is a person who doesn't automatically know who she wants in her wedding party, so maybe she shouldnt have one."  Then I posted that though.  Sorry you didn't like my thoughts.  Congrats on your engagement!!!!

00kim00

When choosing my bridesmaids, my logic was that I don't want to look back on pictures in 30 years and think, "who was that, again?" Both of my bridesmaids live on the other side of the country, and both of them I only see 1-2 times per year. But they're also the people who, other than my fiance, know me better than anyone else on the planet. The friendships have survived years (22 years for my MOH, 6 for the other BM) and distance, I can tell them anything, they totally get me, and in those rare times that we are together, it's like we see each other all the time. Like most of us, I've had friendships come and go in my life, but I'm certain that these are people I love and whom I'll never forget. I have other close friends who live near me and who I see several times per week, but I'm not sure if those friendships would survive 10+ years and a cross-country/international move.

I asked those two to be in the wedding party, but if they couldn't make it, I wouldn't have had any. I have a lot of friends and family who I'm close to and who I could've asked to be in the wedding party. However, aside from those two, it would have been hard to single out just a couple or even one, the rest are somewhat equal on the friendship-meter. Like you, I would've had the pro/con list for each friend (and really, each person invited to our small-ish wedding would've been a pretty even candidate for bridesmaid!): A I've known forever, but I only see her once per year and don't talk more than that; M I hang out with at least once per week so i do more with her than anyone else but don't feel like she really knows me; J I see most days and have a good friendship with, but it's a relatively new friendship; C has been a mentor and good support to me, but is also a pretty new friendship; etc.

I agree with a previous poster that if you don't have one or a couple of people stand out immediately as someone you couldn't imagine NOT having by your side as you get married, you may want to think about not having bridesmaids. However, it does look like you have two constants on your potential lists: it looks from your list that the only people on both lists are your sister and your fiance's sister. If you're thinking of your fiance's sister out of obligation because she's family, you don't have to; I've been that person and been in a bridal party with that person, and sometimes it can be quite awkward to be the only one who doesn't know the bride well or fit with the rest of the girls. However, if you're not including her out of obligation, you feel close to her, and you can't imagine getting married without her by your side, include her. With her and your sister, or even your sister alone, that's plenty (as others have said, you don't have to have an equal number as your fiance's side). If you're including both out of obligation and you don't have a good relationship with your sister, then you can consider having none rather having one/two people who aren't really there to love and support you and who may say yes out of obligation.

To include your mom and your grandma in roles other than bridesmaids, you could have them walk you down the aisle, do readings or sing, light a unity candle if you're doing that, or give them roses during the ceremony.