• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Reception Ideas

Black Tie Invited Reception

2

Re: Black Tie Invited Reception

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    You're having a 5am rehearsal a week before the wedding ? Don't. Just don't. It's so rude to ask people to set aside that much time for you. And what is a green tie rehearsal dinner?
    I took that is OP's (poor) attempt at sarcasm.  Since she thinks she is having a black tie wedding, she is being facetious with her "green tie" rehearsal dinner.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Two things: First, I'm absolutely appalled that because you are "regular donors at our church" they have made an exception for you to be married after noon. No one should ever expect to be able to buy their way into God's good graces. Selling indulgences went out with the reformation. What kind of church follows this practice? Second, you CHOSE your reception site, knowing your church's scheduling restrictions. You WANTED an evening reception, so no way is it the church's fault, but instead your fault that you are inconveniencing your guests. You did not have to CHOOSE to be married at night. You FORGOT the other variable in the wedding + reception equation.
    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • @mobkaz. Oh good! There's so much terrible here it has thrown my sarcasm meter off :)
    MobKaz
  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
     I would be *pissed* to have gone out, bought a gorgeous floor length gown, then show up to an event that A) isn't black tie, and B) I'm clearly overdressed for. 

     That being said, by the sounds of it, this girl is just trying to be fancy. Which there's nothing wrong with, if you hadn't mentioned 'black tie.' If your FI's family truly attends black tie events regularly, you're going to get the side-eye of the century. Which you don't seem too concerned about anyways, as I'm getting the feeling, you've never been to an actual black tie event, & don't regularly mingle in these type of circles. Which there's nothing wrong with either, but to say something's 'black tie', to people who know what that means, & are going to show up expecting it's properly hosted black tie, isn't going to go over very well. As you said, these people attend these events regularly, so of course they're going to r.s.v.p that they're coming. I don't think saying 90% have r.s.v.p'd is proving anything. 

     Good luck to you. If there's any way to get rid of the 'black tie event' theme, I'd be getting on it! 

     Also, to categorize & stereotype your non drinkers is rude, and definitely falls under some racism there. Whether you intended it that way or not. 

     *J
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.

    Ugh, dont blame religion as a reason for poorly hosting your guests.

    I also cant stand it when the B&G use their wedding as an excuse to use my vacation time. I would not be staying for 3 days unless you were very close family.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Why is it brides always think their weddings are vacations for someone else? Spending money on a location I didn't chose isn't exactly what I consider a vacation. 

    Oh and I giggle at the black tie optional; if you were truly aware of how to host a black tie event, the black tie optional label wouldn't even occur to you since it is not a real dress code. Every event is technically black tie optional.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostgrumbledore
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. So why didn't he help you plan the wedding to ensure it actually was a black tie affair?  We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. You absolutely can really change the 3 hour gap. . . by having your reception begin immediately following your ceremony.  I am in the exact same boat as you- 3pm Catholic ceremony, and our reception will begin at 5pm.  so 3pm-4pm ceremony, then travel time, then reception. . . and actually anyone arriving at 4:30 will be able to enter our venue and begin cocktail hour.  And we'll still get our "evening" reception because dinner will start around 6pm.  In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. A 3 hour gap doesn't make anything easy for your guests.  No one likes to try and kill time for 3 hours in fancy clothing.  80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. There's nothing unusual about the formality of your wedding- it's just a formal wedding.  It won't be as fancy as events your FI's family is used to, but they will still enjoy it, and it should be as fancy as some of the events your family has been to, unless they have never been to a formal wedding ever.  However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want to try and make this wedding into something that it is not then whatever.

    But a 3 hour gap is rude as fuck.  I don't give a shit that your Catholic church won't marry you any later then 1pm, but that doesn't mean that you have to have a gap.  You are CHOOSING to have a gap because you want your cake (getting married in a Catholic church) and eat it too (having an evening reception).

    And what do you expect your guests to do in their fancy "black tie optional" attire for 3 hours?  Go shopping at the mall?  Hang out at a local bar?  If you truly want your wedding to be uber fancy then that means getting rid of the gap.

  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.
    You are definitely not having a black tie wedding if you are having a 3 hour gap. Also, black tie optional does not exist. It is either black tie or not, and you are not hosting properly to have a black tie wedding. 

    You CHOSE to have your wedding in this church, which meant that you cannot have a black tie affair as they can only start after 6 pm. I would be so angry if I got dressed up and had to sit around for 3 hours. Gaps are very, very rude. 

    If I were in your shoes, I would reprint the invitations and move the reception up to immediately after your ceremony. Either that or push back the ceremony to  just before your reception. Those are your only two options here. 

    Also- you do realise no one should be in a tuxedo before 6pm, as this is very gauche and tacky. They should be in morning dress if it is during the daytime.
    Tuxes before 6pm for a wedding is very common in the US and isn't seen as tacky.  Most people have no idea of the actual sartorial rules for tuxes, and honestly fashion rules are a victimless crime.  The 3 hour gap is worse, imo.
    Agree that its a victimless crime, disagree that it isn't seen as tacky. (My DH is probably going to wear one of the vera wang tuxs for our weddng so I am doing it too, but I know tons of people who find it tacky)

    image
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Emedian said:
    Thanks for clarifying. I come from a Hawaiian Family but my future husband comes from a family that often has black tie occasions. We do have hosted. valet service, in fact..there's really no option other than just valet at the resort. Our wedding planner suggested that term for our floral design..lots of tropical pieces. The 3 hour gap is not something i can really change since catholic weddings are often in the morning. In fact, the church is making an exclusion by giving me a 1 pm ceremony since we have been regular donors at the church. We are trying to make it easy for our guests. 80% of them are staying at the resort since they are coming from out of state and out of the country. The rest we are offering a complimentary suite for the weekend. I realize that declines may happen because of the unusual formality but it's something we just have to accept. However, we are counting that no one wants to miss a 3 day weekend visit in Newport Beach. Thanks pretty girl..your comments were helpful. I'm also just another girl who wants to make her dreams come true.
    You are definitely not having a black tie wedding if you are having a 3 hour gap. Also, black tie optional does not exist. It is either black tie or not, and you are not hosting properly to have a black tie wedding. 

    You CHOSE to have your wedding in this church, which meant that you cannot have a black tie affair as they can only start after 6 pm. I would be so angry if I got dressed up and had to sit around for 3 hours. Gaps are very, very rude. 

    If I were in your shoes, I would reprint the invitations and move the reception up to immediately after your ceremony. Either that or push back the ceremony to  just before your reception. Those are your only two options here. 

    Also- you do realise no one should be in a tuxedo before 6pm, as this is very gauche and tacky. They should be in morning dress if it is during the daytime.
    Tuxes before 6pm for a wedding is very common in the US and isn't seen as tacky.  Most people have no idea of the actual sartorial rules for tuxes, and honestly fashion rules are a victimless crime.  The 3 hour gap is worse, imo.
    Agree that its a victimless crime, disagree that it isn't seen as tacky. (My DH is probably going to wear one of the vera wang tuxs for our weddng so I am doing it too, but I know tons of people who find it tacky)
    Sorry, should have said very few or few people see it as tacky.  I would bet the majority of the population in the US has no idea about these rules and doesn't care one way or the other.

    OP, I forgot to mention earlier in this thread, but why don't you have a receiving line after your ceremony to eat up time before pictures/cocktail hour?

    Ceremony 3pm-4pm.
    Receiving line 4pm-4:45 depending on how many people are attending your wedding.
    Cocktail hour at 5pm
    Dinner at 6pm

    Would that work?  What time are you planning on serving dinner?

    I wouldn't want to be waiting until 7pm or later anyways to begin my dinner. . . I'd have to eat before that, and then I wouldn't be hungry for your reception, so you just wasted $500 on me :/

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @PGL and @Fran1985, I agree it is a victimless crime, and those rules don't apply to the couple- groom/ WP gets a free pass to wear what he would like to wear!

    I meant that as a guest, I would feel absolutely ridiculous if I was invited to an afternoon "black tie" wedding and therefore pressured into wearing an evening frock and Fi a DJ. It screams to me that the people hosting have no idea what they are doing and not taking the guests consideration into account. 

    Now, a formal afternoon wedding, where one could wear a cocktail dress/ dark suit is fine, but we would feel beyond silly and frustrated at being pressured into wearing a DJ/Frock at 3pm. It is like people that require medieval costumes at their weddings. They are doing it for THEIR pictures, not the comfort of their guests.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @PGL and @Fran1985, I agree it is a victimless crime, and those rules don't apply to the couple- groom/ WP gets a free pass to wear what he would like to wear!

    I meant that as a guest, I would feel absolutely ridiculous if I was invited to an afternoon "black tie" wedding and therefore pressured into wearing an evening frock and Fi a DJ. It screams to me that the people hosting have no idea what they are doing and not taking the guests consideration into account. 

    Now, a formal afternoon wedding, where one could wear a cocktail dress/ dark suit is fine, but we would feel beyond silly and frustrated at being pressured into wearing a DJ/Frock at 3pm. It is like people that require medieval costumes at their weddings. They are doing it for THEIR pictures, not the comfort of their guests.
    I'm not up on my terms. . . DJ?

    I agree with you, I'd be very pissed if I had to go buy a floor length gown, or rent one from RTR, because I thought I was going to a black tie event when in fact it wasn't and I could have just worn a cocktail dress I already owned.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    2500 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @PGL and @Fran1985, I agree it is a victimless crime, and those rules don't apply to the couple- groom/ WP gets a free pass to wear what he would like to wear!

    I meant that as a guest, I would feel absolutely ridiculous if I was invited to an afternoon "black tie" wedding and therefore pressured into wearing an evening frock and Fi a DJ. It screams to me that the people hosting have no idea what they are doing and not taking the guests consideration into account. 

    Now, a formal afternoon wedding, where one could wear a cocktail dress/ dark suit is fine, but we would feel beyond silly and frustrated at being pressured into wearing a DJ/Frock at 3pm. It is like people that require medieval costumes at their weddings. They are doing it for THEIR pictures, not the comfort of their guests.
    I'm not up on my terms. . . DJ?

    I agree with you, I'd be very pissed if I had to go buy a floor length gown, or rent one from RTR, because I thought I was going to a black tie event when in fact it wasn't and I could have just worn a cocktail dress I already owned.
    Sorry, a DJ= Dinner Jacket (same thing as a tuxedo). I love a black tie wedding, when it is properly black tie. Otherwise it is very annoying, and frankly just sad, to go to all that effort so the hosts can have nice pictures, and we have to sit around in inappropriate formalwear. 

    Also, this plan would annoy me, and Fi and I own gowns/a DJ. I would be LIVID if I paid to hire one and then saw the hosts didn't even have the decency to host it properly!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Just as an FYI for future brides, if you really want a Catholic mass and an evening reception, many parishes are much more flexible about the start time on Friday, since there often isn't an evening mass, and some will have later in the day weddings on Sunday if their masses are mostly done in the morning.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @PGL and @Fran1985, I agree it is a victimless crime, and those rules don't apply to the couple- groom/ WP gets a free pass to wear what he would like to wear!

    I meant that as a guest, I would feel absolutely ridiculous if I was invited to an afternoon "black tie" wedding and therefore pressured into wearing an evening frock and Fi a DJ. It screams to me that the people hosting have no idea what they are doing and not taking the guests consideration into account. 

    Now, a formal afternoon wedding, where one could wear a cocktail dress/ dark suit is fine, but we would feel beyond silly and frustrated at being pressured into wearing a DJ/Frock at 3pm. It is like people that require medieval costumes at their weddings. They are doing it for THEIR pictures, not the comfort of their guests.
    I'm not up on my terms. . . DJ?

    I agree with you, I'd be very pissed if I had to go buy a floor length gown, or rent one from RTR, because I thought I was going to a black tie event when in fact it wasn't and I could have just worn a cocktail dress I already owned.
    Sorry, a DJ= Dinner Jacket (same thing as a tuxedo). I love a black tie wedding, when it is properly black tie. Otherwise it is very annoying, and frankly just sad, to go to all that effort so the hosts can have nice pictures, and we have to sit around in inappropriate formalwear. 

    Also, this plan would annoy me, and Fi and I own gowns/a DJ. I would be LIVID if I paid to hire one and then saw the hosts didn't even have the decency to host it properly!
    Oh duh!

    I wish I owned gowns and had places to wear them, haha!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    JMalletas said, " Also, to categorize & stereotype your non drinkers is rude, and definitely falls under some racism there. Whether you intended it that way or not."

    I respectfully disagree.  A huge number of Asians are physically unable to metabolize alcohol.  The side effects are quite unpleasant for them.  There is nothing racist about this.  It is a medical fact.  My son-in-law is Asian, and he drinks occasionally, but knowing that there will be side effects.  Many Asians, understandably, choose not to drink alcohol.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_flush_reaction



    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Points well taken. I see all your points. Will definitely consider all. Thanks.
  • So a wedding on a Saturday afternoon with a 2 maybe 3 hour gap is rude but not a Friday or Sunday wedding?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Emedian said:
    So a wedding on a Saturday afternoon with a 2 maybe 3 hour gap is rude but not a Friday or Sunday wedding?
    There is nothing wrong or rude about having a wedding on any day of the week.  Weekday weddings tend to have more declines, though.
    It is the GAP that is rude, not the time of day.
    You planned your wedding backwards.  You book the ceremony FIRST, and then co-ordinate the reception around the ceremony, not the other way around.
    Any dress codes on the invitation  are rude except for "black tie", which cannot apply to your wedding because it must be in the daytime.
    Wearing a tuxedo in the daytime is not rude, just inappropriate.  Asking your GUESTS to wear a tuxedo in the daytime is rude.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostLondonLisa
  • I supposed. I know with mine..Out of towers are then required to miss work on either a Friday and/or a Monday. I guess everyone just looks at things differently. Whenever I get invited to a formal event I get so excited. I would buy a couple of new dresses and shoes to really celebrate. I've also been in numerous weddings with gaps and are on school night but no one including myself doesn't seem to mind. I love dressing up. I want to always be gracious and show my hosts that we appreciate them and that their day is important to us. I decided to book the parish hall for a mini luncheon after the wedding. Also have my first fitting with my dress designer for my reception gown today...I'm in heaven :)
    theartistformerlyknownas
  • Ha ha ha..I'm Asian and I used to think I was allergic..then I just kept on drinking...then I don't get so blushy red anymore with my first sip.
  • I was just simply referring to my asian family as non drinkers...so ironic for people from Hawaii that's Korean, Japanese, and Filipino ...
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    CMGragain said:
    JMalletas said, " Also, to categorize & stereotype your non drinkers is rude, and definitely falls under some racism there. Whether you intended it that way or not."

    I respectfully disagree.  A huge number of Asians are physically unable to metabolize alcohol.  The side effects are quite unpleasant for them.  There is nothing racist about this.  It is a medical fact.  My son-in-law is Asian, and he drinks occasionally, but knowing that there will be side effects.  Many Asians, understandably, choose not to drink alcohol.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_flush_reaction



    Doesn't anybody read my posts?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    jenna8984grumbledore
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited April 2014
    whoops, double posted with CMG :-p

    image
    image
  • Come one, ladie!.  The OP has got herself in an awful situation with the help of a so-called "wedding planner" and a lot of misinformation.  It's probably too late for her to do much about changing this mess, and most of her guests probably already have their airline reservations from Hawaii.
    She is going to have to make the best of things at this point.  Feeding her guests and spending some time with them after the ceremony is an improvement over her original plan, though it doesn't completely solve the problems.
    Can anybody think of any other ways to save this mess of a wedding plan?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Emedian said:

    I supposed. I know with mine..Out of towers are then required to miss work on either a Friday and/or a Monday.

    I guess everyone just looks at things differently. Whenever I get invited to a formal event I get so excited. I would buy a couple of new dresses and shoes to really celebrate. I've also been in numerous weddings with gaps and are on school night but no one including myself doesn't seem to mind. I love dressing up. I want to always be gracious and show my hosts that we appreciate them and that their day is important to us.

    I decided to book the parish hall for a mini luncheon after the wedding. Also have my first fitting with my dress designer for my reception gown today...I'm in heaven :)

    When I get invited to a formal event, I too get really excited and buy a new dress and shoes. I know the wedding is formal because of the venue and style of invitation. I don't need "black tie invited" to know that a cocktail dress or long dress is appropriate for an evening wedding. There's nothing wrong with hoping people will get dressed up for your wedding. It's writing it down as an instruction that's the problem.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Oh, God, no!  OP, deleting your original post is pointless, rude, and will just attract attention to this thread!  Put your original post back before you get 100 snarky posts on this!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm confused on what being Asian has to do with drinking? Do Asians not have livers?
    Asians and a few other ethnic groups of people, Australian Aborigines and American Indians, do not produce enough of the enzyme need to metabolize and break down ethanol- alcohol dehydrogenase- as compared to people of European decent.

    So they physically cannot consume as much alcohol w/o getting ill.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Wow. There's a rule about this too? My gosh...The knot police
2
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards