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Etiquette

Honeymoon Fund vs. Honeymoon Activities

FI and I have booked our honeymoon at a Sandals resort. I keep getting e-mails about making my honeymoon activity registry. What do you ladies think of this? Is it less rude since people would be contributing to special dinners, spa treatments, and activities around the resort rather than a plane ticket and room fees? For some reason the idea still doesn't sit well with me so we will not be registering. Though I will be treating myself to a post-wedding massage ;). Just wondering what official etiquette says about this. 

Re: Honeymoon Fund vs. Honeymoon Activities

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    member
    hanjoy said:
    FI and I have booked our honeymoon at a Sandals resort. I keep getting e-mails about making my honeymoon activity registry. What do you ladies think of this? Is it less rude since people would be contributing to special dinners, spa treatments, and activities around the resort rather than a plane ticket and room fees? For some reason the idea still doesn't sit well with me so we will not be registering. Though I will be treating myself to a post-wedding massage ;). Just wondering what official etiquette says about this. 
    This still doesn't sit well with me either.  Sandals is probably collecting a fee or percentage from this registry, right?  Otherwise they wouldn't do it.

    That said, it's much better than Honeyfund because the money is actually going to exactly what the guest thinks they are buying.  Right-- you don't get the money, you get a credit for dinner or whatever?  So I don't hate it as much.  I still think it's a little tacky though.
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  • They are both rude. You won't actually get the activities listed on the registry; instead you'll get a check. Plus the purchaser gets charged a fee so their 100 gift only gives you 90. They can write a check directly to you for free. Honeymoon registries are rude, period. Listen to your gut.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    wrigleyvilleKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • I wouldn't create an activity registry.  97% of the guests at my wedding gave cash/checks, if your guests are anything like mine, why not use wedding gifts towards honeymoon activities without formally creating a fund?
    PrettyGirlLostlarrygagaindianaalum
  • It sounds to me like Sandals has realized how popular Honeyfunds are becoming and are trying to get their share of it...I would pass. 
    PrettyGirlLostsassyfrass2014
  • Do you usually book trips you can't afford and then beg for money to supplement ? Because that's what registering for honeymoon activities looks like. If people want to give you cash, they don't need any help to do so.
    crunchymamaof2
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    The only way I think this would be ok is if:

    A. You actually get the activity paid for, not a check.
    B. They pay the resort directly.
    C. The only way the guest can access this is if they ask you for your registry information. I wouldn't put it in your shower invitations or on your website.

    It would also be nice if the resort could credit you for an activity that's paid for but you're unable to do, and allow you to use that money towards another activity, special dinner, spa services, etc., so it's not lost. If you have a paid parasailing excursion and the weather prevents you doing that, they should offer alternatives.
  • They are the exact same thing. I don't care if it's to raise money for the expenses of the honeymoon, or for excursions - you are asking people for money/to fund your trip which is rude and tacky.

    The fact that Honeyfund takes a cut is not what makes it rude; it is what makes it impractical. Even if all the money contributed goes toward the trip the concept itself is still rude.
  • How much does it cost to use the wedding registry and wedding website?
    We charge a small service & handling fee to maintain a professional full service registry for you, your friends and family. This service & handling fee provides an ad free registry experience, wedding website and social networking tools with the highest level of security, encryption and insurance. Our team is here to answer calls toll free, process checks and credit card transactions of your guests.

    Adding the service & handling fee to the transaction means that the purchaser will be charged a 9.65% service & handling fee at check-out. Purchasers can receive a 2.65% discount if they choose to mail a check directly bringing the total service fee to 7%.

    Guests from around the world can make a contribution towards your honeymoon with ease which means no shipping or carrying gifts with them to your wedding destination. Please feel free to call us with any questions

    Source: http://registry.sandals.com/registry/Honeymoon-Registry-Couple-FAQ#q5
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    TexasBride2014doeydo
  • delujm0delujm0
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    member
    How much does it cost to use the wedding registry and wedding website?
    We charge a small service & handling fee to maintain a professional full service registry for you, your friends and family. This service & handling fee provides an ad free registry experience, wedding website and social networking tools with the highest level of security, encryption and insurance. Our team is here to answer calls toll free, process checks and credit card transactions of your guests.

    Adding the service & handling fee to the transaction means that the purchaser will be charged a 9.65% service & handling fee at check-out. Purchasers can receive a 2.65% discount if they choose to mail a check directly bringing the total service fee to 7%.

    Guests from around the world can make a contribution towards your honeymoon with ease which means no shipping or carrying gifts with them to your wedding destination. Please feel free to call us with any questions

    Source: http://registry.sandals.com/registry/Honeymoon-Registry-Couple-FAQ#q5


    Uuuuuuuugh, pass.  Sandals overcharges for most of their excursions anyway.  You can get them directly from the tour company for up to 50% less.

     

    in light of this new information OP i'd say don't do it. 

  • I would side-eye it, fees or no fees. It's asking for money.

    If I want to give you money, I'll just give you money.

    I don't need a suggestion regarding how I can give you that money in such a way that I have to pay a premium on what I give you.

    This fee that they are talking about is not deducting from your gift, it's in addition to it. So your gift of $100 becomes $110.
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    LondonLisadoeydoMairePoppy
  • tcnobletcnoble
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
    member
    I was just looking at this with Secrets - only because I have seen so many people post about doing them. And @MuppetOverlord you have the option with Secrets to either add the service fee to what your guests pay, or you can deduct it from what they give you. So either way, someone is paying a fee on the "gift." 

    And again, as everyone has stated before, you are not actually receiving what your guest "buys" you. For Secrets, it goes as a credit on your room. You don't actually get that moonlit dinner on the beach unless that's what you choose to do with it. No matter how people try to spin it, it's rude.
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  • ashleyepashleyep
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited April 23
    I hate honeymoon registries, but if I could actually buy you the actual excursion you're claiming to do, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  Like if I have the option of buying an excursion through your cruise or resort or whatever.

    But in this case the fees seem kind of ridiculously high - I wouldn't bother. Use whatever cash you get from your wedding and pay for the excursions yourself.

    @crunchymamaof2 in this case, I think you're wrong. If it's through Sandals, they probably actually do get the activity. It's not just a lump sum check. Although the PP said for Secrets it's a room credit. In which case it's the same thing as a honeymoon registry, so I'd pass.
    Anniversary
  • delujm0 said:
    How much does it cost to use the wedding registry and wedding website?
    We charge a small service & handling fee to maintain a professional full service registry for you, your friends and family. This service & handling fee provides an ad free registry experience, wedding website and social networking tools with the highest level of security, encryption and insurance. Our team is here to answer calls toll free, process checks and credit card transactions of your guests.

    Adding the service & handling fee to the transaction means that the purchaser will be charged a 9.65% service & handling fee at check-out. Purchasers can receive a 2.65% discount if they choose to mail a check directly bringing the total service fee to 7%.

    Guests from around the world can make a contribution towards your honeymoon with ease which means no shipping or carrying gifts with them to your wedding destination. Please feel free to call us with any questions

    Source: http://registry.sandals.com/registry/Honeymoon-Registry-Couple-FAQ#q5


    Uuuuuuuugh, pass.  Sandals overcharges for most of their excursions anyway.  You can get them directly from the tour company for up to 50% less.

     

    in light of this new information OP i'd say don't do it. 

    This is why I think honeymoon registries are not only rude, but also plain stupid. You're voluntarily handing over potentially hundreds of dollars to a middle man. 
    image
    lc07
  • ashleyep said:
    I hate honeymoon registries, but if I could actually buy you the actual excursion you're claiming to do, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  Like if I have the option of buying an excursion through your cruise or resort or whatever.

    But in this case the fees seem kind of ridiculously high - I wouldn't bother. Use whatever cash you get from your wedding and pay for the excursions yourself.

    @crunchymamaof2 in this case, I think you're wrong. If it's through Sandals, they probably actually do get the activity. It's not just a lump sum check. Although the PP said for Secrets it's a room credit. In which case it's the same thing as a honeymoon registry, so I'd pass.

    From registry.sandals.com: Receiving all the wonderful gifts your friends and family purchase for your Sandals honeymoon is simple. For resort credits and all spa items, these will be transferred to your room account on property for use with any items that may be billed to your room. All resort credit's must be used on property during your stay, are non-refundable and non-transferable. All resort credits must be purchased 4 days prior to your arrival. For all Tour and Wedding Package items, after the gifts have been purchased from your gift registry, you will be notified via email. At that time, you may contact our reservations department who will assist you with the scheduling of this gift at 877-309-7162. For booking add-ons such as tours, payment must be made at the time you are making the booking and monies will be transferred from the purchase on your registry. We kindly request 48 hours notice if you need to cancel or reschedule your event. 100% of the value of the service will be non-refundable if less than 24 hours is given for the cancellation. If an add-on event is canceled due to weather we will attempt to reschedule during your stay. If we are unable to reschedule the event, you will receive a refund. You will receive details on how to book these items once the item is purchased or by checking your "Registry Item Details Page" by logging in to your account at any time. For Trip Contributions, all gift monies will be transferred to you by check or ACH transfer according to your payment preference. All trip contributions will be processed 24 hours (business day) after your request. Back To Top

    So it sounds like instead of receiving the bottle of wine you get credits to your account. For excursions you do have to schedule them. So I will say that this is better than honey fund or the majority of HM registries but I'd still consider it misleading and rude. Sandals takes a fee and they still have the trip contribution option where the couple receives a check. I still don't read the excursions as you have to take that specific one but maybe im wrong. I still think registering for your HM is tacky. If a person asks you about your trip and if they can contribute great. They don't need a roadmap on how to do so though.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    tcnoble
  • Ugh!  Don't do it!  It is no different than asking for money as a gift.
  • delujm0delujm0
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    member
    So it sounds like instead of receiving the bottle of wine you get credits to your account. For excursions you do have to schedule them. So I will say that this is better than honey fund or the majority of HM registries but I'd still consider it misleading and rude. Sandals takes a fee and they still have the trip contribution option where the couple receives a check. I still don't read the excursions as you have to take that specific one but maybe im wrong. I still think registering for your HM is tacky. If a person asks you about your trip and if they can contribute great. They don't need a roadmap on how to do so though.

    This.  We have a page on our wedding website about our honeymoon.  It's basically just our itinerary and the hotels that we're staying at.  Sometimes FI's family likes to send us gift cards to use at restaurants when they know we're going on vacation.  They research local restaurants online when they know where we're going.  If someone feels like doing that for this trip, great, they can find out where we're going and when on the website.  If they would rather get us a physical gift or write us a check, also great.  If they give us nothing, that is totally fine as well.  In no way do we at any time say "want pay for our honeymoon in some way?  here's how you can do it!" but if they have that thought on their own, they can figure it out.

     

    I think the thing i hate the most about traditional honeymoon registries is that it's like "PAY FOR OUR HONEYMOON!"  but when it's through the hotel it's more like "we paid for this trip and everything, but if you want to give us a little something extra while we're there, that's cool."  I do not respect people who book a trip that they can't afford because they expect other people to buy it for them.  No one is owed or entiled to a honeymoon. 

     

    the thing i hate the second most about honeymoon registries: the lying!  obvs. :-)

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary
    mod
    ashleyep said:
    I hate honeymoon registries, but if I could actually buy you the actual excursion you're claiming to do, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  Like if I have the option of buying an excursion through your cruise or resort or whatever.
    Right. Same here. I paid for my friends' Disneyland tickets a year ago, but it was through Disneyland's website. They were E-tickets, so all they had to do was print them and have them scanned at the gate. No fees. Easy peasy. :)

    They hadn't registered for anything honeymoon-related; I just knew they really wanted to go but were hedging on the cost.
    image
  • sassyfrass2014sassyfrass2014 ATLien
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    member
    Ehhhh... too close to the Honeyfund line for comfort to me, but others may be more ambivalent on this issue. 

    It just sounds a lot like asking guests to buy your honeymoon, but maybe I'm not fully grasping the concept. I'm very firmly in the "If you can't afford to do it, then don't do it" camp.

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