Bridal Shower/ Bachelor Party Woes

perdonami

So, my aunt has been kind enough to host a co-ed bridal shower for us. She has been continuously consulting me on some of her party planning and all I have been saying to her as been along the lines that, "whatever you decide to do, I am sure will be wonderful." Recently she asked me if I have ordered our wedding invitations and whether or not I had a guest book yet. I replied that I have not ordered them yet and will by the end of the week. She then suggested that I also purchase the bridal shower invitations as well. I was set back a little bit by the request as I figure brides are not suppose to get involved in any bridal shower planning business so I just told her I was driving and I would get back to her soon. 

I haven't called her back yet because I was not sure how to explain that I should not be designing or  purchasing the invitations for the bridal shower. I don't want to come off ungrateful or a penny pincher but it just seems wrong to me. 

On another etiquette type question, our best man wants to host a bachelor to honor both my fiance and his best friend who was not provided a bachelor party. The best man states that he feels guilty for not hosting a bachelor party for his best friend as he was also the best man for him as well. I feel that his best friend who has been married for a year now should not be encroaching on another bachelor party for someone else. After all, he technically is not a bachelor anymore. This best friend is also not invited to the wedding either. To me it feels rude for the best man to host a dual bachelor party, especially if the other person has been married for a year already. Or maybe I am just making a big deal out of nothing. 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Lauderdale Pink

There are lots of "rules" that people on these boards love to quote.  First, speak with your aunt and find out if the invitation issue is a financial concern.  If it is, see what you can do to make it easier or if somebody else can help.  You won't know why she is asking until you speak with her about it.
As for the bachelor party, it does sound odd, but out of your area.  How does your FI fell about it? If he does not care, then you could let it go.  If he does care, then it is up to him to address the issue.  Brides have enough work on their plates without inviting more work. 

tammym1001

Is it possible that maybe your aunt thinks the bridal shower invitations need to match the wedding invitations so she thought it would be easier for you to order them at the same time? If it is a money issue, I don't think it's a big deal to purchase the invitations. I know you aren't supposed to do stuff for your own party, but it isn't like anyone will know where the invitations came from.

I do think it's weird that the BM is planning a dual bachelor party for your FI and someone else who is a. already married and b. not invited to your wedding. I would leave this to your FI to handle though. The bachelor party is really out of your control. 

perdonami

My aunt is doing quite well financially so I don't think that is the problem, but perhaps that maybe she thinks the shower invitations should match the wedding invitations. I guess since no one will know that I purchased and designed the invitations that it is no big deal.

My fiance has expressed that he felt hurt that his best man felt he needed to invite this other friend. I guess they have a little bit of drama involving the best man dropping plans or not including fiance when this other friend comes into the picture.  As a result, fiance is saying that he does not want a bachelor party due to best man's request (as well as some other crap my brother is doing). Fiance feels its too much trouble and not worth it. I just think the best man is unaware that his planning may be offensive to fiance.

tammym1001

If your FI doesn't want a joint bachelor party then he needs to be the one telling his friend that. If you get involved in that it is just going to cause problems. If your FI doesn't speak up then he will have to deal with it. I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear because you don't want to see your FI have his feelings hurt, but I swear his friend will just think bad of you if you bring this up to him.

perdonami

Hmm, thanks for the advice ladies.

thesummersky

If it were my aunt, I would ask her why she preferred for me to order them. It could be to match your wedding invitations, because you have everyone's addresses, it could be financial, or perhaps she thinks you're a wizard with words.

Once you find out the issue, you can address whatever the issue actually is. For example: If she can afford X amount for invitations, but you want them to match with your wedding invitations that cost XX, that may be an unreasonable request of her. But if she's planning to do homemade invitations and you're cool with that, great!