How do i have my sister be something other than a bridesmaid?

mj23hr

My oldest sister and i do not get along, she states it was due to something i did years ago, we mended these broken bridges, or so i thought? But she had the nerve to say she could not be excited about our wedding unless she knew she would be a party of the bridal party? My FI and i are both hurt by this and she didnt even congratulate us on such a joyous occasion of getting engaged. How do i not include her as a bridesmaid as as my FI and I feel she would not be there for us. What else can i have my sister help with to help her feel just as important?

sarawifenow

First off, sorry that your relationship is so strained!

Second, you should only have people in your wedding party that YOU and your FI want. Don't let people pressure you.

Lastly, can she do a reading? If not, don't make her do anything besides be a guest. Nobody wants guest book duty.

Jen4948

If your sister isn't a bridesmaid, she can be an usher or a reader.  But there are no other "wedding party" roles.

Nor should she be in the wedding party if you really aren't close.  As PPs have said, don't give in to pressure from others.  It's not up to them who is in the wedding party.

RebeccaFlower

No one MUST do anything. It sounds like she should be a guest, if nothing else but your sanity. 

mj23hr

Thank you everyone for your help. I feel as though if i let her read she would find a way to to hurt our feelings, or upset our wedding. But i do love her in the end and i want her to be happy, i just cannot allow her to stand by me physically when she does not emotionally, or figuratively. 

theexactlee

Ugh girl, I feel your pain. My sister is 10 years older than me and my entire life has been filled with "musts" with her. So if I knew what to tell you I would. My unfortunate opinion is enjoy your day with your sister by your side as your maid of honor. LOL. Such is life.

JellyBean52513

You need to find it in you to tell her how you feel. "Sister, you said the only way you'd be excited for the wedding is if you were a bridesmaid...and I only want people to stand as a bridesmaid if they ARE excited for the wedding, not the other way around. I hope we can keep working on our relationship, but please understand that my wedding is not going to be the arena for that."

MuppetOverlord

She's making it sound like you have the ability to affect her demeanor based on which role you select for her when the fact of the matter is probably going to be that she's a sour puss no matter how you choose and it's something that SHE has already decided.

The role of "guest" is one that is honorable enough. If you think that you have an opportunity to bond over your wedding and WANT to, perhaps simply ask her to go wedding dress shopping with you or cake tasting.

I would NOT let her affect you.

wrigleyville

What Muppet said. Also, you could buy her a corsage. I wasn't in my brother's WP, which was honestly no big deal to me, but I was really touched when they bought me a corsage to wear. It made me feel "honored" while still enjoying the wedding as a guest.

zitiqueen

mj23hr said:

My oldest sister and i do not get along, she states it was due to something i did years ago, we mended these broken bridges, or so i thought? But she had the nerve to say she could not be excited about our wedding unless she knew she would be a party of the bridal party? My FI and i are both hurt by this and she didnt even congratulate us on such a joyous occasion of getting engaged. How do i not include her as a bridesmaid as as my FI and I feel she would not be there for us. What else can i have my sister help with to help her feel just as important?

Sounds like pumpkin needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her and her feelings. Who gives a shit if she's not excited? Why do you need to make her feel important? She doesn't seem to give a rip about your and your feelings; why do you think you need her approval?

Kerrots

Honestly for me it wouldn't be worth the fight.  I'd just have her be my bridesmaid and move on.  And trust me I know about shaky relationships.  I'd much rather have a happy sister, (mean sister or not) than have to worry about how she's going to ruin my wedding. 

Hope it works out for you!

a13049

Someone else help me, is candle lighter an acceptable wedding part position? I have seen a lot of weddings around here with candle lighters that are like the equivalent to an usher. Still I. The bridal party but not as high as a bridesmaid or groomsman? I could be off, because we aren't having any type of bridal party. Fi hates the idea of picking friends, and I hated the idea of having 8 groomsman because he can't choose

wrigleyville

Kerrots said:

Honestly for me it wouldn't be worth the fight.  I'd just have her be my bridesmaid and move on.  And trust me I know about shaky relationships.  I'd much rather have a happy sister, (mean sister or not) than have to worry about how she's going to ruin my wedding. 

Hope it works out for you!

Giving in = enabling her = the behavior will never end.

She needs to grow up, NOW, and giving in is only going to validate and encourage her spoiled, bratty behavior.

Once she's a BM, she might insist on being MOH. Once that's done, she might insist on this dress, or that dress, and so on. Nipping it in the bud now is better than total chaos later.

l9i

I had the same issue with my older brother... my parents pressured me to have him be a groomsan because it's the "right thing to do".  Well, he ended up backing out and is now maybe going to be an ushe (maybe).  Some people get sour because it's spot light off of them.  I have a friend who got married recently and she had her sister in the WP even though their relationship was strained.  The day of she never showed up.  Be careful in what you do!