Question/Rant about other person's wedding

ninewest86

We're attending a wedding in June that has the most obscure dress code.  On their website under guest information it says that recommended attire is "evening/summer/semi formal/cocktail."  Am I crazy for not knowing what that's supposed to mean?  I would think summer is a sun dress but evening means gowns.  The ceremony is a church in the city (parking is not provided) that requires a total of walking 6 blocks from the garage to the church then to the docks where we will get on a boat that will cruise for 3.5 hours until 10:30 at night, so there's no option of leaving before then.  I'd rather not go at all for these and other reasons but my FI insists since the groom is a friend of his.  No one is really a fan of the bride, sad to say.  I'm inclined to wear a sun dress and flip flops given the walk and the assumption that it's going to be hot.

HisGirlFriday13

Other than black (or white) tie, B/G don't get to dictate guests' attire.

If it's a church wedding, I'd dress like I would for church in the summer -- a cute sundress and cute sandals.

I would not wear flip flops to a wedding unless it was a beach wedding because IMHO, flip flops are too casual for weddings, but that is not an opinion shared by everyone.

doeydo

Ugh, I hate dress codes.  Just wear whatever you would have if there was never a dress code suggested.  

afaber24

Trapped on a boat for 3.5 hours...yikes! That has the potential to be fun, but also the potential to be terrible (I'm thinking motion sickness).

I'd just wear a nice summer dress and nice sandals, maybe wedges for walking. You could always throw a pair of flats in your purse in case you need them.

Flip Flops are really not appropriate for church.

PrettyGirlLost

ninewest86 said:

We're attending a wedding in June that has the most obscure dress code.  On their website under guest information it says that recommended attire is "evening/summer/semi formal/cocktail."  Am I crazy for not knowing what that's supposed to mean?  I would think summer is a sun dress but evening means gowns.  The ceremony is a church in the city (parking is not provided) that requires a total of walking 6 blocks from the garage to the church then to the docks where we will get on a boat that will cruise for 3.5 hours until 10:30 at night, so there's no option of leaving before then.  I'd rather not go at all for these and other reasons but my FI insists since the groom is a friend of his.  No one is really a fan of the bride, sad to say.  I'm inclined to wear a sun dress and flip flops given the walk and the assumption that it's going to be hot.

No, you are not crazy because most of those words don't mean shit- there is no such thing as semi formal ><  It's either formal, or not.

You're an adult, wear whatever you feel is appropriate.

MuppetOverlord

I'd wear what I wanted.

wrigleyville

ninewest86 said:

On their website under guest information it says that recommended attire is "evening/summer/semi formal/cocktail."  Am I crazy for not knowing what that's supposed to mean?

This means, "We don't want you to wear jeans, because OMG, but we're not going to come right out and say it because that would be rude."

What they don't realize is that telling people what to wear is pretty passive-aggressive and, therefore, rude. They're basically saying, "We know you're adults, but we don't feel you're capable of dressing yourselves, and we're scared one pair of jeans is going to totes ruin the pictures of our most presh, speshul day."

lc07

I would wear a church appropriate cocktail dress (meaning no boobage and closer to knee length but fancy) and flats. Flats because of the walk and the boat, otherwise I'd wear heels. 

phira

If you go to the wedding, I'd ignore the dress code and wear what you'd feel would be appropriate for a church wedding followed by a cruise in June at that location. I agree that flip-flops are too casual for most weddings, but I would still wear comfortable shoes.

However, I don't think you should attend if you don't want to. By all means, your fiance should attend, but cruises are not for everyone. My partner does not do boats very willingly and unless the person getting married was his sibling or cousin, he would automatically decline to go on a cruise for the reception.

ninewest86

I was thinking flip-flops for the walk and maybe keeping them on the boat if necessary.  The timing bothers me more than anything since we can't leave until at least 10:30, plus the drive home and we have a dog (my overly spoiled fur baby) at home that needs to be let out and will want us home before she goes to sleep.  Did I mention she's a spoiled baby If it was on land I'd probably leave at 9:30 for those reasons, but we don't have the option.  The invitation was colorful and informal looking (RSVP only online) but these people wear formal wear (gowns and a tux) for just about any reason.  I'm convinced no matter what I wear that I'll be over or under dressed and stick out and not be able to escape.

STARMOON44

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

pinkshorts27

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

yea, if I'm on a boat I will not be wearing that.  Boat != cocktail dress or heels of any form IMHO.  

APDSS22

Well, you could always jump off the boat if it gets too awful but then you might want to wear a swimsuit under your dress and have an extra (dry) change of clothes in your car. 

In your place I would wear a nicer (slightly heavier material, darker jewel-tone print) sundress I own with a wrap over it and black flats.  It's a little ambiguous from the invites how formal they want to go and their "dress code" doesn't make any sense at all.  A traditional sundress would be a little too casual from what you've said of the couple though it would match the invites.  An evening boat cruise could be very fancy (on a yacht) or very casual (smaller vessel).  Of course for church there is a wide range of appropriate dress (within certain modesty limits) but you also wouldn't want to be too hot for the weather likely occurring in June.  I wish you luck in either convincing your FI to go alone or finding a perfectly ambiguous outfit so you at least don't stand out too much one way or the other.

STARMOON44

@pinkshorts27- I'm in NYC, picturing a circle line/similar type cruise. And in my circle everyone would be similarly attired.

pinkshorts27

STARMOON44 said:

@pinkshorts27- I'm in NYC, picturing a circle line/similar type cruise. And in my circle everyone would be similarly attired.

If I'm going on a boat and heels I would probably break an ankle or spend half the night on the ground. And a boat does not scream formal to me. 

Rosebubbly

I would never be able to attend a wedding on a boat! I'd have anxiety about motion sickness...which would in turn cause more anxiety! Lol!
On the dress code topic...one thing I do love is when a bride weighs in on shoes. It's always helpful to know if you're going to be on grass...pebbles...sand etc, so you know to wear flats, wedges or stilettos. That is all though! Let me know if it's formal....The rest...adults know how to dress themselves for a wedding.

SP29

Ugh. That dress code doesn't even make sense! Evening usually equates to formal (though I think the formality should be judged by the type of event and the design of the invitations, not solely by the time of day, but GENERALLY evening is more formal). Semi-formal and cocktail are basically the same thing, so that's redundant. Summer- well duh, if the wedding is in June, it's a summer wedding :P. Summer also generally equates to less formal (like a sundress).

I would take your cues from the fact that the ceremony is in a church with a reception on a boat. Unless it's the Titanic, I wouldn't dress too formally for a boat. I would also consider the fact that you do have to walk a fair bit- either bring flats to walk in, or possibly wear flitzy flats with a cocktail dress. 

ninewest86

You ladies have been so helpful, so here's another gem that came in the mail yesterday.  Completely different "wedding" the bride is advertising it as a vow renewal since they got married at the court house last year when she got pregnant and needed insurance coverage (not even going there).  So the invitation comes with the BB&B registry card tucked inside saying there will be a vow renewal ceremony at a Catholic church followed by a reception, the website lists the bridal party including flower girl and ring bearer.  This has all the trappings of a full on wedding even though they're already married and have a child.  I declared I was in no way buying a gift for a vow renewal when FI was offended last year about not being invited to the court house wedding, but FI of course insists.  How does he have the collection of strange people getting married?

insertusernamehere

ninewest86 said:

You ladies have been so helpful, so here's another gem that came in the mail yesterday.  Completely different "wedding" the bride is advertising it as a vow renewal since they got married at the court house last year when she got pregnant and needed insurance coverage (not even going there).  So the invitation comes with the BB&B registry card tucked inside saying there will be a vow renewal ceremony at a Catholic church followed by a reception, the website lists the bridal party including flower girl and ring bearer.  This has all the trappings of a full on wedding even though they're already married and have a child.  I declared I was in no way buying a gift for a vow renewal when FI was offended last year about not being invited to the court house wedding, but FI of course insists.  How does he have the collection of strange people getting married?

If you're from anywhere like where I am from (middle of nowhere, Massachusetts), I'm pretty sure there's something in the water that makes everyone crazy.

HisGirlFriday13

I don't know either, but both the crazy weddings we were invited to this year were DH's friends, too.

sassyfrass2014

This is why I hate dress codes. Ditto the PP's, bride and groom (or bride & bride or groom & groom) don't get to dictate attire other than Black or White Tie. Most adults should have the common sense to dress for a summer weather and the appropriate time of day!

Jen4948

sassyfrass2014 said:

This is why I hate dress codes. Ditto the PP's, bride and groom (or bride & bride or groom & groom) don't get to dictate attire other than Black or White Tie. Most adults should have the common sense to dress for a summer weather and the appropriate time of day!

Many don't though.  At my cousin's wedding (a formal afternoon wedding), some relatives on the other side of his family showed up wearing casual shirts and jeans.

MandyMost

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

Totally agree. I assume this is some sort of dinner cruise type of boat, not like a sail boat. Even without the dress code on the website, I'd assume everyone would dress cocktail or semi-formal (i.e. suits and ties; short or long fancy dresses). But apparently some people would still wear flip flops and sundress to an evening wedding?! Yikes! I know it's rude to list a dress code (and obviously people interpret them as however they see fit), but if ever there was a REASON to tell people what to wear, clearly this is it. Flip flops are for the beach. Sundresses are for the daytime. Don't wear something you'd wear grocery shopping (i.e. sundress and flip flops) to an evening dinner cruise of a wedding!

[Deleted User]

I would say wear whatever you would normally wear to say an evening summer wedding or for a night out on the town. And heck with all that walking I would be going and getting myself a pair of pretty flip flop/sandels.

PrettyGirlLost

pinkshorts27 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

yea, if I'm on a boat I will not be wearing that.  Boat != cocktail dress or heels of any form IMHO.  

You mean a yacht, right?  Because I'd sure as hell not be dressing like that for one of these boats:

PrettyGirlLost

SP29 said:

Ugh. That dress code doesn't even make sense! Evening usually equates to formal (though I think the formality should be judged by the type of event and the design of the invitations, not solely by the time of day, but GENERALLY evening is more formal). Semi-formal and cocktail are basically the same thing, so that's redundant. Summer- well duh, if the wedding is in June, it's a summer wedding :P. Summer also generally equates to less formal (like a sundress).

I would take your cues from the fact that the ceremony is in a church with a reception on a boat. Unless it's the Titanic, I wouldn't dress too formally for a boat. I would also consider the fact that you do have to walk a fair bit- either bring flats to walk in, or possibly wear flitzy flats with a cocktail dress. 

Semi formal isn't a thing since it is a term that contradicts itself.

I agree that evening weddings tend to be more formal events, but that doesn't necessarily mean floor length gowns.  Cocktail dresses are typically fine for formal, evening weddings.

If the reception is on the Titanic I'd suggest wearing a life jacket ;-)

PrettyGirlLost

ninewest86 said:

You ladies have been so helpful, so here's another gem that came in the mail yesterday.  Completely different "wedding" the bride is advertising it as a vow renewal since they got married at the court house last year when she got pregnant and needed insurance coverage (not even going there).  So the invitation comes with the BB&B registry card tucked inside saying there will be a vow renewal ceremony at a Catholic church followed by a reception, the website lists the bridal party including flower girl and ring bearer.  This has all the trappings of a full on wedding even though they're already married and have a child.  I declared I was in no way buying a gift for a vow renewal when FI was offended last year about not being invited to the court house wedding, but FI of course insists.  How does he have the collection of strange people getting married?

"Great, honey!  Have fun going to BB&B and picking out and buying the gift.  Oh no, I'm not going to go with you.  I have no desire to buy a gift for a vow renewal- remember last year?"

PrettyGirlLost

MandyMost said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

Totally agree. I assume this is some sort of dinner cruise type of boat, not like a sail boat. Even without the dress code on the website, I'd assume everyone would dress cocktail or semi-formal (i.e. suits and ties; short or long fancy dresses). But apparently some people would still wear flip flops and sundress to an evening wedding?! Yikes! I know it's rude to list a dress code (and obviously people interpret them as however they see fit), but if ever there was a REASON to tell people what to wear, clearly this is it. Flip flops are for the beach. Sundresses are for the daytime. Don't wear something you'd wear grocery shopping (i.e. sundress and flip flops) to an evening dinner cruise of a wedding!

I'm not really singling out Mandy's post, I'm just piggy-backing on it to make a general comment. . .

Who flipping cares what other people wear?!  Seriously, people, I don't get it.  A woman in a sundress isn't going to ruin the dinner cruise for everyone else just by virtue of the fact that she is wearing a sundress.

You want to play Fashion Police with your SO or BFFs and silently side eye and judge people, have at it.  But what other people are wearing honestly doesn't matter or affect anyone else.  If a person shows up to an event under-dressed chances are they A. don't give a shit about what they are wearing nor how other ppl judge them or B. they will feel under dressed an embarrassed.

STARMOON44

PrettyGirlLost said:

pinkshorts27 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

yea, if I'm on a boat I will not be wearing that.  Boat != cocktail dress or heels of any form IMHO.  

You mean a yacht, right?  Because I'd sure as hell not be dressing like that for one of these boats:




I mean any sort of boat large enough to fit 100 people on it. Yacht, ferry, steamboat etc. If the boat were a small sailing vessel, I'd expect to have seen boat shoes required.

I just find it shocking people would wear flip flops and a sundress to an evening wedding. Flip flops are for the beach. Sundresses are daytime clothes. I might bring flip flops for the walk, but Im a grown up and I wear big girl shoes to weddings.

PrettyGirlLost

STARMOON44 said:

pinkshorts27 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would wear a cocktail dress, glitzy evening shoes, a wrap, and bring a pair of flats in my bag. I think a sundress or church clothes are day time clothes that will be out of place and too casual for this event. My SO would wear a suit and tie, and probably take the jacket off after dinner.

yea, if I'm on a boat I will not be wearing that.  Boat != cocktail dress or heels of any form IMHO.  

You mean a yacht, right?  Because I'd sure as hell not be dressing like that for one of these boats:

I mean any sort of boat large enough to fit 100 people on it. Yacht, ferry, steamboat etc. If the boat were a small sailing vessel, I'd expect to have seen boat shoes required. I just find it shocking people would wear flip flops and a sundress to an evening wedding. Flip flops are for the beach. Sundresses are daytime clothes. I might bring flip flops for the walk, but Im a grown up and I wear big girl shoes to weddings.

Ugh, boat shoes!  Hate em!!

I personally don't give a crap what other people choose to wear. . . as long as they are wearing clothes ;-)

ETA: I once wore a floor length sun dress to an evening summer wedding *gasp* because I was out of college and didn't have a ton of money at the time to go buy a cocktail dress that I was only going to wear to this one event.  If anyone was side eye-ing me, I didn't notice and I sure didn't care. The Bride didn't care, we are still friends, and she's in my wedding this fall.

ninewest86

Yes it's technically a yacht I guess.  She did say that heels are ok on the boat, so it's not a rubber dingy.  Ceremony is at 4 so we're bridging the day/evening time frame with dinner being served sometime after 7 from what I gather.  By sundress for myself I was more thinking a lighter flowy (is that a word?) material with short sleeves, comes to the knee but isn't a black cocktail dress.  The weather is my biggest concern since I'm a hot person, always hot, always the first to sweat.  This is June in Maryland, on the harbor in the city no less.  Think highs in the 90s that don't drop when the sun sets, sticky with humidity at a minimum of 80% and with any luck there will be some sort of fish kill on the bay that week so it will stink. I just want to be comfortable, appropriately dressed, and not arrive at the reception in a flop sweat that negates the first two areas.