Question about the bridal party...

als0494

So, let me just start by stating that I AM NOT looking for a pity party, as some people whom i've asked opinions of seem to assume.

Now here is the question/dilemma:

I have very few friends. VERY FEW. The friends i do have, i DO NOT want to be in my wedding party.

Whereas my Fiance, has numerous friends, so many that if he left anyone out of his side of the wedding party, someone would be offended.

My Fiance has already stated that he does not want un even sides, we both need to have the same number of people at our sides when we say "I do".

This is totally fine by me, so we have now decided to make it easy on both of us, do a one person each, family only, wedding party.

I will have my sister be my MOH and his brother in law will be his best man.

But my sister lives 4hours away, and cant be here for me to help with what i believe would be helpful, (mailing out invitations, helping ,me pick out reception decor, etc.)

Do you think i can ask a friend to help me, without having to be fully responsible as a MOH would be?

I am so stuck on what to do, any suggestions would be extremely helpful, even if it means considering different wedding party arrangements,

Thanks!

manateehugger

als0494 said:

So, let me just start by stating that I AM NOT looking for a pity party, as some people whom i've asked opinions of seem to assume.

Now here is the question/dilemma:

I have very few friends. VERY FEW. The friends i do have, i DO NOT want to be in my wedding party.

Whereas my Fiance, has numerous friends, so many that if he left anyone out of his side of the wedding party, someone would be offended.

My Fiance has already stated that he does not want un even sides, we both need to have the same number of people at our sides when we say "I do".

This is totally fine by me, so we have now decided to make it easy on both of us, do a one person each, family only, wedding party.

I will have my sister be my MOH and his brother in law will be his best man.

But my sister lives 4hours away, and cant be here for me to help with what i believe would be helpful, (mailing out invitations, helping ,me pick out reception decor, etc.)

Do you think i can ask a friend to help me, without having to be fully responsible as a MOH would be?

I am so stuck on what to do, any suggestions would be extremely helpful, even if it means considering different wedding party arrangements,

Thanks!

A Few Things 

1. There is zero reason to have even sides. That makes no sense; don't fill in spots with people you aren't close to in your bridal party. People become props instead of honored friends then. Google up uneven wedding party pictures. They all look fine. I've been to a crapton of weddings and have never cared that there's uneven sides (if I've even noticed it in the first place). Tell your FI he is being silly. If it makes sense to have a small party, that's fine, but don't pick your people based on the desire for even sides. 

2. Your MOH and BM's have no responsibilities except to show up on time, properly groomed, and  in the agreed upon dress. You turn to your FI to help you mail out invites and decide on reception decor. It's not their job to care about the details of your wedding; it's your wedding, not theirs. They don't have to host a shower or bachelorette party for you either. 

3. The long distance wont make a difference when it comes to bridesmaids. I live in a different state than all of my bridesmaids. It hasn't hindered anything. I spent a weekend in town with them picking out dresses, and that's it. Two of them went on their own to pick out their dresses.

sarahonlife

Planning your wedding and mailing invitations are things to be done with the person you're marrying, not your bridal party or random friends. If your friend for some reason really loves to handle other people's mail for them and offers to help with invitations, feel free to take them up on it, but it would be really weird for you to ASK a friend to do that.

AddieCake

You should never ask anyone to help you with those things. If people offer, great. But it is only the responsibility of you and your fiance to pull your wedding together. 

chibiyui

als0494 said:

So, let me just start by stating that I AM NOT looking for a pity party, as some people whom i've asked opinions of seem to assume.

Now here is the question/dilemma:

I have very few friends. VERY FEW. The friends i do have, i DO NOT want to be in my wedding party.

Whereas my Fiance, has numerous friends, so many that if he left anyone out of his side of the wedding party, someone would be offended.

My Fiance has already stated that he does not want un even sides, we both need to have the same number of people at our sides when we say "I do".

This is totally fine by me, so we have now decided to make it easy on both of us, do a one person each, family only, wedding party.

I will have my sister be my MOH and his brother in law will be his best man.

But my sister lives 4hours away, and cant be here for me to help with what i believe would be helpful, (mailing out invitations, helping ,me pick out reception decor, etc.)

Do you think i can ask a friend to help me, without having to be fully responsible as a MOH would be?

I am so stuck on what to do, any suggestions would be extremely helpful, even if it means considering different wedding party arrangements,

Thanks!

MOH's only duties are to show up in an agreed upon dress, at the right time, and reasonably sober. Anything else is above and beyond the call of duty.

If someone offers assistance, you may include them in said activities, otherwise wedding planning is you and your Fiances job

Breath. It will all work out.

Rebl90

Listen to the PPs, it is not anyone's job to help you with your wedding planning. If you can't do it yourself then have your FI help or hire a DOC.

Jen4948

The only "job" any attendant has is to acquire the designated outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits.  They are not required to throw parties for you, go shopping with you, do DIY projects with you, help with setting or cleaning up, or otherwise do anything else that's wedding related.

If you need additional help besides yourself and your FI, you need to hire it.

Also, your FI is wrong.  Sides do not have to be even, and this is one he'll have to suck up.  It's not up to your fiance how many people you have on your side or who they are.