Needing a little TLC and input on this.

fallingtogether1017

Okay -- so, FI and I are getting married in October.  We both work full time and are saving for the wedding, but definitely are needing outside help.  His dad is helping with reception/venue/catering costs but my mom and dad are really not in any position to help us with the wedding financially.

I am very close with my grandpa (mom's dad), and visit him a few times a month, make dinners, have phone calls with him... we have always had a really good relationship.  He is living very comfortable, in great shape and often says that he "doesn't have anything to spend his money on."

So, my mom had mentioned to my grandpa that we wanted to come talk to him about a little help with the wedding.  He said "Okay, I was thinking about that too."

Fast forward, we met with him on Saturday.  The meeting went well.  He asked what he could do to help, and we were honest and said there were a couple thousand dollars left that we are budgeting for and working hard for.  After talking, we agreed on a number, and then when we left, he turned to me and said "Count on me for $n," which was $500 MORE than what we had discussed.  He mentioned that he is happy he is able to help and is glad he is in a good position to do so.  All good, right?

Well, yesterday and all day today, I have felt HORRIBLY guilty, nervous and upset about taking any money from him.  I've been crying, making myself sick.  Why?  I am not really sure.  My mom is frustrated with me because she thinks I should just be excited and stop thinking about it, and that he wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to.  She talked to him today, said he is okay and still feels "fine" about it.

I will call him and say thank you and send a very nice card and probably bake some treats to bring over to him, but why am I SO beside myself over this?  I am feeling at a loss at what to do.

bekahjo1119

I understand feeling guilty, but obviously the two of you have a wonderful relationship.  He is trying to do something to make your special day more special - to make you happy.  Thank him.  Do the sweet things that you've been doing for him.  Publically thank him if it makes you feel better.  You are a stressed out bride, I think we all understand that.  He loves you and wants you to be happy. 

AddieCake

I think it was inappropriate for you to approach him about this, but since he seems happy to have helped out, I would just let it go and be sure to thank him appropriately.

Rebl90

AddieCake said:

I think it was inappropriate for you to approach him about this, but since he seems happy to have helped out, I would just let it go and be sure to thank him appropriately.

This is why you feel guilty, and I am not surprised that you feel that way since it was out of line for you/your mother/your FI to ask him for help. 

climbingsingle

AddieCake said:

I think it was inappropriate for you to approach him about this, but since he seems happy to have helped out, I would just let it go and be sure to thank him appropriately.

Ditto this exactly. 

Maggie0829

What Addie said.  You feel guilty because you asked for a handout rather then graciously accepting a gift that he gave you without any twisting of his arm.

Fran1985

Because it was the wrong thing to do, and his answer that he "feels fine" about it is probably not helping. That said, what's done is done so you either move on from feeling bad and make sure to be very gracious about the gift, or you go back to him and say that you are so sorry you asked, it was a moment of thoughtlessness and that you so appreciate him saying he would help but that you should never have put him in that position and don't want to accept.

doeydo

You shouldn't have been budgeting for money you do not have.  You should never have approached him asking for money.  That is why you feel guilty.

ohannabelle

So, there you are, which probably doesn't make you feel better. 

But here you go- the fact that you feel really horrible and sick with guilt is a clear indication to me that you're not a terrible person, and that you have a conscience. 

That sick with guilt feeling is a crappy experience from which we learn not to do that thing again. You can forgive yourself and move on, and count yourself wiser. You've learned something that many people don't.

You can, and maybe should, call Grandpa and tell him you've been feeling terrible, and why. He'll probably be able to put your mind at ease, and will appreciate knowing that you care. Honesty and love are a hell of a good combination.