Head table - not including SOs?

lilkatykins

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

MobKaz

The wedding party showed their support and friendship for you by attending your ceremony, and standing by your sides.  The reception is the time when you can show your support, friendship, and appreciation to your wedding party by doing the appropriate thing and allowing them to sit with their SO's during meal time.

AprilH81

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

What is the point of that?  The extra seats will eventually mean extra tables, which means more centerpieces, linens, etc.

If you are going to do a head table include the SOs.  Otherwise do a sweetheart table and let the bridal party sit with their SO.

Viczaesar

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

Bridesmaid/groomsman is a ceremonial role; their only obligation is during the ceremony.  For the reception they need to be seated with their SOs for the entire time.

HisGirlFriday13

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

So you're going to leave extra, empty, seats at tables for people to go to after they've already eaten their meal? That's bizarre to me.

Also, the moment the photos after the wedding are done, so are the WP's 'obligations' to the B&G. At that point, they're just guests, and they should be treated as such -- including being seated with their SOs.

rajahmd

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Would you want to be separated from your then spouse for part of the reception just for appearances? I didn't think so.

Your options are:
Sweetheart table for just you two.
Head table w/ just you two, BM + SO, and MOH +SO.
Head table with all of wedding party plus SO's/plus 1's.
Kings table with all of wedding party plus their guests, but positioned on all sides of the table instead of just 1
Regular table with family/friends

NYCBruin

The WP has already spent a significant amount of time away from their SO before dinner (ceremony, pictures/cocktail hour, perhaps "getting ready" time), it's pretty rude to ask them to spend more time away from their SO.  Especially b/c everyone else gets to sit with theirs, including the wedded couple.

smalfrie19

and this is why we are doing a sweetheart table. BP can sit with their dates/families...

SapphireCounselor

You have lots of choices, but whatever you do make sure the bridal party and their significant others can sit together. It is just the right thing to do, and makes the evening way more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Simply Fated

The dinner portion is when the bridal party should be sitting with their SOs.
Their only obligations are during the ceremony and maybe taking some pictures. After that, there are no other "obligations."

mysticl

We sat at an 8 person rounder just like the rest our guests. It included DH and I, MOH and her FI, BM and his wife, my two bridesmaids (they were 13, they didn't get to bring dates). The flower girls and ring bearer sat with their parents.

manateehugger

An extra seat for every wedding party member sounds confusing (when are they done? Before dinner? After dinner? If after dinner, what's the point?) and needlessly costly.

SO's need to be sat next to their partners no matter what; your photos aren't as important as your friends' relationships. If head tables are the norm in your area (they are in mine) or you dislike the sweetheart table (we did) look at the king's table concept and seat yourselves either in the middle or on the end.

  

crackktheskyy

Just.....why?

When I am at a wedding, whether in the WP or not, I'd like to enjoy my meal with my FI.

I don't even like head tables because the only people you talk to are the two people on either side of you. If you have to do a head table, please include your WP's SOs. 

edited for clarity.

Jen4948

Whatever you do, don't separate people from their SOs-not even the ones in your WP.  Either seat everyone at your table, a table of their own, or separately throughout the venue, but keep them together.

doeydo

You could stack the head tables so they aren't as long.  Example:

Or separate the tables a bit.  Example:

annathy03

Keep people with their SOs.  We did a sweetheart table and had the bridal party and their dates at the two tables flanking us.  Technically that's just a sweetheart and not a "king" since the tables weren't touching or anything, but having our BP right next to us made me feel like it was still kind of head table-ish.

AddieCake

This is a terrible idea.

VulgarGirl

PDKH Thank you for posting those pictures!!! We weren't thrilled with a sweetheart table (meh we eat dinner together all the time), but we really hated traditional head tables. A king's table looks like it could really work for us! And I like it sitting in the middle of all the other tables. So it's like hey come and chat with us if you'd like and less watch all of us dine on food like I feel traditional head tables are.

manateehugger

MagicInk said:

PDKH Thank you for posting those pictures!!! We weren't thrilled with a sweetheart table (meh we eat dinner together all the time), but we really hated traditional head tables. A king's table looks like it could really work for us! And I like it sitting in the middle of all the other tables. So it's like hey come and chat with us if you'd like and less watch all of us dine on food like I feel traditional head tables are.

Yep! Our fantastic caterer pitched this idea to us, and we were sold. It's the best of both worlds for us - head tablish without being on display and dates/SOs comfortably included. 

The only thing we're trying to logistically figure is toasts, but I figure we can just have them stand near us and hope they don't keep their backs to half the crowd the whole time. 

VulgarGirl

PDKH said:

MagicInk said:

PDKH Thank you for posting those pictures!!! We weren't thrilled with a sweetheart table (meh we eat dinner together all the time), but we really hated traditional head tables. A king's table looks like it could really work for us! And I like it sitting in the middle of all the other tables. So it's like hey come and chat with us if you'd like and less watch all of us dine on food like I feel traditional head tables are.

Yep! Our fantastic caterer pitched this idea to us, and we were sold. It's the best of both worlds for us - head tablish without being on display and dates/SOs comfortably included. 

The only thing we're trying to logistically figure is toasts, but I figure we can just have them stand near us and hope they don't keep their backs to half the crowd the whole time. 

Our venue has a little stage type...area thing. We're thinking of having the toasters (toast givers?) get up there. 

CamiSelene

MagicInk said:

PDKH Thank you for posting those pictures!!! We weren't thrilled with a sweetheart table (meh we eat dinner together all the time), but we really hated traditional head tables. A king's table looks like it could really work for us! And I like it sitting in the middle of all the other tables. So it's like hey come and chat with us if you'd like and less watch all of us dine on food like I feel traditional head tables are.

Seconded. I love this idea of a king's table. I've never heard of it. We were going to do a sweetheart table (even though I don't really like them) but this is a million times better! I also like being in the mix with other tables. I can't stand the thought of eating in front of a crowd of people!

stef42188

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

Please don't do this. FI was a GM in a friend's wedding where there was a head table, and I was put at a table with a bunch of the other guy friends that were not included in the wedding party. One of them ended up eating my steak because he thought I was done with it when I got up to get another drink  

FI and I were sad that we could not have dinner together, and this particular bride sent strong emails before the wedding saying "please inform your dates that you will not be seeing them the day of the wedding until after dinner". It really wasn't nice. The snarky bitch in me is tempted to send an email before our wedding (her H is one of FI's GM) saying "don't worry, you WILL be able to see and sit with your SO during the day of the wedding"

But I won't do that. 

theartistformerlyknownas

This just doesn't make any sense, because head tables don't make any sense. Why does the wedding party need to be on display while they're eating? They're not props.

Jen4948

stef42188 said:

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

Please don't do this. FI was a GM in a friend's wedding where there was a head table, and I was put at a table with a bunch of the other guy friends that were not included in the wedding party. One of them ended up eating my steak because he thought I was done with it when I got up to get another drink  

FI and I were sad that we could not have dinner together, and this particular bride sent strong emails before the wedding saying "please inform your dates that you will not be seeing them the day of the wedding until after dinner". It really wasn't nice. The snarky bitch in me is tempted to send an email before our wedding (her H is one of FI's GM) saying "don't worry, you WILL be able to see and sit with your SO during the day of the wedding"

But I won't do that. 

I applaud that you're not going to do to your guests what she did to you, although I definitely understand the temptation!

HisGirlFriday13

stef42188 said:

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

Please don't do this. FI was a GM in a friend's wedding where there was a head table, and I was put at a table with a bunch of the other guy friends that were not included in the wedding party. One of them ended up eating my steak because he thought I was done with it when I got up to get another drink  

FI and I were sad that we could not have dinner together, and this particular bride sent strong emails before the wedding saying "please inform your dates that you will not be seeing them the day of the wedding until after dinner". It really wasn't nice. The snarky bitch in me is tempted to send an email before our wedding (her H is one of FI's GM) saying "don't worry, you WILL be able to see and sit with your SO during the day of the wedding"

But I won't do that. 

Wait, WTF? Who does that??

Also, that bride sounds like a peach. 'Please inform your dates that you won't be seeing them until after dinner.'

I guess at least you got to bring your dates? There's a thread on another board where the WP doesn't get to bring dates unless they're engaged or married.

grumbledore

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

That person is wrong and overcomplicating the issue, which has been discussed to death here.  

Seat them together, wherever.  Do not split up couples.  It's super easy.

grumbledore

Also, your wedding party shouldn't have any "obligations" once the ceremony and photos are done.

stef42188

HisGirlFriday13 said:

stef42188 said:

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO.  That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable.  What are your opinions? 

Please don't do this. FI was a GM in a friend's wedding where there was a head table, and I was put at a table with a bunch of the other guy friends that were not included in the wedding party. One of them ended up eating my steak because he thought I was done with it when I got up to get another drink  

FI and I were sad that we could not have dinner together, and this particular bride sent strong emails before the wedding saying "please inform your dates that you will not be seeing them the day of the wedding until after dinner". It really wasn't nice. The snarky bitch in me is tempted to send an email before our wedding (her H is one of FI's GM) saying "don't worry, you WILL be able to see and sit with your SO during the day of the wedding"

But I won't do that. 

Wait, WTF? Who does that??

Also, that bride sounds like a peach. 'Please inform your dates that you won't be seeing them until after dinner.'

I guess at least you got to bring your dates? There's a thread on another board where the WP doesn't get to bring dates unless they're engaged or married.

Yep, her emails were forwarded onto significant others and joked about. Everyone should be aware that their level of BSC WILL be mocked at behind their back. It's just best to be considerate and polite and to hide the crazy. 

a13049

I will speak as someone who has been the SO of a person in the WP and the person in the WP.  Its so akward to be split up from you SO.  I hated it.  I was in my cousins wedding as a candle lights (yep not even a bridesmaid)  I had to get my hair done be at the church for picture way to freakin early and then spent the whole reception away from him because they had us at a head table and all of these other games and things.  My poor bf(now FI) was miserable and I spend the whole evening miserable because I was pretty much eating "on display." Once our "obligations were done, I was in a boring mood from sitting and eating pretty much by myself that we chose to leave.  Then I had to hear all about leaving early.  

PrettyGirlLost

a13049 said:

I will speak as someone who has been the SO of a person in the WP and the person in the WP.  Its so akward to be split up from you SO.  I hated it.  I was in my cousins wedding as a candle lights (yep not even a bridesmaid)  I had to get my hair done be at the church for picture way to freakin early and then spent the whole reception away from him because they had us at a head table and all of these other games and things.  My poor bf(now FI) was miserable and I spend the whole evening miserable because I was pretty much eating "on display." Once our "obligations were done, I was in a boring mood from sitting and eating pretty much by myself that we chose to leave.  Then I had to hear all about leaving early.  

I want to piggyback on your experience. 

Last fall FI and I were both members of a WP, and we basically didn't see each other from 9am until whatever time dinner was due to "getting ready" etc.  At dinner the Bride and Groom had a head table, and even though FI and I were BOTH in the WP, we still couldn't sit together because the bride had all the BMs on her right and the Groom had all the GMs on his left ><

OP, please don't have a head table.  I have been in a bunch of weddings and I have always hated being on display while trying to eat, and also really hated not being able to eat with my FI.

DaisyMaeMommy

The WP needs to sit with their SOs, whether that means at a head table, or separate tables while the B&G sit at a sweetheart table.