should I or not?

ride0rdie

We did things backwards. We had babies and now want to get married. We have lived together for years.
Is it appropriate to register?

Simply Fated

cunexttime said:

We did things backwards. We had babies and now want to get married. We have lived together for years.
Is it appropriate to register?

Sure, go for it.

Although, to be honest, in my circle it's more acceptable to have a small registry if you've been living together on your own for awhile. BUT, that's just my circle (not yours) and not necessarily something I agree with.

[Deleted User]

Just make sure the items on the registry are things that you & FI want for yourselves or family activites, not things the kids need.

photokitty

Yes, it is appropriate to register. It is also fine not to register if you don't want to.

ride0rdie

Yes, a small registry. I would like to register for in-expensive things. Wedding picture frames, stemware, kitchen towels, etc. Is it more convenient to have a registry at two different locations such as Macy's and Target?

Sugargirl1019

They are both easily accessible places, so probably not necessary. Having two registries like that might get side eyed by girls who think you should have one small registry. Now if one was a little local shop, and the other Target, I would say def do both since the local one isn't reachable by distant friends and family. But Macy's and Target are pretty widespread and have at least the online store, so people can get a gift from either store easily.

ride0rdie

Ok. Thanks @sugargirl1019.
I will have only one at target. I love that place I could walk around in there for DAYS.

Sugargirl1019

You're welcome! Target has some pretty fantastic stuff!

I did just think of china and stemware - I might register at Macy's for those items only, if Target does not have anything to your liking.

ride0rdie

Oh ok thanks for the tip.

photokitty

Sugargirl1019 said:

They are both easily accessible places, so probably not necessary. Having two registries like that might get side eyed by girls who think you should have one small registry. Now if one was a little local shop, and the other Target, I would say def do both since the local one isn't reachable by distant friends and family. But Macy's and Target are pretty widespread and have at least the online store, so people can get a gift from either store easily.

I don't think anyone would side eye you for having two registries or one or two large registries. Many people live together before they get married, many other people have a home and it is well appointed before deciding to marry. I don't see why having lived with and/or having kids before marriage earns others the right to side eye you for registering.

You are perfectly fine etiquette wise to have 2 large or small registries. The size of your registry should be based on your guest list and the items you would like to register for...nothing else. If someone side eyes you for registering bc you and your FI have kids, they are RUDE! Not you.

GL

Aray82

If you were my friend, I would want to get you something that you would like and would use because you're my friend and you're getting married and I'm excited for you and your intended This would not change regardless of your living or child situation. I'd want to make sure that the serving tray or stemware I picked was not only to your taste but was also something Aunt Mabel didn't get for you too. So I would appreciate a registry or even two.

kitty8403

photokitty said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

They are both easily accessible places, so probably not necessary. Having two registries like that might get side eyed by girls who think you should have one small registry. Now if one was a little local shop, and the other Target, I would say def do both since the local one isn't reachable by distant friends and family. But Macy's and Target are pretty widespread and have at least the online store, so people can get a gift from either store easily.

I don't think anyone would side eye you for having two registries or one or two large registries. Many people live together before they get married, many other people have a home and it is well appointed before deciding to marry. I don't see why having lived with and/or having kids before marriage earns others the right to side eye you for registering.

You are perfectly fine etiquette wise to have 2 large or small registries. The size of your registry should be based on your guest list and the items you would like to register for...nothing else. If someone side eyes you for registering bc you and your FI have kids, they are RUDE! Not you.

GL

----boxes!----
I'd add that it may depend on your guest list. If you have a lot of older adults who live out of town (I do), then I would try to pick something convenient to where most of them live, if possible, since they may not like shopping online. if that means two stores, that's OK in my book. Just don't duplicate your lists.
If Macy's and target are too similar, perhaps a registry someplace like sears or Home Depot would be useful.

kitty8403

Sugargirl1019 said:

They are both easily accessible places, so probably not necessary. Having two registries like that might get side eyed by girls who think you should have one small registry. Now if one was a little local shop, and the other Target, I would say def do both since the local one isn't reachable by distant friends and family. But Macy's and Target are pretty widespread and have at least the online store, so people can get a gift from either store easily.

I don't understand. Are we supposed to view the size of the registry as a reflection on how "good" the couple was before marriage now? Do we add/subtract the number of acceptable items based on years of togetherness, premarital sex, childbirth out of wedlock, or whatever else we want to judge an individual couple on?
I suspect the same people who would side-eye the registry size based on things that are none of their business are the ones who roll their eyes when they hear that a longtime couple is getting married in the first place.