Wedding Woes

Groomsman not really being a Groomsman

Hey Everyone! I just wanted to hear opinions on this, I don't know if this is the new norm OR the groomsman is not fulfilling his duties. The groomsman is one of 3 and is the grooms big brother.

He races typically all summer long - for fun. BUT he said for the wedding he would be there. I asked him if his kids were coming to the rehearsal dinner and he said no I'm racing so I'll figure it out day of the wedding. Is this crap or should he be there? The grooms heart was shattered- he didn't say anything but I could tell.

Re: Groomsman not really being a Groomsman

  • He said he would be there for the wedding and all indications are that he will be.  He doesn't need to be at the rehearsal to practice, he'll likely just need to follow the guy in front of him.  Have another groomsman fill him in a few minutes before the wedding.  I think you are over dramatizing here.  If your groom's heart was "shattered" because his brother is missing the wedding rehearsal, we are missing part of the story.
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  • The groom's heart was shattered?  Really?  I don't know you, so I'm not going to accuse you of exaggerating just a tiny bit, but jeez.

    If by "the new norm," you mean "people are getting smarter about not letting other people's weddings take over their lives" then yes, I think it finally got so bad that it reached a tipping point, and people aren't quite as enslaved to the bride and groom as some once were.

    As far as I know, his duties are to show up the day of in the appropriate attire, period.  Has he not done that?  Has he said he won't?  If not, quit worrying.

    Confession:  MIL didn't show up for our rehearsal, and I was secretly put out.  Mostly because I didn't like her, and I figured this was just one more crappy stunt.  Made a brief appearance at the rehearsal dinner and bailed while most people were still working on their entrees.  The day of, instead of being escorted in and seated to Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (along with my mother), she walked in when she felt like it and seated herself.  And you know what?  Nobody cared.  (They cared when she made a big production of leaving as we were starting the cake cutting, but that's another story.)

    It doesn't really make any difference to the wedding, and no one will notice or care.  All he has to do is walk and then stand, and I'm assuming he can handle that.  You might be personally put out, but if you separate it from what's actually required, you'll see that it'll be fine. 
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2014
    Wait, what?

    He's not coming to the rehearsal or just his kids aren't coming?  Why do his kids need to be there?  is there someone else who can bring the kids to the rehearsal (like their mom) if he can't and you want them there? 

    I take it racing is his job?   <--I re-read,...but still summer is racing season.  So if it was so very important for him to be able to 'be there' for whatever, why did you plan a wedding during a time you knew he wouldn't be 'available'? 

    And most importantly, what duties are we talking about here?  He's going to be at the wedding, right? 

  • What duties are you asking him to fulfill? I don't think he really needs to be there for the rehearsal dinner - just fill him in quick the next day on where to stand and when he needs to walk down the aisle. Does your FI normally have a pretty good relationship with his brother? Is there maybe something else going on here and that's why your FI is upset?
  • The only duties anyone in the bridal party has is to turn up on the day in the designated outfit. Anything else is optional. Look at it this way, he is taking time out of something he is obviously very passionate about (racing) and working his schedule around it to be at your wedding. That shows he cares. 

  • ogorm013 said:

    Hey Everyone! I just wanted to hear opinions on this, I don't know if this is the new norm OR the groomsman is not fulfilling his duties. The groomsman is one of 3 and is the grooms big brother.

    He races typically all summer long - for fun. BUT he said for the wedding he would be there. I asked him if his kids were coming to the rehearsal dinner and he said no I'm racing so I'll figure it out day of the wedding. Is this crap or should he be there? The grooms heart was shattered- he didn't say anything but I could tell.

    The only GM duties are to show up on time and sober and in the right attire.

    Whether he races for fun or profit is irrelevant. You get ONE DAY, not his whole summer, and as long as he performs the duties of showing up on time and sober and in the right attire, he's good.

    Why do his kids have to be at the RD? No one other than the WP members and SOs, ceremony participants, B/G, parents of B/G, and officiant should be at the rehearsal or the RD.

    He said he was going to be there, so it's not crap.

    And the groom's heart was shattered that his nephews might miss the RD? SERIOUSLY??
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Walking in isn't hard. People don't have to rehearse. I'm pretty sure you'll all be fine if he doesn't rehearse.

  • Oh, brother......

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  • I agree it is doubtful your groom's heart was "shattered" that his brother wouldn't be at the rehearsal. It's just the rehearsal for Pete's sake. And because it is just rehearsal, unless there is something overly complicated about your wedding, no, it's not really a big deal if he can't be there. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I just asked my FI if he would be shattered if his BM or GM couldn't make the rehersal. He looked at me and say, "Hell babe, I wouldn't be shattered if you couldn't make it as long as you were at the wedding"

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  • one of our groomsmen was very late for the rehearsal (like, he got there when we were packing up to leave for dinner). He actually did manage to botch walking up the aisle (for some reason he didn't follow everyone else) - but everyone had a laugh at his expense, and we somehow managed to get married in spite of that. 
  • Does anybody remember when Kristen789 posted about the rehearsal dinner being more spiritual and important than the wedding and the B/G should expect the attendance of their bridal party at that more than at the wedding itself?
  • zitiqueen said:
    Does anybody remember when Kristen789 posted about the rehearsal dinner being more spiritual and important than the wedding and the B/G should expect the attendance of their bridal party at that more than at the wedding itself?
    wait, what?  I want to see!

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  • I've been looking for it in her replies but I haven't stumbled across it yet.
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