Cash bar

ohannabelle

Nobody is being forced to drink, but they apparently might be "forced" to pay?

You're creating a division between guests that can afford things, and those who can't. That's rude. 

If you can't afford a full bar, offer what you can afford. Simple.

Asking guests to pick up the bill is rude. Simple. Yes, people should do what they can afford to, and it should be appreciated. Free soda? Appreciated. Coffee or tea? Appreciated. Punch or ice water? Appreciated. Asking me to foot the bill for what you can't afford? No, not even appreciated. That's rude. 

Remember that rule from kindergarten? Don't bring treats unless you have enough to share with everyone? Same thing. If there isn't enough to share with everyone, don't have it.

Anybody who complains about what they're offered is an asshead. Even if all there is is soda. But so is someone who offers certain things to certain guests, or expects guests to pay for hospitality. Would you offer free pizza, but charge for steak because some guests can afford it? Nice. Then your guests can sit and watch other people enjoy what they can't have. Basic rule of etiquette: don't be an asshead. 

southernbelle0915

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

People SHOULD do what they can afford to do. If that's no alcohol at all, fine! If that's a cake and punch reception at a non-meal time, great! I'm 100% happy with either of these types of receptions and I truly appreciate them.

What people SHOULDN'T do is offer things they CAN'T afford. I don't bring money to weddings because a wedding is a hosted event. If I walk up to the bar, I'll ask what they're offering and order something off the list. If the bartender says "that'll be $5" I'm stuck. I have no money. It's awkward. I'm holding up the line and embarrassed because I can't pay. No one forced me to order this drink but they offered it and I assumed it was hosted because it's a WEDDING. Now I'm totally embarrassed and agitated.

Would you ever host someone at your house for dinner and say "can I get you something to drink?" they say "sure, I'll have a glass of that wine" and you say "here you go, $5 please." For the love, I hope you wouldn't. 

It's the same at weddings. You don't charge people for food, drinks, seats, cake, whatever else. You offer what you can afford to host. If that's lemonade and water, great. I always appreciate when people properly host what they can afford. What I don't appreciate is when they offer stuff they're not hosting and put their guests in the awkward position of paying for things they shouldn't pay for.

AddieCake

I get my "panties in a twist" when I think I've been invited as a guest to someone's party and then find out I can only have everything that's there if I pay for some of it. 

LDay2014

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar meal for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink eat. You're not FORCING anyone to drink eat. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink meal, they don't pay for a drink meal. 

People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

Does the argument still make sense to you when you replace drink with food?  If you're hosting it, you're hosting it...all of it. You don't get to pick and choose what elements of your wedding are being hosted.

Yes, people do what they can afford.  If you can't afford alcohol, don't have it.  Maybe you should appreciate your guests pocket books and think about what THEY can afford.  After all, they likely spent money to come to your wedding and gave you a gift.  The least you can do is let them keep their wallets closed while attending your event.

Dry wedding, wine and beer, signature drinks, full bar - these are all options.  Use them according to your budget.

JoanE2012

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

Why stop at drinks?  Why don't you charge your guests extra if they want the lobster dinner or crab cakes during the cocktail hour?  Want tiramisu instead of wedding cake?  Extra!

Boy, you can have one heck of a party if you just charged people for everything you didn't or couldn't pay for.  That sounds like a wonderful idea!  Don't worry about planning what you can afford.  Pass that expense on to your guests.  Screw 'em!

NYCBruin

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

If I charge guests for an appetizer or cake or a turn in the photobooth, I'm not forcing them to do any of those things, either.  Just because guests don't have to choose to participate in the portion of your reception you're asking them to fund doesn't make it ok.

Offer what you can afford and nothing else.  If you can't afford liquor, don't offer it.  FFS this isn't that complicated.

LondonLisa

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

Why stop there? Why not serve hamburgers and then guests can upgrade to steak for $20 pp. I mean, no one is forcing them to order the nicer meal. And I can't believe people would get their panties in a twist over $20! Then, the bride and groom can provide folding chairs, but guests can upgrade to premium chairs for $30. It has a cushion and you can sit closer to the bride and groom. I mean the guests don't HAVE to buy them. Seriously, don't treat your wedding like a cheap airline that charges for everything and upgrades.

Jen4948

MegEn1 said:

I really don't get this. If the bride and groom can't afford full bar for everyone, fine - give people the option if they want to drink. You're not FORCING anyone to drink. If the guest feels that they shouldn't have to pay for a drink, they don't pay for a drink. And they can go ahead and complain about the food, the decor, and the bride's dress while they're at it too.

The rudest thing seems to be, to me, being a guest at someone's special day where you just enjoyed a good meal and some good time with friends and family, and you get your panties in a twist over $4.95 for your vodka tonic. People do what they can afford to do. Maybe some folks should appreciate that.

No one is entitled to alcohol at a wedding. Hosts are not required to provide it and are not rude to their guests if they don't. But the expectation that any guest should have to pay for any provision, alcohol or not, is rude. The idea that it's okay because no one is FORCED to pay for it doesn't fly because if one accepts an invitation, one should not be expected to open one's wallet, period-regardless of whether one is forced to pay for it.

Knottie94562685

I think we all missed the point where she said that beer and wine will be served.... The venue will not take away liquor- so it will be cash(she had no choice). I agree you should never have a cash bar BUT at this point y'all are beating a dead horse!

Jen4948

Knottie94562685 said:

I think we all missed the point where she said that beer and wine will be served.... The venue will not take away liquor- so it will be cash(she had no choice). I agree you should never have a cash bar BUT at this point y'all are beating a dead horse!

She needs to find another venue-not expect her guests to pay cash for anything, whether or not it's beer, wine, liquor, or spaghetti and meatballs.