Is it just me? (Sister's wedding rant)

Emmyghoul

I already know I am on the sensitive side since my younger sis got engaged before me and will get married before me. Still under my skin, but there's nothing I can do and her wedding has nothing to do with me and manpanion. But... Sis keeps doing things that I think are downright rude...

She has not asked me to be a bridesmaid. Honestly, she does not have to. I would be just as happy as a guest (and there would be less drama.) of course also, I would be honored if she does want me to stand up for her.

I get a text from a stranger the other night, that is along the lines of "hey! This is (sisters) best friend, just sending a shout to the bridesmaids, or, (sister's) support team! Aren't we all so stoked for this wedding?"

Wait... What? Yes, I've heard of you miss sisters friend, but how did you get my phone number? Am I a bridesmaid since sis didnt fill me in on that one...

I'm trying to cool down before I talk to my sister since she can be a drama queen and a little AW-ish (she accused my mom of talking about her to her finances mom at a part and threw a fit.) I know you ladies are far more level headed than I am right now, so I'm needing some response help. My mom says what I wanted to reply ("hey sis, got a text from your friend, so stoked for the wedding, is it safe to assume for that text that I'm a bridesmaid?") is too snarky.

She's also made manpanion a bit mad since she chose his bday as the wedding date. He prefers his birthdays to be spent wallowing in self pitty.

Now, the wedding date itself I don't see as rude (how would she know? But had she talked to me at all, it might have made a difference, but again, not about me/us) but I am incredibly upset that she gave my phone number to someone without my permission. That's my big issue. I'm also hurt that she hasn't talked to me at all and I had to get this news from a stranger.

Am I in the wrong here? How do I stop this fiasco from ruining my relationship with my sister? (Also terrified of the wording "support team" for her bridesmaids... I know she'll have to do lists if she's already calling us that...) TIA for what I'm sure will be amazing advice.

Blue & White

I think you are overreacting   Although it sounds like your sister might be doing things a little bit differently, she hasn't really broken any etiquette rules yet (just sounds like she gets worked up a bit, and by asking your mom how to word your text you might be playing into this as well.)

For the bridesmaid thing, I would just reply to the friend that you're excited for the wedding (if you are) and I would just talk to your sister "hey, sis, friend sent me a mass bridesmaid text.  Is there something you need to ask me?" (I think this is best done by phone call/in person)  Either way, you still get to go to the wedding and support your sister, so I don't think getting worked up by her FRIEND calling you the "support team" is a big deal.  That doesn't necessarily mean that your sister (the bride) will be making to do lists - it may just mean that the friend is a psycho bridesmaid

Spoken from an older sister whose younger sister got engaged and married first...get over it.  Getting married is not a competition.  It's not a race.  And you both should be getting married (or not) when your relationship is ready for it.  My sister told me she wished she waited a little bit the other day, because she thought people were more excited for my wedding lol.  You live and learn, I guess, but at the end of the day we're both married and the family has two more boys lol.

And there's my essay for the day   Hope that helps a bit!  It might be harsh at times, but it's meant with love!

phira

Emmyghoul said:

I already know I am on the sensitive side since my younger sis got engaged before me and will get married before me. Still under my skin, but there's nothing I can do and her wedding has nothing to do with me and manpanion. But... Sis keeps doing things that I think are downright rude... She has not asked me to be a bridesmaid. Honestly, she does not have to. I would be just as happy as a guest (and there would be less drama.) of course also, I would be honored if she does want me to stand up for her. I get a text from a stranger the other night, that is along the lines of "hey! This is (sisters) best friend, just sending a shout to the bridesmaids, or, (sister's) support team! Aren't we all so stoked for this wedding?" Wait... What? Yes, I've heard of you miss sisters friend, but how did you get my phone number? Am I a bridesmaid since sis didnt fill me in on that one... I'm trying to cool down before I talk to my sister since she can be a drama queen and a little AW-ish (she accused my mom of talking about her to her finances mom at a part and threw a fit.) I know you ladies are far more level headed than I am right now, so I'm needing some response help. My mom says what I wanted to reply ("hey sis, got a text from your friend, so stoked for the wedding, is it safe to assume for that text that I'm a bridesmaid?") is too snarky. She's also made manpanion a bit mad since she chose his bday as the wedding date. He prefers his birthdays to be spent wallowing in self pitty. Now, the wedding date itself I don't see as rude (how would she know? But had she talked to me at all, it might have made a difference, but again, not about me/us) but I am incredibly upset that she gave my phone number to someone without my permission. That's my big issue. I'm also hurt that she hasn't talked to me at all and I had to get this news from a stranger. Am I in the wrong here? How do I stop this fiasco from ruining my relationship with my sister? (Also terrified of the wording "support team" for her bridesmaids... I know she'll have to do lists if she's already calling us that...) TIA for what I'm sure will be amazing advice.

I think that a lot of your anger and upset feelings are yours to own. You can't control your feelings about the situation. Do your best to try to stay calm and repeat to yourself: "This isn't rude behavior. This isn't unreasonable behavior."

You are right that it was a misstep on your sister's part to give your phone number to someone else without asking, and that it's also a problem because you're not sure if you're a bridesmaid and it's awkward to ask. If she was going to ask you, she should have asked you.

So, call her up. "Sis, I got a text from [friend]. Am I one of your bridesmaids? I am confused because you didn't ask me to be one, so I wanted to make sure this wasn't a mistake."

If you are being asked to be a bridesmaid: "It's okay! I just need to hear it from you. I'm really honored." And inquire about expectations before saying yes or no.

If you not are being asked to be a bridesmaid: "It's okay! I didn't want to make any assumptions. Either way, you know I'm excited for you and [partner]!"

Either way: "Also, in the future, can you give me a heads up if you're giving my phone number to someone? It was a very confusing situation. It's not a problem; just please ask first next time."

It doesn't matter that she's younger and getting married before you. It doesn't matter if she picked your manpanion's birthday as her wedding date (we picked my now ex-sister-in-law's birthday).

Here, the rude behavior is giving your number to a stranger without your permission or knowledge, and (it seems) deciding you were a bridesmaid without actually asking. Because she doesn't decide who's a bridesmaid--she decides who to ask, and she asks. You need a chance to say no, in case being in a "support team" really does mean "brideslave."

luckya23

Ugh, I ha to go through my little sister's wedding planning drama as my own last long term relationship was disintegrating... So I get it can be stressful! My sister also wanted a big wedding, which isn't my thing. I think manpanion is being a bit of a baby - I'm sure she had her reasons for choosing the date she did. I'm a big numbers person, and if the date I wanted fell on my BIL's bday, too bad, honestly! I don't recall my sister "asking" me either - my mom would not have tolerated me not being MOH, so it was unfortunately assumed. I was not thrilled with my sister's fiance, and actually wholeheartedly against the wedding, and if I wasnt her sister, I would have no doubt I would have been disinvited! Every time they group texted me, I reminded them that I hate group texts and please don't include me. It was probably bitchy in hindsight - I didn't care about them having my phone number, but my phone acts totally weird, especially with iPhone group texts. My best advice is that it's just an annoyance to be endured, and try to show happiness as much as you can! I feel bad now for being so against and uninvolved in the wedding. Still not a big fan of BIL, though

Blue & White

@phira oh god, "brideslave" sounds bad.  Also, 5 months and 2 weeks seems WAY TOO LONG until you get married.  Way too long.  I realize you probably don't feel this way, but I'm complaining about it

phira

Blue & White said:

@phira oh god, "brideslave" sounds bad.  Also, 5 months and 2 weeks seems WAY TOO LONG until you get married.  Way too long.  I realize you probably don't feel this way, but I'm complaining about it

I KNOW RIGHT. It feels so long. For better or for worse, starting halfway through June, we're busy every single weekend until pretty much the wedding, so I'm sure it'll speed up!

Swazzle

I think you're being a little ridiculous and your SO (sorry, I refuse to use the term 'manpanion') is being a lot ridiculous. 1) Ask your sister about the text you got from her friend. 2) Tell your SO to grow up.

luckya23

Do you think you'll have to wait until she's married to get engaged? When is the wedding?

Dignity100

I agree with the others, call/text your sis and say 'I got the following message from XX, What's up with that?' and then later just maybe say 'hey, can you please check with me before giving my # out'.

All the other stuff, sure, it's probably annoying to you... that's one of the reason family is there, to annoy us ;-) .

luckya23

TwoDimes said:

Kelani23 said:

Do you think you'll have to wait until she's married to get engaged? When is the wedding?

What? Why would she have to wait to get engaged until after her sister's wedding?

I was just thinking maybe that was part of it, not wanting to be engaged at the same time as her sister.

I wouldn't want to be engaged at the same time as my sister!  My parents probably wouldn't like it much either!

loves2shop4shoes

Oh wow.  I don't even know where to begin with you...so I'll just take it from the top.

1.  She's your sister.  She's getting married.  Be a good sister and be happy for her.  Her engagement/marriage has precisely ZERO to do with you and your BF, so stop making it about you.
2.  She hasn't asked you to be a BM?  Gee I wonder why!  Sounds like you're overflowing with love, happiness, and emotional support for her!  (Note:  Yes, that was dripping with sarcasm.)
3.  Ok, well since your sister hasn't asked you to be a BM, the logical deduction was that this person was referring to you as her "support system," which you should be as her sister.
4.  So you've heard of this girl?  Great.  It's settled then.  She's not a stranger.  Are you a bridesmaid?  If your sister hasn't asked you to be, then no.  See above about how the logical deduction would be that you are the "support system."
5.  Sounds like you are the drama queen...not your sister.
6.  You do not need to text your sister anything.  It seems pretty clear that unless she asks you to be, you are not a BM.  Sounds like this alleged confusion is more about your being bitter that 1) you are not getting married and 2)not a bridesmaid than it is about actual confusion.
7.  Your BF sounds like a real prize.  How dare your sister, who doesn't sound to be close to him, choose his bday as her wedding date?!?  Wallowing in self pity, huh?  Does he need to be in a room with padded walls?  If so, one less meal your sister has to pay for at this wedding.
8.  Why should your sister run her wedding date by you?  It doesn't even sound like you're all that close. 
9.  You're upset that she gave out your phone number...and you're hurt that you got "news" from a stranger?  Seriously?  What are you, in witness protection?  This is someone who you know of, and she probably gave this girl your number so that when pre-wedding events happen (like a bachelorette party), you can be invited, and not continue to whine about being excluded/wronged.  Also, as stated repeatedly above, it doesn't sound like this girl gave you news.  Stop acting confused about this when it's not confusing.  You = support system, not BM.
10.  Yes, you are 150% in the wrong.  How do you stop this from ruining the relationship with your sister?  You stop making everything about you.  Be happy for her.  Stop whining that she's getting married first, that she picked your BF's bday as her wedding date, that you're not a BM, that she gave out your phone number to someone she knows and trusts for the sake of INCLUDING YOU, and all of the other pathetic things you are whining about.  You grow up and learn that sometimes in life, not everything is about you, and making things about you makes you look like a whiny, desperate, classless AW.

I realize that that is very tough advice.  But it's 100% on the money.

Swazzle

Kelani23 said:

TwoDimes said:

Kelani23 said:

Do you think you'll have to wait until she's married to get engaged? When is the wedding?

What? Why would she have to wait to get engaged until after her sister's wedding?

I was just thinking maybe that was part of it, not wanting to be engaged at the same time as her sister.

I wouldn't want to be engaged at the same time as my sister!  My parents probably wouldn't like it much either!

Why? Her being engaged at the same time would have little to no effect on you.

luckya23

I think it would be weird to be planning at the same time, and I think if I was engaged second, she would feel like I was trying to steal her thunder.  There would be more coordinating to not interfere with each other's plans, etc.  I imagine it would be hard to help your sister if you were also a bride, too.

My sister is already married, but I can understand why someone wouldn't want it.

phira

A friend of mine is waiting to get engaged to his girlfriend until after his brother's wedding AND after my wedding, out of respect for our weddings. I've repeatedly told him that I'm looking forward to celebrating with him and his partner at my wedding, whether they're boyfriend and girlfriend, or fiance and fiancee. But he's not blaming his brother or me for delaying his engagement, because, well, we're not.

Emmyghoul

Yes- I know a lot of this is just me (why I haven't talked to her yet so I don't say something rude like when she announced her engagement.) I'm worried for her. Everything to do with this wedding is out of character for her. She is a bit of a hippy chick and has always been against diamonds, what's her engagement ring? She had always wanted to just elope (we had joked that mine would have to be on the traditional side to make up for whatever she chose to do.)

Just a few months before they got engaged they broke up due to "commitment issues" he thought things were moving too fast. I'm concerned as a sister, and jealous too. The jealousy is mine to own and I am. I've discussed it with her too. I've also discussed that after their breakup I'm just worried for her. It's not that I don't think he's a good guy, it's not that I'm not excited for her... It just doesn't feel right.

I worry that when I ask her, no matter what I will say, she will be offended. It's kind of her personality. I don't want something silly like a wedding to ruin my relationship with her, no matter what my personal opinions are.

Yes, manpanion is being a baby. I've already told him this is not an "out" since he and my sis don't get along so well.

Im still giving myself some time to breath before I get ahold of her. I really do appreciate the input.

bethsmiles

Warning: I'm not in a play nicely mood today.

First - I was hoping "manpanion" was just a typo but since you used it twice I'm assuming it's not. Ugh. Using that word makes you sound 15.

Second - Absolutely nothing your sister has done is worth being upset about. My younger brother is dating an amazing young woman. I would be THRILLED if they got engaged even if it happened before me and BF because I don't have a right to get married before him just because I'm older.

Your sister does not have to ask you to be a BM and with your attitude why the hell would she? You may think you're doing a great job at concealing your feelings but I bet your not (most people aren't as good at that as they think they are).

I would just ignore the text message. If you sister is going to ask you to be a BM, she will or if she's assuming you know then it will become obvious at some point.

Also, WTF is your BF's problem? He would rather be an asshole than be happy about your sister's wedding? Newsflash! He doesn't have to go if he'd rather "wallow in self pity"

Dignity100

Kelani23 said:

I think it would be weird to be planning at the same time, and I think if I was engaged second, she would feel like I was trying to steal her thunder.  There would be more coordinating to not interfere with each other's plans, etc.  I imagine it would be hard to help your sister if you were also a bride, too.

My sister is already married, but I can understand why someone wouldn't want it.

If FI's brother decided to get engaged now, I wouldn't mind one bit; FI's brother's GF and I are friends, so I'd be on the 'Hey we can do this together, 2 birds - 1 stone' type of thing. 

You announce your engagement and you get married - so you get 2 days.  After that, nobody is really stealing your thunder.  Sure if you're using the same bridal party and such, there would be more coordinating (and the price they're willing/able to spend for their attire might be less).

You also mentioned that your parents probably wouldn't be very happy. Does that mean your assuming your parents are helping pay (or they have made mention of this in the past)?  I'm sure they probably already have a set budget if they ARE helping.  Unless a parent, relative, friend, other has expressed that they are willing to pay/help pay for your wedding, that's a pretty crappy assumption.  It's not uncommon for the Bride and Groom to foot the WHOLE bill now a days.  Even if somebody has offered to help - I'm sure there would be a budget discussion.

Emmyghoul

@loves2shop4shoes‌, my sister and I were very close before she started dating her fiancé, got even closer when he dumper her, then she got distant when they got back together.

When I was talking to her about her engagement, she gave ME a timeline of what wouldn't be in her mind stealing her thunder. Her timeline- 6months to a year. After the wedding.

According to my mom, I am on the bridesmaid list.

Not witness protection, but I like having a choice who has any of my personal information. Email address would have been totally acceptable without prior discussion. That's cool if you don't mind your number being given to anyone, but i don't.

I will say again- I know I am more than a little bsc in this situation. Which is why I'm asking for help. Knowing that I have a lot of potential to be snarky, I'm holding out to talk to her until I know I won't say something I can't take back. I love my sis and want her to be happy... But having known her for 26 years, I'm more than a little worried about this as a whole.

luckya23

Dignity100 said:

Kelani23 said:

I think it would be weird to be planning at the same time, and I think if I was engaged second, she would feel like I was trying to steal her thunder.  There would be more coordinating to not interfere with each other's plans, etc.  I imagine it would be hard to help your sister if you were also a bride, too.

My sister is already married, but I can understand why someone wouldn't want it.

If FI's brother decided to get engaged now, I wouldn't mind one bit; FI's brother's GF and I are friends, so I'd be on the 'Hey we can do this together, 2 birds - 1 stone' type of thing. 

You announce your engagement and you get married - so you get 2 days.  After that, nobody is really stealing your thunder.  Sure if you're using the same bridal party and such, there would be more coordinating (and the price they're willing/able to spend for their attire might be less).

You also mentioned that your parents probably wouldn't be very happy. Does that mean your assuming your parents are helping pay (or they have made mention of this in the past)?  I'm sure they probably already have a set budget if they ARE helping.  Unless a parent, relative, friend, other has expressed that they are willing to pay/help pay for your wedding, that's a pretty crappy assumption.  It's not uncommon for the Bride and Groom to foot the WHOLE bill now a days.  Even if somebody has offered to help - I'm sure there would be a budget discussion.

 

 

Did it eat my reply? Ugh!

I'm not the OP, but my parents did pay for my sister's wedding, and have said they would give me an equal amount so it's "fair."  Personally, I don't think they could afford my sister's wedding to begin with, and I wouldn't be comfortable spending that much or asking for that much, or anything really, but they would definitely worry about it.

loves2shop4shoes

Emmyghoul said:

@loves2shop4shoes‌, my sister and I were very close before she started dating her fiancé, got even closer when he dumper her, then she got distant when they got back together. When I was talking to her about her engagement, she gave ME a timeline of what wouldn't be in her mind stealing her thunder. Her timeline- 6months to a year. After the wedding. According to my mom, I am on the bridesmaid list. Not witness protection, but I like having a choice who has any of my personal information. Email address would have been totally acceptable without prior discussion. That's cool if you don't mind your number being given to anyone, but i don't. I will say again- I know I am more than a little bsc in this situation. Which is why I'm asking for help. Knowing that I have a lot of potential to be snarky, I'm holding out to talk to her until I know I won't say something I can't take back. I love my sis and want her to be happy... But having known her for 26 years, I'm more than a little worried about this as a whole.

SIB.  I'll just address the points that are relevant to what I said.  Fine, if your mom insists you are a BM, call your sister and say there is some confusion and ask who is in her BP.  Seems arbitrary that an email address is personal information that can be disseminated, but a phone number is not.  It seems to me that you're just looking to have something to quibble about.  Again, just an outsider's observation.

Also, if you want her to be happy, then be happy for her.  And pick your battles.

Lastly, it seems odd to me that your original post was all about how you've been wronged...and suddenly when you get called out for being ridiculous, it turns into you being concerned for your sister.  Precisely zero words of your OP suggested that you are concerned for your sister.  You sounded angry, bitter, jealous, and whiny.  Now you're backpedaling and saying this is all coming from your concern?  Which is it?

GoldenPenguin

Swazzle said:

I think you're being a little ridiculous and your SO (sorry, I refuse to use the term 'manpanion') is being a lot ridiculous. 1) Ask your sister about the text you got from her friend. 2) Tell your SO to grow up.

THIS.

lennonkdc

Emmyghoul said:

Yes- I know a lot of this is just me (why I haven't talked to her yet so I don't say something rude like when she announced her engagement What did you say? If my sister was rude to me when I announced my engagement I wouldn't ask her to be a BM either! .) I'm worried for her. Everything to do with this wedding is out of character for her. She is a bit of a hippy chick and has always been against diamonds, what's her engagement ring? I'm an older sister, I get being 'worried' but this is pretty minor really, and maybe it means that you don't really know her that well. She had always wanted to just elope (we had joked that mine would have to be on the traditional side to make up for whatever she chose to do.)  So did I, but hey, its not just about what I wanted, turns out my FI wanted the big wedding, so now we're having a modest church wedding. Its what WE compromised on.Turns out that things and people change. Just a few months before they got engaged they broke up due to "commitment issues" he thought things were moving too fast. I'm concerned as a sister, and jealous too  jealous of my sister and using 'concern' over something thats none of my business to justify it. FTFY. The jealousy is mine to own and I am.  No, Not really. I've discussed it with her too. I've also discussed that after their breakup I'm just worried for her. It's not that I don't think he's a good guy, it's not that I'm not excited for her... It just doesn't feel right. I worry that when I ask her, no matter what I will say, she will be offended.  It's kind of her personality. Nope, I'm pretty sure most people would be offended if someone, even a sister, questioned their relationship. Asking "So you and FI are doing better now?" is fine, sharing your concerns that she's making a huge mistake and that it 'doesn't feel right' to you is over the line, way over the line. I don't want something silly like a wedding to ruin my relationship with her, no matter what my personal opinions are. 

Well, as you've said your piece you need to let it fucking go, because you can't stop her and you are coming off as a HUGE Bitter Betty.

 Yes, manpanion is being a baby. I've already told him this is not an "out" since he and my sis don't get along so well. I'm not even gonna touch this one... Im still giving myself some time to breath before I get ahold of her. I really do appreciate the input.

I also agree with everything @loves2shop4shoes said in her post. 

cu97tiger

@loves2shop4shoes hit all the points that I was going to say, so thanks for saving me the time of writing all that out, lady OP - your sister can request that you put your wedding plans on hold, but she gets one day. That's it. And about your phone number being given out... unless you have explicitly told all of your friends and family that you do not want that number given out, I don't blame her for thinking it was an ok thing to do. It's not like this sister's friend is going to start stalking you or spamming you with telemarketing calls. I'm glad you realize that you're ultra sensitive about this. My younger sister got married six years before me. I was nothing but thrilled for her. I think you need to sit down and talk to her about how you've grown apart, because it's obvious that that is bothering you. Regarding the BM thing, if your mother brings it up again, tell her you'd like to hear from your sister herself if that's the case. And under no circumstances do you ask your sister. That would be rude.

loves2shop4shoes

@lennonkdc FTW

Emmyghoul

I do realize that my op did not convey some of WHY I'm feeling the way I do, just how I'm feeling (which is bsc) why can determine more of an appropriate course if action. Not back peddling, more further explanation/backstory. Does it make me look less crazy? Probably not. How I look in this doesn't matter. I just needed some outside opinion as to how to proceed.

loves2shop4shoes

@cu97tiger...

[Insert JLaw winking GIF...my computer sucks.]

GoldenPenguin

And, also...

lennonkdc

Emmyghoul said:

I do realize that my op did not convey some of WHY I'm feeling the way I do, just how I'm feeling (which is bsc) why can determine more of an appropriate course if action. Not back peddling, more further explanation/backstory. Does it make me look less crazy? Probably not. How I look in this doesn't matter. I just needed some outside opinion as to how to proceed.

Proceed as if you are not jealous and bitter. Its not that hard. 

Here's a fun anecdote:

My sister called off her wedding that was supposed to be taking place tomorrow. They have issues, and a lot to work out before they get married, she saw it, vented to me a TON and I said nothing, I voiced no concern when she was trying to figure out what to do. And its a good thing too, b/c they are staying together to work it out! So her FI is going to be my BIL one day, and if I had said anything about him, whatever I would have told her, would have been shared with him, one way or another. So I listened, I gave support, but I kept my opinions to myself. B/C sometimes being a good sister mean shutting the fuck up. 

Dignity100

Emmyghoul said:

@loves2shop4shoes‌, my sister and I were very close before she started dating her fiancé, got even closer when he dumper her, then she got distant when they got back together. When I was talking to her about her engagement, she gave ME a timeline of what wouldn't be in her mind stealing her thunder. Her timeline- 6months to a year. After the wedding. According to my mom, I am on the bridesmaid list. Not witness protection, but I like having a choice who has any of my personal information. Email address would have been totally acceptable without prior discussion. That's cool if you don't mind your number being given to anyone, but i don't. I will say again- I know I am more than a little bsc in this situation. Which is why I'm asking for help. Knowing that I have a lot of potential to be snarky, I'm holding out to talk to her until I know I won't say something I can't take back. I love my sis and want her to be happy... But having known her for 26 years, I'm more than a little worried about this as a whole.

  I would tell her 'Fine, then you're not allowed to have sex for 6 months to a year after she gets married' -- when she says 'WTF are you trying to control my relationship' just tell her that she's doing the same to you. 

bethsmiles

I think you're just being incredibly immature and bitter because she's engaged and you're not. I can't give you much advice except to grow up and get over it. Learn to keep your mouth shut (ever heard if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all? That definitely applies when your sister announces her engagement!)

Oh and seriously, tell your BF to grow the fuck up. He sounds like a child throwing a fit.

eilis1228

I agree with everything that's been said as well. You need to be supportive, suck it up, and tell your BF to get over himself. 

My cousin (who is practically a sister) told me a few months after me and my BF started dating that she didn't like him and was against the relationship. She hardly knew him, but she told me she was concerned and thought he was no good for me. It didn't permanently damage the relationship, but holy hell was I pissed and hurt. It took a few years for us to recover, and she's since said that she was in the wrong, but it still stings thinking about it. BF holds a serious grudge about it too. You need to keep your mouth shut about any misgivings you have and just be a good sister. 

Also, a different cousin is having her wedding this year on my birthday. My response? "Isn't that such a great day? Can't wait to celebrate with you guys on the best day of the year!" Not sure what your BF's deal is...