Wedding Woes

How do I ask my 90 year old grandma about her painful history?

Dear Prudence,
My grandmother is in her 90s and frail, but her mind is as sharp as ever. She came from one of the wealthiest families in China, and her family was decimated by the Communist revolution. Luckily, my grandmother escaped the brutality because she had just joined my grandfather in Taiwan. There she built a new life amid poverty. Her younger sisters, who were in China, bore the brunt of the revolution. Members of their family were executed, or worked to death, and they themselves barely survived the hard labor and famines. No one has asked any of these sisters for full details about their younger years for fear of dredging up negative emotions. But I feel my generation and the future generation should know what they survived, and who they were. Should I just let the past stay in the past and not trouble a frail, elderly woman, or is there a way I can broach this subject with my grandmother? 

—Family Historian

Re: How do I ask my 90 year old grandma about her painful history?

  • GBCKGBCK member
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    man, I find this hard even w/o huge horrid things in my family's past.

    I mean, my gramps would tear up telling us about when his dad lost the farm.  
    But, at the same time, it's 'important' and I'm glad I have some of that history.

    Finding the right way to ask is hard.
  • Write her story down! From what I have seen, that age is the age where people get over their fear of talking and want to share their history.
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  • Agree with the write it down/record it part.

    I think a safe place to cry/lose it emotionally without any time constraints or expectations is the other big thing and to not make it sound like an investigation.

    Bring some cookies, cupcakes, cigs, make some tea or coffee, make a "lovely little visit" out of it. It's part sharing, part good company.
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