Preparing for Marriage

scrunchythief

So the past month or two, I feel like my FI and I have been more focused on planning our wedding that our marriage.  Thankfully, we had a long engagement and did a lot of marriage prep before this time, so we don't feel super unprepared.  However, I'd like to think of ways we could improve how we're looking at entering the sacrament.  One idea that I found was to regularly pray for God's guidance about entering marriage (In retrospect, this sounds a little obvious to me, but I suck at regular prayer:(  I'm working on that one.).  

We did our diocese's 2 day pre-cana program, had several discussions with our priest and read a lot of books (Top of the list were The Good News about Sex and Marraige, The Theology of the Body, and 14 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married).  And we've had many conversations about what expect marriage to be like, starting well before we were engaged.  

So I was curious: what have you done/did you do to prepare for marriage?  Any to any married ladies out there, what preparations do you feel has had the biggest impact on your marriage so far?

monkeysip

Our actual marriage prep really sucked, so we tried to just read books to help us out.  We read both the Christopher West books ("Good News About..."  and "Theology of the body for beginners") and I read the 5 love languages book.  All the above books were really helpful for both H and I, but it sounds like you've already read them!

Other than that, we just prayed and talked a lot.  We've always tried to have really honest conversations, like about things that we do that might bother each other or possible problems that could arise in the future ("What if's")

And we've always gone to mass with each other every sunday and holy day (don't know if that's possible for you--if it is, you might try even going to daily mass together before the wedding too!).

The fact that you're looking for more ways to prepare is a good sign for your marriage too!  So many couples only think about the wedding!

To a certain extent though, I think you can't fully prepare for marriage.  Just do the best you can and pray for God's guidance.  The graces from the sacrament of matrimony will help you both our tremendously!

banana468

For us, the biggest thing was to talk a lot and that started before the engagement and continues now nearly 7 years into marriage.   

-How many kids will we want?   When will we want to TTC vs. TTA?

-Where do we want to live?   What kind of house do we want?

-Will I keep working or stay at home?

-How will we handle holidays?  (we started that one the year we were engaged)

-How will we handle household tasks? 

-What is the belief with child-rearing?   Do we believe in both taking an equal role in the development of our offspring or is this the responsibility of one parent?

I don't think we have all the answers but it helps that we discussed a lot of these things and continue to discuss them.    

Chloeagh

I second Five Love Languages. It has been the most helpful relationship book FI and I have read. We are constantly using it to help work on our relationship, understand ourselves, and talk about our relationship. Holy Sex is also a must read!

I don't know how far off your wedding is, but if you have time, I highly recommend doing Engaged Encounter. I'm sure it varies area to area, but the one I went to was amazing!

agapecarrie

do the dvd series from Ascension press-- God's plan for a joy filled marriage.

Get a mentor couple and meet with them periodically, and pray with them, and ask them to be prayer warriors (actually, your whole wedding party can function like that for you). Go to adoration together. Fast. Do some difficult penances and sacrifices. Join e5 men and women. 

Take the myerrs briggs test and discuss it with a person educated on the temperaments.

If you're up for it: love and responsibility is a good read. An easier version is "Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love" by Sri and "3 to get married"  by Sheen. 

scrunchythief

@agapecarrie How would you suggest finding a mentor couple?  My first instinct would be to ask a friend, but practically all of our friends are still single.  

And great book suggestions.  I read Three to Get Married before we were engaged and I got love and responsibility for FI as a birthday present.  And then of course I had to borrow it:)  

And I can't believe I didn't think of Myerrs Briggs!  Some psych major I turned out to be.

IrishPirate60

My parish uses mentor couples as part of the preparation process. If your parish doesn't, ask your pastor or the staff person who works with faith formation for some recommendations. Call your local diocesan offices too. Be proactive.

agapecarrie

What irishpirate said

Also, Get involved in a parish activity or two and meet people there. Ask if there are people involved in teaching or common sponsors in RCIA. 

agapecarrie

It also doesn't have to be an official marriage prep couple. I would hope you have devout faithful strong Catholic marriages around you that you can have some dinners with.

monkeysip

agapecarrie said:

It also doesn't have to be an official marriage prep couple. I would hope you have devout faithful strong Catholic marriages around you that you can have some dinners with.

I wish!  Some of us don't know any practicing Catholic couples...

scrunchythief

monkeysip said:

agapecarrie said:

It also doesn't have to be an official marriage prep couple. I would hope you have devout faithful strong Catholic marriages around you that you can have some dinners with.

I wish!  Some of us don't know any practicing Catholic couples...

Exactly.  We're lucky that we do have a few, and we have talked to them through this process.  The only hitch is that they are all family.  All of our Catholic friends are still single.  Not that we wouldn't go to them if we needed to, but I'm not sure it's the best idea to talk through marriage problems with family.

IrishPirate60

You could do something a little outside the box, if you're willing to take the leap. I'm presuming you are already an active member of your local parish. See if you can identify three couples, of varying ages and family circumstances. Ask if you and your fiance can chat with each couple over coffee. Ask them how they met, the challenges they faced, what encouraged them, who supported them. Be prepared for them to say, "There's nothing special about us. We just got up every day and did what was in front of us." But there's wisdom to be found there.

What you'll find is that there are many ways of being married, many obstacles couples face, many strategies for handling good times and bad. What you will do in your marriage will be your unique gift to the Body of Christ, but you don't have to do it all alone.