Second Weddings

New here! Lack of support from family. Please help.

Hi, I'm recently engaged to my best friend and this will both our second marriages. He is divorced and I am widowed. Neither of us have any children.

We don't really have a lot of support in this. Most don't approve of us having an actual wedding. Both of our parents suggest we go the courthouse because this is our second marriages. They think it is "stupid and wasteful" for us to have a wedding ceremony with guests. It's very hard to have so little support in planning such a big and happy part of our lives. The other issue that everyone wants to talk about is our 11 year age difference. For those of you having little support, how are you dealing with it?


Re: New here! Lack of support from family. Please help.

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I didn't have a support problem, fortunately. But if you want to have a big wedding, then do it - just host what you can afford. That's what DH &I did, both of our second marriages. Many people think it is wasteful to have a big first wedding. It's not up to them, it up to you - assuming you are paying for it.

    If people bring up the  age difference change the subject. It's none of their business. If they keep bringing it up tell them the conversation is closed and you will not discuss it any further.

    If no one is being supportive then perhaps you should consider eloping - run off to some place fabulous, get married and don't tell anyone until you return. Why would you want to host a big party for unsupportive people anyway? That would be a true waste of money.

    GL! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    onlyjamielynn
  • What about a nice destination wedding? One of my friends was just in a second wedding this weekend. It was agony for her. She had to buy a crappy lace David's Bridal dress (she still had the dress from the bride's first wedding!) Plastic earrings. Go get a manicure in the shade of grey the bride picked in advance and sent out. Then, bride bought loose flowers and wanted all the bridesmaids to help recreate a pinterest photo and make the centerpieces and bouquets. She was not happy at all. She had to do all that twice in recent history. If you do a destination wedding, the hotel/resort can do all the work, and you can do something that has the appropriate, more subdued level of fanfare and bridal craziness. I bet your closest friends/family would not be as leery of a destination wedding as a full church/event with all the usual fanfare.
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator 5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    What about a nice destination wedding? One of my friends was just in a second wedding this weekend. It was agony for her. She had to buy a crappy lace David's Bridal dress (she still had the dress from the bride's first wedding!) Plastic earrings. Go get a manicure in the shade of grey the bride picked in advance and sent out. Then, bride bought loose flowers and wanted all the bridesmaids to help recreate a pinterest photo and make the centerpieces and bouquets. She was not happy at all. She had to do all that twice in recent history. If you do a destination wedding, the hotel/resort can do all the work, and you can do something that has the appropriate, more subdued level of fanfare and bridal craziness. I bet your closest friends/family would not be as leery of a destination wedding as a full church/event with all the usual fanfare.
    The bride in this second wedding was wrong and broke etiquette. A destination wedding will not change anything if the bride is a total 'zilla. 

    My DH and I have a 17 year age difference, so I understand thinking that some people will side eye that. My opinion is that if someone has an issue with it, it's their problem, not yours. I suggest going about your plans the way that you would like. Follow proper etiquette when planning. If people choose to continue to not support, then it's their loss. 

     







    lc07
  • Your money, your rules.  They get no say in how you spend your money.  That can mean planning a fabulous wedding, buying a giant metal rooster, or funding a kickstarter for potato salad.  Your money, your rules.

    My FI and I have a 12 year age difference.  Age is irrelevant and should be the least of their concerns when considering what they "hoped for" or "expect for" you and your partner.

    If they want to be judgmental and not supportive about it how you're planning your wedding then I would stop talking to them about the wedding.  If they want to be judgmental and not supportive about your FH and your marriage I wouldn't invite them.

    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    vegasbride2015
  • I say do what you two want to do and forget everyone else! If the parents don't want  you two to have a "big" wedding, then they don't have to contribute. Anyone who's questioning the age difference doesn't have to be invited. If you two are paying for it, then you two are the only ones who has a say in how big it is, how much money you'll spend, and who is/isn't invited. For those that are invited, the only say they get is if they're coming or not (and meal options if you are letting them choose)!

  • decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 NYC!!!
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    Assuming you and your FI are paying for everything then have the wedding the 2 of you want. The people who love and support you will be there no matter what. As for the age difference, who cares??!! My father is 11 years older than my mother and last week they celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary! Age really is just a number.

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  • If you are paying for it yourselves, then like so many others here have already said; do what you want. While some of my family have issues with the wedding (I've been married once before, my FI never has), thankfully none have an issue (that I know of lol) of our age difference of almost 12 years. I say do what you want and if they aren't going to be supportive, then that says a lot about them. It's tough but if a wedding is what you want then they should support that.
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