Veil question

drptobe14

Hi everyone! I've been a lurker for awhile, but this is my 1st post.

I'm getting married in October, and I have a question about how to wear my veil when I walk down the aisle. Honestly, I've never paid attention to veils at weddings.  I'm wearing a fingertip veil.  My mom asked me how I'm going to wear it, and I told her on the back of my head so I can see my FI as I walk down the aisle. I figured it wasn't a big deal. Well, apparently it is a big deal because she threw a fit, but it's hard to tell because she throws a lot of fits. She said it's her job once I get to the end of the aisle to take the front of the veil and put it back.

I'm just confused about this whole veil thing.

How are you ladies wearing yours? Is my mom really the person who does this job?

mrsmorales2be

So...your mom wants you to walk down the aisle with your veil covering your face?  Does anyone even do that anymore? Your hair might be a consideration in how you wear it, too.   Wear it however you feel comfortable and you'll look fabulous.

JCbride2015

Welcome!

@lilybet's explanation is right on.  If your veil doesn't have the blusher, you shouldn't wear it over your face anyway.  It would look weird because there'd be no veil in the back.

FWIW, I do not plan to wear the veil over my face on my way down the aisle.  And I don't think I've seen anybody wear the veil over her face in my personal experience at weddings.  The tradition seems very dated.

As I understand it, the tradition started back when marriages were arranged and the groom hadn't seen the bride before the wedding day.  The veil was so that he couldn't run off if he thought she was ugly.  Not really a tradition I'd want to continue!

drptobe14

Hi! Thank you everyone for your feedback!

My veil does have a blusher, but I'm really not loving the idea of having it over my face as I walk down the aisle. I think my mom was just looking for a reason to have a "job" when I walked down the aisle because I told her that she wasn't walking with my dad and me. I understand it's an option for her to do so, but not something I want.

NavyBlue143

If your dad is walking you, then typically it's his kob to lift the veil. If you choose to wear one over your face. You don't want to, so the point is moot. Your face, your choice. I didn't want my face covered, so I wore a veil in the back. My mom had a hissy fit over not having a blusher, but she threw a fit over a lot of things for the wedding. My face my choice. She got over it. Your mom will get over it.

Vivandiere8

NavyBlue143 said:

If your dad is walking you, then typically it's his kob to lift the veil. If you choose to wear one over your face. You don't want to, so the point is moot. Your face, your choice. I didn't want my face covered, so I wore a veil in the back. My mom had a hissy fit over not having a blusher, but she threw a fit over a lot of things for the wedding. My face my choice. Shue got over it. Your mom will get over it.

This. I have seen the father lift the veil at the end of the isle if he walked the bride down. I have heard of the groom doing it after their vows but I think that's an even older custom that's even less common. The veil over the face was also symbolic of the brides purity like the white dress (the assumption being she was a virgin), which is why it's called a blusher because the thought was the sweet virgin bride and groom might blush as it was lifted. So yes dated, but now and then it's still down, especially in very traditional families.

That being said, I have never heard of or seen the mother of the bride waiting at the end of the isle for the father and daughter so that she can lift the veil. Either she saw someone do this (someone elses mother who reeeaaly wanted a job), or made it up. Either way it's not some sort of tradition you should have known would put her out of a job if you left it out. Usually the mother is the last one seated, and she is often walked down the isle by the best man, so she does get attention, and all eyes on her for a moment.

 I also wore mine low off the back of my head, so even if it had a blusher I wouldn't have been able to do it, but it looked prettiest there to me, and it was the only thing that would have made sense with my hair style. Your hair, and the way it looks on your head are all things you are going to want to take into consideration,

RebeccaFlower

I've only ever seen fathers lift the veil, never the mothers, so I think your mom is being a drama llama for no reason. 

falsara

I have a blusher on my veil and I was agonizing over this question too.  However it is your face, and your choice. 

 I originally wasn't going to wear my blusher over my face but then one day FI asked me and I told him no.  Then he said he really did want me to wear it, so yea, still its one of those things you can kinda wait to decide until the morning of if you really want to. 

If your dad is walking you down the aisle then it is his job to lift the veil when he gives you away, unless you want to wait to have the groom do it when you kiss.

FYI - if you do choose to wear the blusher and have Dad lift it.  Do a few practice runs so that it lays flat after he lifts it.  You don't want it to look all puffy and weird in pictures.

mysticl

I've seen some brides wear the blusher over their face.  I've also seen some blushers have lip prints where it rubbed against the bride's lipstick.  So if you are going to do make sure you choose a lipstick that doesn't smear.  

erollis

I wanted a blusher to cover my face. It wasn't something I decided until we got closer to the wedding. I had no problem seeng. And even with the breezy day no makeup got on my veil. Although I also didn't wear heavy lipstick that was bright red either.

H could still see me but not to well. That was a good thing because we made it through without bawling our eyes out. H lifted the veil before we kissed and it was sweet.

This is the only pick I have handy. And yes I'm laughing because my train was stepped on.

climbingsingle

RebeccaFlower said:

I've only ever seen fathers lift the veil, never the mothers, so I think your mom is being a drama llama for no reason. 

ditto this. 

Marzipan13

I'm wearing a fingertip-length veil with a blusher of the same length.  I chose to do this because I've always loved the romantic and hazy look that a long, face-covering veil gives a bride walking down the aisle, and I really wanted to have that look for my wedding day.  Dad will lift my veil at the altar and pass me to FI.  

Peaseblossom55

I also have a fingertip veil it has a blusher, I'm not wearing it over my face. 

I've learned throughout the wedding process, the less my mom knows, the less she has to complain about or say that is not how things are done...

larrygaga

I thought the reason behind the veil was because they didn't want the groom to back out of the wedding if the bride wasn't all he expected to be, looks wise. Because women used to be like prized cattle. So hopefully your fiance has seen you before and won't run away at the sight of your face before your parents force him to marry you and then I believe they give him a goat in payment. 

I'm a pretty good history buff, can you tell?

MaryGraceRich

I wore am elbow length veil. It did not have a blusher so I bought one. I wore it. Between the lights and the blusher I couldn't see a thing. However that turned out to be a good thing because then I didn't cry. My dad lifted my blusher kissed me and put it back down. He pulled two hard and it fell off so I said screw it and handed it to him and didn't wear it anymore.

drptobe14

Thanks for all the input!

Word on the street (MOH = sister), my mom told me that it's her job because she knew I wouldn't know and because she feels that my dad and I will mess it up. If I was wearing it over my face, we probably would mess it up, even with practice...but we'd have fun doing it.

lkristenj

I'm wearing a waltz-length veil with a blusher. My dad will lift it at the end of the aisle.

I am making my own veil and may use lace from my mom's wedding dress as the trim. 

KnightsNurse

Interesting tidbit I heard, not sure if it's true or not, but the original purpose for unveiling the bride came from the Bible story of Jacob and Leah/Rachel. It was customary for the bride to leave the veil on until the morning AFTER the wedding celebration. Jacob had worked 7 years to marry Rachel, but got Leah, her sister, instead and had to work another 7 years for Rachel. So apparently after that the Jewish laws were changed and the unveiling was allowed before it was "official" lol

CMGragain

The tradition goes back to the Biblical times.  It is recorded in the Book of Genesis:

²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.” ²² And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast. ²³ Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. ²⁴ And Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. ²⁵ So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?”

²⁶ And Laban said, “It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. ²⁷ Fulfill her week, and we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still another seven years.”

²⁸ Then Jacob did so and fulfilled her week. So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also.

Cliff notes:The groom was "celebrating" with other men, and late in the evening, he was brought his bride, and he consummated the marriage.  The next morning, he wakes up, sober, and realizes that he has just deflowered the wrong woman..His father-in-law did this on purpose, knowing the groom would be too drunk to catch on. Jacob was stuck with a wife he didn't want.  Fortunately, polygamy was common practice in that culture.

The blusher veil is symbolic of that story.  The groom must see the bride's face before the marriage is finalized, to make sure that he is marrying the right woman.  I always felt sorry for Leah.
Traditionally, the veil is lifted by the brides father, not her mother!

CaliMel11

If you wear one, do practice runs!
We totally forgot to and I ended up wearing it over my face the whole ceremony because it went by so fast and my dad forgot to lift it up and so did I! So all the photos during the ceremony have my face covered.
I would have rather just wore it on the back of my head instead, if I had to do it over, because it was just a hassle and one more thing to try to remember to do.

Rebl90

This is a decision YOU should be making,  not your mother.  While some people consider the tradition to be dated, I am personally wearing a blusher along with my veil and have every intention on wearing it down the aisle.  In fact when I said something offhand to FI about it he got the sweetest smile on his face and said he was very happy I was keeping that tradition.

I was in a wedding last month and my dear friend chose to wear her veil low in the back without a blusher and she looked stunning. There's no wrong or right way, it's all about your personal style and level of comfort.

drptobe14

@scribe95 I have tried offering her things to do, but the only things she wants, I'm not on board with, like walking me down the aisle with my dad. She also wants my FI to walk her down the aisle during the processional. I told her to pick one of our ushers, or a GM, to do it because he's not walking with her. She flat out refuses to do the unity candle because she "hates" (hasn't met) my FI's mom.

I pretty much just bean dip around her...a lot.