Not Engaged Yet

How Quickly Were You Bombarded With WR Questions?

eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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It's been all of 48 hours, and everyone and their mom has asked us if we've picked a date, what kind of cakes we want, what our colors are, how much I plan to DIY, etc. Can't we just bask in the engagement glow for a few more days? I do understand that these people are genuinely that excited for our wedding and just want to help out if possible, but holy moly is it overwhelming. How long after engagement were y'all bombarded with WR questions?


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Re: How Quickly Were You Bombarded With WR Questions?

  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    I called one of my aunts about 10 minutes after getting engaged and she asked me when the wedding would be. 



    eilis1228
  • I had people asking me right away if we set a date.  It drove me nuts! 
    eilis1228
  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto
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    Ditto, pretty much right away! Have you set a date? Where are you going to have it? How big are you thinking? etc etc but mostly from acquaintances at work and church

    Literally 2 days later my mom was asking about who would be in the wedding party, and she actually said "well so-and-so won't be invited, he's too young"...and that was when I gave her a serious side-eye.

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  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    Wow, okay. So this is normal behavior.


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  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto
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    Totally. People are nuts. Just remind them that you've been engaged for all of 2 days so you have NOTHING planned yet.

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  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY
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    Immediately. The conversation with FI's mom went like this: "We're engaged!!" "Congratulations! When's the date??" Literally in the same breath. 



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    eilis1228
  • We had actually come up with a possible date like the same day we got engaged, but when people bombarded us with that question I was too pissed to answer them.  I thought maybe it was just me because I'm older than the average bride-to-be, but apparently it's the crazy norm!
    eilis1228
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains
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    Right away. Having the excuse of closing on the house relatively quickly gave me some breathing space, though.
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    This is just nuts. I've got a cousin tagging me on FB in a few different posts about various DIY things she's done for weddings. It's all very generous, but I'm like, "...I don't know what type of bouquet I'll have yet. I've had the ring for 2 days." Plus, I have a huge family. FI and I sat down a few months ago and just made a preliminary list of family members and friends, and my family alone was maybe 85 people. We're hoping to keep it "small" at 100 max. I don't even know if this cousin will be invited because I see her once every 2 years or so... just awkward. Generous and sweet, but kinda awkward.


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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 New York
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    Ugh, yeah that IS normal and it DID drive me crazy. Although FI and I were engaged on Xmas Eve, we didn't really start any real looking/planning until April, so people did eventually understand that we wanted to just enjoy being engaged for a little while. No need to rush!
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  • @weewittlewizabeth - I had the same awkwardness with a second cousin. I'm friends with her on FB but I don't have a relationship with her, I see her maybe once a year or less and don't even really conversate with her. She asked if I would text her a pic of my ring. So I did. Then she offered to help in any way if I needed it. I'm like...hello, sorry, but you're not invited!!!
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    @Pepperally does she know she's not invited now? If so, any weirdness after that?


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  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
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    Thankfully I didn't have all that.  We kind of let things filter out through our families that we would be having a 'immediate family only' wedding.  FI had a few of his friends who were kind of like 'oh, I see what you really think of me not inviting me to your wedding' - and he had to explain SMALL wedding.  I over heard him say 'we might do something after we're married' and I'm thinking 'aw, man - I was hoping to get out of the at home celebration'.  IF we did anything, we'll just rent a park and have a BBQ or something like that, no dresses or anything wedding related (besides having a cake, 'cause everybody loves cake).


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  • Mom started complaining about our choices last week. Yup.  Can't wait to plan :-P

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  • @weewittlewizabeth. All I texted back was "thanks" when she offered her help. Since I don't talk to her no real awkwardness. She will figure it out when her grandmother gets her invite I suppose. Her GM is my aunt. I'm not even having first cousins either. Plus I'm skipping our family reunion this summer so I won't see her before the wedding!
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia
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    Questions started instantly. My mom especially was asking about all the details so frequently right away that I found it stressful. We picked a date maybe within a month (our engagement will be 9 months) but we didn't want to plan anything the second he proposed.
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  • We called our families after we got engaged and my grandparents asked us when the big date would be lol. I was like well we need to think about it for a couple days haha.  Then we changed our minds a few times before we actually pinned down a date. 

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  • No one really asked us right after but, we did venue shop the Saturday after we got engaged and set a date like a week later so that's probably why.

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN
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    We were asked questions about the wedding the night we were engaged. It was a little ridiculous but our families were excited. They were asking what date and venue we had in mind. If we planned on a big wedding or a small wedding. Like, I had just gotten engaged 3 hours ago. I was too busy staring at my ring in amazement to answer questions I had no real answers to.
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    eilis1228
  • the next day, my mom was pushing me to have BM dresses picked out...  just a foreshadowing of the rest of the wedding planning/engagement!
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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut
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    Pretty much right after we got engaged. However we got very good about how to throw them off and say "we're looking at a two year engagement, you know saving for the wedding we want?" That actually worked very well in our case and it's the truth.

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    eilis1228
  • oh we were bombarded like 5 mins in.  We were in Tahoe for the weekend so we called and text a few close friends and immediate family.  Towards the end of the evening I just told people we were doing it right now since we were in such a beautiful place for a wedding! HA


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  • Yep. We were asked right away "when's the date?" , "where will you get married?" , "who's going to be in your wedding party??" , and my favorite "are you going to invite x, y, z? Because if you invite a or b, you have to invite x, y, z!" 

    I just said "I don't know!" to basically everything, and they all seemed to take that in stride. 
    eilis1228
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    Well I'm glad all families are crazy. We've got a venue in mind and a month we're interested in (October 2015), so that's what I've been telling people who ask. Their next response is, "OMG that's such a long engagement!" Oi vey. 

    @lilacck28 the guest list was already giving me major stress yesterday. FI and I want to do our absolute best to keep the list at 100, but that would involve cutting family members. One of my older brothers flat out told me if I invite my step-cousins but not my blood-related cousins, I'll cause a lot of drama. Gee thanks, bro. No pressure. 

    FI and I decided that we're going to book that particular venue and then put a moratorium on further wedding planning until October. That gives us a few months to bask in the engagement glow, let our family get more of the crazy out, and gives me time to ogle Pinterest and figure out some ideas. 




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  • Well I'm glad all families are crazy. We've got a venue in mind and a month we're interested in (October 2015), so that's what I've been telling people who ask. Their next response is, "OMG that's such a long engagement!" Oi vey. 

    @lilacck28 the guest list was already giving me major stress yesterday. FI and I want to do our absolute best to keep the list at 100, but that would involve cutting family members. One of my older brothers flat out told me if I invite my step-cousins but not my blood-related cousins, I'll cause a lot of drama. Gee thanks, bro. No pressure. 

    FI and I decided that we're going to book that particular venue and then put a moratorium on further wedding planning until October. That gives us a few months to bask in the engagement glow, let our family get more of the crazy out, and gives me time to ogle Pinterest and figure out some ideas. 


    I feel like we're secret twins. 
    eilis1228
  • BreMRBreMR
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    I think the questions started pretty instantly for us, but I was just so excited and I loved how excited everyone else was.  I have two friends in particular who are harassing me about details.  One is asking when we're going dress shopping, where, who's invited, what kind of dress do I want?  Another won't leave me alone because I think I may not have bridesmaids and she thinks that calling me constantly will change my mind about it.

    My wedding is not until December 2015.  I love their excitement but I'm definitely not making decisions this early.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28
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    edited June 2014
    Guest list is hard. 

    I initially wanted a guest list of 75-85 to keep costs down, and because I'd rather have people there that I am very close to. My parents are paying (Fiance's parents have said they are planning to help with flowers, do the rehearsal dinner, and FMIL has mentioned throwing me a shower), and the list has slowly grown to accommodate some friends of theirs plus great aunts and uncles and maybe even some of my mom's cousins, which brings our number up to a theoretical 130 (we have an approximate list of friends that we may or may not invite, and maybe we'll make some new friends, plus I don't know who Fiance's parents plan to add on top of the family we already included-- we told them they could add up to 20 more people). It's bigger than I wanted, but, again, parents are paying, so I don't really mind. 

    I'm only going to send STDs to VIPs though, in case my parents have a change of heart and don't want to spend an extra $3,000-$5,000 (can't remember the exact math right now).  

    I also briefly considered doing a VERY intimate affair. Under 20 people. When an aunt asked my mom about the guest list, my mom mentioned that I may decide to do something like this. My aunt replied that she would find out where I was getting married, and show up anyway. I think that was meant out of love... but it kind of terrified me. 
    eilis1228
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    @BreMR I have a friend doing that too with the dress shopping! She asked yesterday when I wanted to go shopping, and I was like, "I don't know... January?" Her response was, "Why are you waiting so long?" Ahhh

    @lilacck28 Um, that's super creepy. Sweet, but very very creepy. Also, I'm pretty sure the moms will tear our guest list apart later on, but for now I'm happy-ish with it. FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, so we can at least have final say on the guest list. Hopefully you guys are able to keep it down a bit more! 80 people vs. 130 people is a huge difference!


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    BreMR
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