*rant* Does anyone find these comments kind of rude.

arrippa

Molly&Domenic said:

Anyone can wear white at anytime. I'm sorry this person was so terrible to you. You don't have to explain your life choices to this so called friend.

Except after labor day.

This is something that I don't talk about often, since it's nobody's business but ours, FI and I are waiting until we get married. Neither of us are virgins, but we decided that waiting works for us. I have friends who are living with their FI and I would never dream of saying something to them. OP- what your "friend" said was tacky, mean and frankly, not being a good friend. If a friend said something like that to me, I would question why they are in my life.

VulgarGirl

Well with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I'm not wearing white. Not because I'm not a virgin, but because I don't like the way I look in white. FI is wearing white. She's also not a virgin. She just looks hot in white.

Also my parents did not live together before they got married. They have been happily divorced for 24 years. They did have sex before they got married. But no co-habitation.

MollyandD

arrippa said:

Molly&Domenic said:

Anyone can wear white at anytime. I'm sorry this person was so terrible to you. You don't have to explain your life choices to this so called friend.

Except after labor day.

This is something that I don't talk about often, since it's nobody's business but ours, FI and I are waiting until we get married. Neither of us are virgins, but we decided that waiting works for us. I have friends who are living with their FI and I would never dream of saying something to them. OP- what your "friend" said was tacky, mean and frankly, not being a good friend. If a friend said something like that to me, I would question why they are in my life.

I wear white after Labor Day. I'm kind a rule breaker like that. 

arrippa

Molly&Domenic said:

arrippa said:

Molly&Domenic said:

Anyone can wear white at anytime. I'm sorry this person was so terrible to you. You don't have to explain your life choices to this so called friend.

Except after labor day.

This is something that I don't talk about often, since it's nobody's business but ours, FI and I are waiting until we get married. Neither of us are virgins, but we decided that waiting works for us. I have friends who are living with their FI and I would never dream of saying something to them. OP- what your "friend" said was tacky, mean and frankly, not being a good friend. If a friend said something like that to me, I would question why they are in my life.

I wear white after Labor Day. I'm kind a rule breaker like that. 

I wish I could wear white, but I am clumsy and messy so white wouldn't be a good color for me to wear.

Marzipan13

Wow, if that's the case, I'm fucked!  (pun definitely intended)

No but seriously, your "friend" is a buttwipe.  More than anything else, remember this: IT'S 10000% YOUR BUSINESS, AND 0% THEIRS.  You don't owe them an explanation or rebuttal or anything.  Tell them to step the fuck off, and be done with it.

kerbohl

@monkeysip I wasn't the only one accused of lying, eh?  That both makes me better and makes me feel very sad.  It's a weird feeling. 
Another thing about these statistics - someone sent me an article about not living together before marriage (despite the fact that I at the time had no intention to and was happy living in my own place).  One of the "facts" was that women who move in with their boyfriends before marriage are more likely to get beaten.  I didn't buy it.  I mean, I understand that if a woman moves in with someone who turns out to be abusive, she is more likely to get beaten because she is around the abusive jerk more often than if she was just living on her own, but that definitely doesn't apply to most couples (or at least I hope it doesn't - domestic abuse is just awful). 

iloveotters2014

Hmmm Last time I checked the year was 2014....I mean come on.

Also, to add, I had this happen in the reverse to me. I chose a lovely champagne and ivory lace dress for my wedding. Mostly because I looked awesome in it and it went really well with my skin tone. A co-worker asked to see the dress and said "As long as you aren't concerned about what people will think of you not wearing white." - um really? are you f'ing kidding me?

chibiyui

Yeah, after you school her on the tradition of white wedding dresses and blue being the color of virginity, drop that toxic bitch from casual friend status to DONE status. 

I wore ivory, but if you ask anyone at the wedding it was still white. White runs a lot of shades yo. 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

iloveotters2014 said:

Hmmm Last time I checked the year was 2014....I mean come on.

Also, to add, I had this happen in the reverse to me. I chose a lovely champagne and ivory lace dress for my wedding. Mostly because I looked awesome in it and it went really well with my skin tone. A co-worker asked to see the dress and said "As long as you aren't concerned about what people will think of you not wearing white." - um really? are you f'ing kidding me?

I wanted to get a blush colored dress so bad, but the ones I liked were out of my price range.  I tried on an 'oyster' colored dress years ago and loved it too.  Rock the champagne!  You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  There's no pleasing some people.

monkeysip

When I told my mom I was ordering an ivory dress, she was taken aback that I didn't order white.  "What will people think?"

Umm.... probably nothing since most people can't even really tell the difference between ivory and white wedding dresses, mom.  And since most people don't follow that dumb rule anymore anyways (thank goodness!).  

beethery

I was shocked as hell when my mom declared that she LOOOOOOOOVED this ivory-blush ombre dress I found online. She's a prudey shit, so I wasn't expecting it at all.

FI said his mom might judge though. TOUGH TITTIE, I AIN'T BUYIN' A DRESS TO PLEASE HER.

HaileyDancingbear

Nope, you're going to hell, God has nothing better to do whatsoever than be angry at you for your fashion choices  In all seriousness though, it's just an article of clothing in a certain color.  Its only meaning is what it means to you.

Your friend is crazy and misinformed.  

PrincessOfHavoc

Next they'll demand proof of virginity. Klassee.

For the record, my "colorful" champagne and ivory dress looks pretty dang white on me. Stark white is awful on me.

loveislouder

Oh good, I'm not the only one who is getting heck from their mom about wanting an ivory dress rather than a white one. Seriously, conversation went down like this: Mom: "if you get married in a Catholic Church you might not be able to wear a white dress." Me: that's okay, I want ivory. Mom: " WHAT?! You need to wear white! It's a wedding!" ETA: paragraphs eaten.

falsara

My gosh, people are so damn mean.  There is nothing worse than someone drawing their own nasty opinions about your sex life, and what you should, or shouldn't be allowed to wear. 

Times are a changing and people better get with that idea.... Shoot, my Nana, god bless her 67 year old heart, married 3 other people before she married her current husband, Yes, she still wore White to her wedding to my step-grandfather. 

And then my mom used that white wedding dress at her 2nd wedding, which I, at 2 months old,  was a guest at.  People need to take their judgmental shit and stuff it where the sun don't shine.

ETA: typo

 

mrs4everhart

OP, I'm afraid your friend is suffering from a bad case of not having a firm grasp on what is and is not her business. Unfortunately, there's only one person who must be sharing this private information with her, so stop. Obviously we don't know you or your friend but I'm going to go out on a limb here and make an assumption. You and your friend are probably either young, raised among religious conservatives, or both. I say this because most of us by a certain age don't find ourselves discussing our "purity" or lack thereof with our friends, either because virginity was a real long time ago or it didn't hold much interest for us in general to begin with. So perhaps your friend truly is your friend and she thinks she's really looking out for you, based on whatever conventional wisdom she assumes you both believe(d) in. It's your right as an adult to do as you please with your FI behind closed doors. So stop sharing the details with your friend and the next time she tries to "help" with her two cents tell her you appreciate her concern (even if you don't) but that your decisions are your own and you'll live with your choices and that it's no longer open for discussion. Or, tell her her judgy pants are too tight and cutting off the circulation to her brain and she's stopped making sense because her statistics are bunk and you're not trying to take marital advice from someone who thinks premarital sex causes divorce. 

AlexaF2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

OP, I'm afraid your friend is suffering from a bad case of not having a firm grasp on what is and is not her business. Unfortunately, there's only one person who must be sharing this private information with her, so stop. Obviously we don't know you or your friend but I'm going to go out on a limb here and make an assumption. You and your friend are probably either young, raised among religious conservatives, or both. I say this because most of us by a certain age don't find ourselves discussing our "purity" or lack thereof with our friends, either because virginity was a real long time ago or it didn't hold much interest for us in general to begin with. So perhaps your friend truly is your friend and she thinks she's really looking out for you, based on whatever conventional wisdom she assumes you both believe(d) in. It's your right as an adult to do as you please with your FI behind closed doors. So stop sharing the details with your friend and the next time she tries to "help" with her two cents tell her you appreciate her concern (even if you don't) but that your decisions are your own and you'll live with your choices and that it's no longer open for discussion. Or, tell her her judgy pants are too tight and cutting off the circulation to her brain and she's stopped making sense because her statistics are bunk and you're not trying to take marital advice from someone who thinks premarital sex causes divorce. 

Excuse me, but i think I will be stealing this quote, because it's amazing.

mrs4everhart

AlexaF2014 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

OP, I'm afraid your friend is suffering from a bad case of not having a firm grasp on what is and is not her business. Unfortunately, there's only one person who must be sharing this private information with her, so stop. Obviously we don't know you or your friend but I'm going to go out on a limb here and make an assumption. You and your friend are probably either young, raised among religious conservatives, or both. I say this because most of us by a certain age don't find ourselves discussing our "purity" or lack thereof with our friends, either because virginity was a real long time ago or it didn't hold much interest for us in general to begin with. So perhaps your friend truly is your friend and she thinks she's really looking out for you, based on whatever conventional wisdom she assumes you both believe(d) in. It's your right as an adult to do as you please with your FI behind closed doors. So stop sharing the details with your friend and the next time she tries to "help" with her two cents tell her you appreciate her concern (even if you don't) but that your decisions are your own and you'll live with your choices and that it's no longer open for discussion. Or, tell her her judgy pants are too tight and cutting off the circulation to her brain and she's stopped making sense because her statistics are bunk and you're not trying to take marital advice from someone who thinks premarital sex causes divorce. 

Excuse me, but i think I will be stealing this quote, because it's amazing.

@AlexaF2014 please enjoy it, but I don't think I can take credit for starting the "pants" craze all by myself. We do get a kick out of though - so much so when we rescued our American bulldog in April of 2013, we named him Monkey Pants. :-)

E2theB

I have a friend getting married shortly. For religious reasons, her family believes she is a virgin. She is not. She and her fiance are lying to their family just for approval. My point is, as long as you and your husband to be are honest with each other and things work for your relationship, then that's all that matters. No one can condemn your life if you're not hurting anyone but yourself (which you're not...so screw em all!)

hales2010

 

CMGragain

Ivory, champagne, oyster, diamond white, blush all = shades of white.

KeptInStitches

CMGragain said:

Ivory, champagne, oyster, diamond white, blush all = shades of white.

Oh lord I thought they were but they are apparently not all interchangeable ... or so I learned this week in flowers.

mrsmorales2be

This would make me freaking stabby as hell. 

FiancB

Well thank fuck the world is all out of murderers and thieves and rapists, and Hell only has non-virgin brides that wear white anyway to fill it up anymore!

princessleia22

Yes, that is extremely rude. Your sex life is nobody's business but your own and your FI's... and maybe your doctors. I would probably tell the friend that you've heard her opinion and understand her feelings on it, but it's not her business and back off. A lot of times, people just need confirmation that you have actually heard them and considered their advice or point of view. So, validating that you heard her, then politely telling her to shut up, may (or may not) work. If not, then tell her un-politely to shut up. I lived with my FI for 5 years before our wedding. Luckily, I didn't have anyone comment about my dress being white, although I did a slightly ivory dress just because it looked better on me. But, I did have my boss say on multiple occasions how I couldn't have a "real" honeymoon, since we had already been together. Um... sorry, but my honeymoon was no less "real" than anyone else.

princessleia22

I did have paragraphs on that last post... not sure where they went.

StitelME

I'm wearing a pure white dress for my wedding in three weeks. My FI was my first though I was not his. I was raised to be religious, though my beliefs have modernized and changed as I've gotten older. A lot of the emphasis on virginity at marriage was started so that men could be positive that any children their wife had after the marriage were their blood. Yes, some religious beliefs tack on more to it than that. I've always looked at it as, so long as I went to my eventual husband a virgin, regardless of before or after the wedding, I was pure for my husband. So I feel completely fine and justified wearing white on my day. I had a grandparent try to call me out for it and I told her exactly that. She shrugged and said she hadn't thought about it that way.

I think your friend is an inconsiderate ass. Times have changed, even those of us with religious backgrounds can see it happening. It's amazing how much judgment people feel free to heap on those who share different beliefs.

I bet you look fantastic in your dress and if anyone is going to hell over this, it'll be your judgmental, inconsiderate "friend."