Your 3-5 biggest "what not to do"s

brideofginger

I was simply making counter points to all the hubbub about, "Don't try to control the guests, you terrible person!" I do recall commenting that people will post stuff - and I also stated that I simply didn't think it was necessary/appropriate to post a play-by-play. I disagree with it being anachronistic - you can't tell me this (attached) isn't obnoxious. Also, the phones themselves will be anachronistic 20 years from now, not their lack of presence. No phones = no anachronism, no?

Additionally, Facebook screws with privacy settings frequently. Never assume because your profile is locked down that your posts are secure. Privacy on social media is an illusion.

chibiyui

brideofginger said:

I was simply making counter points to all the hubbub about, "Don't try to control the guests, you terrible person!"  I wasn't asking to be chided. I do recall commenting that people will post stuff - and I also stated that I simply didn't think it was necessary/appropriate to post a play-by-play. I disagree with it being anachronistic - you can't tell me this isn't obnoxious. Also, the phones themselves will be anachronistic 20 years from now, not their lack of presence. No phones = no anachronism, no? Additionally, Facebook screws with privacy settings frequently. Never assume because your profile is locked down that your posts are secure. Privacy on social media is an illusion.

So, calm down, cause from re-reading your original post, it does sound like you were asking IF you should be worried about the 3 numbered points you stated, and how to do it. I responded in kind and did not chide you. 

You might not think it's necessary to post a play by play (and I agree there) but realistically, what are you going to do? Ask people not to post on social media? If you were invited to a house party and the hostess told you at the door to not use your phone for the next 1 hour, it would be a little weird wouldn't it? 

Wedding photos by design are anachronistic. Remember the 80's? The poofy sleeves, the high necks? Those were current and fashionable once. Mermaid dresses, burlap and mason jars, everything trendy now will dated and passe in the future too. Thats life. 

I'd also argue that privacy is an illusion. As long as nothing from your wedding could affect your job, not much sense worrying about it.

brideofginger

chibiyui said:

brideofginger said:

I was simply making counter points to all the hubbub about, "Don't try to control the guests, you terrible person!"  I wasn't asking to be chided. I do recall commenting that people will post stuff - and I also stated that I simply didn't think it was necessary/appropriate to post a play-by-play. I disagree with it being anachronistic - you can't tell me this isn't obnoxious. Also, the phones themselves will be anachronistic 20 years from now, not their lack of presence. No phones = no anachronism, no?

Additionally, Facebook screws with privacy settings frequently. Never assume because your profile is locked down that your posts are secure. Privacy on social media is an illusion.

So, calm down, cause from re-reading your original post, it does sound like you were asking IF you should be worried about the 3 numbered points you stated, and how to do it. I responded in kind and did not chide you. 

You might not think it's necessary to post a play by play (and I agree there) but realistically, what are you going to do? Ask people not to post on social media? If you were invited to a house party and the hostess told you at the door to not use your phone for the next 1 hour, it would be a little weird wouldn't it? 

Wedding photos by design are anachronistic. Remember the 80's? The poofy sleeves, the high necks? Those were current and fashionable once. Mermaid dresses, burlap and mason jars, everything trendy now will dated and passe in the future too. Thats life. 

I'd also argue that privacy is an illusion. As long as nothing from your wedding could affect your job, not much sense worrying about it.

-------

(FYI, I totally get why you missed it because I tweaked my post like ten times, but I took out the part about being chided, ultimately. I just find all your "calm down!"s a bit condescending, whether intended or not.)

chibiyui

brideofginger said:

brideofginger said:

I was simply making counter points to all the hubbub about, "Don't try to control the guests, you terrible person!"  I wasn't asking to be chided. I do recall commenting that people will post stuff - and I also stated that I simply didn't think it was necessary/appropriate to post a play-by-play. I disagree with it being anachronistic - you can't tell me this isn't obnoxious. Also, the phones themselves will be anachronistic 20 years from now, not their lack of presence. No phones = no anachronism, no? Additionally, Facebook screws with privacy settings frequently. Never assume because your profile is locked down that your posts are secure. Privacy on social media is an illusion.

So, calm down, cause from re-reading your original post, it does sound like you were asking IF you should be worried about the 3 numbered points you stated, and how to do it. I responded in kind and did not chide you. 

You might not think it's necessary to post a play by play (and I agree there) but realistically, what are you going to do? Ask people not to post on social media? If you were invited to a house party and the hostess told you at the door to not use your phone for the next 1 hour, it would be a little weird wouldn't it? 

Wedding photos by design are anachronistic. Remember the 80's? The poofy sleeves, the high necks? Those were current and fashionable once. Mermaid dresses, burlap and mason jars, everything trendy now will dated and passe in the future too. Thats life. 

I'd also argue that privacy is an illusion. As long as nothing from your wedding could affect your job, not much sense worrying about it.

------- (FYI, I totally get why you missed it because I tweaked my post like ten times, but I took out the part about being chided, ultimately. I just find all your "calm down!"s a bit condescending, whether intended or not.)

Fair enough, I can be a condescending bitch if I'm not careful. Honestly though, a lot of the time I post for someone to calm down is cause I know I tend to get anxious over stuff that doesn't really matter, and taking some time usually helps me be like "Oh, no biggie" But my apologies, I did not mean to come off as condescending.

brideofginger

Additionally - double posting so I don't accidentally confuse people with my inability to complete my thoughts during the first round - I think maybe part of why it bothers me a little is because it seems like there is a bit of pressure associated with "social media weddings" nowadays. People who know me tend to associate me with the fact that I tweet a lot - nothing terribly personal, for the most part, but unless I pointed out to people that my posts almost never contain any real information outside of a snarky comment, they might assume they really "know" me (which, admittedly, is probably not an unfair feeling to have.) I've been asked several times what my hash tag is going to be, and the reaction is always one of surprise when I say there won't be one, because I can think of very little else I care less about.

brideofginger

chibiyui said:

brideofginger said:

chibiyui said:

brideofginger said:

I was simply making counter points to all the hubbub about, "Don't try to control the guests, you terrible person!"  I wasn't asking to be chided. I do recall commenting that people will post stuff - and I also stated that I simply didn't think it was necessary/appropriate to post a play-by-play. I disagree with it being anachronistic - you can't tell me this isn't obnoxious. Also, the phones themselves will be anachronistic 20 years from now, not their lack of presence. No phones = no anachronism, no?

Additionally, Facebook screws with privacy settings frequently. Never assume because your profile is locked down that your posts are secure. Privacy on social media is an illusion.

So, calm down, cause from re-reading your original post, it does sound like you were asking IF you should be worried about the 3 numbered points you stated, and how to do it. I responded in kind and did not chide you. 

You might not think it's necessary to post a play by play (and I agree there) but realistically, what are you going to do? Ask people not to post on social media? If you were invited to a house party and the hostess told you at the door to not use your phone for the next 1 hour, it would be a little weird wouldn't it? 

Wedding photos by design are anachronistic. Remember the 80's? The poofy sleeves, the high necks? Those were current and fashionable once. Mermaid dresses, burlap and mason jars, everything trendy now will dated and passe in the future too. Thats life. 

I'd also argue that privacy is an illusion. As long as nothing from your wedding could affect your job, not much sense worrying about it.

-------

(FYI, I totally get why you missed it because I tweaked my post like ten times, but I took out the part about being chided, ultimately. I just find all your "calm down!"s a bit condescending, whether intended or not.)

Fair enough, I can be a condescending bitch if I'm not careful.

Honestly though, a lot of the time I post for someone to calm down is cause I know I tend to get anxious over stuff that doesn't really matter, and taking some time usually helps me be like "Oh, no biggie"

But my apologies, I did not mean to come off as condescending.

It's cool, yo. I have to remind myself sometimes that tone doesn't translate via text.

gmcr78

Is this thing still going?

These words:
Rustic, bling, princess

peachy13

I'm legit laughing out loud at most of these... you guys are awesome. Here are mine:

1. Cash bar (sorry not sorry-- your guests shouldn't have to open their wallet at your reception)

2. Bad DJ who keeps playing the same stupid song even though everyone is leaving the dance floor

3. Excluding the basics (1st dance, cake cutting, father/daughter, mother/son dances), anything that involves stopping the party so the bride and groom can do a stupid game or special dance that doesn't involve all the guests.*

*I went to a wedding where the DJ would get on the mic every 20-30 minutes (even during dinner) and would announce a new game that the bride and groom wanted to play. I think I ended up dancing for a total of 37 minutes that night. SO fun.

izza2

1. Garter/Bouquet Toss, and calling people out for them. Maybe your pre-teen cousin doesn't want to risk the chance of looking funny in front of that one friend's cute son. Let's not embarrass her, okay?

2. No water. I will never understand weddings where there's a butt-load of free alcohol, and maybe one small case of water. Really?

3. Your name everywhere. On the cake, on the runner, on the chairs, on a banner, on a monogram, on a tablecloth.. Do you think we don't know whose wedding we're at? If we don't, we shouldn't be there anyway!

4. Gaps. Just no.

5. Late starts. By a few minutes I can understand. Maybe 10-15. But when you're sitting there for half an hour wondering if the bride's still coming or if she ran away, it's a bit ridiculous. Maybe it's because I'm a "schedule" person, but come on.

brideofginger

izza2 said:

1. Garter/Bouquet Toss, and calling people out for them. Maybe your pre-teen cousin doesn't want to risk the chance of looking funny in front of that one friend's cute son. Let's not embarrass her, okay?

Ha! Yes! I have zero intention of doing a bouquet/garter toss. I think it's just uncomfortable for everyone involved.

danamw

1. Wedding cake face-smash 2. Sexual innuendos in toasts 3. Bride or groom not making the rounds to say hello to every guest

peachy13

danamw said:

1. Wedding cake face-smash 2. Sexual innuendos in toasts 3. Bride or groom not making the rounds to say hello to every guest

So disgusting. I've heard a best man say in a speech: "may all your ups and downs be in bed" and a maid of honor (different wedding) say: "may your fights be clean and your sex be dirty."

Cringe city! There are grandmothers in the audience FFS.

luckysnorkel

brideloveshergroom said:

danamw said:

1. Wedding cake face-smash 2. Sexual innuendos in toasts 3. Bride or groom not making the rounds to say hello to every guest

So disgusting. I've heard a best man say in a speech: "may all your ups and downs be in bed" and a maid of honor (different wedding) say: "may your fights be clean and your sex be dirty."

Cringe city! There are grandmothers in the audience FFS.

Ughhh why do people do this?

I was at a wedding a few years ago where the MOH made a really crude sex joke during her speech.  A lot of people seemed to think it was hysterical but it made me really uncomfortable.  One of my friends was equally appalled and actually went up to the MOH after her speech and said something.

lovesclimbing

brideloveshergroom said:

danamw said:

1. Wedding cake face-smash 2. Sexual innuendos in toasts 3. Bride or groom not making the rounds to say hello to every guest

So disgusting. I've heard a best man say in a speech: "may all your ups and downs be in bed" and a maid of honor (different wedding) say: "may your fights be clean and your sex be dirty."

Cringe city! There are grandmothers in the audience FFS.

Not exactly a toast, but my friend sent her soon-to-be H (this was two days before the wedding at a "meet-and-greet" dinner) on a hunt for his wedding gift.  She told him her dad had the gift and to ask him for a piece of marriage advice, who told him to ask his mom, etc. about six people altogether all who had to give him marriage advice.

Her mom said, "Make-up sex is worth fighting for."  I was there and was shocked that her MOM would say that, and there were grandparents around!

melbenso

A little late to the game here (and super glad I managed to avoid most, if not all, of the things mentioned by PP at my wedding last month)...

My biggest wedding pet peeves that aren't technically against etiquette:

1. Unassigned seating.  Too big groups get squished around too small tables, and people who don't know many others either take up a whole table for 3 people or wander around like little lost children looking for a place to sit.  Seating charts aren't that hard.  Please make one.

2. Making your guests wait forever to eat dinner.  I get it.  Some times pictures take a little longer than expected.  Sometimes it takes a little longer than you expected to bustle your dress.  Running a few minutes behind schedule? No big deal.  But I was recently at a wedding where the bride and groom didn't arrive at the reception site (which didn't open until 30 minutes after guests started arriving there) until 2 hours after it opened for guests.  Then they made us sit through 30 minutes of introductions, toasts, and slide shows before serving us dinner.  It doesn't matter if you have plenty of appetizers and an open bar, serving dinner at 8:30 is not acceptable when your ceremony started at 4.

3. Dance music that is all fast songs or all slow songs.  Mix it up.  Some people want to get out there and dance like crazy.  Some people would rather hang back and chat and just dance to a slow song or two.  The music plays for several hours.  You can do both.  A few fast songs.  Then a few slow songs.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

4. Forced garter or bouquet toss participation.  Ugh!  I'm not a fan of these traditions in general.  But if you want to do them, fine.  Just don't wrangle every single person on to the floor for them.  It's embarrassing for them and that behavior should be embarrassing for you too.

Edit - spelling

ian&tessawed

Hello hello! Loving the snark. Here's my take:

DON'T...

...forget that weddings are the number one cause of marriage. Your wedding is just a day-- if everything goes to plan, you've scored yourself a life partner. Forever.

...let everyone steamroll you. I've learned quickly that everyone has an opinion and their opinion is that I'm wrong. Who knew?

...go into debt over this. We had a wedding "consultant" advise that we take loans out on our cars and a second mortgage on the house to eke out an additional $10,000 over our budget. We did not go back.

FiancB

1. Drink tickets are weird. I don't get up in arms about partial bars like some, but skip the tickets at least. 

That said, we did a limited bar and while I feel good that we had a variety of options (beer, several wines, rail drinks, champagne, pop), I kind of wish we would have just gone with the 100% open bar. I don't think it would've been more than another $200 or so. Our wedding was tamer than expected. That's pretty much the only thing I would change about our wedding, but having anything other than a cash bar was a pretty hard sell to FI so whatever.  

2. Don't hold your WP hostage. Their dates will be miserable, especially if they don't know anyone, especially if you're pairing this practice with a crazy long gap. Either include them at the head table or do a sweetheart table. 

3. Don't start late. Nobody else cares if your hair isn't perfect or you forgot your sash. Get out and get married. 

ETA: 4. Boring wedding food. I'm tired of chicken-or-fish-or-steak-with-a-side-of-green-beans, even if it is "fancy". 

afaber24

Strapless bridesmaid dresses! So few people look good in strapless, yet so many BM dresses are strapless, its ridiculous! And if they don't fit perfectly, they're a disaster. Which means everyone has to pay for more alterations. Lame.

Also, deep sweet heart necklines on bridal gowns. I know I'm the minority here, but I think strapless sweetheart necklines are to our generation what the 80's poofy sleeves were to the 80's and 90's. They're soooo overdone! Why do you want your dress to be the same as 95% of other brides??

MollyandD

afaber24 said:

Strapless bridesmaid dresses! So few people look good in strapless, yet so many BM dresses are strapless, its ridiculous! And if they don't fit perfectly, they're a disaster. Which means everyone has to pay for more alterations. Lame.

Also, deep sweet heart necklines on bridal gowns. I know I'm the minority here, but I think strapless sweetheart necklines are to our generation what the 80's poofy sleeves were to the 80's and 90's. They're soooo overdone! Why do you want your dress to be the same as 95% of other brides??

Two of my bridesmaids worse strapless dresses. They chose them on their own. 

Sweetheart necklines may become less popular, but I like them. Fashion always changes anyway. 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

afaber24 said:

Strapless bridesmaid dresses! So few people look good in strapless, yet so many BM dresses are strapless, its ridiculous! And if they don't fit perfectly, they're a disaster. Which means everyone has to pay for more alterations. Lame.

Also, deep sweet heart necklines on bridal gowns. I know I'm the minority here, but I think strapless sweetheart necklines are to our generation what the 80's poofy sleeves were to the 80's and 90's. They're soooo overdone! Why do you want your dress to be the same as 95% of other brides??

I had a difficult time finding a dress without a sweetheart neckline.  I feel like they are everywhere.  I ended up getting a dress with a sweetheart neckline.  It isn't deep though.  I went as shallow as possible lol.

I do wonder if my kids will go through the album and comment on where the hell my sleeves went to.  Sleeves will come back in style, I think.

Marzipan13

afaber24 said:

Strapless bridesmaid dresses! So few people look good in strapless, yet so many BM dresses are strapless, its ridiculous! And if they don't fit perfectly, they're a disaster. Which means everyone has to pay for more alterations. Lame.

Also, deep sweet heart necklines on bridal gowns. I know I'm the minority here, but I think strapless sweetheart necklines are to our generation what the 80's poofy sleeves were to the 80's and 90's. They're soooo overdone! Why do you want your dress to be the same as 95% of other brides??

I love sweetheart necklines on myself because I have linebacker shoulders.  A straight line across my chest (from a non-sweetheart neckline) = disaster.  I look like a walking equal sign.  I agree, however, that deep sweetheart necklines are a bit much.  I want to witness your union, not your side-boob. 

nancieraven

1.  Sorority/Fraternity chants, songs, routines, etc.  Grow up.

2.  Long, disorganized receptions that have no logical flow (can I go now, or is there something else that's going to happen?)

3. Irreverent ceremonies.  The stupid choreographed dance/flash mob as a processional, jokes during the vows, etc.  Save it for the reception.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

1) Any "theme" that you only picked because it's popular, not because it represents you. If you need to ask people how to pull off a rustic theme, child you ain't rustic.

2) Cookie cutter wedding food, for my wedding personally. I VEHEMENTLY drew the line at crudite and chicken piccata. 

3) Plastering your damn name all over everything. I KNOW WHERE I AM. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 

lol awesome!!! And YES! Along with putting your names on everything, I also hate signs that say "love." Yeah, no shit love is involved. Why else are we here? But thanks for making that BLATANTLY clear anyway. Idiots.

emster86

1. Dyed flowers. They look less realistic than most fake flowers. 

2. LONG gaps

3. Posting everything to facebook (planning, pictures of dresses etc... I mean EVERYTHING. A few cute pictures of yourselves on your wedding day is acceptable, but asking opinions etc beforehand.. nope)

MegEn1

1. Being a one-off guest or couple.
Maybe it's just me, but I hate going to weddings where it's me and my FI wandering around with no one to talk to. I know it's not required by etiquette, but I am doing EVERYTHING that I can to make sure that every person/couple gets invited will know AT LEAST one other person/couple there. While they have come to see FI and I get married, they also want to have some fun of their own.

2. Toasts/Dances/Speeches that go on forever.
I get it, the married couple is married, in love, and special. I know that - that's why I came to see them. I don't need to hear from 6 different people about the funny way that they met.

3. People valuing weddings more than marriage.
Things like PPDs, or people calling it 'MY special day' etc. etc. seem to be more excited about the big party and hullabaloo around the wedding. The marriage is the big deal, not the party. Your family and friends came together to celebrate WITH you, not fawn over you.

peachy13

emster86 said:

1. Dyed flowers. They look less realistic than most fake flowers. 

2. LONG gaps

3. Posting everything to facebook (planning, pictures of dresses etc... I mean EVERYTHING. A few cute pictures of yourselves on your wedding day is acceptable, but asking opinions etc beforehand.. nope)

#3, this bothers me a LOT. A girl I know got engaged like last week and every day, sometimes more than once a day, posts something wedding related on FB like: 

"anyone know a good photographer under $4,000 who has a photojournalist style and is free on our wedding day? PM me!" 

"BEST wedding cake you've ever had... ready, set, go!"

"getting my dress in two days omg it's happening! i'm already stressed haha!"

haven't worked up the strength to unfriend this bimbo... the snark is too strong in me.

crwasson

Hmm... Glad you aren't invited to my wedding because some of the major pet peeves will be happening at my wedding. :P  

But honestly, It's my wedding and not yours so you can like it or lump it.  While I am all for making guests as comfortable as possible, at the end of the day, the wedding and reception are a celebration of my fiance and myself getting married so we will include the things we want and the people we want to be there.  

Now... my pet peeves:

1.  Cake smash.  I may kill my fiance if he does this. 

2.  Too many speeches/toasts.  Honor attendants and Parents is more than enough.  I do not need to hear from every relative and member of the bridal party.  

3.  Huge gaps between ceremony and reception.  I once waited more than two hours at cocktail hour for the wedding party.  A few guests who couldn't stay for the full reception (it was out of town for most of us) had to leave before the bride and groom came in.  

fdjlka

LOL to cake smashing!!  I was MOH in my friend's wedding.  For some reason they wanted me and the best man to stand next to them while they cut the cake.  We had no idea why...until they turned and smashed the cake in each of our faces!!  It was kind of funny but also kind of shocking, esp when I had frosting smeared all in my $70+ hairstyle that I paid for. 

I would say:

1.  Having a Head Table for your Bridal Party, and not allowing their dates to sit at the table with them.  My friend actually did this!  My now-fiance was my date and he didn't know ANYONE, and sat alone with strangers.  He was absolutely PISSED (understandably) and was so upset and in a bad mood all night because of it.  Lame!  Let your guests sit with their dates, for crying out loud!

2. Not remembering to FEED your BMs on the day of the wedding!  I can't tell you how much this irritates me.  As a BM, we are expected to wake up at the crack of dawn to pay to get our hair/makeup done, hours and hours go by of getting ready, the ceremony, pictures, waiting around, etc. and before you know it, it's 5pm and you haven't eaten all day!!  One of my friends did this when I was BM in her wedding and, needless to say, I was SO cranky and sick by the time it was the reception.

3.  On a related note to #2---having endless HOURS to waste between the ceremony and the reception.  Whether it's to take pictures, or travel a long distance to the reception, Don't do it!  Your guests will be bored and tired and hangry waiting for cocktail hour and dinner to begin.

4.  Having TOO many Toasts:  When I was MOH in my cake-smashing friend's wedding, I thought just me and the best man would be giving toasts.  I was shocked that a LINE of half a dozen people were lined up behind me--each person gave a toast!  I was happy to not feel so nervous standing up there alone, but seriously, it was way, way too many people and it went on for entirely too long.

luckysnorkel

fdjlka said:

LOL to cake smashing!!  I was MOH in my friend's wedding.  For some reason they wanted me and the best man to stand next to them while they cut the cake.  We had no idea why...until they turned and smashed the cake in each of our faces!!  It was kind of funny but also kind of shocking, esp when I had frosting smeared all in my $70+ hairstyle that I paid for. 

I would say:

1.  Having a Head Table for your Bridal Party, and not allowing their dates to sit at the table with them.  My friend actually did this!  My now-fiance was my date and he didn't know ANYONE, and sat alone with strangers.  He was absolutely PISSED (understandably) and was so upset and in a bad mood all night because of it.  Lame!  Let your guests sit with their dates, for crying out loud!

2. Not remembering to FEED your BMs on the day of the wedding!  I can't tell you how much this irritates me.  As a BM, we are expected to wake up at the crack of dawn to pay to get our hair/makeup done, hours and hours go by of getting ready, the ceremony, pictures, waiting around, etc. and before you know it, it's 5pm and you haven't eaten all day!!  One of my friends did this when I was BM in her wedding and, needless to say, I was SO cranky and sick by the time it was the reception.

3.  On a related note to #2---having endless HOURS to waste between the ceremony and the reception.  Whether it's to take pictures, or travel a long distance to the reception, Don't do it!  Your guests will be bored and tired and hangry waiting for cocktail hour and dinner to begin.

4.  Having TOO many Toasts:  When I was MOH in my cake-smashing friend's wedding, I thought just me and the best man would be giving toasts.  I was shocked that a LINE of half a dozen people were lined up behind me--each person gave a toast!  I was happy to not feel so nervous standing up there alone, but seriously, it was way, way too many people and it went on for entirely too long.

Holy shit, you are way more tolerant than I am.  I would have been LIVID.

fdjlka

LMAO I think I was too shocked to get angry. Well, she can't deny I was a good MOH!! At that point it was such a cluster**** with one thing after another going wrong (my car broke down and missed the rehearsal dinner, the makeup artist didn't show up and I had to do the entire bridal party's makeup, the groomsmen were too hungover to decorate for the ceremony so the BM's had to do it in the hot sun in full hair and makeup, the seating fiasco and my man being upset, etc. etc.) I think at that point I was just ready for it all to be over.