Wedding Party

XXXX

lazajaclazajac member
First Comment
edited June 2014 in Wedding Party

Re: XXXX

  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2014
    There's really nothing you can do. I understand why you are hurt, but remember the day is more about you marrying your fiance than anything else. That won't change no matter who is there or is not there. No one will care as much about your wedding as you do-- I wouldn't let your hurt fester and ruin the friendship. Just take a deep breath and remember that it is all going to be okay. 
  • lazajac said:
    I would like to know what you think if this...

    One of our best friends (a friend that we spend most weekends, holidays, etc...) just told us that he will not be attending our wedding because he booked a cruise for that week.

    Some background

    This friend (I will call Justin), has known of our wedding date since last November, its not as if it is a random date, it will be 8 years to the date that we chose to get married on. Justin has been part of the conversation since. We officially sent out save the dates in April for our September wedding. Last Sunday at a BBQ, we were talking about the wedding and asked who is +1 was going to be, he was not sure, but then said, oh no, whats the date again. I replied, September XX, He said oh no, I booked a cruise for that week and wont be home until Sunday night, you'll post picture on Facebook.

    I was shocked and my face and initial 5 second reaction showed it, then hurt, now mad.

    Am I over reacting thinking he is not a real friend?

    P.S. he goes on 4 to 5 cruises a year!

    Any advise is much appreciated.




    STUCK IN BOX

    And non of us know "Justin" so we really can't answer about whether or not he is a "real friend." That said, it sounds to me like he is a flaky guy who loves his cruises, but I wouldn't assume that means he doesn't care about you, your fiance, and your friendship.  
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    Yes, you're overreacting.  A STD is not a summons.  Sounds like he wasn't paying attention when he booked his cruise,  by the way, not like he deliberately scheduled something to coincide with your wedding.  People you know and love are going to decline your wedding, for a variety of reasons.  It doesn't mean that they love you less.

    ETA:  First of all, if you post the same thing on more than one board you should put XP in the title to indicate that.  Second of all, I learned from your thread on Chit Chat that he booked his cruise before you sent him the STD.  You have no grounds for being angry with him not being able to attend your wedding.  Disappointed, sure, but he didn't do anything wrong.



  • JasperandOpalJasperandOpal member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    edited June 2014
    As someone who is really bad at remembering dates (my FI just informed me that our wedding will be 4 days after the 9th anniversary of our first date- I had no idea) he probably legitimately forgot and booked it without realizing.  That doesn't make him a bad friend, that makes him a forgetful person.  It is wonderful to have everyone you want at your wedding but the truth is people will need to turn you down for a variety of reasons.  He isn't the officiant or one of the two people getting married so he isn't required to be there and he is letting you know well in advance so he is doing everything right.  I am sorry your feelings are hurt, but thats all it is, hurt feelings.  I would get over it and not let it destroy an otherwise great friendship. Missing a one day event is not grounds to throw someone out of your life forever.
  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I understand you being upset (I would be too), but it's something you're going to have to let go.  He's not less of a friend if he doesn't come.  Some of my very best friends won't be able to make it to my wedding, and while I'm a bit hurt by it, I understand that life happens.  They're still my friends and I wouldn't make their attendance at my wedding a requirement of continued friendship.
  • Honestly if you sent me a Save the Date 8 years ago I would probably forget it about it too.  Congrats on your wedding.
  • OP, I quoted you! No need to leave. It's okay to be upset about a friend not being at your wedding, as long as that only lasts for a little while and then you get over it. 
  • People tend to book cruises way in advance (I mean you can go on Royal Caribbean right now and book a cruise for 2015).  You never know, he may have booked his cruise before you even set your date and then didn't realize it until your BBQ.

    This is not the end of the world.  And honestly, this person is supposed to remember that 8 years ago you decided to get married on X date?  Yeah, no.  Hell, I planned a trip with my Mom and sister to go to the beach and at the time didn't realize that our trip was going to coincide with H's and my 3 year anniversary.  Shit happens, and you forget the date.  Again, not a huge deal.  Just because I forgot about my wedding anniversary for a second doesn't mean that I love my H any left (and by the way he didn't realize it either until I told him about 2 weeks later...we got a good laugh out of it). And just because your friend booked a cruise that causes him to miss your wedding because he forgot about the date you chose does not mean that he loves you any less.

    Like PP said, yes, you want everyone that you love to be at your wedding but that just isn't reality. Things come up and people have other plans and sorry to say those plans are most likely more important to them then your wedding.

    You just need to get over this.

  • I saw all the X's and hoped this would be a much more interesting thread.
  • @lazajac - What exactly is the point of deleting your post?  It draws more attention and looks ridiculous, especially when you've been quoted and everyone can see what your originally wrote.  Makes no sense!
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