Party of 10. :(

JenLee217

I have a party of ten bridesmaids. I am seriously ready to kick two out. One happens to be my little sister who is being a bitch about everything. Mind you I am no where near being a bridezilla, as my wedding planner said I am a little to calm. She complains about colors she complains about the dress. All she does is complain. Then there is my friend ( which I am having a hard time calling her that now a days) since I told her of the wedding and my husband (well soon to be) she has started to shun me. She even said she didn't want to be apart of the wedding or involved with the bachelorette planning. Like seriously when I would being up topic of wedding she would try to change. When I needed the girls to come together to go pick out dresses and then try them on she goes I think I have something to do. She isn't involved in anything. I decided to speak on it, we spoke and for a while it seemed things were ok. But then I just stopped trying. Then the other day when I am talking to my co worker who by the way helped me with everything from the beginning, who I met last year December, who dove right in to help me and be my planner, (just saying) my friend goes by the way what color dress am I wearing. Me and my planner both looked at her like she was crazy. I need help should I kick them to the curb???

JCbride2015

JenLee217 said:

I have a party of ten bridesmaids. I am seriously ready to kick two out. One happens to be my little sister who is being a bitch about everything. Mind you I am no where near being a bridezilla, as my wedding planner said I am a little to calm. She complains about colors she complains about the dress. All she does is complain. Then there is my friend ( which I am having a hard time calling her that now a days) since I told her of the wedding and my husband (well soon to be) she has started to shun me. She even said she didn't want to be apart of the wedding or involved with the bachelorette planning. Like seriously when I would being up topic of wedding she would try to change. When I needed the girls to come together to go pick out dresses and then try them on she goes I think I have something to do. She isn't involved in anything. I decided to speak on it, we spoke and for a while it seemed things were ok. But then I just stopped trying. Then the other day when I am talking to my co worker who by the way helped me with everything from the beginning, who I met last year December, who dove right in to help me and be my planner, (just saying) my friend goes by the way what color dress am I wearing. Me and my planner both looked at her like she was crazy. I need help should I kick them to the curb???

It's funny you say you are too calm, because from the tone of this post you sound frantic.  Seriously, take some deep breaths.

If you kick them out, it's a relationship-ending move.  Are you okay with never speaking to your sister or your friend again?  If yes, remove them from the bridal party and kiss those relationships goodbye.  If not, just try to deal with it.  As long as they buy the appropriate dress and show up on time and reasonably sober, that's the most you can ask from them.  It hurts that your friend maybe doesn't want to be involved with wedding stuff, but it's your wedding, not hers.  It's just not as important to her as it is to you.

I also find your mention of the wedding planner friend, and the # of BMs, totally irrelevant.  Are you really worried that you have too many BMs?  Or that these women are not helping you enough with planning?

JenLee217

I am worried I have to many and getting all these women together is a damn hassle. And truth be told I am more frantic now than I was before with the wedding coming close to being four months away and no one has gotten dresses and had their fittings. I am not worried about my friend not talking to me she barely talks to me now and the only reason she does is because we work together. Now my sister yes I would be upset, but like you said it's my wedding and I need for these women to get onboard of the moving train or jump off at the next stop.

Jen4948

She also said it's a friendship killing move if you kick your bridesmaids to the curb.

You can certainly tell them to shut up if they complain too much or get nasty, but you really need to think hard about the consequences before you go further than that. You might even consider whether any complaints are valid or concerns are worth addressing or giving in to rather than making them hills to die on.

Just some things to think about.

JenLee217

That is true. But I have a question @Jen4948‌ If your bridesmaid wanted to change the color of their dress because they just don't feel like wearing that color. Would you change it? And if your other bridesmaid told you she didn't want to be apart of it and stopped talking to you would you hold on to that bridesmaid?

PrettyGirlLost

JenLee217 said:

I have a party of ten bridesmaids. Me too!   I am seriously ready to kick two out. Newp, not an option now that you have asked them and they have accpeted, unless you actually want to be a Bridezilla and ruin your relationships with these ppl.  One happens to be my little sister who is being a bitch about everything. Mind you I am no where near being a bridezilla, as my wedding planner said I am a little to calm. She complains about colors she complains about the dress. All she does is complain. So stop discussing wedding details with her or learn to just ignore her.  In fact, I suggest you do both.  Her opinions shouldn't matter to you anyways.  Then there is my friend ( which I am having a hard time calling her that now a days) since I told her of the wedding and my husband (well soon to be) she has started to shun me. She even said she didn't want to be apart of the wedding or involved with the bachelorette planning. Um, so how is she a BM if she didn't want to be in the wedding party?  Did she accept after all?  She doesn't have to help plan your bach party if she doesn't want to, so if she brings it up again gently let her know that.  Like seriously when I would being up topic of wedding she would try to change. How often do you talk about your wedding with her or anyone else?  It might be she's just not that interested in your wedding and she is trying to politely give you the hint.  No one else is going to be as interested in your wedding as you are.  When I needed the girls to come together to go pick out dresses and then try them on she goes I think I have something to do. She isn't involved in anything. 1st, you don't need to have everyone go together to pick out dresses and try them on.  You should ask each BM what her budget is privately, then choose a dress that is within the lowest range given.  Then tell your BM's what dress and color to pick and let them go on their own time to get fitted and order the dress.  Or you give them a color and length and let them pick any style dress that meets those criteria. 

But don't try and force ppl into group shopping trips if they are not interested in them.  Some ppl don't care to try on dresses in front of a crowd- I don't.  I have never gone with the bride or wedding party to pick out dresses.  I have always gone on my own to get my dress. 

2nd, this BM doesn't need to be involved in anything other than showing up on time for your ceremony in the dress you all agreed upon.

I decided to speak on it, we spoke and for a while it seemed things were ok. But then I just stopped trying. Then the other day when I am talking to my co worker who by the way helped me with everything from the beginning, who I met last year December, who dove right in to help me and be my planner, (just saying) drop this passive aggressive attitude towards your WP< just saying my friend goes by the way what color dress am I wearing. Me and my planner both looked at her like she was crazy. I need help should I kick them to the curb???

No, you need to lower your expectations and realize that no one else cares about your wedding as much as you do. . . except maybe this co-worker and your wedding planner.  If you want to talk about your wedding, I'd do it with that co worker and your planner, and I'd stop talking to your WP about it unless they specifically ask you. 

And why on Earth do you need two wedding planners- the one you hired and your co-worker?

JenLee217 said:

I am worried I have to many and getting all these women together is a damn hassle. You don't need to get them together for anything. . . why are you trying to get them together?  I have 10 BMs and we haven't done anything all together yet.  There's no need for it.  The only day they all need to be together is your wedding day.  And truth be told I am more frantic now than I was before with the wedding coming close to being four months away and no one has gotten dresses and had their fittings. I can sympathize with you because I'm about 4 months out and only 3 of my 10 BMs have ordered their dresses, but the rest of them are adults and they have to figure it out.  If 7 ppl show up w/o dresses come the wedding day, well they have taken themselves out of my wedding.  I'd be happy to have them as guests still!   I am not worried about my friend not talking to me she barely talks to me now and the only reason she does is because we work together. Now my sister yes I would be upset, but like you said it's my wedding and I need for these women to get onboard of the moving train or jump off at the next stop.  What do you think they need to get on board with?  They agreed to be in your wedding, leave the dress shopping to them and concentrate on other things in your life- wedding related or not.  Again, your WP members are not going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.  It's really not that big of a deal to them.  Sure they are happy for you and probably excited to have fun with you at your reception.  But they are not going to be interested in gushing over your planning details and talking and squeeing about your wedding on and on and on from now until the actual day.

Please tell me you actually talk to them about other things in their lives and yours?

JenLee217

@PrettyGirlLost‌ The wedding planner and co worker is the same person. When me and this friend talked last year about her being in the wedding she was excited for it now she is not. I don't talk to her about the wedding at all because in the beginning when I brought up wedding she would change topic or walk away. I know no ones excitement will be as high as mine that is a given. Most of the bms are my sisters. That's why so many. My sisters are the ones that wanted to all go because we all have different body types and I let everyone pick out a dress and model it and we all decide which one is the best. It worked out great.

When me and my friend talk we talk about her and her friends and who got drunk and who is pregnant. I don't try to take away from that cause talking about a wedding constantly is a pain even for me I need normal conversations. But if I go to her at random I need to talk about the wedding or even asking for song ideas it's always can we talk about it later and the later never comes.

PrettyGirlLost

JenLee217 said:

@PrettyGirlLost‌ The wedding planner and co worker is the same person. When me and this friend talked last year about her being in the wedding she was excited for it now she is not. I don't talk to her about the wedding at all because in the beginning when I brought up wedding she would change topic or walk away. I know no ones excitement will be as high as mine that is a given. Most of the bms are my sisters. That's why so many. My sisters are the ones that wanted to all go because we all have different body types and I let everyone pick out a dress and model it and we all decide which one is the best. It worked out great. When me and my friend talk we talk about her and her friends and who got drunk and who is pregnant. I don't try to take away from that cause talking about a wedding constantly is a pain even for me I need normal conversations. But if I go to her at random I need to talk about the wedding or even asking for song ideas it's always can we talk about it later and the later never comes.

Besides telling her what style dress to buy and in what color, and telling her when and where the wedding will be, you really don't need to talk to her about the wedding.  And it doesn't sound like she is interested in discussing it.  So for the sake of your friendship, I'd just let it go and stop talking about your wedding unless she brings it up with you.

If you want song ideas, talk to your FI or your wedding planner.

lilacck28

JenLee217 said:

@PrettyGirlLost‌ The wedding planner and co worker is the same person. When me and this friend talked last year about her being in the wedding she was excited for it now she is not. I don't talk to her about the wedding at all because in the beginning when I brought up wedding she would change topic or walk away. I know no ones excitement will be as high as mine that is a given. Most of the bms are my sisters. That's why so many. My sisters are the ones that wanted to all go because we all have different body types and I let everyone pick out a dress and model it and we all decide which one is the best. It worked out great. When me and my friend talk we talk about her and her friends and who got drunk and who is pregnant. I don't try to take away from that cause talking about a wedding constantly is a pain even for me I need normal conversations. But if I go to her at random I need to talk about the wedding or even asking for song ideas it's always can we talk about it later and the later never comes.

She's clearly not interested, so don't try to bring it up with her. Many people, even if you are very close to them, are not interested in wedding talk. 

About your sister hating the dress color: ask her why she's bringing this up now. Maybe there is something else going on. And if she's just like "ugh. I like purple better than blue", you could say "sister, I love you, and I want you to be in the wedding party. But the color is blue. If you don't want to wear blue, you could just be a guest if you prefer."

JenLee217

You guys are both right and I love you're responses. This helps me a lot. I just don't have no one but the FI to complain to and his responses are hilarious. Not helpful but funny

lilacck28

JenLee217 said:

You guys are both right and I love you're responses. This helps me a lot. I just don't have no one but the FI to complain to and his responses are hilarious. Not helpful but funny

Yup. It's no ones job to "talk wedding" with you except your fiance and your wedding planner. But that's what the knot is for. 

Jen4948

JenLee217 said:

That is true. But I have a question @Jen4948‌ If your bridesmaid wanted to change the color of their dress because they just don't feel like wearing that color. Would you change it? And if your other bridesmaid told you she didn't want to be apart of it and stopped talking to you would you hold on to that bridesmaid?

Well, the bridesmaid who stopped talking to me I would assume has already decided not to be a bridesmaid or a friend and I'd just stop considering her as both.

The bridesmaid who doesn't like wearing the color of the dress you chose?  I'd allow for some flexibility.  She is the one who has to wear the dress, after all-especially if she has to pay for it out of her own funds.

Maggie0829

JenLee217 said:

You guys are both right and I love you're responses. This helps me a lot. I just don't have no one but the FI to complain to and his responses are hilarious. Not helpful but funny

H was pretty much all I had to complain and vent and bitch at/to during wedding planning process.  And honestly I found him to the be the best person to do that with because I really didn't need a helpful response I just needed someone to yell at (I didn't yell at him just yelled about planning irritations) and that would sit there and just nod to relieve my stress.

But that is also why we are here.  If you need suggestions or opinions or help or just to vent, we all love to talk about weddings so vent/ask away!

alpacalunch

I'm sorry, but just for clarification you're having a bridal party for your vow renewal, right? Perhaps your friend who seems to have lost interest is acting like that partially due to you already being married?

kmmssg

chrisandcait said:

I'm sorry, but just for clarification you're having a bridal party for your vow renewal, right? Perhaps your friend who seems to have lost interest is acting like that partially due to you already being married?

Good catch.

climbingsingle

Wut. This is all for a vow renewal? Seriously?

CMGragain

TEN bridesmaids for a vow renewal?!  OMG!

KatWAG

The OP mentions her soon to be husband in her original post. Why do poeple think she is already married?

PrettyGirlLost

KatWAG said:

The OP mentions her soon to be husband in her original post. Why do poeple think she is already married?

Yeah, what are you guys talking about?

AddieCake

Because she has posted in other threads that she is.

PrettyGirlLost

AddieCake said:

Because she has posted in other threads that she is.

ORLY?

AddieCake

Yes.

alpacalunch

PrettyGirlLost said:

Because she has posted in other threads that she is.

ORLY?

Pinkie swear I'm not making it up. PPD thread in Etiquette. 

PrettyGirlLost

chrisandcait said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieCake said:

Because she has posted in other threads that she is.

ORLY?

Pinkie swear I'm not making it up. PPD thread in Etiquette. 

Oh FFS! OP, why on Earth are you having a PPD?

CMGragain

I think this is hilarious!  First the OP posts on the etiquette board that she is married, but now having her real wedding.  Then she comes here, lies about her status, and whines because she is having trouble with her TEN - count 'em - TEN BRIDESMAIDS!!!!  LOL!

·

member

10:17AM

I am a woman who is leagally married, went to justice of piece and all. My option for doing so was I wanted something intimate between me and my spouse. Our family knows and yes some were upset. But we are now in the process of planning to renew those vows and have big wedding with our family in attendance. We are going the big poufy dress and tux route with a tiered cake a dj and our first dance. It may not technically be our first dance. But it's our first dance that will be witnessed and shared among our family and friends. It doesn't matter why you chose to have a JOP wedding. As long as the love is still there. And if family members are upset sorry to say this bit let's be real. That is your husband and if this is what you both want to do, then do it. And if your family loves you both they will be there to support you and not put you down. Once you're married it's you and him. If you want to celebrate it over then so. And it is a real wedding no matter how you did it, just take the opportunity to say we are renewing our vow not having a real wedding. Cause both are real. One just cost a whole hell of a lot more than the other. Trust me. 40 dollars to do justice of peace and pay for license. 12000 dollars for our wedding budget (which we're at a total of 9600 spent)

Just in case OP decides to delete it!

OnionBreath

I seriously think you need to settle down, pick a dress with your planner, plan details with your planner, and be happy that people love you enough suck it up and spend the money and time to pretend to be a bridesmaid for a wedding that has already happened.

If my sister was already married and asked me to be in her wedding later, I would suck it up and participate, but I'd be really upset about the situation

ohannabelle

FFS. Of course she doesn't want to plan a bachelorette party. There is no bachelorette. You're a married woman. 

There should be no bridesmaids, because there is no bride. You're a married woman.

 You keep calling this a wedding. It is not a wedding. That happened the day you were wed. That's what makes it a wedding.

If this is a vow renewal, call it a vow renewal. There are no such thing as vowrenewalmaids. Or renewalette parties, or renewal showers. 

JCbride2015

Oh FFS.  No wonder your friend is not interested in your fake wedding!

Nymeru

Just be happy with whichever BMs show up with a dress.  Those that don't will be guests.  Leave your BM who doesn't want to talk to you alone and don't seek her out for anything related to your wedding.  I'm assuming you have MOH--let her deal with your friend if there is something she needs to know.  If this is truly all for a PPD, I think you're lucky that you have as many people willing to part of your wedding as you currently have.  Let everything ride and just enjoy the fact that you have so many people who love you enough to want to celebrate with you, even if they are complainers.

AddieCake

OP, I am very disturbed that in your post you refer to your husband as your "soon to be" husband." That is inappropriate, and you need to stop doing that. And I agree with the others that a large part of the disinterest from your friend could be related to not wanting to be a bridesmaid in a vow renewal or to throw parties for someone who is already married.

offensivekitten2

Haaahaha, sounds like she's doing her friend a favor by ending the relationship. Seriously, if one of my female friends started constantly babbling about her fake wedding, and demanding that I fawn over her and wear an ugly expensive dress, I'd avoid her too. I am NOT dropping 400+ dollars on a circus act. No normal person would be happy doing that. Can you imagine the gossip in this poster's office?