Dinnertime wedding but no dinner

theycallmelinz

So I just received the invite for a cousin's wedding next month. It's for a 6 o'clock wedding. I immediately thought,  "Hmm.. 6 o'clock is typically considered formal... I didn't realize she could afford that." Now before I come off sounding like a complete bitch, let me tell you a little about my cousin. She'll be 22 in September, she has 3 children, ages 3, 2, and just under 1 (she apparently didn't listen to the doctor's recommendation to wait 6 weeks). She proudly makes it known that she relies on government assistance to get by. Cool, it's there for a reason, but this is why I made the assumption that hosting a formal wedding would be a little out of price range. So I call up my mom, and say, "Sooo.. just got cousin's wedding invitation. 6 pm wedding? Really?"

Mom: "Oh yeah, but she isn't serving food. She says she 'can't afford to feed all those people'."

ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME. 

Edited because bad etiquette makes me have bad typos.

PrincessOfHavoc

Oh darn, we have plans. Sorry, enjoy your nice congratulations card that's empty.

chibiyui

Go to it. Order pizza for you, H/FI and your parents. Have it delivered during the "reception" or whatever you call it if you can't be bothered to host people. Let everyone else stare in envy.

mysticl

I never associate time of day with formality.  My cousin got married at 6pm and it was so not formal.  The reception was in the church basement and on the lawn.  They served hors d'oeuvres, cake, and punch.  I remember my family complaining about the reception and wondering why my aunt and uncle couldn't have held it at the same place as the rehearsal dinner or somewhere similar. The rehearsal dinner was way nicer than the reception.  Several of them also hit the hotel bar that night since it was a dry reception. Only wedding I've ever been to that didn't serve a meal.  

lyndausvi

I do not always think 6 pm is formal.  My wedding was at 5:30 pm and DH didn't wear a suit or tux and wore flip-flops.  We did have a ridiculous cocktail hour with sushi, raw bar and 10 different passed apps.  THEN we had plated dinner.

So what I'm saying is time of day does not mean formality to me, however, time of day means I except to be served at minimum, an appropriate amount of food for the time of day.  You can always serve me a full meal at 2pm event, but never serve me chips and peanuts at a 6pm event.

sophhabobopha

VulgarGirl

Look if I'm gonna put on a bra and a dress, and make-up, and buy you a gift then least you can do, is feed me.

Nymeru

If she's not doing a meal, is she serving anything to eat at all?

beethery

MagicInk said:

Look if I'm gonna put on a bra and a dress, and make-up, and buy you a gift then least you can do, is feed me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the gospel.

hellohkb

Dinnertime reception and no food? No thanks. Have it between meals if you don't want to feed "all those people".

Nymeru

Has anyone approached your cousin and let her know how pissed her guests are going to be when they realize that they're not going to be hosted at all?  What about her FI or his family?  Can't they throw in to the kitty and try and scrounge up something?

pearlsofsteel

Maybe be a bit sweet and in lieu of a present, coordinate a potluck of sorts...

theartistformerlyknownas

pearlsofsteel said:

Maybe be a bit sweet and in lieu of a present, coordinate a potluck of sorts...

There is nothing sweet about food poisoning from the expired mayo in great aunt Myrtle's potato salad. NO POTLUCKS FOR WEDDINGS EVER!

ShallowSeas

pearlsofsteel said:

Maybe be a bit sweet and in lieu of a present, coordinate a potluck of sorts...

is this a joke? Should there be some hint of sarcasm that I'm missing...?

kmmssg

MagicInk said:

Look if I'm gonna put on a bra and a dress, and make-up, and buy you a gift then least you can do, is feed me.

Oh sing it sister!  I don't wear dresses.  I wore one a couple of weeks ago for DDs wedding (she was totally cool if I wanted to wear pants, but I couldn't find any that I felt would work, dammit).  I always dress nicely for weddings, but it is usually a nice pantsuit.  A dress?  You better frickin feed me the best meal ever if I have to go through that!

MegEn1

The 'formal' time isn't what I'm tripping over here - it's the 'dinner' time. Not serving food, have a 2 o'clock reception and send everyone on their way by 5 to get some munches!

theycallmelinz

I'm really not even sure where I heard the 6pm=formal thing, so we can totally disregard that. I don't know that FI or his family is in any better position financially to help out. I'm not sure if anyone has actually approached cousin about how rude it is, but I feel like if they did she would say, "fine don't come." Which is basically what I WOULD do if she weren't close family and I didn't feel obligated. Someone asked earlier if she's serving food at all, she's having cake. That's it.

Nymeru

So is she having any form of reception afterwards (music, dancing, etc.), or is it just walking down the aisle and cake?

theycallmelinz

Nymeru said:

So is she having any form of reception afterwards (music, dancing, etc.), or is it just walking down the aisle and cake?

I'm not sure, she is definitely having a reception, but I think it's just cake/punch with some background music and mingling? maybe?

MGP

Nymeru said:

If she's not doing a meal, is she serving anything to eat at all?

So for these "no meal during a meal time" weddings does that mean the couple doesn't eat at all either?  This is a serious question. 

theycallmelinz

MGP said: Nymeru said: If she's not doing a meal, is she serving anything to eat at all?
So for these "no meal during a meal time" weddings does that mean the couple doesn't eat at all either?  This is a serious question. 

I would assume so... but not 100% sure. You never know with the couple I'm talking about. 

Edited for formatting. Which did not work. 

MGP

lynze425 said:

MGP said:

Nymeru said:

If she's not doing a meal, is she serving anything to eat at all?

So for these "no meal during a meal time" weddings does that mean the couple doesn't eat at all either?  This is a serious question. 

I would assume so... but not 100% sure. You never know with the couple I'm talking about. 

Edited for formatting. Which did not work. 

----------------

If someone is going to make their guests starve they better damn well starve too. If there was any "secret" eating at a wedding like that I would flip my lid. 

mrs4everhart

While not at all appropriate, this is what the B&G have decided on. If not going isn't an option eat a really big, late lunch and leave as early as possible. An event such as this can't possibly last very long with all of the guests thinking the same thing, so likely you won't be the only one heading out to dinner afterward. Make the best of it by making dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant. You'll already be dressed up and you'll have something to look forward to that day instead of being salty about a crappy wedding reception you're obligated to attend. 

peachy13

If you and your family go, make early dinner reservations for your group so that you can do some pre-reception eating and bitching.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

What the hell?  Then don't invite "All those people" if you can't properly host.

So if you threw a crazy house party and 50 people showed, it's cool to say "I've gathered you all here to gaze upon me, for an event about me, because I am the reason you're here.  Food?  Yeah, I don't have a budget for that, just sit around and congratulate me on my epic house party and the outfit I'm wearing."  She can't even bean dip about it because there IS NO BEAN DIP.

I get so grumpy/snarky/bitchy when I'm hungry.  I would be like "Yeah I'm washing my hair that day."

larrygaga

Usually if I don't know the person super well, I bring a card with money. I never seal it, so I can take the money back out and go buy myself some dinner. This is how many times this has happened to me.

lol

bye bitch

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

larrygaga said:

Usually if I don't know the person super well, I bring a card with money. I never seal it, so I can take the money back out and go buy myself some dinner. This is how many times this has happened to me.

lol

bye bitch

LMAO This!

luckysnorkel

flantastic said:

larrygaga said:

Usually if I don't know the person super well, I bring a card with money. I never seal it, so I can take the money back out and go buy myself some dinner. This is how many times this has happened to me.

lol

bye bitch

One of my dad's friends joked after he heard that we had our tasting that he doesn't put the card in the box until after the meal. This prompted me to tell him and FI the similar story someone had on here recently about the guy who shows up to every wedding with $200 cash, and every time he has to open his wallet for something like a cash bar or dollar dance, he removes a 20, and they get whatever's left in their card at the end of the night. They thought it was awesome.

Yeah, this would warrant me taking it all with me.

Edit: because paragraphs.

Does he just wait to make sure he's fed/hosted properly, or would he withhold a card if, say, his steak was overcooked or he didn't care for the side dishes?

The former is awesome, the latter I would side-eye.