Not Engaged Yet

"Help." Update!

megso16megso16
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edited June 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
It seemed a lot easier to post a new thread than to try and tag everyone who commented on the first one.

First, thank you to everyone who offered advice. It is 100% whole heartedly appreciated and equally as wonderful to know there are a bunch of Internet strangers willing to help each other out. :)

Second, we talked. It went well. I expressed my concern over the delay and that it made me insecure about whether or not he was serious. The papers are signed, I was wrong in that information (which I put in some of my replies, I should've edited the post), but the reason they're still here is that he hasn't had the time after work to go to the clerk's office (he works 7am-5pm). He also said he's avoiding the potential headache. After I explained how it was making me feel and the concern it was causing, he said he's going to take a day off next week and file the papers. I also, because there were some people that pointed out the double standard that happens, said that any marriage talks need to be equal - if he's comfortable bringing it up, he should be comfortable with me doing the same. I reiterated that in order for our relationship to move forward, not necessarily marriage but progress in general, the divorce being finalized was necessary.

I don't think I missed anything, but I may have. I told him it made me very worried that he hadn't done anything with the papers while he knew it was important to both me and our relationship. That was met with a lot of apologies. I also told him I was in no rush to make sudden movements in the way of an engagement or marriage, but that I took those conversations seriously and he agreed that he does as well, so it's good we're on the same page with the meaning of those talks.
Pepperallyloves2shop4shoeseilis1228Swazzle[Deleted User]ShallowSeasdoubleSS07Ollie08carliealissa

Re: "Help." Update!

  • I'm so happy it went well, and he took you seriously! I very much hope he follows through on his promise to take a day off and file the papers. You mentioned he was worried about the "potential headache" though... Headache from what? Going  to the clerks? 
    megso16
  • @lilacck28‌ I feel so much better now that we did talk. The clerk's, yeah. He said he feels like it will either be that they've got everything together or that the clerk will go "no, you need this and this and that." He's been very attentive when I've mentioned concerns about the papers, so I've got faith that he will.
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
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    Glad you were able to clear everything up with him.


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  • Well, that sounds like a productive conversation.

    Good for you!
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest
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    Awesome! Sounds like a very productive and useful conversation. I'm so glad you both are on the same page :)


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  • @Dignity100‌ @loves2shop4shoes‌ I wouldn't have gathered the balls to do it without having been able to vent all of my frustrations and everything here first, but thank you! I come from a long line of bad relationships (grand parents, parents, myself), so healthy conversations are still really new to me.
    lilacck28
  • @weewittlewizabeth‌ it was! I kept in mind all that I had read here and had an extensive conversation with my therapist before the talk, so it went well. Some of it was word vomit, but word vomit is sometimes okay.
  • edited June 2014
    megso16 said:
    @Dignity100‌ @loves2shop4shoes‌ I wouldn't have gathered the balls to do it without having been able to vent all of my frustrations and everything here first, but thank you! I come from a long line of bad relationships (grand parents, parents, myself), so healthy conversations are still really new to me.
    I can relate.  It took me years before I finally believed the DH was as normal as he seemed.  I was waiting for skeletons to come out of the closet for the longest time.

    Just remember, that if even if you're hormonal, your feelings are valid, and if you you're concerned about something, you should feel like you can talk about things.  Never tiptoe in your relationship, and never sweep things under the rug.

    That way madness lies.
    lilacck28
  • @loves2shop4shoes‌ the waiting for skeletons is definitely a big part of my problem. Forget trust - that's a learning experience for me.

    I've gotten a lot better at that, thankfully. He's also really understanding and always thanks me for being upfront and thanks me for not just trying to bottle things up. It's learning how to have a healthy relationship, one that includes bumps 101.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    I'm so glad the talk went well and you were able to voice your concerns! It sounds like he was very receptive and understanding. 



  • I'm happy to hear that your conversation with him was productive and well received. 

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN
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    I am so glad you talked with him. Thank goodness your FI is so understanding and taking your feelings into consideration :)
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL
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    I'm so glad you were able to talk about it and you feel so much more comfortable. I also hope he doesn't need anything else when he files. 

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  • @Swazzle‌ @southernpeach89‌ @severmilli12‌ @Ollie08‌ me too x4! I had to get it all out, it needed to be on the table.
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