Don't Really Have Close Friends - Who Gives The Toast?

MegEn1

Hi!

I'm going to sound like such a loser, but I don't really have much in the way of close friends. Not just female friends, but friends. I have a lot of friends, but none of them really close. Part of this is because I have moved around so much in my life. I have friends from my childhood who I lost touch with when I moved away to college, I have friends from college who I lost touch with when I moved to my current city, and I have some friends here, but not really any that I have a long, deep connection with. Because this situation is so weird, I'm basically going to pick my best female friend from each stage of my life, and then have my FI's sister.  Fine, all that works out.

But what about the toast? My FI has friends he's been tight with for 10+ years, he and his cousins are really close. He could have toasts for days - and he deserves them! But all of my life is cut into compartments, and I have connections with some people for only about 5 years before I moved far away. So I'm not sure who could get up and give a toast about me. I'd rather not have one, but I know that will look SO WEIRD if I don't, and it'll make me seem kind of sad - and likely make me kind of sad.

So I could really use some advise. Thanks so much!

P.S. I don't really have any relatives that could do it either. We're a small family that's not very close.

AddieCake

Toasts are something that are offered, not assigned. So if you don't have anyone offer to give a toast, there isn't one. This is no big deal. The only toast at our wedding was from my dad. Our groomswoman wanted to give one, too, but another guest caused drama, so she didn't. 

Don't worry about this!  It won't look weird at all!

southernbelle0915

First of all, you don't sound like a loser. Cheer up!

Second of all, toasts are offered. If no one offers, don't do them. We only had one toast at our wedding - right after cocktail hour, my dad said a few words to welcome everyone and kick off the reception. Even if he wouldn't have done it, we would have just had our DJ say "ok, please join us in the venue to start the reception" or something. I'm actually glad we didn't have toasts - it was nice that everyone could just party uninterrupted the whole evening.

MegEn1

Oh really, toasts are offered? Sorry, I've been wedding planning for about a month and we almost have our venue down. I have a lot to learn.

So let me ask this dreaded question - what's to stop Drunk Uncle Pete from 'offering a toast' or something like that? Or from 10 people actually offering a toast? I can't stand 2 hour toasts - which I've witnessed. When the bar was closed. During the last world cup.

Thanks so much for your assistance and input!

Jessa617

Typically the MOH or BM would offer the toast, if neither of them do, then one of the parents. Then if none of them, as in my case, the DJ does! 

My DJ had asked if anyone was making a toast and nobody got up or offered, so he took it upon himself to do the toast. Granted, I have known him for years, but it still felt kind of shitty that nobody in our family or our friends wanted to do a toast. 

It ended up being a beautiful toast and as I look back, I really don't care that nobody else toasted. 

If you are worried about toasts lasting "too long", you can give your DJ or whoever a heads up to announce that "ok dinner is being served" or whatever the next course of action is going to be. 

JMalettas

 Anyone who wants to offer a toast, can offer one. Although, if you know you have one or two drunken friends/family members, that may make their way up there, maybe have someone on damage control for that. We had an MC that spoke a bit, (who was also kind of in charge of the mic--so you could ask your MC to be on damage control), my dad spoke, and then the MOH, and BM made a speech. No one else went up. Music was playing during dinner, & the mic was only open for a certain amount of time. After dinner we did the speeches, and then it was back to music. Which also kept people away from the mic. I wouldn't be too concerned of many people wanting to go up and speak in front of everyone. 

 *J

southernbelle0915

MegEn1 said:

Oh really, toasts are offered? Sorry, I've been wedding planning for about a month and we almost have our venue down. I have a lot to learn.

So let me ask this dreaded question - what's to stop Drunk Uncle Pete from 'offering a toast' or something like that? Or from 10 people actually offering a toast? I can't stand 2 hour toasts - which I've witnessed. When the bar was closed. During the last world cup.

Thanks so much for your assistance and input!

Toasts are offered in advance. Someone will usually come to you and say "I'd love to give a toast at your wedding". You can say "yes, that'd be great" or "thanks for offering, but we're not having toasts/other reason" If you say yes you can tell them that you've told the DJ to allocate up to 5 minutes, so to keep that in mind as they think of what they want to say.

When your wedding day arrives, who's going to toast and how long they have to say their words has already been communicated to your DJ or DOC as part of your day-of schedule. Tell them you don't want open mic. That's a pretty typical request of DJs and they know how to handle - otherwise we'd all be stuck listening to Uncle Pete.

mrsmagicgeek

OP, I don't really have any advice to give you, I just wanted to say that I could have written your original post I think the PPs have given some excellent advice, good luck and congratulations!

Nymeru

OP, do you have parents who would do a toast for you?  Sometimes it's best to stick to simple: parents and then anyone from the bridal party.  And if you are worried that no one will step up, just give a toast yourself to everyone at the wedding.  A few toasts can be nice, but from a guest's point of view, they're not something you want to listen to many of.