Registry and Gift Forum

Re: .

  • Aray82Aray82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I know friends who were surprised when guests gave them a more expensive version of something they'd registered for. We already got a very thoughtful off-registry gift from family friends of FI: a set of first-edition Harvard Classic books. (We're doctoral students in English and History and they wanted to hand these down to a couple who'd appreciate them--which we do!) While I prefer to stick to the registry when shopping as a guest, it honestly never occurred to me to wonder or worry about people going off-registry for ours...because a gift is just that. It comes with zero obligations on the part of the giver and a registry is just meant to be a suggestion IF anyone is looking for ideas.
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    A registry is a suggestion, not a mandate. H and I received lots of gifts that were not on our registry and the world dint end. If we didnt like or need the gift we returned it. NBD.

    FWIW, my favorite wedding gift (a cow hide rug) was a completely random gift and not on our registry.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    How bad of an epidemic is this, really? I have a friend who received three crock pots and registered for none of them, but she's the only person I can think of who I know has gotten married recently. I'm curious/entertained at the thought... it's certainly an interesting problem to have. :)
    JIC
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAG said:

    A registry is a suggestion, not a mandate. H and I received lots of gifts that were not on our registry and the world dint end. If we didnt like or need the gift we returned it. NBD.

    FWIW, my favorite wedding gift (a cow hide rug) was a completely random gift and not on our registry.

    Oh, no, I don't expect the world to end or anything like that. It had just never occurred to me to buy things not on a person's registry. At the end of the day, if people want to give you stuff, there should never be complaints about that, even if it does mean you have to tote some things back to the store.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sometimes even if everyone buys off your registry you may still have to make returns because not everyone will remember to tell the cashier that it is for a wedding so it doesn't get marked as bought on the registry.

    In the end, I typically always buy off the registry because I know that those are things that they want/need.  And if the person getting married is a very close friend I would buy them something off the registry and then buy them something small that is more personal not from the registry.

  • I received several things not off my registry. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MagicInk said:
    This might be the very definition of a first world problem.
    Well... duh.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Some of the off-registry gifts I got are the ones I use the most. Like the really awesome pottery soup mugs one of my mom's aunts bought. She knew we're both into Civil War history (really, a lot of periods in history) and they're replicas of bowls from that era.

    We also got an unregistered-for crockpot, which I've since used dozens of times. It's much larger than the one we already had, but that just made for convenient leftovers.
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  • Some of our favorite gifts were off-registry. As excited as I get about cookware and china, it is always nice to receive something thoughtful and personal. I'd never consider such gifts part of an "epidemic".
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  • We received quite a few gifts that weren't on our registry. Really the only people that bought off our registry were the people that came to my shower because they knew it existed from those invites. Nobody else knew that we were registered anywhere.
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  • getting gifts off-registry should never be considered an epidemic. 

    We received quite a few gifts off registry.  My sister gave us beautiful candlesticks from a local artist.   Another friend gave us some platters from another local artist.    A neighbor hand painted our name a sign in marine flags (I was a boat captain), another friend gave us hand painted wine glasses from another local artist.   We got a few more.      I loved all the gifts, but I look at those with greater fondness than my knife set.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    getting gifts off-registry should never be considered an epidemic. 

    We received quite a few gifts off registry.  My sister gave us beautiful candlesticks from a local artist.   Another friend gave us some platters from another local artist.    A neighbor hand painted our name a sign in marine flags (I was a boat captain), another friend gave us hand painted wine glasses from another local artist.   We got a few more.      I loved all the gifts, but I look at those with greater fondness than my knife set.
    Some of our favorite gifts were off-registry. As excited as I get about cookware and china, it is always nice to receive something thoughtful and personal. I'd never consider such gifts part of an "epidemic".
    I guess mentioning that I found the concept entertaining wasn't enough of an indicator of tone...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Our favorite gifts were the ones not on the registry.
  • I was pretty uptight about our registry (and most of what we registered for were upgrades/entertaining items) and worried about items not getting purchased, especially with a smaller/medium sized wedding.

    Looking back it was crazy of me to do so.

    Some of my favorite gifts were off registry and we received enough cash to purchase the "important" registry items that we didn't receive outright.
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  • AprilH81 said:
    I was pretty uptight about our registry (and most of what we registered for were upgrades/entertaining items) and worried about items not getting purchased, especially with a smaller/medium sized wedding.

    Looking back it was crazy of me to do so.

    Some of my favorite gifts were off registry and we received enough cash to purchase the "important" registry items that we didn't receive outright.
    We were pretty conservative with it initially, but my FMIL flipped because a friend of the family is hosting a wedding shower with the church in my fiance's hometown for us, and she seemed to think that we didn't have enough stuff on it. (She didn't seem to grasp that we're both 27 and have both lived alone for awhile - we need some upgrades, but that's it!) So we tried to add as much as we could think of, and I folded on a few things that I was adamant I didn't want initially (mostly dishes - I have a really pretty set I bought from Big Lots in college, but I've broken like four of the damn things in the last year and, being from Big Lots, they're not easy to replace.)

    I'm honestly not that worried about people buying off-registry, I just remembered my friend receiving three crock pots she didn't at all need and thought it would be an interesting discussion.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Very few people used our registry.  The majority of guests who gave a gift gave cash/check/gift card.  I think 3 people bought gifts from the registry and 3 people bought off-registry.
  • I get the idea behind the registry, and personally, unless I knew a couple wanted something that wasn't on their registry, I'd go with what I know they'd like from the listing. 
  • I've mentioned this anecdote for various reasons over my time here on TK, but after witnessing my bridezilla coworker have a meltdown over the fact that no one was buying her the towels off her registry.... well, I stick to the registry! (Or give cash.)
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  • Registries are "wish lists."  There is no etiquette requirement that anyone limit their gift selections to the pre-selections made by the couple in their registries.

    But there is also no etiquette requirement that the couple register.
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