Wedding Party

Maid of Honor Not Filling her shoes?

So, I'm really considering firing my maid of honor. I would still like her to be a bridesmaid but im not sure how to go about this. When i told her i was getting married and starting to plan a wedding she was very excited for me and when i asked how she felt about possibly being the maid of honor all she said was, " i guess, if you want me to". When i called her back saying i thought it would be better if she would be a bridesmaid because i dint think she seemed excited or up to the task and that may be better suited for her she suddenly was like oh i am so excited and would love to be your maid of honor! However sense then, I've only gotten her to come hangout twice and its been two months. She will barely talk about wedding stuff and keeps making empty promises to help me. Shes always terribly busy and she does live 45 minutes away. Shes already told me that she looked it up online and that she doesn't need to plan or help with the wedding shower. I had already told her when she said she wanted to be my maid of honor that, that would be expected of her as well as the bachelorette party, a speech at the wedding, and helping me with picking things out like the venue, dresses, cake, etc. She doesn't have a job right now, and when i asked her what she was thinking about doing for the bachelorette party she said she wasn't sure. I suggested getting a limo and just going to a bar or maybe a trip to instead to Florida or California. Due to her lack of funds she told me a limo would be out of the question, let alone going out of state(Michigan). Lately I've been dropping hints of, maybe it would easier if you were a bridesmaid sense you live far, are pretty busy right now, and don't have the budget for a lot of things. She didn't seem to get any of my hints and keeps responding with its okay, well figure it out. I want this to be a big thing, I mean you (hopefully) only get married once. I don't feel comfortable coming out and saying "hey, your not cutting it, your fired" but ive said it so many ways and suggestions and hints that I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to loose her as a friend, or hurt her feelings but i just think that she cant handle this and my party might end up being on 9 mile in some dump. She seems to try to get out of as many responsibilities as possible, and its all looking a little overwhelming to me because for everything she doesn't want to do, that means more work for me, and that's getting hard because i have a 11 month old at home, collage classes still, a birthday party to plan and i just cant do it all. I just need someone who will help me plan things and be able to come and do things as least once a week but i can only get her out like twice or once a month if im lucky and when she does come, nothing gets done. Again, I've told her whats expected of her, but she still doesn't seem to understand what that means. Mind you none of my friends have gotten married and they're all pretty young, but i think i have a newer friend who would be much better at the task. Originally i dint ask her because i was worried my other friend would take offense sense we've been friends longer, but the fact that she didn't even seem excited has me worried! HELP! HELP! HELP!!
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Re: Maid of Honor Not Filling her shoes?

  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014

    So, I'm really considering firing my maid of honor. I would still like her to be a bridesmaid but im not sure how to go about this. When i told her i was getting married and starting to plan a wedding she was very excited for me and when i asked how she felt about possibly being the maid of honor all she said was, " i guess, if you want me to". When i called her back saying i thought it would be better if she would be a bridesmaid because i dint think she seemed excited or up to the task and that may be better suited for her she suddenly was like oh i am so excited and would love to be your maid of honor! However sense then, I've only gotten her to come hangout twice and its been two months. She will barely talk about wedding stuff and keeps making empty promises to help me. Shes always terribly busy and she does live 45 minutes away. My MOH lives 8 hours (by plane) away.  And she's perfect for the role.  Shes already told me that she looked it up online and that she doesn't need to plan or help with the wedding shower. She's right, she doesn't.  I had already told her when she said she wanted to be my maid of honor that, that would be expected of her as well as the bachelorette party, a speech at the wedding, and helping me with picking things out like the venue, dresses, cake, etc. OK, you're right.  I do see where she's at fault here.  For not telling you NO because you're making ridiculous demands.  She doesn't have a job right now, and when i asked her what she was thinking about doing for the bachelorette party she said she wasn't sure. I suggested getting a limo and just going to a bar or maybe a trip to instead to Florida or California. Due to her lack of funds she told me a limo would be out of the question, let alone going out of state(Michigan). You do not get to plan your own parties.  Lately I've been dropping hints of, maybe it would easier if you were a bridesmaid sense you live far, are pretty busy right now, and don't have the budget for a lot of things. She didn't seem to get any of my hints and keeps responding with its okay, well figure it out. Maybe she just doesn't want to believe that her "friend" could be this rude.I want this to be a big thing, I mean you (hopefully) only get married once. I don't feel comfortable coming out and saying "hey, your not cutting it, your fired" but ive said it so many ways and suggestions and hints that I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to loose her as a friend, or hurt her feelings too late but i just think that she cant handle this and my party might end up being on 9 mile in some dump.  I can't even with this... She seems to try to get out of as many responsibilities as possible, and its all looking a little overwhelming to me because for everything she doesn't want to do, that means more work for me, and that's getting hard because i have a 11 month old at home, collage classes still, a birthday party to plan and i just cant do it all.  ...how does it mean more work for you?  Yes, wedding planning is a lot, but it's not your MOH's responsibility. I just need someone who will help me plan things (where is your FI?) and be able to come and do things as least once a week but i can only get her out like twice or once a month if im lucky and when she does come, nothing gets done. Again, I've told her whats expected of her (NO), but she still doesn't seem to understand what that means. Mind you none of my friends have gotten married and they're all pretty young, but i think i have a newer friend who would be much better at the task. Originally i dint ask her because i was worried my other friend would take offense sense we've been friends longer, but the fact that she didn't even seem excited has me worried! HELP! HELP! HELP!!
    Wow.  

    Well let's just get this out of the way: you probably have already hurt her feelings and have already been rude by trying to demote her to BM, "dropping hints" and by telling her what you "expected".  Your wedding party owes you nothing besides showing up dressed, on time, and (fairly) sober for your ceremony.  

    But moving on, there is no way to "fire" your maid of honor without destroying your friendship.  I'm actually surprised you haven't done so already, by the way that you're acting.

    ETA I added some more thoughts after I settled down.  A little.
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  • Please.  Just please be MUD.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    Okay. real talk. If this is real. 

    1. step back and think about what you are saying. Your friend is unemployed and probably terrified about her future, and you are worried about your bachelorette party and shower (which she is most definitely NOT required to throw for you) not being cool or expensive enough? 

    2. when she comes to visit once a month, or twice a month, or whatever, it makes sense that nothing wedding related would get done, because she probably took time out to come visit her friend. Not her wedding drill sergeant. 

    3. if you need someone to help you plan your wedding, you should talk to your fiance(e). He (or she?) should be helping you. And if you need more help than that, you need to hire someone. A bridesmaid and a Maid of Honor are not your paid employees and anything they choose to do for you should not be expected, rather sincerely appreciated. They are not being paid. They are spending a lot of time and money just to come to your wedding and/or buy a dress. You will lose them as friends if you treat them like servants, or expect them to be so excited about your wedding that they are always at your beck and call. 

    4. your wedding will be perfect if you love your fiance(e) and get married. the other stuff is of course important to us at the time, but it is NOT worth throwing away relationships. 
  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I refuse to believe that people that people can be such assholes as OP.
  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Nothing is stopping your bridesmaids from helping you out...It's no one's job, and you definitely can't expect just the MOH to do everything herself.  She's your friend, not your personal wedding bitch.
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MUD. For sure. 

    Right you guys? This can't be real..? Please, someone tell me this is not real!

  •  I had already told her when she said she wanted to be my maid of honor that, that would be expected of her as well as the bachelorette party, a speech at the wedding, and helping me with picking things out like the venue, dresses, cake, etc.
    Is this real life?  Why would she need to help you with these things?  What is wrong with your fiance that he can't do it?  I think your fiance probably has some opinion on the venue?  Why would she help pick cake?  This is crazy pants.
  • I'm also calling MUD, especially since there's been no response from OP.
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  • Wedding activities once a week?  Bahahahahah!
  • This is my favorite part...

    She doesn't have a job right now, and when i asked her what she was thinking about doing for the bachelorette party she said she wasn't sure. I suggested getting a limo and just going to a bar or maybe a trip to instead to Florida or California. Due to her lack of funds she told me a limo would be out of the question, let alone going out of state(Michigan). Lately I've been dropping hints of, maybe it would easier if you were a bridesmaid sense you live far, are pretty busy right now, and don't have the budget for a lot of things.

    Clearly you need a MOH with a job. Not just any job, too. One with a budget that you approve of. For reals, girl.

    My second favorite part...

    its all looking a little overwhelming to me because for everything she doesn't want to do, that means more work for me, and that's getting hard because i have a 11 month old at home, collage classes still, a birthday party to plan and i just cant do it all. I just need someone who will help me plan things



    What I think you should do is, replace your MOH with that new friend of yours immediately. Your MOH will thank you. Trust me. And, then, replace your fiance with that new friend, too, because he is clearly completely useless.



    And then, take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the person you want to be. Someone who only wants to see her friends if they are willing to help her take care of her wedding planning. Face it, you don't need a new MOH, you need a wedding planner. Someone you can hire and fire at will.
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  • I refuse to believe this is real. No one can possibly be that entitled.
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  • If you think being your MOH is a job, you better start paying her.

    "Rent my ass a limo and throw me parties! Be on my beck and call, unemployed person!"

    No way this is real.
  • I truly hope this is a joke...
  • Wow, that sucks that she won't drop everything she's doing to help you with your wedding.  Sounds selfish to me.

    What are you studying at collage?  You must be very busy between collage and an 11-month old at home.
  • lilacck28 said:

    To be fair, collages can be very involved, time consuming, and beautiful pieces of art work. 

    It's more classier if you spell it "art werk".

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  • To be fair, collages can be very involved, time consuming, and beautiful pieces of art work. 
    It's more classier if you spell it "art werk".

    Klassier
  • *facepalm*


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  • Please...tell me this isn't for real.

    Ugh.
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