Ceremony in jeopardy

decembergrl2014

FI and I are getting married in December, and we're planning on having a Catholic Mass. It's the second marriage for both of us, but neither one of us needed an annulment since neither marriage took place in a Catholic Church. Or so we thought... Yesterday the priest calls me and says there is an issue with my first marriage. I went to the rectory and found out that even though my X is Jewish, and the wedding took place at the reception hall, the marriage is still valid because there was a priest present, therefore making it valid. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours filling out 25 pages of paperwork, reliving the details of that horrible marriage for the Tribunal to approve. I was, and still am, beside myself. Growing up Catholic, I always dreamed of having a traditional, Catholic wedding ceremony. Now with only 5 months left, I feel like my dream is getting crushed. I feel like my wedding is now stuck. FI and I both want to get married in church. I don't know if we should wait and see what happens with the annulment, or if we should just cut our losses and look for another church (a Christian one, not Catholic) to get married in. I don't know what to do.

JCbride2015

Summerwed2014 said:

FI and I are getting married in December, and we're planning on having a Catholic Mass. It's the second marriage for both of us, but neither one of us needed an annulment since neither marriage took place in a Catholic Church. Or so we thought...

Yesterday the priest calls me and says there is an issue with my first marriage. I went to the rectory and found out that even though my X is Jewish, and the wedding took place at the reception hall, the marriage is still valid because there was a priest present, therefore making it valid. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours filling out 25 pages of paperwork, reliving the details of that horrible marriage for the Tribunal to approve. I was, and still am, beside myself. Growing up Catholic, I always dreamed of having a traditional, Catholic wedding ceremony. Now with only 5 months left, I feel like my dream is getting crushed.

I feel like my wedding is now stuck. FI and I both want to get married in church. I don't know if we should wait and see what happens with the annulment, or if we should just cut our losses and look for another church (a Christian one, not Catholic) to get married in.

I don't know what to do.

If you want to be a practicing Catholic, and you sound like that's really what you want, then wait for the annulment. This sounds really important to you. Good luck!

banana468

Are you wanting to be a practicing Catholic? I believe your FI would also need an annulment as well but it's different than one for a marriage that was Sacramental. Talk to your priest but understand that without the annulment, if you get married anywhere else, you would not be a Catholic in good standing which means you aren't able to receive Sacraments.

April192002

Do you happen to know how long it might take to know whether or not it's approved? If the church is what you want, then I say don't start planning for something else unless it comes down to a week or two before ordering the invitations and stuff and they still can't give you an answer. It sounds super stressful to wait until the last minute to have a venue change, but if you keep planning and keep the wedding in the same area, you shouldn't have too many issues. Plenty of people plan full weddings in a month or two and you can always update your vendors with the new location. I just wouldn't try to plan decorations specific to the church setup.

decembergrl2014

My priest told me that the Tribunal is aware of the wedding date, and they will TRY to get it approved for December. What they don't realize are things like the vendors and the invitations, which have to be mailed out in October. They did waive the $1200 fee, which helps a little, but the waiting around sucks.

holyguacamole79

Summerwed2014 said:

My priest told me that the Tribunal is aware of the wedding date, and they will TRY to get it approved for December. What they don't realize are things like the vendors and the invitations, which have to be mailed out in October. They did waive the $1200 fee, which helps a little, but the waiting around sucks.

Honestly, I would postpone your wedding. Annulments are not known to be quick, and there is no guarantee that it will be done in time.

decembergrl2014

We really don't want to do that. I'm going to talk to my priest when he gets back from vacation next week, and see what he says.

holyguacamole79

Out of curiosity, what do you plan to do if it becomes clear that the annulment isn't going to be granted in time? Also, check out some of the stories on the Catholic weddings board (http://forums.theknot.com/categories/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings). I have several friends who have gone through the annulment process, and I've never heard of it being done in less than 6 months ... I've never heard of one done in less than a year, to be honest.

Marzipan13

If getting this annulment is important to you & your FI, and it sounds like it is, I would take all the necessary steps to make this happen quickly and smoothly.  I know it's up to the Tribunal now, but I would hold off on the date of the wedding just to be sure the annulment goes through.  It will save you a lot of headaches down the road if you just get everything straight before you get married. 

photokitty

Summerwed2014 said:

My priest told me that the Tribunal is aware of the wedding date, and they will TRY to get it approved for December. What they don't realize are things like the vendors and the invitations, which have to be mailed out in October. They did waive the $1200 fee, which helps a little, but the waiting around sucks.

Once it goes through the local tribunal it has to go through a second tribunal. This took another 2 months for me. It is not final until after the second tribunal approved the first's findings.

decembergrl2014

Changing the date is not an option for us. We've already sent out save the dates and have everything booked. Our venue is going to charge us an extra $1500 if we change the date. I'm going to talk to my priest next week when he comes back from vacation but if it doesn't seem like the Catholic wedding is going to happen, then my FI says he knows a pastor who can do the ceremony without having to change the date. It'll mean a different church, but if it has to be that way then so be it.

banana468

Summerwed2014 said:

Changing the date is not an option for us. We've already sent out save the dates and have everything booked. Our venue is going to charge us an extra $1500 if we change the date. I'm going to talk to my priest next week when he comes back from vacation but if it doesn't seem like the Catholic wedding is going to happen, then my FI says he knows a pastor who can do the ceremony without having to change the date. It'll mean a different church, but if it has to be that way then so be it.

Are you aware of the serious implications this has?

decembergrl2014

Yes, I am

holyguacamole79

Summerwed2014 said:

Changing the date is not an option for us. We've already sent out save the dates and have everything booked. Our venue is going to charge us an extra $1500 if we change the date. I'm going to talk to my priest next week when he comes back from vacation but if it doesn't seem like the Catholic wedding is going to happen, then my FI says he knows a pastor who can do the ceremony without having to change the date. It'll mean a different church, but if it has to be that way then so be it.

Out of curiosity, is the pastor your FI knows a Catholic one, or another denomination?

decembergrl2014

He's a Christian Pastor, not Catholic

Marzipan13

You may already know this, but if you decide to get married outside the Catholic church, you'll have to get a validation later on (especially if you are asked to be a Godparent). Just thought it was worth mentioning!

decembergrl2014

Thank you. I don't think I will be a godparent, though. This whole thing is so upsetting to me. I hope and pray that I can still have the Catholic ceremony happen. My mother and FI are optimistic that everything will work out, but I'm still worried. I feel like my past mistake is affecting my future. So upsetting! :-(

photokitty

Just talk to your priest. He might be willing to grant you a convalidation after the wedding if you are unable to marry in the Catholic church. (my priest has said he is more than willing to grant us one if DH decides to get an annulment) Sometimes they are hard to get, other times they are not. It just depends on your priest and the dioceses. All is not lost.

[Deleted User]

I don't know if this is an option but just going to throw the idea out, if the annulment doesn't get approved can use still have your wedding at that church but use a Christian Pastor, just rent out the church for the day? This way you could still print your invitations & not have to change anything. I know in my area people will get married at churches that aren't necessarily in their faith but pay for the rental of the facility & use an officiant of their choice.

Marzipan13

Erikan73 said:

I don't know if this is an option but just going to throw the idea out, if the annulment doesn't get approved can use still have your wedding at that church but use a Christian Pastor, just rent out the church for the day? This way you could still print your invitations & not have to change anything. I know in my area people will get married at churches that aren't necessarily in their faith but pay for the rental of the facility & use an officiant of their choice.

At a Catholic church, no, this would not be possible under any circumstance.  Only a Catholic priest can officiate a Catholic wedding (ceremony or full Mass) inside the Sanctuary. 

decembergrl2014

If we can't have the Catholic ceremony, which would absolutely break my heart, the we will talk to a Christian Pastor my FI knows, and ask if he can marry us in his Church, which is a Christian church.

MairePoppy

Good luck Summerwed2014. I hope your priest will be able to find out how far along your annulment is. Our pastor had lots of connections and was able to track things to a certain point. He was pretty accurate about the amount of time it would take for the final investigation and decision to be completed.