I'd rather not ask my sister to be a bridesmaid, but I worry that I will hurt her feelings?

AmaCassidy

My elder sister is 20 year older than me, and understandably, she is very much like an aunt to me. My twin sister and I grew up with her two elder daughters, who are 5 and 7 years younger than me, both of whom I am very close to, and I do think of them as my sisters. My plan was to ask my twin sister to be my MOH, my best friend of many years, to be my bridesman, and my two elder nieces to be my BMs. However, I worry that I will hurt the feelings of my elder sister, and those of my other nieces (who are 17, 16 and 14), especially since my FI has decided to ask my brother to be his best man, along with his mother's long term partner, since he has no siblings and his father died many years ago. Do you think I should ask my elder sister and my remaining nieces to be bridesmaids as well? Or to not ask them and hope they will be okay with it?

lilacck28

I think you should go with your instincts and have the women who are closest to you as bridesmaids. If you were picking every female niece and sister except one, then I would think there would be a greater chance of offending them. But you aren't. I would imagine that your adult sister with adult children will not be too upset to not have to buy a particular dress. And I kind of doubt it is on your nieces' radars since you don't sound like you are that close to them. 

If you feel like you have room in your budget though, and you want to, I would probably ask your elder sister before asking your other three nieces. And if you have even more room in your budget, then I think it would be fine to ask your nieces as well. 

But I think the 5 people you have picked so far sound just fine, and you really can't worry too much about upsetting people with this choice. I would personally be overwhelmed with 9 people in the bridal party, unless I was sure, with no question, that these women/men had to stand with me. You have to think about who you want to stand with you as you say your vows, and your budget (flowers, rehearsal dinner, gifts.) You may also want to consider the logistics of getting ready that day. If you plan to get ready with your bridesmaids/man, will there be room for all 9 people? It's not nice to exclude some from your plans while inviting others. 

Whatever you decide will be fine. 

MairePoppy

Choose the people who are closest to you. You oldest sister will most likely be happy that you asked her daughters to be bms. 

By the way, you should change your screen name for the sake of privacy and internet safety. 

NYCMercedes

This was a looooong time ago, but my mom was thrilled I was a flower girl in her sister's wedding so she didn't have to process with all her young sister's friends. Go for it.

AmaCassidy

@MairePoppy My screen name isn't my full name, and I very much doubt anybody could guess my full name from it