Wedding timeline (no cocktail hour)

lcc14

Our wedding ceremony is 4pm. The reception site is roughly 8 minutes from our ceremony site. With a ceremony start time of 4pm, we anticipate it to be over by 4:30, and have a receiving line out the door. We will be making photos afterward (and planning for it to be as speedy as efficiently possible), but have no cocktail hour at our reception site...so no time to stall the guests as they wait for us taking photos. We were planning on our guests getting the go-ahead to begin eating (heavy hors d'oeuvres) shortly after their arrival at the reception site, while we finish up photos. What do you all feel is the most appropriate take on a timeline for this? Is it realistic?

LondonLisa

I would feel uncomfortable eating the "main" food if the bride and groom weren't there, even if it was heavy apps. Your guests are there to have a meal with you. I would look into inexpensive cocktail hour options like cheese and fruit platters, veggies and dips, etc.

Lauderdale Pink

I am confused, if you are dong "heavy hors d'oeuvres" then that sounds like a cocktail hour that is just free of alcohol.  Are these being passed by servers or set up as display stations?  Are they eating these at their tables?  Or, are the hors d'oeuvres the main course?  

I don't think it would be a budget killer to set up a few patters of vegetables,fruits, cookies, cheese and crackers, and self-serve soft drinks for the guests to enjoy until you get there.  

southernbelle0915

A "cocktail hour" is just a time when you host (food and drink - doesn't have to be alcohol) guests until you're ready to join them. Usually you don't want it to be more than 1 hr - 1.5hrs max. You don't actually have to serve "cocktails" - that's just the term.

If you're serving heavy apps, it sounds like a cocktail hour to me. Then when you join, you can do your announcement and serve the meal.

LondonLisa

I read it as heavy apps were instead of a meal. OP, could you please clarify? Thanks!

southernbelle0915

LondonLisa said:

I read it as heavy apps were instead of a meal. OP, could you please clarify? Thanks!

Ah, I see the dilemma. Thanks, Lisa!

OP, let me tell you a story about a wedding I attended last year where they only served heavy apps for the meal...

H was a GM in the wedding. After the ceremony (around 5pm), the WP went to take photos and the guests went to cocktail hour. They were serving relatively heavy apps. About an hour later, the WP and B&G arrived. There wasn't much food left. The 9 GMs were starving and went to town on the rest of the food. Another half hour rolled by and guests started to realize they weren't going to serve a meal. There was a mad dash for what was left. When that was gone, people cleaned out the favor table (cookies) and polished off those. Basically, there was no communication that there wasn't going to be a meal served and the heavy apps weren't enough to constitute a meal even if they had effectively communicated this. Insult to injury was that they only had seating for the WP (not their spouses/SOs) and their family members. Everyone else grabbed the few tables left or crowded around cocktail tables. Terrible all around.

Moral of the story: If you are going to do heavy apps instead of a meal (and I'm assuming some type of mingling reception), please please please do the following: 1) communicate this to people 2) have enough to make a whole meal and 3) have enough places for people to sit.

mysticl

My sister is awesome at throwing mealtime parties that are "just" heavy apps. The key is the food is always coming out.  There are usually one or two stations that are constantly being replenished.  The rest of the food is hand passed by servers. Once their tray is empty they head back to the staging area, get another tray and head back out.  I am pretty sure that she ends up spending more on this than if she just served us dinner.  There are also a couple of people roaming whose job is to collect plates, glasses, silverware, and trash from the guests so they don't have deal with it.  

lcc14

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

Lauderdale Pink

That can work if your guests are aware of the plan.  I would still not make any of that specific food available until the entire wedding party has arrived.  Until then, you could offer the guests lemonade, iced-tea and pretty cookies or some other light snack.  What you don't want is A) people milling around with nothing to do or eat until you get there; a group of starving guests who attack the food as soon as they see it; and C) to have all the food gone by the time you arrive.

STARMOON44

lcc14 said:

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

I don't see what it being 5:30 has to do with anything. 4 apps, fruit, and vegetables are not remotely enough food for a meal. That's just normal cocktail hour food. If you can't afford to serve a meal you need to not have a wedding at meal time.

theartistformerlyknownas

lcc14 said:

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

Are the fruits and veggies counted in the four, or additional? Either way, 4-6 apps is not "heavy" enough for a meal, and 5:30 is definitely meal time, regardless of when you show up at the reception. For an app-only meal, you should have 8-10 different types of apps and count on guests eating 2-3 of each. You could have just the fruits and veggies out while you finish pictures, and then bring the rest of the apps out, but you'll need about double the variety.

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/entertaining/partiesevents/cocktailpartybuyersguide

southernbelle0915

lcc14 said:

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

4 apps + fruit/veggie tray is not enough to constitute a meal - regardless of whether they contain meat. It's definitely enough to constitute a well-hosted cocktail hour, however.

I would caution you on this - Literally the rudest, worst wedding I have ever in my life been do did something like this and it is burned into my memory as terrible and horrible. I still have a lasting impression of being hosted like crap by this couple. Everyone in our group of friends still talks about it.

I think the couple who screwed it up could have done a few things differently and it would have made all the difference. So I have to suggest the following so you don't make the same mistakes they did: CLEARLY communicate to people that "this is dinner" (since it's a meal time and you need to serve a meal/meal-equivalent - people need to know what it is); have enough seats for everyone (if you aren't assigning seats/tables, you need 10-15% extra seating in case people leave space between them. I had open seating at my wedding, so PM me if you need help with logistics); and have enough to constitute a meal. 4 options plus a fruit and veggie tray = a cocktail hour - not a meal. 

I would have at least 7 heavy app options (think pulled pork slider, mini quiche, mini grilled cheese with tomato soup shooter, etc.) and then, in addition to your fruit/veggie trays, have a cheese/meat/cracker tray to add some protein and starch into the mix. Keep in mind if you send people up early for "cocktail hour", they will think the food being served is cocktail hour and expect a meal. That's what happened at the wedding I went to.

JoanE2012

lcc14 said:

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

4 apps are not enough for a cocktail hour.  You need to have more.  Much more.  And they need to be hearty.  Perhaps a station or two.....like a slider station or a carving station.  

If you don't want to have all this, you need to change your ceremony/reception to a non-meal time.

Lauderdale Pink

JoanE2012 - you are absolutely correct about the station.  If money is an issue, though, a carving station might be out of the question, because the chef gets paid as well.  To incorporate meats without the added person, they could do an antipasto salad station, which is typically heavy on sliced meats and cheeses and is very filling.  Are weddings still doing mashed potato bars?

hales2010

Lauderdale Pink said:

JoanE2012 - you are absolutely correct about the station.  If money is an issue, though, a carving station might be out of the question, because the chef gets paid as well.  To incorporate meats without the added person, they could do an antipasto salad station, which is typically heavy on sliced meats and cheeses and is very filling.  Are weddings still doing mashed potato bars?

My venue does a mashed potatoes bar(which we are doing). We are pretty much doing the same thing this girl is doing but we have having about 12 different apps(one of those being a carving station) and the apps are going to be refilled when low as well. I did not realize the importance of having a good amount of food at a wedding reception that is over a meal time until a couple of months ago when I went to a friends wedding.

 

I have reactive hypoglycemia so my blood sugar is at a constant low. Due to this I have snack on stuff to keep my blood sugar from dropping. So I went to a friends wedding a couple of weeks ago after getting off work on a Friday. They had actually gotten married up at their temple in another city earlier that morning so this was kind of just a reception to celebrate here in our home town. It was about an hour drive from my work and when I was almost there (literally less than a mile) my blood sugar started to drop. I had to pull over and someone had to actually come pick me up to get me to their reception. Thankfully when we got there they were able to find me some food to snack on which was enough to get my blood sugar back up to normal. The reception started about an hour later and they had a couple of apps which was nice but it was not enough to be considered a meal and this reception was at 7 on a friday after work. My blood sugar sadly started dropping again on my way home but thankfully my FI was with me this time(He was the BM in the wedding which is why he wasnt with me on the way there) and we went a got food after we left. I still had a good time despite my blood sugar issue but it would have been nice to have warning going into this because I would have stopped and got snacks or a small fast food meal on my way there.

MandyMost

I'm confused by what is meant by the OP as "heavy apps". Do you literally mean a passed platter of hors d'oeurves? Because if that's all you're having, it's not enough (meat or not). By "heavy apps" maybe you're using the terminology wrong and you actually mean you'll have a pasta station, a carving station, a meatball station, and a sushi station, as well as the fruit and veggie and cheese stations? That could be enough as long as it's replenished when low. 

I've been to a wedding that had the opposite problem. There was so much food when we arrived for cocktail hour, we all clearly thought it was the meal and started going to town. It was good. I ate a ton. Then at one point someone pointed out that this was clearly the cocktail hour, and there was going to be a seated dinner. We were shocked...kind of in a good way. :-)  It was a great wedding!

hales2010

MandyMost said:

I'm confused by what is meant by the OP as "heavy apps". Do you literally mean a passed platter of hors d'oeurves? Because if that's all you're having, it's not enough (meat or not). By "heavy apps" maybe you're using the terminology wrong and you actually mean you'll have a pasta station, a carving station, a meatball station, and a sushi station, as well as the fruit and veggie and cheese stations? That could be enough as long as it's replenished when low. 

I've been to a wedding that had the opposite problem. There was so much food when we arrived for cocktail hour, we all clearly thought it was the meal and started going to town. It was good. I ate a ton. Then at one point someone pointed out that this was clearly the cocktail hour, and there was going to be a seated dinner. We were shocked...kind of in a good way. :-)  It was a great wedding!

I saw something like this on 4 weddings. The girl literally had what would have been considered a meal as her cocktail hour. I am talking plates and plates of stuff. Then they brought out the actually dinner which was a lot of food...and then they brought out this huge dessert bar. SO MUCH FOOD! But I would rather there be too much than too little

lyndausvi

hnbright2010 said:

MandyMost said:

I'm confused by what is meant by the OP as "heavy apps". Do you literally mean a passed platter of hors d'oeurves? Because if that's all you're having, it's not enough (meat or not). By "heavy apps" maybe you're using the terminology wrong and you actually mean you'll have a pasta station, a carving station, a meatball station, and a sushi station, as well as the fruit and veggie and cheese stations? That could be enough as long as it's replenished when low. 

I've been to a wedding that had the opposite problem. There was so much food when we arrived for cocktail hour, we all clearly thought it was the meal and started going to town. It was good. I ate a ton. Then at one point someone pointed out that this was clearly the cocktail hour, and there was going to be a seated dinner. We were shocked...kind of in a good way. :-)  It was a great wedding!

I saw something like this on 4 weddings. The girl literally had what would have been considered a meal as her cocktail hour. I am talking plates and plates of stuff. Then they brought out the actually dinner which was a lot of food...and then they brought out this huge dessert bar. SO MUCH FOOD! But I would rather there be too much than too little

My cocktail hour had a raw bar, sushi bar, 12 passed apps and cheese, fruit and veggie stationary table. Then we had dinner.

OP  - your plan is fine for a cocktail hour or a non-meal time reception.  It's not enough food for a meal-time reception.   Not trying to be harsh, it's just the truth.

landa10315

hnbright2010 said:

MandyMost said:

I'm confused by what is meant by the OP as "heavy apps". Do you literally mean a passed platter of hors d'oeurves? Because if that's all you're having, it's not enough (meat or not). By "heavy apps" maybe you're using the terminology wrong and you actually mean you'll have a pasta station, a carving station, a meatball station, and a sushi station, as well as the fruit and veggie and cheese stations? That could be enough as long as it's replenished when low. 

I've been to a wedding that had the opposite problem. There was so much food when we arrived for cocktail hour, we all clearly thought it was the meal and started going to town. It was good. I ate a ton. Then at one point someone pointed out that this was clearly the cocktail hour, and there was going to be a seated dinner. We were shocked...kind of in a good way. :-)  It was a great wedding!

I saw something like this on 4 weddings. The girl literally had what would have been considered a meal as her cocktail hour. I am talking plates and plates of stuff. Then they brought out the actually dinner which was a lot of food...and then they brought out this huge dessert bar. SO MUCH FOOD! But I would rather there be too much than too little

This is pretty much the cocktail hour at all Long Island weddings. FI and I are taking pictures before the ceremony for the complete purpose of enjoying the copious amounts of food at our cocktail hour!

lcc14

Just so you all can see the full selection of food among the buffet line: Ham/biscuits, Meatballs, Harvest pasta salad, Fruit display, Veggie display, Wedding cake, Cheesecake bar, S'mores bar, and beverages of Water, apple cider, 2 alcoholic beverages Everything being constantly replenished.

RebeccaB88

lcc14 said:

Yes, the heavy apps ARE in place of a full-course meal. (It will only be around 5:30 by the time everyone eats.) Two of the four of our apps feature meat in them, and we are having a fruit display and veggie display as well. In addition to a limited bar.

Those are not heavy apps. That's actually very light apps. I would totally be expecting a full meal if those were what I was given. And I'd probably leave very early to get dinner, because I was hungry. Your event time demands a full meal as well. You need to either change the time of the event to a non mealtime, or serve a real dinner. Anything else would be very impolite and poor hosting.

RebeccaB88

lcc14 said:

Just so you all can see the full selection of food among the buffet line: Ham/biscuits, Meatballs, Harvest pasta salad, Fruit display, Veggie display, Wedding cake, Cheesecake bar, S'mores bar, and beverages of Water, apple cider, 2 alcoholic beverages Everything being constantly replenished.

You still need way more variety, even if it's replenished. This is still light apps, appropriate for a cocktail hour. If this is supposed to be dinner, people will be disappointed and hungry. This is not dinner. They will expect a meal after it.

theartistformerlyknownas

RebeccaB88 said:

lcc14 said:

Just so you all can see the full selection of food among the buffet line: Ham/biscuits, Meatballs, Harvest pasta salad, Fruit display, Veggie display, Wedding cake, Cheesecake bar, S'mores bar, and beverages of Water, apple cider, 2 alcoholic beverages Everything being constantly replenished.

You still need way more variety, even if it's replenished. This is still light apps, appropriate for a cocktail hour. If this is supposed to be dinner, people will be disappointed and hungry. This is not dinner. They will expect a meal after it.

Agreed. I know this seems heavy to you, but that's because you like all of the things you are serving. If someone doesn't like biscuits and doesn't eat red meat, they're stuck with pasta salad, fruit and veggies. That's super light - not a dinner. FI doesn't like pasta salad or ham. So his dinner is a couple meatballs, some berries and carrots? Even if it's a hundred meatballs, a pound of berries and bushel of carrots, that's a really sad dinner. Please add 2 or 3 more varieties. There are always other areas of a budget that can be tightened up.

ETA I'd rather have fewer dessert options and more dinner options. If I tried to eat all that dessert (out of hunger) after only having some biscuits and fruit for "dinner" I'd be sick.

beethery

Variety is the spice of life, and you're going to need some more spice if you're not doing a plated meal.

If you need to reign in dessert options to free up some budget in the direction of bigger/more apps, do a candy bar. Get candy from costco/sam's/bj's and set that up. Would it be possible to have a soup option? That might help.

JoanE2012

lcc14 said:

Just so you all can see the full selection of food among the buffet line: Ham/biscuits, Meatballs, Harvest pasta salad, Fruit display, Veggie display, Wedding cake, Cheesecake bar, S'mores bar, and beverages of Water, apple cider, 2 alcoholic beverages Everything being constantly replenished.

Do you consider meatballs and pasta salad a dinner?  I sure don't.  You need alot more variety.  We had 10 passed apps, veggie/cheese table, station with 2 carving meats and a pasta bar.  For cocktail hour.  We still served a dinner!

 As much as I love desserts, I'd rather see you cut back on that than the "dinner".  Cut out the alcoholic beverages if you have to (again, something I love, but I'd rather have more variety for dinner!).   

What you have would be fine for a cocktail hour, not a cocktail dinner reception.  If we  found that was all you were going to serve, DH and I would leave to get a proper dinner.  Sorry.

jay788

Done properly, heavy app receptions at meal times can be way more expensive than other meal options. If you still want to have a reception at a meal time, I'd recommend having light apps before you get back from photos (fruit, cheese, crackers, raw veggies) followed by hearty inexpensive food: bbq, pasta, or the like. You don't need extra dessert options if they're not in your budget.

jacques27

lcc14 said:

Just so you all can see the full selection of food among the buffet line: Ham/biscuits, Meatballs, Harvest pasta salad, Fruit display, Veggie display, Wedding cake, Cheesecake bar, S'mores bar, and beverages of Water, apple cider, 2 alcoholic beverages Everything being constantly replenished.

That's not remotely enough - that's cocktail hour level, not heavy apps to replace a meal level.  I don't know if you have any vegetarians in the mix, but depending on what's in the pasta salad, they might only be able to eat fruit and veggies.  Likewise with me being gluten-free I could only have the fruit and veggies.  I just attended a jewelry party held in the middle of the afternoon that had more variety than what you're proposing for what is treading dangerously close to meal time and will be going into meal time.

Your guests likely will not have eaten since noon.  Your pictures are likely going to take about an hour, plus receiving line time so you're not getting there before 5:30 or 5:45 at best.  As your guest, that amount and variety of food is not going to hold me over and unless you're planning for your reception to only go until 6:00, I'm probably inching my way toward the door shortly after you get there so I can find a restaurant if that's all you're serving.  You need way more variety on the savory end and could stand to lose a dessert option or two (unless you're having a bonfire, I'd lose the s'mores bar).

People think apps-only is cheaper, but it's only cheaper if you're doing it at non-meal times with a shorter reception.  Otherwise, doing heavy apps enough to constitute a meal can very well end up costing more than just a nice, simple plated dinner.

theartistformerlyknownas

I shared one of these links before, but I think it bears repeating - these are NOT just our opinions.  This isn't us just having lots of money to throw at cocktail hour so we're wasting it on excess. The industry standard says you need much more variety than this when serving hors d'oeuvres as a meal. I have yet to find a source saying less than 8 types of hors d'oeuvres is acceptable, and that's excluding sweets options. You have 5.

Epicurious says 8-10 varieties

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/entertaining/partiesevents/cocktailpartybuyersguide

"A Tasteful Affair" says 9 or more varieties

http://www.atasteful-affair.com/resources/partyplanning.html

The Nibble says up to 10 varieties

http://www.thenibble.com/reviews/main/hors/hors2/black-tie2.asp

BHG says 13 varieties

http://www.bhg.com/recipes/party/appetizers/appetizers-only-dinner-party-finger-food-ideas-more/

Kraft says 8 types

http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/holidays-and-entertaining/planning/appetizer-math.aspx

lcc14

Thanks, ya'll! It's just not in our budget to have such a heavy meal. My caterer, who has done numerous events and wedding who have followed this timeline, seemed satisfied with this selection. However, learning that a mere jewelry party had more selection than this really can bum you out. Weddings in my small town southern area do not constitute a full cocktail hour followed by a three course meal. (And I should add, I come from a family and background that does like finer things and knows quality.) I am glad my guests won't be used to five course heavy meals, as some of you are, which is fine! Thanks.

LittlePeachBlossom

I'd suggest making it a short wedding reception if you can't/don't want to offer more food selections.

Timeline: 

4pm- Ceremony + Travel to Reception

5pm-7pm - Cocktail Reception

7pm- Guests can leave without feeling guilty to go have dinner.

theartistformerlyknownas

lcc14 said:

Thanks, ya'll! It's just not in our budget to have such a heavy meal. My caterer, who has done numerous events and wedding who have followed this timeline, seemed satisfied with this selection. However, learning that a mere jewelry party had more selection than this really can bum you out. Weddings in my small town southern area do not constitute a full cocktail hour followed by a three course meal. (And I should add, I come from a family and background that does like finer things and knows quality.) I am glad my guests won't be used to five course heavy meals, as some of you are, which is fine! Thanks.

Then you should have it at a non-meal time. You don't know where any of us live. Some of us may be your guests. People expect to be fed a meal at mealtime!