Co-Ed Bachelor/Bachelorette Party?

perdonami

Not sure if I posted this in the incorrect forum but it seemed like the best place to ask this question:

My fiance and I are not all that interested in having a bachelor or bachelorette party. Both the BM and one of my bridesmaids keeps pushing for one. Fiance is super against it and the BM decided he's just going to do one anyway for him and has asked me not to spill the beans to FI. Although, I don't think my FI is going to be happy about it. 

Someone suggested that we do a co-ed last night get-together in lieu of said bachelor or bachelorette parties. When I suggested this to my bridesmaid, she thought it was weird and so did my brother. 

Also, not sure how a co-ed last night party would work either.

What do you guys think? Bad idea? And if not a bad idea, would be the logistics? 

mysticl

The night before their wedding my BFF, her husband and bunch of us (mostly couples) went to a pool hall.  Had a few drinks, ate nachos, shot some pool, and played darts. We were all pretty close so we ran a tab and split it between us.  I only advise that payment plan in a close knit group.  

littlemushroom

My friends did a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party that was hosted by the BM and MOH.  Everyone met at a restaurant for dinner, then we all went to an arena football game where we had a box to ourselves, and afterward we went to a bowling alley for bowling, drinks and karaoke.  We also split into teams and did a scavenger hunt throughout the night that was boys vs girls and had things like, take a picture with the longest married couple you can find, "propose" to someone with a ring pop that was provided, get a bartender's autograph, etc.  They did a version of the newlywed game during halftime at the football game as well.  Everyone had a good time, and no one here thought it was weird.

My FI and I considered doing a joint party as well (my MOHs offered to host a joint one if we wanted).  We were going to do a cookout at MOH's house, followed by a board game night and drinks.  FI and I are more low key and that would have been great.  We are doing separate parties now, but I kind of wish we had gone with the joint one.  We are not doing "traditional" separate parties either.  Movie, dinner and hanging out at a friend's house with drinks for me and board games, dinner and drinks for FI.

You can work a co-ed party however you like.  Do more "traditional" bar hopping or plan something more low key that you and your FI would enjoy.  We looked at it as more a chance to have a night hanging out with friends during the chaotic time that is around the wedding.

Also, I would tell your FI.  My FI didn't want a party at all.  The guys really wanted to do something for him and were going to do something anyway without FI knowing.  I explained to FI what was going on, and that is how it morphed into a board game night that they are doing at the same time as my bach party (something he will actually enjoy and is into because he had input).

emmyg65

We did a co-ed bachelor/ette and it was awesome. A bunch of mutual friends to us out to dinner and a bar crawl. Basically, it was just another Saturday night, but a little crazier and we didn't have to pay for anything or drive. This:

NikkiJay3333 said:

....  We looked at it as more a chance to have a night hanging out with friends during the chaotic time that is around the wedding. ....

perdonami

I discussed some the ideas you guys shared with FI and told him about the bachelor party that was being planned against his wishes. He seemed a little interested in the co-ed party and from the way you guys described it, I like the idea too.

Seems more like a night out with friends rather than bachelor/bachelorette party so if we did it, we wouldnt call it that. I think if we say firmly no to bachelor/ette parties and then later on instead ask if our friends would like to just go out all together for a night, it would go over easier.

atlastmrsg

I had my own bachelorette party in Chicago.  My FI had his own in Austin.

But the week before wedding week, our friends surprised us with a joint/co-ed party.  They had all our favorite junk food waiting at my MOH's house (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, movie theater popcorn and candy), our close friends that are our age, and then the chicken limo pulled up (funny, old retro limo that looks like a chicken).  We cruised town and went out drinking.  Total surprise.  Everyone had a great time.  It was meant to be like a co-bach party.  

I don't think it's weird at all.  We had a blast.  It was just lighthearted and funny.  Everyone showed up, we had dinner, we went out on the town.  No complicated logistics.  No t-shirts, penis straws, etc.  Just a fun night out.

offensivekitten2

You don't have to have a night of debauchery.  That's a weird assinine and juvenile approach to bach parties that I don't personally understand.

Instead, just have a party.  Who cares if people think it's weird?  They just need to calm down.

perdonami

offensivekitten2 said:

You don't have to have a night of debauchery.  That's a weird assinine and juvenile approach to bach parties that I don't personally understand.

Instead, just have a party.  Who cares if people think it's weird?  They just need to calm down.

FI told me last night he is more interested in this over the traditional bachelor party that is being thrown for him against his wishes for the reasons you mentioned above. 

I think I am just going to contact the venue we already have for the girls and ask if I can include a few more people or ask FI if he has a better place in mind. Perhaps , since it seems so important to the BM, I can ask him and my bridesmaid if they would like to team up and come up with a place together. 

Of course I will remind them there will be no sexual related party favors included as that is mostly why FI doesn't want to have a bachelor party. He doesn't believe there won't be a stripper or a night of pressured black-out intoxication.  

[Deleted User]

We are thinking about it.. we share a lot of the same friends and a lot of our friends date each other We are thinking of Tubing and camping... it's not strange I don't think. We are past the getting smashed a the bar stage.. I dont really like going to bars much anyway nor does my FI. We do however enjoy sitting around a campfire drinking a few.

mrsmagicgeek

My FI doesn't want one because he went to one awhile back where the Bachelor got whipped by a stripper with his own belt. So, now he says he's afraid of both bachelor parties and strippers.

Oh, darn? Lol

perdonami

foundmymagicgeek said:

My FI doesn't want one because he went to one awhile back where the Bachelor got whipped by a stripper with his own belt. So, now he says he's afraid of both bachelor parties and strippers. Oh, darn? Lol

Lol! Ah, poor FI.. Sorry but that made me almost spit my coffee out. How did she get his belt? Unfortunately that is not my FI's issue, he doesn't like the bar scene and everything the BM keeps suggesting are bars that he just does not want to attend. Although, strippers he does like but the one time he went he felt too guilty after going. Ah, these poor guys lol

He has another friend who is attending the wedding but not in the bridal party that keeps suggesting bachelor party activities that he would love to do but feels too guilty not letting his BM plan it. It is very important to the BM for some reason.. I  blame the wedding industry.

We actually got into it a little bit last night when he called me and said that the co-ed bach party idea wasn't going to work because he planned XYZ and if any of the guys want to meet up after, which he doubts they will, we can but thats about it. I got annoyed and explained FI does not like that bar and doesn't want to go to a bar.. I asked if he discussed his plans with FI yet which he stated he did not. I said we needed to talk about it this weekend and he then asked me, "who is planning FI's bach party? Are you planning it or am I planning it?"

So, I told FI for him and FI is upset and reminded me how he wants his other friend to plan a party if any party at all. I advised he ask his friend and BM to team up because I am becoming the bad guy in all this. I also told FI he's on his own and needs to stick up for himself as I can't fight this battle for him. He's a big boy and needs to stand up for himself.

This wedding crap is total bs.. am so excited for the planning part to be over and the celebrating part to begin. I plan on eating good food, dressing up all pretty, eating good cake, and getting a little drunk on sparkling wine. My light at the end of the tunnel.