Wedding Invitations & Paper

Guest list troubles

My Fiance and I have an issue. He wants to invite everyone he's ever met (not literally, but a lot of people) to our wedding. I want small and intimate. His family is not pitching in any money and my  dad is paying for everything. I do want to have a child free wedding. I want to have a formal wedding and children (in my experience) have not dealt well with formal. Am i being crazy?! Someone help!!! 

P.S. if anyone has thoughts on a good wedding size, please let me know!

Re: Guest list troubles

  • I think the first thing you need to do is get on the same page with your FI. I wanted to have a big, fancy wedding and DH wanted to elope. Our compromise was a very fancy, formal wedding with 35 guests. Before you start any planning you and FI need to figure out how many guests you are going to have. I do think since your dad is paying he should also be included in the conversation to find out what the budget is and how many people he's willing to pay for.
    image
  • I think the first thing you need to do is get on the same page with your FI. I wanted to have a big, fancy wedding and DH wanted to elope. Our compromise was a very fancy, formal wedding with 35 guests. Before you start any planning you and FI need to figure out how many guests you are going to have. I do think since your dad is paying he should also be included in the conversation to find out what the budget is and how many people he's willing to pay for.
    All of this.  Your FI needs to be made aware of how much all his guests are going to cost per head whoever's paying for it, and I think it would be a good idea for him and his family to be willing to pay for any guest over a specified amount depending on how much your father can pay for.

    Don't start planning anything until you have a guest list that fits within your full budget and all money has been actually made available.  You don't want to count any unhatched chickens.
  • My Fiance and I have an issue. He wants to invite everyone he's ever met (not literally, but a lot of people) to our wedding. I want small and intimate. His family is not pitching in any money and my  dad is paying for everything. I do want to have a child free wedding. I want to have a formal wedding and children (in my experience) have not dealt well with formal. Am i being crazy?! Someone help!!! 

    P.S. if anyone has thoughts on a good wedding size, please let me know!
    You need to find a happy medium with your FI. You both have vastly different ideas for the wedding. Perhaps a certain number of guests could be a happy medium. Also, you will need to sit down with your dad and figure out how much he plans to spend on your wedding. Perhaps his budget would allow you to only host 100 people, then you and FI would need to figure out how to pay for anyone above that amount.
  • There's no universal "good wedding size". People on these boards have had anywhere from the one witness needed ceremony at the courthouse, to a hundreds of people blow out, to everything in between. This is a big decision you need to talk out with your fiance, and probably your dad as well (since he is footing the bill).
    Anniversary

    image
  • Yup, you need to find a happy medium. My FI also wanted to invite pretty much every person he had ever met too. However, once we made a whole list and went over the costs, he realized that it just wouldn't be possible. 
  • You and your FI need to compromise and find a solution that fits in  your dad's budget. It'll probably mean meeting in the middle.

    I had a child free wedding and was very happy with it. It definitely kept the numbers down.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • I say let him create a wish guest list.   Then tell him how much it will cost per head to have such an event.     Sometimes seeing things in real numbers puts things into perspective. 


    As far as children goes, I'm all for children free weddings.   I personally didn't have one because I invited my nieces and nephews (dh doesn't have any).     But they were they only children invited. 

    When it comes to children and your FI I would hear him out on which kids he might want to invite.  His younger sibling, nieces and/or nephews? I would honor those invites. If we are talking about second cousins or something.  I would say argue no.

    Like others say, find a middle ground.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    1.  Set your budget.
    2.  Write up your guest list and negotiate until you have something that you can both live with.
    3.  Decide what time of day your formal wedding will be held.  This determines how much you spend for food and drink.  Elegant brunch receptions are half the cost of dinner.  Afternoon cake and punch receptions can be lovely and formal.
    4.  Now look at venues that will fit all of the above criteria.

    (His family has no obligation to pay for your wedding, nor does your father.  Many couples pay for their own wedding.  Who pays is not an issue when planning, as long as you stick to the budget.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    1.  Set your budget.
    2.  Write up your guest list and negotiate until you have something that you can both live with.
    3.  Decide what time of day your formal wedding will be held.  This determines how much you spend for food and drink.  Elegant brunch receptions are half the cost of dinner.  Afternoon cake and punch receptions can be lovely and formal.
    4.  Now look at venues that will fit all of the above criteria.

    (His family has no obligation to pay for your wedding, nor does your father.  Many couples pay for their own wedding.  Who pays is not an issue when planning, as long as you stick to the budget.)
    First decide it if it will be a formal wedding.  I see the OP wants a formal wedding, I don't see anything about the FI wanting a formal wedding.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • The point I meant to make was that formal weddings can be held at any time of the day or evening.  In the past, daytime weddings were the most formal.  ( Prince Will and Kate)
    Tuxedos may be worn by men at evening weddings.  For daytime weddings , the proper mens formal dress is a cutaway, or morning coat. (Top hat optional for outdoor weddings.) 
    Other than this, formality is indicated by the style of invitations.  Formal = white or ecru with black raised or engraved printing; less formal = lots of color.

    The OP and FI need to agree on what kind of wedding they want.  I got the impression iit was more about guest numbers than about formality, though.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    The point I meant to make was that formal weddings can be held at any time of the day or evening.  In the past, daytime weddings were the most formal.  ( Prince Will and Kate)
    Tuxedos may be worn by men at evening weddings.  For daytime weddings , the proper mens formal dress is a cutaway, or morning coat. (Top hat optional for outdoor weddings.) 
    Other than this, formality is indicated by the style of invitations.  Formal = white or ecru with black raised or engraved printing; less formal = lots of color.

    The OP and FI need to agree on what kind of wedding they want.  I got the impression iit was more about guest numbers than about formality, though.
    I read a lot of I want, I want, I want.  Not a single we want. So there is more than just the number of people invited at play here.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You need to figure out a budget first. Once you have that set, use TK budgeter as a quick estimate to get an approximate breakdown. The most important thing is that you two are on the same page and you compromise! If he's wanting a 200+ guest list and you're looking at 50, then try bringing it down to 100-150. As far as kids or no kids, that's up to you two! It is perfectly fine to have a flower girl and ring bearer as your only children, as they are a part of your ceremony.
  • edited September 2014
  • edited September 2014
  • Thanks! I should have included some more information. My dad would also like a smaller event (and technically he is the one paying) and feels some of her, very extended family don't need to be invited (think her cousins, second cousins, their children). He has only invited his close family and friends and feels she should do the same.

    I worry if I suggest that FI and I pay for the wedding they will be deeply offended (they are pretty traditional).
    Then this sounds like an issue that your mom and dad need to work out between each other, not you and your mom.

    image
    image
  • edited September 2014
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards