• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Just Engaged and Proposals

Uninvolved Bride

Am I bad a bride for not being involved in the planning process?

We got engaged while traveling and won't be back home until November. We have already decided (well, I kind of decided when I was like 12..) that we'd like to be married in early fall so towards the end of September. Next year of course, we don't want to wait for any longer than that. Thing is, after we get back I'll be heading off to work for 6 months in the field (leaving in February), where there will be little time for planning. FI has said that it's ok, he's very supportive and said that we'll get a planner and he will keep me in the loop for feedback but still he's going to be doing the bulk of it. I trust his decisions and taste, we are into the same everything really. But it seems unfair that he planned such a great proposal and now he's going to plan a wedding and all I'll have done is say "Yes" and "I do". Well... I'll pick out a dress. Somehow. So yeah, this work opportunity is not something I want to pass on but am I being selfish?

Re: Uninvolved Bride

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When you get home, reserve your all-inclusive venue and church. Then you can both lay low for several months.
  • tinkalf said:
    Am I bad a bride for not being involved in the planning process?

    We got engaged while traveling and won't be back home until November. We have already decided (well, I kind of decided when I was like 12..) that we'd like to be married in early fall so towards the end of September. Next year of course, we don't want to wait for any longer than that. Thing is, after we get back I'll be heading off to work for 6 months in the field (leaving in February), where there will be little time for planning. FI has said that it's ok, he's very supportive and said that we'll get a planner and he will keep me in the loop for feedback but still he's going to be doing the bulk of it. I trust his decisions and taste, we are into the same everything really. But it seems unfair that he planned such a great proposal and now he's going to plan a wedding and all I'll have done is say "Yes" and "I do". Well... I'll pick out a dress. Somehow. So yeah, this work opportunity is not something I want to pass on but am I being selfish?
    If this is how planning works in your relationship, it's how planning works. If your FI is on board and understanding, even more so I think you're overworrying. I don't think there's an obligation for you to plan more of a two-person show because you're the one that shows up in a white dress. I think as long as you stay open to working with your FI as much as possible and you don't ignore him when he asks for help, you're fine. 

    FWIW, I was wrapping up my grad school while wedding planning. I shoved most of the planning into a three month window when I wasn't as busy and then didn't touch most of it again until 1-2 months out. Talk about budgets, ideas, guest lists, and expectations before you leave. If you leave in February, you have plenty of time to get the bulk of the planning (venues, florist, photog, food, etc.) done, together, before you go. 
    image
  • It's not a big deal at all. I did almost all of the planning myself. That doesn't make my husband a bad groom. He just let me handle it, since plans and organization are easier for me than him.
  • Thanks for helping to set my mind at ease. I think I was especially worried because the time frame that we will be home is all holidays and birthdays and then I'll be back just weeks before the actual wedding. So we'll lock down the big things like NYCMercedes suggested and just do what we can. I always thought I'd be able to do a lot of cute DIY projects for my wedding.. wonder if I can get FI to learn to sew sequins onto table runners... :P

    And good point - generally brides do the bulk if not all the planning and no one bats an eye! 
  •     It would make me a bad bride too. Part of the reason I went with the small package at Disneyland is because mostly all I have to do is pay them some money, hire a photographer and show up in the dress. I like looking at wedding things, but when it comes to planning I have no desire.
  • If you're not going to be picky (I personally could care less what decor, food, bridesmaids, bouquets, etc. I have!), then your fiance and the women in your family do it all. You'd be surprised that probably moms, aunts, cousins, would pull something together for ya'll.
    image
  • I was really uninterested in the wedding until I got my dress in March. Which was only 8 months before... I was engaged 18 months. I guess it seemed so far and I was never one of those girls who planned their wedding before hand.

    You may get bitten by the wedding bug a little later like I did? I think a planner would be a great idea though. Plus get your mom's involved I am sure they'll get you more excited about the planning. 
    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards