Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Invitations & Paper
Wedding Invitations & Paper
New Discussion
Options

Planning wedding again. Do I have to keep the original guest list??

BeeRod82BeeRod82 member
First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
A month after sending STDs, FI and I decided to cancel our original date until further noticed. We decided on a new date, which is 11 months after the original date. But this time, we want to cut 1/2 of our guest list (mostly people added by FMIL). We really want to keep it with only immediate family and close friends. We've tried scaling it down with other things (DIY invitations, DIY flowers, homemade sweets instead of traditional party favors) but the list is making both of us misrable.

I know it's bad etiquette to do this but I'm stuck.

Note: the original list was 125. We want to go down to 65-70.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Planning wedding again. Do I have to keep the original guest list??

  • Options
    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    BeeRod82 said:

    A month after sending STDs, FI and I decided to cancel our original date until further noticed. We decided on a new date, which is 11 months after the original date. But this time, we want to cut 1/2 of our guest list (mostly people added by FMIL). We really want to keep it with only immediate family and close friends. We've tried scaling it down with other things (DIY invitations, DIY flowers, homemade sweets instead of traditional party favors) but the list is making both of us misrable.

    I know it's bad etiquette to do this but I'm stuck.

    Note: the original list was 125. We want to go down to 65-70.

    Nope, not bad etiquette. New date = new event = new guest list. It would be bad etiquette if you kept the same date and just nixed half the guest list after sending STDs. This plan is fine though.
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    BeeRod82BeeRod82 member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    I'm scared FMIL will invite them anyway. We're paying most of the wedding ourselves. If she wants to add beyond our new list, she can pay for them.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    How much is "most?" S/he who pays, gets a say. If you don't want her dictating anything, you really should decline her offer of money. But if she's only paying for something like flowers that's somewhat of a different story.

    The folks here give excellent advice on how to politely institute boundaries and shut down pushy parents!
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    BeeRod82BeeRod82 member
    First Comment Name Dropper
    Most as in ceremony, reception, photo, DJ, outfits, invitations, yeah just about everything but the flowers and shower/RD.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    As long as your wedding is on a different date, it is a completely different event from the one that you cancelled.  No etiquette proble, here.  Do NOT make excuses to people who aren't invited this time.  Do send out wedding announcements.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    caitlinmcacaitlinmca member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    flantastic said:
    Don't have a rehearsal, no RD needed. Don't have a shower if you're worried she'll invite people who you'll then have to add to guest list. Pay for any flowers yourselves... and don't let her near a stack of invites.

    Then if she brings it up, then FI says, "The reason for new wedding was to ensure that we could invite only those who we really want to share our wedding day with. Thanks, FMIL, but the guest list topic is closed."
    BeeRod82 said:
    Most as in ceremony, reception, photo, DJ, outfits, invitations, yeah just about everything but the flowers and shower/RD.

    Hide those invitations!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't think it's necessary to decline the shower or RD as long as you insist that she select the shower invitees from your pre-approved guest list, which you have already communicated to her as being set in stone. Shower and RD are separate events from the wedding; her paying for them has no bearing on whether she gets input into the wedding guest list. Unless, of course, you continue to get push back from her, then that's a good last resort to decline any and all help from her.

    And definitely hide the invitations. :)
    image
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards