Brides With Panic Disorder

Christeenbop

I get pretty frequent panic attacks and with the wedding coming up now in less than three months, I'm really starting to feel stressed about being the center of attention, especially walking down the aisle with all eyes on me. When I get nervous I find it hard to breathe and I get sick to my stomach and lightheaded and I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic attack walking down the aisle. Just thinking about it right now is getting me lightheaded and making my throat tight. 

Anyone else struggle with panic attacks? I'm also super nervous about our honeymoon and the flight the next day, to the point where my fiance is starting to ask if we should cancel/postpone the trip.

Help! 

emmaaa

I don't have panic attacks frequently. Honestly, I've only had a couple from severe stress. i don't have much advice to give you but I do want to say that I hope you have a doctor that can treat this. I know panic attacks are more than just telling people to try and stay calm and you literally can't help it.

One suggestion I have is a first look. Maybe if you see your FI before the ceremony a lot of your nerves will be gone and settled.

lc07

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Medication and counseling are my recommendations.

wrigleyville

Are you currently seeing a therapist and/or taking any medication to help?

My H and I both suffer from social anxiety and the resulting panic attacks. Our solution was to have a small wedding (approx 40 guests - parents, siblings and spouses, nieces, and our very best friends). That helped immensely. 

Instead of a reception with a sweetheart table and dancing, we had a reception in our hotel suite, where people mingled and talked. It allowed us to blend in with the crowd. We didn't do any spotlight dances either.

In addition to that, I take Klonopin as needed. I took one the morning of the ceremony, and it definitely took the edge off. I was still a bit shaky, but no more than any other bride, I imagine.

My H has an intense fear of flying. Medication and counseling do nothing to help him. So, we do not fly. We either take a train or drive. This means we can't go to Europe and such, but I don't hold it against him. He did everything he could to prepare for a flight to California a couple years ago, and I give him credit for trying, but after seeing what he went through, I haven't asked him to fly since.

sarawifenow

emmaaa said:

I don't have panic attacks frequently. Honestly, I've only had a couple from severe stress. i don't have much advice to give you but I do want to say that I hope you have a doctor that can treat this. I know panic attacks are more than just telling people to try and stay calm and you literally can't help it.

One suggestion I have is a first look. Maybe if you see your FI before the ceremony a lot of your nerves will be gone and settled.

This is wonderful advice and I would also highly recommend it.

I suffer from severe panic attacks. I used to be on medication for them but have learned some coping mechanisms that have helped a ton:

       1.) Square breathing! In 5 seconds, hold 5 seconds, out 5 seconds.

       2.) Go for a walk.

       3.) Hot tea! I always have some on hand. Maybe have some to sip on throughout the morning the day of. Peppermint will also help soothe any upset tummies

       4.) TALK! Get it out! When I bottle things up, I panic. FI knows now that when I am panicing to make me tell him what is wrong. Something about getting it out there in the open helps.

Please know you are not alone and many people face this. Your wedding day will be beautiful!

Christeenbop

Wow I can't believe how fast you all responded to this

I've tried so much, I take a daily anti anxiety medication (Lexapro) I take xanax for when I'm actually in an attack. I am reading several books on anxiety and I am seeing a therapist in 2 weeks that I used to see when I had a hard time last year. 

I just got back from California and had such a hard time traveling, which is why I'm a mess about the honeymoon (to Aruba).

And yes we are definitely having a first look. I guess if I cry I can at least chalk that up to just being emotional/happy. 

wrigleyville

I forgot about the first look!

H and I did that, and it did so much to calm my nerves. Plus, it allowed me to see him and hold his hand for a bit before the ceremony. Holding his hand is right up there with the best medicine.

Also, it took all that pressure off when I walked down the aisle. Instead of the first look being a very public thing, it was private, and that meant the world to me.

lc07

Also, eat healthy and do not drink any alcohol. Alcohol exacerbates anxiety big time. Do you feel like the Xanax helps? If it doesn't, there are other brands of benzodiazepines. I went through 3 other kinds before figuring out Xanax worked. The others just made me sleepy but I was still anxious. ETA: but, of course, everyone is different, and another type might work better for you, personally. (Sorry for weird formatting)

lc07

Also, talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. My doctor upped my dose of Prozac (comparable to your Lexapro) so that I'd have fewer attacks. Maybe the Lexapro isn't doing it's job. I hardly need the Xanax now. But I used to be able to tell when an attack was coming on and I'd take the Xanax before it was full-blown to head it off which worked well.

kat1114

I've had anxiety issues on and for a few years now. One thing that has really helped me is practicing deep breathing. I use the 4-7-8 method (described here: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html).

I try to do it for 4 minutes a day, and if you stick with it, it really does help.

And if that fails, I sometimes rely on a fast-acting pill like Klonopin. 

slothiegal

Hi fellow panicky bride!

I've mentioned it on here before, but I suffer from extreme panic attacks.  I take a few daily meds, and have another prescription that I take when I'm in the midst of one.  I'm also two weeks ten days out, and have been a ridiculous ball of nerves, so perhaps I'm not the best to give advice, but here's my thoughts:

It sounds like you're already doing a lot of good things.  Great job getting yourself to a doctor/therapist!  That's a super hard step for a lot of people (it was for me for way too many years).  How long have you been on the Lexapro?  Do you feel like it's doing it's job?  I can't stress enough how important it is to talk to your doctor until you get the right cocktail of meds; it might take weeks of tinkering or it might take years, but it's worth it to get you in a stable place.

Something that I started using years ago that helps me are smelling salts. This is the kind I use.  It's helpful when I'm just starting to lose focus; you crush the packet, take a whiff, and it kind of slaps you back to reality.  

I also piggyback on everything PPs have mentioned--first look, no spotlight dances, square breathing (I do this DAILY).  Lots of good ideas!

You're not alone.  You're going to have a beautiful day.  Please be very open and honest with your therapist so s/he can give you the best advice suited for you.  And let us know how you're doing!  ((hugs))

JCbride2015

I have PTSD and get panic attacks-- infrequently thankfully.  They are triggered more by things that remind me of the event though, not social anxiety-related.

Square breathing helps A LOT.  The first look also should be really helpful and let you get out some of your nerves before attention is on you.

Glad to hear you are seeing a therapist who has helped you in the past.  Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to offer, just go easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up about it.  

As @slothiegal said, you are not alone.  Lots of people, on TK and elsewhere, are dealing with similar issues!  We are all here if you just want to chat or vent.  

kat1114

slothiegal said:

Hi fellow panicky bride!

I've mentioned it on here before, but I suffer from extreme panic attacks.  I take a few daily meds, and have another prescription that I take when I'm in the midst of one.  I'm also two weeks ten days out, and have been a ridiculous ball of nerves, so perhaps I'm not the best to give advice, but here's my thoughts:

It sounds like you're already doing a lot of good things.  Great job getting yourself to a doctor/therapist!  That's a super hard step for a lot of people (it was for me for way too many years).  How long have you been on the Lexapro?  Do you feel like it's doing it's job?  I can't stress enough how important it is to talk to your doctor until you get the right cocktail of meds; it might take weeks of tinkering or it might take years, but it's worth it to get you in a stable place.

Something that I started using years ago that helps me are smelling salts. This is the kind I use.  It's helpful when I'm just starting to lose focus; you crush the packet, take a whiff, and it kind of slaps you back to reality.  

I also piggyback on everything PPs have mentioned--first look, no spotlight dances, square breathing (I do this DAILY).  Lots of good ideas!

You're not alone.  You're going to have a beautiful day.  Please be very open and honest with your therapist so s/he can give you the best advice suited for you.  And let us know how you're doing!  ((hugs))

And if smelling salts don't work for you, I would play around with different scents that help calm you down/bring you back to reality. For example, I really like lavender scented lotions, so if I start feeling anxious, I like to put some on my hands and do some deep breathing.

PrettyGirlLost

Christeenbop said:

I get pretty frequent panic attacks and with the wedding coming up now in less than three months, I'm really starting to feel stressed about being the center of attention, especially walking down the aisle with all eyes on me. When I get nervous I find it hard to breathe and I get sick to my stomach and lightheaded and I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic attack walking down the aisle. Just thinking about it right now is getting me lightheaded and making my throat tight. 

Anyone else struggle with panic attacks? I'm also super nervous about our honeymoon and the flight the next day, to the point where my fiance is starting to ask if we should cancel/postpone the trip.

Help! 

If I were you, I'd find a counselor that specializes in panic disorders and anxiety and schedule a few sessions in order to learn how to cope with my feelings. . . and I'd continue to schedule sessions between now and the wedding if these feelings continue to get worse or occur more frequently.  And then even so, I'd probably schedule a session or two for the week of the wedding.

Depending on how your counseling goes, you may want to talk to a physician/psychiatrist about getting a prescription to help you manage your anxiety on your wedding day.

PrettyGirlLost

Christeenbop said:

Wow I can't believe how fast you all responded to this

I've tried so much, I take a daily anti anxiety medication (Lexapro) I take xanax for when I'm actually in an attack. I am reading several books on anxiety and I am seeing a therapist in 2 weeks that I used to see when I had a hard time last year.   Then talk to your therapist and tell him/her that the frequency of your attacks is ramping up or that you feel the intensity of the attacks ramping up, or however exactly you are feeling.  You may need to adjust your meds to something stronger, or increase your counseling sessions, or both.  But only your therapist/physician can really tell you.

I just got back from California and had such a hard time traveling, which is why I'm a mess about the honeymoon (to Aruba).

And yes we are definitely having a first look. I guess if I cry I can at least chalk that up to just being emotional/happy. 

PrettyGirlLost

Good luck!  I'm sure you will find something or a combination of things that will help you manage your anxiety on your wedding day, and there seem to be a lot of past/current brides that can relate to you that you can talk with here.

indianaalum

My husband has panic attacks and it was helpful to make sure he went to the church every week so it felt like being LESS of a big deal being there on the day off the ceremony because he was familiar with the site. He was calm as can be the day of the ceremony

perhaps that will help for you, too

lyndausvi

wrigleyville said:

Are you currently seeing a therapist and/or taking any medication to help?

My H and I both suffer from social anxiety and the resulting panic attacks. Our solution was to have a small wedding (approx 40 guests - parents, siblings and spouses, nieces, and our very best friends). That helped immensely. 

Instead of a reception with a sweetheart table and dancing, we had a reception in our hotel suite, where people mingled and talked. It allowed us to blend in with the crowd. We didn't do any spotlight dances either.

In addition to that, I take Klonopin as needed. I took one the morning of the ceremony, and it definitely took the edge off. I was still a bit shaky, but no more than any other bride, I imagine.

My H has an intense fear of flying. Medication and counseling do nothing to help him. So, we do not fly. We either take a train or drive. This means we can't go to Europe and such, but I don't hold it against him. He did everything he could to prepare for a flight to California a couple years ago, and I give him credit for trying, but after seeing what he went through, I haven't asked him to fly since.

My friend's husband also has an intense fear of flying.    They ended up taking a transatlantic cruise  from FL to Europe (I think Spain).  It took about a week.  Then they spent 2-3 weeks traveling via train.  They made it to England where they took the Queen Mary back to NY.

This something you can plan for the future as a way to get there if you want.  

arrippa

indianaalum said:

My husband has panic attacks and it was helpful to make sure he went to the church every week so it felt like being LESS of a big deal being there on the day off the ceremony because he was familiar with the site. He was calm as can be the day of the ceremony

perhaps that will help for you, too

I also suffer from panic attacks and social anxiety. I am doing the same thing as your DH. We are getting married in our church, so I have been volunteering for ushering. That means on Sundays I stand in the front of the church with all eyes on us. I am trying to practice for when I am up there getting married. The first time I ushered, I was so nervous that the basket was shaking in my hands. Over time it has become better and easier.

 

[Deleted User]

Watch your caffine intake. For me too much caffine & not enough sleep, watch out aniexty attack. The day before my wedding I made it a relaxing day with a massage & nail appointments. I did have an attack while putting my dress on. My BM fanned me & got me in my dress and then got me into a cooler area where I could sit & breath, that really helped.

lilacck28

PP all have great ideas. I have stopped taking medication because I have my stuff under control, but every once in a while some life stressor comes along and I will get uncontrollably anxious, heart palpitations and all. Usually it is at night when I can't stop thinking about all the things I need to do, or the thing I'm worried about coming up. To help, I watch ASMR videos on youtube. Basically, they are little videos of random things like people tapping on tables or talking about hair products softly, and they distract me and either get me in a calm meditative state or put me straight to sleep. I occasionally get nice little head tingles out of it as well. I end up getting a really great, deep sleep out of it, and wake up feeling a lot better. If you google or search on youtube for "asmr" you'll get a ton of results.

danamw

Ask your doctor about Ativan. It is not something you take every day, it is only for those times you feel things piling up and want some calm.

It doesn't make you loopy, it just returns you to normal.

lc07

danamw said:

Ask your doctor about Ativan. It is not something you take every day, it is only for those times you feel things piling up and want some calm.

It doesn't make you loopy, it just returns you to normal.

Ativan is the same class of drug as the Xanax OP takes. It might be more effective for her, though. So it couldn't hurt to ask her doctor. All it did was make me sleepy. Did nothing for my anxiety. But, of course, everyone is different and it does work well for many people.

Christeenbop

I take Xanax, and it helps but I take it only as a last resort (like once I'm actually in an attack) because I'm so afraid of becoming addicted to it. I read all these posts about people abusing xanax so I'm terrified to use it at all. I'm thinking about taking it as a precaution, when the anxiety starts to kick in so that it can reset my body to calm mode. 

Do you think the week of the wedding it'd be a good idea to take one pill each day (.5 mg)? 

indianaalum

Christeenbop said:

I take Xanax, and it helps but I take it only as a last resort (like once I'm actually in an attack) because I'm so afraid of becoming addicted to it. I read all these posts about people abusing xanax so I'm terrified to use it at all. I'm thinking about taking it as a precaution, when the anxiety starts to kick in so that it can reset my body to calm mode. 

Do you think the week of the wedding it'd be a good idea to take one pill each day (.5 mg)? 

bad Idea actually. Xanax is short-acting, which is why it is so addictive. Taking it on OTHER days will do nothing to help you the day of. It will only create the likelihood that you might need MORE that day as your body starts to build a tolerance to it (which is why people get addicted).

My only advice is that someone who has NEVER taken it, shouldn't take it for the first time on the day of their wedding as it can make some people super groggy, tired, or even loopy. That would be the only time I would tell someone to take it ahead of time (just to see what it does to their body)

wrigleyville

lyndausvi said:

wrigleyville said:

Are you currently seeing a therapist and/or taking any medication to help?

My H and I both suffer from social anxiety and the resulting panic attacks. Our solution was to have a small wedding (approx 40 guests - parents, siblings and spouses, nieces, and our very best friends). That helped immensely. 

Instead of a reception with a sweetheart table and dancing, we had a reception in our hotel suite, where people mingled and talked. It allowed us to blend in with the crowd. We didn't do any spotlight dances either.

In addition to that, I take Klonopin as needed. I took one the morning of the ceremony, and it definitely took the edge off. I was still a bit shaky, but no more than any other bride, I imagine.

My H has an intense fear of flying. Medication and counseling do nothing to help him. So, we do not fly. We either take a train or drive. This means we can't go to Europe and such, but I don't hold it against him. He did everything he could to prepare for a flight to California a couple years ago, and I give him credit for trying, but after seeing what he went through, I haven't asked him to fly since.

My friend's husband also has an intense fear of flying.    They ended up taking a transatlantic cruise  from FL to Europe (I think Spain).  It took about a week.  Then they spent 2-3 weeks traveling via train.  They made it to England where they took the Queen Mary back to NY.

This something you can plan for the future as a way to get there if you want.  

Great idea, but I should have mentioned he also has a fear of boats.

Luckily, we both love trains, so that gives us a lot of options in the U.S. and Canada.

littlemushroom

I have panic attacks totally randomly.  There is no trigger.  I can be watching TV, wake up in the middle of the night, I used to have them in the middle of class, etc.  Xanax doesn't help me and the counselors I saw were at a loss because there isn't a trigger that can be addressed. 

I read something about panic attacks that has really helped.  When you have an attack, the "fight or flight" response is triggered in the body to the point where your hands and feet get cold as your body diverts blood away from surface skin to other vital parts of your system like major muscles.   

This works in the reverse as well. When your hands and feet are cold for extended periods of time for whatever reason, it can actually trigger a panic attack because your body mistakes you for being in that "fight or flight" mode. 

For me, one of the first signs an attack is coming is my icy cold feet (normally my feet are hot, so that when I sleep I keep them out from under the blankets and never wear socks if I don't have to). I can sometimes stave off an attack if I do something to warm my feet up, like using a heating pad or putting them in warm water.  Even better, FI lets me put my feet on his stomach and chest and then uses his hands to rub the tops of my feet.  Moving my body away from the physiological responses to a panic attack help me calm down faster and sometimes help me avoid the full on attack altogether.

I have also found that external stimuli help me stay focused on the fact that what is happening is a panic attack and I am not actually  having a heart attack or stroke, which in turn helps them end more quickly.  FI rubs my neck or shoulders and has started playing the alphabet game with me when it happens.  (where you pick a category like actors, or foods, or movies, and then take turns coming up with something in the category that starts with the letter of the alphabet you are on).  He keeps prompting me for my answer, so that it gets me out of my head and the idea that I am dying, which is a vicious cycle because it kind of keeps me in panic mode.

lc07

Christeenbop said:

I take Xanax, and it helps but I take it only as a last resort (like once I'm actually in an attack) because I'm so afraid of becoming addicted to it. I read all these posts about people abusing xanax so I'm terrified to use it at all. I'm thinking about taking it as a precaution, when the anxiety starts to kick in so that it can reset my body to calm mode. 

Do you think the week of the wedding it'd be a good idea to take one pill each day (.5 mg)? 

Agree with the PP who says its short acting. I would talk to your doctor. I bet they could adjust your daily meds to help. 

Jen4948

Sorry to hear that you have these problems.

I second the advice to talk to your doctor and get appropriate treatment.

Aside from that, I'd structure your wedding to minimize being the "center of attention."  For example:

1) Don't do a walk down the aisle.

2) Skip spotlight dances, cake cutting, etc.  Just go right into dances, serving cake, etc.

3) Don't have a sweetheart table.  Have seated around you and your groom persons you would feel comfortable eating and chatting with.

atlastmrsg

Call your doctor.  Get on an increased talk therapy plan, change medication, or both depending on what the doctor or your psychiatrist days.  And talk to the doctor about your routine that day.  If you'll be drinking, either the Xanax or the drinks might not be the best plan.  And if the plane ride is really long, ask about whether you could safely take a Benadryl, valium, or ambien for the trip...or adjust the Xanax if you're prescribed it.  These are all doctor questions, not Knottie questions.

Mandersen0890

Great advice here- I'm 7 weeks out and my panic attacks were getting so out of control, I finally sucked up my pride and talked to my doctor.  Lexapro is working well for me, but I am also nervous about being the center of attention on the day of!