What manners were you taught?

bucksgirl414

I have to ask this.... I recently took my kids and their friends to the shore. I had a place and my mother had a place.

I bought tons of junk food and soda for the kids and it was bought for them to have when they felt hungry between meals and so fourth.

So at my place the girls just helped themselves (wasted A LOT) no biggie. But when we went to my mother's they went in her fridge and helped themselves too AND MY MOM FLIPPED!!!!

I was always taught to bring a dessert, always help clean up if invited to dinner AND NEVER GO IN SOMEONES FRIDGE.

After the girls went home I found it interesting that my 16 year old thought her friends were out of line also. It dont bother me too much but it made me think....

WHAT DO OTHER FAMILIES TEACH THEIR KIDS????

Maggie0829

Yeah, when I was younger I never helped myself to anything unless I 1) was specifically told to make myself at home and help myself to whatever was in the fridge or the cabinets or 2) asked first. And even when I was told to help myself I still felt odd just rummaging through someone else's pantry and fridge.

ETA:  And both of these things still hold true.  I didn't just start going into people's fridges when I got older LOL!

doeydo

I wouldn't just help myself to someone else's food unless I was told to, and even then it takes me a while to feel comfortable doing it.

JCbride2015

Eh, if the house rules at your place were free-for-all, and your mom is on the same vacation with her house right there, it might seem to the girls that the rules were the same for both places.

I wouldn't have done that but I see how they might not have realized.

I was taught please and thank you, call an adult Mr/Mrs until they tell you otherwise, always volunteer to clean up without being asked (I learned this one the hard way from my dad) and yeah I guess don't go in others' fridges, although not as a specific rule.  More like, keep your hands to yourself when you're in someone else's house.

penguin44

I don't think I have ever helped myself to someone else's pantry. I was taught not to do that. Even at relatives' houses, I wouldn't do that. Maybe my grandparents' pantry. 

lyndausvi

Were taught to ask if it was okay to get any food or non-water beverages. Free-for-alls were only for buffets at family parties. Or if a snack was sitting out in a bowl for general consumption. If it was still in the fridge, bag, box, container you had to ask first. 

Especially at someone's home or on vacationing with another family.

ETA --  I'm old and still when I go to my parents house I kind-of do this "hey mom I'm grabbing 'x'" thing.  Not exactly asking for permission, but letting her know I'm taking something in case she had other plans for said item.  

 All of the grandkids ask before taking something.  Sometimes they ask me just because they feel the need to ask someone and their mom or my mom might not be there.   Plus they know I will always say yes. Giving nieces and nephews sugar is an aunt's right.

loveislouder

Hell, when I lived with my parents I had to ask to eat. Like, if there was a box of cookies I'd have to ask Mom before I ate somse.

I was taught to do the Mr./Mrs. thing for elderly people, but people my parents age were always Aunt and Uncle, and my parents friends were always Mama and Papa Lastname.

#1 thing I was taught that kids don't do now - don't swear, especially in front of elderly people.  I was in line at Subway and the kid in front of my was dropping f bombs and like "yeah, I like getting me some p***y." He must have been like 12.  The grandma beside him almost had a heart attack.  I almost washed his mouth out with soap myself.

cupcait927

I always, always ask. Even when I go to my dad's house, I'll ask if it's okay to eat x, y, or z, just in case it's meant for him or someone else. It drives me nuts when FFIL comes to our house and just starts going through our fridge. Granted, FI does it when he goes to their house (and I tell him all the time to ask first because he devours their leftovers that were supposed to be for lunches) so I'm sure FFIL think that it's just retribution but it bothers me. If it was just FI's house, whatever. But it's my house as well and my food & drink so have a little respect and ask me first.

ETF - letters are hard today.

pinkcow13

Yea, I don't go through people's fridge unless I am explicitly told that it is okay. I even feel weird going through FMIL's, or one of our good friends parents fridge. (For that last one, his parents are like second parents to us, and he lives in the apartment upstairs, but when we hang out a lot of time is spent at his parents also). I only freely go through my parents fridge when I visit them.

southernbelle0915

Uhmmmm.. No. I was always taught to wait until something was offered or politely ask, if I really needed something. 

As a guest in someone's home (esp. someone I didn't know very well) would definitely never open their fridge or pantry and root around. WTH?

theartistformerlyknownas

There was no such thing as "helping ourselves" at my house, especially to junk food. We had to ask if we wanted anything besides milk or water to drink, or if we wanted to eat anything. (Even asking to have an apple could be denied if it was almost dinner time.) Only time it's a free-for-all is when it's a family holiday and snacks are set out for general consumption. And then, no helping yourself to anything that hasn't been served. Those rules still apply today.

Other rules... standard table manners, no leaving wrappers out, put your glass in the dishwasher when you're done with it (but I'm never "done" with it!), tell Mom or Dad if you're going outside, never ask to stay at a friend's for dinner if they haven't invited you first.

beachyone15

loveislouder said:

Hell, when I lived with my parents I had to ask to eat. Like, if there was a box of cookies I'd have to ask Mom before I ate somse.

I was taught to do the Mr./Mrs. thing for elderly people, but people my parents age were always Aunt and Uncle, and my parents friends were always Mama and Papa Lastname.

#1 thing I was taught that kids don't do now - don't swear, especially in front of elderly people.  I was in line at Subway and the kid in front of my was dropping f bombs and like "yeah, I like getting me some p***y." He must have been like 12.  The grandma beside him almost had a heart attack.  I almost washed his mouth out with soap myself.

Dear God! I would have been offended too!

My brother uses a lot of curse words on fb which really bothers my parents. He's fb friends with some of our relatives (cousins, grandparents, etc). I guess they worry that the words he chooses reflect poorly on him and them (since they "didn't raise him that way").

chibiyui

When I was a kid, I asked for junk food/soda. Once I was older, like a teenager, I just would grab a soda fro the soda fridge at my grandparents, but would still ask for food, unless it was already out.

I will grab water bottles from my in law's fridge, but will ask for anything else. Same with Mt parents. Beverages are fair game, ask for food.

MrsMack10612

It depends on where I am.

Certain friends/family, we all have an open rule of help yourself/make yourself at home.  Other people (friends and family) I will generally only ask for a glass of water; anything else is offered. 

As a kid, we had to ask for snacks and we rarely had junk food in the house.  It was fruits or veggies for snacks and some things were dads.  Like cherries.  Cherries were expensive (still are) mom bought those for dad.  As the youngest I could usually wiggle my way onto his lap and he'd share a few.

wandajune6

Growing up, you could help yourself to veggies and "boring" fruits without asking. Any junk food, soda, or fun fruit (strawberries, cherries, etc.) was to be requested. We rarely had junk food or soda in the house but berries, etc. were usually saved as a treat for dessert.

I always ask before taking something from my parent's fridge. It drives my mom crazy!

We were raised the way most of the PP's were- don't help yourself in someone else's house, always offer to help clean, and never come empty-handed. That approach never fails.

buttercup1958

When I was growing up it was a free-for-all situation at my house. My parents worked late so if I waited for them to tell me its ok, I would have died ha. Everywhere else though I always ask if I can grab some food.

daria24

At home, and at my dad's side of the family everyone always had an open cupboard policy. If you're hungry-go find food-don't pester me to ask. Even as a very young child I knew how to find the leftovers and microwave them. When it came to "special food" like ice cream, cake, etc then we normally asked permission-not because it was food but permission to eat the calories. 

However if I went to a friend's house or a non-family house I wouldn't raid the cupboards. 

At my ILs they eat like birds so H & I always raid the fridge. 

smalfrie19

Jeez. That is totally a rule in my family. You always ask unless told otherwise. and my sister teaches my nephew the same rule at 4 years old. Any time he is over at our place, he will say "mommy, I want xyz" and she will tell him "you need to ask aunty smalfrie or uncle smalfrie's Fi"

jdluvr06

I was taught to ask or wait until something was offered. Even though I've never had to ask at a relatives house. Whenever I did they would say tell me to get whatever I want that I didn't have to ask. Also most of my friends and I have a bit of free range at each other's houses.

alpacalunch

loveislouder said:

I was taught to do the Mr./Mrs. thing for elderly people, but people my parents age were always Aunt and Uncle, and my parents friends were always Mama and Papa Lastname.

Part of me still instictively wants to call my friend's parents things like "Mrs Sarah's Mom". Raised to always always be formal, until instructed otherwise. Better to be too well behaved than poorly behaved.

As far as 'making yourself at home', I was not raised to take that for granted. And honestly, even at my age, I feel weird going through someone else's fridge. FMIL is regularly trying to convince me I'm now 'one of the kids' but I cannot break that mental barrier!

Every time I'm a bad guest, I feel like my grandmother is going to haunt me, and somehow smack me upside the head.

AddieCake

I would never help myself to food at other people's houses. I even feel weird getting in my dad's fridge now when I visit him because it's not the house I grew up in, so it feels really wrong.

bucksgirl414

I was taught Mr and Mrs too.... forgot that one!

huskypuppy14

Always say "please" and "thank you". Clean up after yourself. I guess I was never explicitly taught "don't go into other people's fridges and cabinets without asking, but it was just a known thing! 

As kids we had to ask to have any junk food or soda. As an adult, I can usually have whatever at my parents house, unless my mom says "don't eat X because it's for Y. Was this just a day trip, or were you staying for a couple nights? Because maybe they thought "vacation rules" are different then normal everyday rules. Also, when we had friends over, my mom usually bought food for us to have whenever we wanted.

And they did it at your house, so they thought it was ok at your mom's house. Just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

 I kind of think it was up to your daughter to tell them the rules though. Don't go into Grandma's pantry without asking. 

lyndausvi

Always leave the place cleaner then how you found it.

larrygaga

I would rather died of thirst/starvation than go into someone's fridge, even if they say to do it. 

Except my parents. I will always raid their fridge and they can just deal with it.

falsara

I was always taught to use Mr/ Mrs and sir and mam. Always clean up after yourself, always offer to help clean. Always say please and thank you. Ask if you "May" do something instead of "Can" do something. Always take your shoes off when you enter a house. Don't use curse words unless its a crowd that is comfortable with that.  I had a slew of politeness rules, but my parents were military, there was all kinds of protocol, and correct address for people and such.

 I was just at my Grandparents house last week, it was the first time that FI had been to my grandparents place.  He was so surprised, when Nana was like "there's the fridge and the cupboards, if you can't find something ask, you've been here for five minutes, you are no longer a guest."  My whole family is like that with guests.  But I was always taught that unless they tell you its fair game, then you have to wait till its offered.

When I was growing up, food in my house was fair game unless it was sweets or something my parents didn't usually buy.  This changed when I got older. At FMI's house it's always open fridge since no one is ever there, and the first day I was at FI's house he was like, "You can have anything in the fridge" FI's and I close friends have open fridge and cupboard policies, but that's just how close we are.

I would never just assume that this policy is in place.  It has to be stated by a person that lives there and if you're over for a meal just wait for the meal, instead of asking.