Daughter Vows

BbyCarter13

We are starting to plan the ceremony for our October wedding and have decided that we want FI to say vows to my daughter. She will be 16 months at the wedding so she really won't be able to say anything back. Does anyone have any ideas of what he should say or any resources to find examples? FWIW- FI and I will be taking traditional protestant vows.

Jen4948

No vows should be said to your daughter.  She is not only not old enough to say anything back, but no one other than the couple should be exchanging vows.  She is not marrying your FI.

If he is adopting your daughter, make an occasion out of that when/if the adoption takes place-but don't try to turn your wedding ceremony into a "family unity" ceremony in order to "include" your daughter.  Just take photos with her.

CMGragain

A wedding is a ceremony that unites two people in marriage, not three.  Do not do this.   the vows to your infant daughter are not appropriate at this time and place.  Just take lots of pictures.

southernbelle0915

BbyCarter13 said:

We are starting to plan the ceremony for our October wedding and have decided that we want FI to say vows to my daughter. She will be 16 months at the wedding so she really won't be able to say anything back. Does anyone have any ideas of what he should say or any resources to find examples? FWIW- FI and I will be taking traditional protestant vows.

I think it's weird and highly inappropriate. I would not do this. Vows are meant to be said to and for the people getting married - it's not appropriate to include others.

daria24

I think the only way to do this is to incorporate some wording into the vows you say to your partner. IE: "I promise to lovingly accept any children that come into our marriage, including Sarah." "I promise to be a good father/mother to any children," etc. In a Catholic wedding there is always a vow to lovingly accept any children given to you by God.

However saying vows to a child, who is not capable of consenting, and is not the one getting married makes me squicky. 

climbingsingle

southernbelle0915 said:

BbyCarter13 said:

We are starting to plan the ceremony for our October wedding and have decided that we want FI to say vows to my daughter. She will be 16 months at the wedding so she really won't be able to say anything back. Does anyone have any ideas of what he should say or any resources to find examples? FWIW- FI and I will be taking traditional protestant vows.

I think it's weird and highly inappropriate. I would not do this. Vows are meant to be said to and for the people getting married - it's not appropriate to include others.

This. 

mysticl

Honest opinion here.  This makes it look like you are trying to prove to everyone what an amazing man you FI is for taking on your daughter.  I say this because at 16 months your daughter won't have clue as to what is going on.  So it will have absolutely no meaning to her at all and the odds of her even remembering it are highly unlikely.  

lyndausvi

I find vows to kids to be creepy.    I get the sentiment behind the act, I just think they belong to the 2 people who are getting married.

LondonLisa

Ditto pp- I find it highly inappropriate. There is a reason why children aren't allowed to sign contracts. They aren't emotionally or intellectually mature enough to grasp the concepts.  When it comes to step-parenting, I'm a big believer in actions speak louder than words. If he wants to make a lifelong vow to her, he should open a university fund, join her school PTA, or regularly take an active role in her life. Why does everything need to be made public? 

Also, god forbid, you two get divorced. All it says to your daughter is "those vows I made are breakable and when I promised to love you forever, like I did your Mum, I can break it". 

I believe vows like these should only be made when they change a legal and social dynamic, such as going from bf/gf to husband/wife or when a child is legally adopted. He will still be her step father regardless of if he says these vows or not. Therefore, they are redundant and inappropriate, especially to a toddler.

STARMOON44

Gross and inappropriate.

chibiyui

Extremely inappropriate. Please don't do this. First off, weddings are between two adults. Secondly, vows made to a child can cause emotional stress and turmoil if the marriage is strained or ends. Thirdly, he shouldn't have to make any vows to prove or show off that he cares for her, he just needs to be a fucking dad. And finally, she's not old enough to remember anyway, if you did decide to screw with her emotions.

Please, don't do this.

Marzipan13

By making a 16 month old child participate in vows she neither understands nor consents to is a little bit of a mockery of the vows that you & your FI are saying, don't you think?

[Deleted User]

The idea is nice but with her only being 16 months, she won't understand any of it so it would be pointless.